She's scared

[Climax]

Have any of you ever been in the situation or heard of a situation when a girl really likes you so much that she doesnt want to become "commited" (become your gf) because she is so scared that you will hurt her or dump her? ... Just interested to hear what u guys have to say about this


Laterz...

 

[diplomatic_lie]

I did go out with a girl who didn't want to get committed because she was scared I would dump her.

Apparently she had heard through the grapevine that I was "close" to a very hot female friend.

I explained logically that I had been friends with the chick for pretty much 95% of my life, so I'm hardly going to bang her.

She wasn't convinced, tried committment anyway, then got paranoid and broke up with me when she saw me having lunch with my female friend.

 

[Desdinova]

Sounds like a low self-esteem / high maintenance b1tch to me. I was with a chick like that. Turned out pretty nasty.

 

[Climax]

Care to share?

Originally posted by Desdinova
Sounds like a low self-esteem / high maintenance b1tch to me. I was with a chick like that. Turned out pretty nasty.

Wanna tell us about it please?

Thanx...


Laterz...

 

[Desdinova]

Wanna tell us about it please?

The chick I was with was was always putting the verge of breaking up on the horizon. She used to say 5hit like "You're such a great guy, why are you with me?", "I don't deserve a great guy like you" or even "I think we should break up because my bad luck is rubbing off on you". This kind of crap became annoying. It's an insecurity that she had developed, and believe it or not, lots of women have it. Some have it worse than others. They become scared of having a successful relationship, but it gets to the point where they use it to get their ego stroked. "No, you're such a wonderful woman, I would never cheat on you". This 5hit eventually gets bland, she smells an AFC, and she uses the excuse of "you're too good for me" to escape out of the relationship. That's how it happened in my case.

My ex was a high maintenance chick, and I spent a lot of time stroking her ego, encouraging her, etc. It got to the point where I was carrying the burden of two people around the house. I was cleaning up after both her and myself, putting in job applications for her, all because she didn't have any motivation to do any of this herself, nor to put any effort into the relationship.

Women can get get conditioned to being in abusive relationships. If they're not in an abusive relationship, something isn't right. I'll bet you any money that when you're done with this chick, she'll go off to some abusive a55hole and she'll excuse his actions. After my ex left me (finally), she dated some a55hole for a week. She had to quit dating him because the cops picked him up for breaking into her apartment. I remember her saying, and I quote "It's too bad, cause I really liked that guy".

Other women enter relationships, but still have that slight fear that he *could* cheat on her, but decide to give the guy a half decent chance. It all really depends on their level of insecurity.

All I'm gonna say is proceed with caution. She may have just recently been cheated on and the pain is still fresh, or she could subconsciously be looking for an abusive relationship. Keep your eyes open for red flags.

 

[thecraftylefty]

Desdinova is pretty accurate in what he says. I'll just add a few tidbits that I've experienced.

When you first meet a woman and things go extremely well (aka better than she's ever experienced), she'll sometimes get what is called "seems too good to be true" syndrome. She doesn't believe that she is worthy of such a great guy. This can be due to self-esteem issues, abusive or horribly traumatic previous relationships, or growing up having a poor relationship with her father.

So to save herself of the pain of having a good relationship (where she thinks you'll break up with her or cheat on her for some reason) she will opt for the one where she knows that the guy isn't her first choice, rather one that where she knows what she's getting into. But she can't help but be involved in a string of relationships where the guy is nowhere near her expectations, yet she wants/needs the comfort of actually having a significant other, whoever the chump turns out to be. Sad, but true.

These girls are bad long term prospects, so I wouldn't invest too much time getting involved with a girl who can't jump on a good oppourtunity when it's right in her face.

thecraftylefty

 

[Bonhomme]

May have one like this now

There's one gal I'm dealing with who shows signs of this. Wild swings from extreme interest to disappearance.

C'est la vie.

