She's mad because I don't chase?

[upcoming_DJ]

Hey DJs,

looking for some more great advice here -

I've been dating this girl for the past 3 months and we've been seeing each other for almost every weekend (except about 2 or 3) where I peppered in some unexplained absences and went radio silent with her as per 16 commandments of poon).

From the very start - I was the one who was chasing prior to us meeting up and starting to hook up. As soon as we started to hook up, I backed off and let her do all the chasing.

This has meant that she has had many (MANY) unanswered texts and calls from me.

However, since we've been spending all weekends together in the past month and a half, she started coming around my family and talking about me to her friends and family, it seems she wants exclusivity and has brought it up indirectly.

We text a bit on monday and tuesday nights, but I left her texting along tuesday night and I havent gotten back to her (and im offline all these days since I'm pretty busy with my business).

Lastnight I got a text from her that says "I stop text you!"

then I took a few minutes to find her pinterest account and noticed she pinned some things that are hinting how she is feeling:


she has told me several times below she does not appreciate that I don't answer her. She has complained about it numerous times. And I've told her I'll be working on it, that I understand. However I'm still not getting back to her if even hours later.

I have seen Corey Wayne's videos on youtube and one of them talks about being a cold fish and backing off too much - that this causes rejection and for women to go cold.

Any advice on how I can break the ice or have her warm back up to me? I've also read on other places that if she backs off, I should back off too - basically mirror her actions.

Any advice in this area would be greatly appreciated! thanks

 

[upcoming_DJ]

is it something like this:

It's all just W0manese...
Men and women have very different ways of communicating, and we tend to take what they say literally, its wired into our brain because as men, we are problem solvers. Look at it like this...

I will use your examples as context...
When a woman says... "I want you to take me out..."
A guy hears... "you don't take me out enough, and we don't do enough fun things. your boring!"
A guy thinks... "We just went out last week"
The woman means... "I am feeling some distance, and need some attention right now. I dont care what we do, I just want to spend time with you."

When a woman says... "I want you to text me more"
A guys hears... "You need to send me emojis, messages, emails, or whatever. Do something so I get more communication. fix this!"
A guy thinks... "you text too damn much woman. I am tired of this nonsense. I got $hit to do"
The woman means... "I want to feel your presence. I miss you and we don't spend enough time together. Can we get tacos tonight?"

The whole premise is that there is an underlying message to a woman's communication. It is often difficult to figure out, because as others have said, they often dont realize what they want. As men, we want to get solutions to their problem, but the solutions are often severely misguided because they are taking the woman's words so literally.

Most messages like the ones you described are a cry for attention. Women think out loud sharing their their process of inner discovery with an interested listener. And men tend to offer the method of caring they prefer, while they should actually start to learn the differnt ways their partners think, feel, and react.

For mods: Why is w0manese a blocked word?

by @Roober

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

For mods: Why is w0manese a blocked word?

Because like 15+ years ago it was representative of a company or something that didn’t want to be shown on here or something like that.

 

[JohnChops]

I say keep doing what you're doing brotha. Isn't it funny how when you back off, they chase more, and want answers, and DEMAND that you give them more attention. It is like cocaine to them. Once oyu give them all the attention they want.... boom, they get bored and find a new play thing.

Even in a relationship, exclusively, It is always good to maintain some distance and be aloof from time to time. If you're texting 24/7, always with eachother, and never doing sh1t on your own (talking in a relationship here) then it will get old fast.

Keep doing what you're doing.

 

[Knight of Roses]

I'm going to disagree with the aforementioned opinion.

Distance and aloof are great tools to create mystery around your figure in the beginning. You want to appear that you're non-needy, have other women, have other sh1t to do. However, it's very annoying in dealing with someone who doesn't respond to you for hours. So, if she's growing distasteful with your lack of texting habits, that's a likely warning that she will soon grow to resent it and then break off. If you don't care, that's fine. But if you do, you need to employ a different strategy.

Amante Silvestre mentioned this very well on another post. The dogma of not texting is meant to curb over-enthusiastic behavior in low value men. If she already has you placed on high value, there is no need to not purposely text her. Women appreciate a man who is easy to communicate with, courteous, and responds quickly. If you're going to be busy in the afternoon, just tell her, "I got a meeting to run, lets catch up later tonight". Done, she'll leave you alone and then you can text her back at your own will. But you don't need to not respond to her for hours.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Why are you ignoring her? Do you think that fosters positive emotions from her?

