she's in a long distance relationship which has only just started

[pete101]

i picked up this girl today who says she's in a long distance relationship which she started a couple months ago. she says she wants to take it slow with him cos she was in a LDR for 4 years and it was too hard for her.

either way im in the driving seat, im here he's there, as long as i show i'm a higher value male then i'm good to go. however i anticipate i'll receive some resistance from her if i suggest usual 'date' places i.e. drinks at a bar cos technically she'll see that as 'cheating', who knows she might go for it but if i try to escalate i may get rebuffed.

would you do anything different than you normally would do with a girl who's in an LDR?

i'm forseeing a lot of BS where i'll want to take it further sexually and she won't give it up but still wants my attention and cant 'decide' between her LDR and me.

i'm spinning plates in the mean time as i dont see this 1 going very far under these circumstances.

 

[thevilittletroll]

sounds like you pretty much have the right idea. stay away from normal date functions like dinner, movies, stuff like that. keep it casual like have drinks with me and my friends. another technique that works really well with chicks with bf's or ldr's is using push pull. sent her some mixed signals like say really sexual things to her one minute, then tell her you are so glad we're just friends. so the key is to compliment her then pull it away with a disqualifier.

 

[Allurre]

Continue spinning more plates. Focus on your life. You want her to to realize what she's missing and drop the other dude for you.

 

[pete101]

sounds like you pretty much have the right idea. stay away from normal date functions like dinner, movies, stuff like that. keep it casual like have drinks with me and my friends. another technique that works really well with chicks with bf's or ldr's is using push pull. sent her some mixed signals like say really sexual things to her one minute, then tell her you are so glad we're just friends. so the key is to compliment her then pull it away with a disqualifier.

the thing is i anticipate that the way it'll go is that she'll want the attention from both of us and i need to make sure i withhold this attention and use it sparingly which can be tricky if i dont plan it right i.e. she'll text me randomly from time to time i'll obviously delay my replies etc not give her any validation she wants.

but i hear it's very difficult to get a girl to end things with the other guy unless you prove you are higher value AND that she'll lose you if she doesn't act.

how does 1 do this?

if i meet up with her i'll be inclined to try to kiss her or escalate and make her say NO etc, if she backs away and i keep continuing to try to escalate i could either get slapped or if i try again another time or give an ultimatum it'll back fire. she needs to feel she needs to break up with the other guy cos she'll risk losing me, how do i communicate this?

i feel that there's a lot of effort involved in doing this and requires a lot of patience so i'll spin plates in the mean time and bide my time.

 

[thevilittletroll]

first of all you cant control her decision to dump her bf for you, so dont worry about all that. even if you play your cards right and you end up having sex with her she still might not dump her bf for you. once you have sex with her, the decision is still up to her. dont bring it up or pressure her in anyway, or she will see this as weird behavior and cut off all contact with you. once you bang her just act cool and as if the fact she has a bf doesnt bother you. all you can do is continue to show high value behavior and hope she chooses to dump her bf for you. that includes spinning plates, and its ok even if she knows this. jealousy might help in your favor, but dont go over the top and make it sound like bragging.

as far as kino escalation...use the push pull techniques i mention earlier, and escalate kino at the same time with sexual topics. give her a big hug then literally push her away and say, thats all you get get off me! if you do this properly, after a couple of times she will begin to chase you and escalate on you.

as far as kissing....this is kind of a tough one when you really like the girl with a bf, it takes some will power. i will try to not kiss the girl in public in fear someone will see her and rat out to the bf. so what i'll do is go in real close, whisper something in her ear, look right into her eyes, then push her away, as mentioned before. you can also have the conversation about how you understand her situation and you know how to be descrete, and you are very good at keeping secrets, stuff like that. if done properly by the time you get somewhere outside of public view she'll be begging for not just a kiss, but a total makeout.

 

[pete101]

first of all you cant control her decision to dump her bf for you, so dont worry about all that. even if you play your cards right and you end up having sex with her she still might not dump her bf for you. once you have sex with her, the decision is still up to her. dont bring it up or pressure her in anyway, or she will see this as weird behavior and cut off all contact with you. once you bang her just act cool and as if the fact she has a bf doesnt bother you. all you can do is continue to show high value behavior and hope she chooses to dump her bf for you. that includes spinning plates, and its ok even if she knows this. jealousy might help in your favor, but dont go over the top and make it sound like bragging.

as far as kino escalation...use the push pull techniques i mention earlier, and escalate kino at the same time with sexual topics. give her a big hug then literally push her away and say, thats all you get get off me! if you do this properly, after a couple of times she will begin to chase you and escalate on you.

as far as kissing....this is kind of a tough one when you really like the girl with a bf, it takes some will power. i will try to not kiss the girl in public in fear someone will see her and rat out to the bf. so what i'll do is go in real close, whisper something in her ear, look right into her eyes, then push her away, as mentioned before. you can also have the conversation about how you understand her situation and you know how to be descrete, and you are very good at keeping secrets, stuff like that. if done properly by the time you get somewhere outside of public view she'll be begging for not just a kiss, but a total makeout.

i see, does it make a difference that her bf is abroad so it's long distance plus they've only just started seeing each other a couple months hence why she told him to take it slow and concentrate on their exams. basically it's a stupid situation for her, she doesn't see him that often and it's pretty much an internet relationship.

i just need to be patient.

should i still try to go for the drink date offer but also give a more casual friendly alternative within the same message so i'm covering both bases?

i feel she may go for the drink date idea, but if she doesn't and feels it's cheating instead of a rejection she might take my more innocent coffee in the local park idea instead.

i'll definitely try a push pull thing but cos she's from a community that's religious even though she isn't, there's some level of dignity that she may not cheat as it's against the rules of her religion. however i may find it hard to isolate her or get her alone within distance of my bed.

 

[pete101]

i text her today but unfortunately no response so far. i just texted her something funny in hope she'd reply then i would ask her out.

given she has a LDR bf and knows my intentions and may consider meeting up with me as cheating, would she still do it and justify doing it if she was attracted?

She may be taking it 'slow' with her LDR but that doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't consider it cheating to meet up with a guy she knows has romantic intentions. I dont know how much of a good girl she is.

 

[TheJazz]

Don't encourage cheating. It's evil. If she can cheat on him with you, she can cheat on you with someone else. Just wait till her current relationship ends. It's best for everyone.

 

[The_411]

Just stay in the background. LDRs are doomed from the get go because the whole purpose of a relationship is spending time together with the person not chatting over the phone for an hour twice a week. LDRS are attraction killers.

I will say you need to really question why this girl prefers a LDR over the real thing? Seems to suggest that she has commitment issues or needs to keep people at arm's length.

In the meantime forget about her by working on other women. Chances are by the time her current situation unravels you'll have someone new and you'll wodner why you even waiting around at all.

 

[pete101]

i think it's over now, she's not responding to any of my contacts.. in fairness at the time i thought i did quite well but clearly not, had her laughing etc.

i wasn't feeling great that day cos i just came back from the hospital and was dressed like a bum but either way i thought i managed to talk the talk.

it may well be the IL was there temporarily but the emotional investment wasn't

i'll prob end up seeing her again this week as we live locally so i'll have to just smile and say hey and ignore her.

if i see her at the local coffee place and smile and say hey, she would be inclined to think i'd come up and talk to her but i wont, but should you still be in clear sight of her?

i.e. if i go sit somewhere near the back behind her where she cant see me she wont think 'why isn't he coming up to talk to me?' she'll just think 'oh he left'.. tbh i been in this scenario before and they just end up walking out and leaving after a while without saying bye.