 

[penkitten]

if shes not all or nothing , then she only "sorta" is in to you.

 

[Climax]

hmmm....

Thanx for the replies... i guess time will tell


anyways...

Originally posted by penkitten
if shes not all or nothing , then she only "sorta" is in to you.

penkitten: seeing as though you are a woman, do you think that you could please give a more detailed explanation on this subject? It would be appreciated

Thanx in advance...


Laterz...

 

[penkitten]

the way i see it is either i really like a guy or i do not really like him.
its all or nothing.

sometimes, there are times where you meet someone that isnt so bad, you kinda like them, but dont know how much...
these are the times when you give dumb excuses to keep them as your friend but risk nothing more.

 

[Climax]

BUT...

Originally posted by penkitten
the way i see it is either i really like a guy or i do not really like him.
its all or nothing.

sometimes, there are times where you meet someone that isnt so bad, you kinda like them, but dont know how much...
these are the times when you give dumb excuses to keep them as your friend but risk nothing more.

yeah... but what happens if she sais that she is scared, yet she TELLS you that she DOES love you? I mean... what if she sais that she loves u and all, but also sais that she is scared of commitment because you havnt spent enough time togeather? then what? what is going through her head at this point?


If a girl likes/loves u SO much, surely it would be the greatest thing in the world for her for you to ask her out, so why is she hesitating? And i know that she loves me by the way she acts, speaks to me etc... its like she's 2 people in 1 body, that think/want different things.... but i dont know... i guess i'll just give it some more time

Any comments?

Thanx in advance...


Laterz...

 

[Bonhomme]

What I don't get

What I don't get, penkitten, is why this gal is so extreme in both directions.

When I'm actually with her the chemistry is absolutely amazing. As good as anything I've ever eperienced. But it's almost impossible to actually manage to get together with her at all.

Whenever we meet she acts totally, unequivocally into me, yet it's almost impossible to get a hold of her.

It would make sense if we were clearly incompatible, and all there was is the chemistry, but I can't see anything of the sort. We have a good rapport, and quite a bit in common, though she is an occasional smoker and I'm very much a non-smoker.

Perhaps she's more of a smoker than she's letting on, but her skin condition and youthful appearance are consistent with not smoking all that much (smokers -- especially late 20s and beyond -- tend to have have harder, rougher skin).

Interesting that one time she actually did call back was after I half jokingly left a message about getting together to have a glass of wine and talk about what cute little kids we'd have, or some such.

Hmmm~~~~~~~~~

 

[Luscious]

Originally posted by ~ªêQµïTª$~
Have any of you ever been in the situation or heard of a situation when a girl really likes you so much that she doesnt want to become "commited" (become your gf) because she is so scared that you will hurt her or dump her? ... Just interested to hear what u guys have to say about this


Laterz...

It sounds like it could be plausible, albeit a little fishy.

I mean, lots of girls have gotten dumped at least once, right? Maybe this one took it really hard, and doesn't want that to ever happen again, even at the expense of her love life.

This would qualify as an 'avoid' for me. I wouldn't go near that because, like previously mentioned, the chances of her having esteem issues are much higher than usual.

 

[penkitten]

i am a heavy smoker and theres nothing wrong with my skin.. its not any rougher

 

[penkitten]

heres the deal..
there are times when a girl is just great about wanting to see you all the time and getting along with her all the time.
soon , you will be annoyed with her and wonder why she calls alot.

could it be , that this one chick, has learned this before and knows when to show up and when to stay away?

makes you want her just that much more huh?

also , mothers teach their daughters to hold out for sex and relationships for a while.
this makes you want one.
if we push one on you, you will run away....

so could her i am scared bit just be these two things together?
if so , then she is one smart cookuie for doing this.


however , the reason it seems weird to me is because im a all or nothing kind of girl.
either i like you enough to be with you or not.
sometimes i would stumble upon a guy i adored but i was scared of a relationship with, and took things slower. they all broke my little heart. kinda. lol ............ as it turned out none of them were really worth my time.
but then there were some guys i didnt like at all and i was afraid to hurt their feelings and say, " you make me wanna ralph" so i would say it was because i was afraid of getting hurt... but i never went and did stuff with them either.