Dude, being "distant" in this context means you don't initiate texting. It doesn't mean ignore the chick. Respond to her texts with a reason to back her off.

"Hey <name>, I'm tied up with the business atm. Let's catch up on our date."

 

[ohrein]

I'm going to disagree with the aforementioned opinion.

Distance and aloof are great tools to create mystery around your figure in the beginning. You want to appear that you're non-needy, have other women, have other sh1t to do. However, it's very annoying in dealing with someone who doesn't respond to you for hours. So, if she's growing distasteful with your lack of texting habits, that's a likely warning that she will soon grow to resent it and then break off. If you don't care, that's fine. But if you do, you need to employ a different strategy.

Amante Silvestre mentioned this very well on another post. The dogma of not texting is meant to curb over-enthusiastic behavior in low value men. If she already has you placed on high value, there is no need to not purposely text her. Women appreciate a man who is easy to communicate with, courteous, and responds quickly. If you're going to be busy in the afternoon, just tell her, "I got a meeting to run, lets catch up later tonight". Done, she'll leave you alone and then you can text her back at your own will. But you don't need to not respond to her for hours.

Spot on, and @Amante Silvestre is a great poster and it seems like you took in what he said. If you're rAFC you should curb over texting by focusing on using texts to set up dates. But if you're in a sexual relationship, you shouldn't be playing those games anymore. If you think women don't see through text games, you're sorely mistaken. Pretty sure they invented that sh1t in teen magazines back in the late 90's when mobile phones became popular.

OP, your problem is not that she's mad you're not chasing, it's that she's chasing and you're ignoring her. She will give up at some point. Her hypergamy requires both alpha and beta once in a "relationship" of any kind. If you want to keep her around, you gotta find the middle ground. You're calibrated way too far into alpha, which is fine for hook ups, but you need to provide that beta comfort to satisfy her long term needs. If you want to keep her around, you'll have to recalibrate. If not, just keep doing what you're doing.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hey DJs,

looking for some more great advice here -

I've been dating this girl for the past 3 months and we've been seeing each other for almost every weekend (except about 2 or 3) where I peppered in some unexplained absences and went radio silent with her as per 16 commandments of poon).

From the very start - I was the one who was chasing prior to us meeting up and starting to hook up. As soon as we started to hook up, I backed off and let her do all the chasing.

This has meant that she has had many (MANY) unanswered texts and calls from me.

However, since we've been spending all weekends together in the past month and a half, she started coming around my family and talking about me to her friends and family, it seems she wants exclusivity and has brought it up indirectly.

We text a bit on monday and tuesday nights, but I left her texting along tuesday night and I havent gotten back to her (and im offline all these days since I'm pretty busy with my business).

Lastnight I got a text from her that says "I stop text you!"

then I took a few minutes to find her pinterest account and noticed she pinned some things that are hinting how she is feeling:
View attachment 1451

she has told me several times below she does not appreciate that I don't answer her. She has complained about it numerous times. And I've told her I'll be working on it, that I understand. However I'm still not getting back to her if even hours later.

I have seen Corey Wayne's videos on youtube and one of them talks about being a cold fish and backing off too much - that this causes rejection and for women to go cold.

Any advice on how I can break the ice or have her warm back up to me? I've also read on other places that if she backs off, I should back off too - basically mirror her actions.

Any advice in this area would be greatly appreciated! thanks

I don't know how old you are but the whole thing wreaks of serious immaturity. Especially this s*hit: As soon as we started to hook up, I backed off and let her do all the chasing <Ok, this is alright>. This has meant that she has had many (MANY) unanswered texts and calls from me <If it's on purpose to be a d*ick, dumb move>.

Is this all in an attempt to try and increase her interest level? You mean you cannot do it any other way? There's not coming across as needy and then there's purposely playing kid's games. And now, you're looking for advice as to HOW to get her to warm back up to you??? F*ucking really?

Dude, man up and text the chick back if she wants to chat a bit, just don't over do it. Try to be the one to cut the conversation. I let my plates and gf's initiate maybe 70-80% of the texts mainly because I'm busy but at least I provide them the courtesy of a reply if they ask a question or want my opinion. If you're confident in your masculine energy and overall DJ presence, you don't need to play silly games. I just dumped a chick because she was running some stupid silly game s*hit on me. She was shocked when I did because she was a easily a HB8.5.

Good luck.

Dash

 

[lizardking82]

Games make you an AFC. No games and doing what you feel like put you on the way to being an "alpha" AKA a man that does what he wants without overthinking and overplanning.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Spot on, and @Amante Silvestre is a great poster and it seems like you took in what he said. If you're rAFC you should curb over texting by focusing on using texts to set up dates. But if you're in a sexual relationship, you shouldn't be playing those games anymore. If you think women don't see through text games, you're sorely mistaken. Pretty sure they invented that sh1t in teen magazines back in the late 90's when mobile phones became popular.

OP, your problem is not that she's mad you're not chasing, it's that she's chasing and you're ignoring her. She will give up at some point. Her hypergamy requires both alpha and beta once in a "relationship" of any kind. If you want to keep her around, you gotta find the middle ground. You're calibrated way too far into alpha, which is fine for hook ups, but you need to provide that beta comfort to satisfy her long term needs. If you want to keep her around, you'll have to recalibrate. If not, just keep doing what you're doing.

solid advice - thank you very much!

I reached out to her yesterday, my first 2 texts were left on seen without a reply (she usually replies instantly).

I reached out again in the afternoon sending her a summer camp link and telling her she should show her nephew. She said returned about 3 texts. Cold turkey. We did not talk after that.

How would you handle a situation like this going forward? I don't want to drop in her frame - but I also want to ease the tension now.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

I'm going to disagree with the aforementioned opinion.

Distance and aloof are great tools to create mystery around your figure in the beginning. You want to appear that you're non-needy, have other women, have other sh1t to do. However, it's very annoying in dealing with someone who doesn't respond to you for hours. So, if she's growing distasteful with your lack of texting habits, that's a likely warning that she will soon grow to resent it and then break off. If you don't care, that's fine. But if you do, you need to employ a different strategy.

Amante Silvestre mentioned this very well on another post. The dogma of not texting is meant to curb over-enthusiastic behavior in low value men. If she already has you placed on high value, there is no need to not purposely text her. Women appreciate a man who is easy to communicate with, courteous, and responds quickly. If you're going to be busy in the afternoon, just tell her, "I got a meeting to run, lets catch up later tonight". Done, she'll leave you alone and then you can text her back at your own will. But you don't need to not respond to her for hours.

probably the best advice I've gotten on this in years. Thanks a lot for this wisdom!

in my situation;

I reached out to her yesterday, my first 2 texts were left on seen without a reply (she usually replies instantly).

I reached out again in the afternoon sending her a summer camp link and telling her she should show her nephew. She said returned about 3 texts. Cold turkey. We did not talk after that.

How would you handle a situation like this going forward? I don't want to drop in her frame - but I also want to ease the tension now.

 

[lizardking82]

solid advice - thank you very much!

I reached out to her yesterday, my first 2 texts were left on seen without a reply (she usually replies instantly).

I reached out again in the afternoon sending her a summer camp link and telling her she should show her nephew. She said returned about 3 texts. Cold turkey. We did not talk after that.

How would you handle a situation like this going forward? I don't want to drop in her frame - but I also want to ease the tension now.

"I see you acting a bit cold last couple of days and I figured it might have something to do with me being distant and non-responsive to you lately. I want you to know it was nothing personal with you, was just busy handling some stressful events at work. And while we're at it, let me make it up to you by inviting you for a dinner xx day and xx time. What do you say?"

You went to much on the ******* side, now you gotta even it up with a bit of that lame romanticity.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Spot on, and @Amante Silvestre is a great poster and it seems like you took in what he said. If you're rAFC you should curb over texting by focusing on using texts to set up dates. But if you're in a sexual relationship, you shouldn't be playing those games anymore. If you think women don't see through text games, you're sorely mistaken. Pretty sure they invented that sh1t in teen magazines back in the late 90's when mobile phones became popular.

OP, your problem is not that she's mad you're not chasing, it's that she's chasing and you're ignoring her. She will give up at some point. Her hypergamy requires both alpha and beta once in a "relationship" of any kind. If you want to keep her around, you gotta find the middle ground. You're calibrated way too far into alpha, which is fine for hook ups, but you need to provide that beta comfort to satisfy her long term needs. If you want to keep her around, you'll have to recalibrate. If not, just keep doing what you're doing.

how can I access his profile? it says "This member limits who may view their full profile."