 

[Climax]

A girls mind...

penkitten said:

could it be , that this one chick, has learned this before and knows when to show up and when to stay away?

I dont know..... but.... what i DO know is that she and other girls liike her are scared to totally open up and "give themselves" to a guy because in the past their hearts have been broken, just like urs penkitten... So i guess that girls that have been through heartbreak need more time to let themselves be able to totally "give themselves" to a guy because of that fear, or should i even say trauma of having their hearts broken. I got a question though... What can i do to make them get over that "fear" and/or "trauma"?

If i had to answer my own question i would probably say that i just need to treat her well and make her confident that i will NOT break her heart, and to give it time too....

I guess I'll just let things flow and whatever happens happens ... Thanx for the reply's by the way.


Laterz...

 

[icecreaman]

She's probably feelin you but wants to bang other guys... You should take some pointers and do the same... Why do you want to be comitted at such a young age??? You should try being friends with benefits.

 

[Climax]

No rush...

Originally posted by icecreaman
She's probably feelin you but wants to bang other guys... You should take some pointers and do the same... Why do you want to be comitted at such a young age??? You should try being friends with benefits.

The thing is... is that i dont WANT to touch any other girls, its like.. i dont feel the need to anymore.... and she feels the same way... several times she that hse had the oppurtunity to, and was even drunk (so she had an "excuse") and she rejected other guys... guys that she thought were "f*cking hot" (quoted)... so its not like i CHOSE to feel like this towards her, it just happened, and i dont regret it for even a second, cause being with her makes me more happy than with any other girl that i have been with in the past, every kiss, every touch is so much more intence and meaningfull and enjoyable... not "empty" and "meaningless" like the several hundred PAST girls.

I know this girl really well, we were actually good friends before we became a couple, so all the trust and comfortability to be around eachother is already there... she just needs to get over that fear of getting her heart broken, like in the past.... which i can understand, so i'll give her the time that she needs, i'm in no rush, i'm WITH her, so the only difference that it would make to me is the fact that i will be able to say that i have a "gf" .... which means **** all to me, and it wont change the way we feel for eachother, nor will it affect our "relationship"... so it doesnt really bother me


Laterz...

=========================================================
When you born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

 

[dearsappho]

If the bird in hand dont want commitment then theres nothing you can do, mister.

It matters not why, does it? Either you hang about or move on.

Life usually comes down to a binary opposition (On/Off, Left/Right, Up/Down, Approach/Standoff) anyway...

Choose your fate...

ps. The delightful thing about this is that you can CHOOSE and possibly remain in control.

 

[Climax]

read carefully...

Originally posted by dearsappho
If the bird in hand dont want commitment then theres nothing you can do, mister.

It matters not why, does it? Either you hang about or move on.

Life usually comes down to a binary opposition (On/Off, Left/Right, Up/Down, Approach/Standoff) anyway...

Choose your fate...

ps. The delightful thing about this is that you can CHOOSE and possibly remain in control. [/QUOTE


like i said.. i know this girl really well, and i know that what she feels is real, and i know that what I fell is real... so if it takes another few weeks/months untill she is ready to make it "official" then thats fine with me. And by the way... i have never LOST control, dont worry about that


dearsappho said:

If the bird in hand dont want commitment then theres nothing you can do, mister.

errrr..... nothing i can do? hahahahahaha... i can see you have alot to learn.... there is ALWAYS something that one can do, especially in a situation like mine


dearsappho said:

It matters not why, does it?

Yes.. it most definatelly DOES matter. what wrong with you? read my posts, its not like she cheated on me or anything, you are over exaggerating the situation.


Laterz...