 

[upcoming_DJ]

"I see you acting a bit cold last couple of days and I figured it might have something to do with me being distant and non-responsive to you lately. I want you to know it was nothing personal with you, was just busy handling some stressful events at work. And while we're at it, let me make it up to you by inviting you for a dinner xx day and xx time. What do you say?"

You went to much on the ******* side, now you gotta even it up with a bit of that lame romanticity.

thanks a bunch! right down where I'd like to express myself to her.

last weekend when we were together she invited me and wanted me to go with her to southern part of our country as she plays in a steel band as her hobby. However she hasn't brought it back up this week.

i'm feeling like she's probably already on the verge of giving up...

 

[lizardking82]

thanks a bunch! right down where I'd like to express myself to her.

last weekend when we were together she invited me and wanted me to go with her to southern part of our country as she plays in a steel band as her hobby. However she hasn't brought it back up this week.

i'm feeling like she's probably already on the verge of giving up...

At whatever point she's like, I think that with a message like that you show her you know what you overdid and you recognize your mistake AND her feelings regarding your mistake + you're making an attempt to turn things around. If she doesn't want to, that's OK. You did a mistake, humans do mistakes from time to time, no need to give up on someone who did a mistake. If she gives up on you for this, then you're better off without her anyways.

 

[ohrein]

How would you handle a situation like this going forward? I don't want to drop in her frame - but I also want to ease the tension now.

You can't avoid her frame entirely and date her. Rollo talks about this in LTR game in The Rational Male. You should control the frame, mostly, but like anything red pill it's not a binary. Frame shifts and moves around in a relationship since you're presumably trying to avoid the relationship ending. It's one of the reasons a lot of guys advocate against LTR/marriage. As I said above, if you want a relationship, you must provide some comfort and emotional connection because when a woman is not on peak ovulation, which is most of the month, her hypergamy desires that security. Where betas go wrong is not actually in that they provide comfort and emotional security, it's that they do it from a place of weakness and they do it unconditionally.

As for how to handle it, I think just ask her out and start to re-calibrate your game a little. The problem now is congruency so don't make any drastic changes because you can easily go too far and lose the elements that attracted her to you in the first place.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

You can't avoid her frame entirely and date her. Rollo talks about this in LTR game in The Rational Male. You should control the frame, mostly, but like anything red pill it's not a binary. Frame shifts and moves around in a relationship since you're presumably trying to avoid the relationship ending. It's one of the reasons a lot of guys advocate against LTR/marriage. As I said above, if you want a relationship, you must provide some comfort and emotional connection because when a woman is not on peak ovulation, which is most of the month, her hypergamy desires that security. Where betas go wrong is not actually in that they provide comfort and emotional security, it's that they do it from a place of weakness and they do it unconditionally.

As for how to handle it, I think just ask her out and start to re-calibrate your game a little. The problem now is congruency so don't make any drastic changes because you can easily go too far and lose the elements that attracted her to you in the first place.

solid advice! thanks again and makes a lot of sense. I need to re-read the book a couple more times.

She has reached out already - and is warming back up. Just not sure how exactly to meddle between.

she called me earlier (which I missed genuinely) and then I tried to call her back and she didn't answer. But followed up with a text couple minutes later. She wanted to tell me that she's not sure she's going southern part of the country with her band. I presume she is trying to say - take me away and make me yours for the weekend again!

I told her that me and a friend of hers will be partying this weekend (it's a very close friend of hers (bffs) who will be in my town and says she wants to hang out. So i mentioned it to her in a text a bit ago and she seems to not be too happy about that idea. Then again - women are looking for things to hold against you! especially when they have the weaker hand they are looking to level up. I shouldn't have said that but I have! If she wants to join her friend and come to see me then great. And if not, great too! I'll have an awesome weekend like I always do.

 

[17 shots]

Don't try to save it all in one text, or one day, or one week. Be patient, its your own fault shes acting like this. She'll come back around eventually... Ignore her indifference. U gotta be able to take what you dish out

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Don't try to save it all in one text, or one day, or one week. Be patient, its your own fault shes acting like this. She'll come back around eventually... Ignore her indifference. U gotta be able to take what you dish out

Agreed! it's not the first time she's done it and I usually just ignore her indifference and carry on like the fun, vibrant person she likes! And humor is always a great ice breaker.

I will proceed and calibrate as we go - if we go much further that is!

cheers!