She's giving me hot and cold/mixed messages.

[UltimaWeapon]

Hey everyone,

I had a vacation planned to Europe for this past month and before I left I started talking to this amazing girl. We are both 24. We started talking 3 days before I was suppose to leave so the timing was kinda off because I wanted to see her but I had to wait. So I told her I really enjoyed talking to her and I would love to see her when I come back. She told me she had a great time too and that she would like that.

I gave her my number so she can have it and I told her I would try to keep in contact with her as much as possible over there so we could talk because I wanted to show her I truly wanted her. 6 hour time difference also had an impact on when we could talk to each other but I managed to make it work. She gave me her number after as well.

We hit it off great, we talked everyday, exchanged messages.

She told me she has never felt like this before about a guy
Told me she couldn't wait for me to come back and that I shouldn't have left
We even talked on the phone for a good 5-6 hours in total while I was over there.
She even said she wanted to come pick me up at the airport when I came back.
She sent me pictures of herself all the time.asked for me to send pictures.
Told me its been too long n she wanted to see me already.
Told her mom about me, etc

However, since I have been back (its been 7 days now) she hasn't really made an effort to want to see me. Granted she works 5 days a week approx 8-9 hours so she is done late at night. but she has time after to hang out for a bit because she made plans to hang out after work 4 days in a row but has flopped!!

Why make plans if you know you wont be able to make them? She even told me its not that I do not want to see you it just its hard when you work. I said OK its fine. The thing is I am just not getting the same vibe anymore. I don't know what it is. She seems more distant, cold and reserved. I can get all this through text messages.


Her: Whats the plan?
Me: Finish up at work- get ready and we can meet downtown
Her: Okay It will take me about an hour
Me: Its fine.
Her: I am home now
Me: Okay are you getting ready?
Her: No I am not. I feel bad I will only get to see you for an hour if I come now.
Me: Its fine. I just want to see you since I have been waiting too for so long now.
Her: You can see me tomorrow before work

Tomorrow rolls around: she doesn't even bring up the fact she said that last night. You see what I mean?
Its been like that past 4 times. What is her deal?

(We are supposedly suppose to hang out tonight- again really FLAKY) because she told me she would see when shes free. Even though she doesn't work today.

This has been the same scenario now for the past week. I am getting really fed up with this. Why would she be acting like this? She constantly texts me and still makes conversation but its just a drastic difference to what I am use too. Because she made it seem like she couldn't wait to see me..and now when I am back..she doesn't act like she cares. She also has declined calling me on the phone since I have been back 2 times. But when I was over there she would ask me if she could call me!! So I truly don't understand :/

She even told me a few days ago she told her girlfriends about me..

She knows I also got her flowers for when we were suppose to hang out (because the day I came back was her birthday )and she still hasn't made an attempt to want to see me because she cancelled 4 times now.

So can someone tell me why she would act like this? She told me she does want to see me but I feel like if she truly did. out of these past 7 days she would have made time to see me even at least for an hour. Especially if we have been talking constantly for over way over a month..everyday!! The Atlantic Ocean is not separating us anymore.


*** This is the same exact scenario that happened with my ex of 4.5 years after I left on vacation for 17 days and I came back she became more distant and cold and was always busy and did not want to hang out. What was the real reason: She found someone else and left me for him after. So this feeling of being constantly busy and not having the ability to make time is all too familiar for me right now and It's a horrible feeling to have because I had great expectations coming back from vacation to see this girl. ***

Am I wrong in thinking this or?

 

[LorenzoVonM]

This one is over. Next. You torched it to the ground. Here is why:

You are negative challenge for this girl. When you met her you were this mysterious guy heading off for a month in Europe. She probably thought you were king sh*t for being so adventurous, filling her head with thoughts of you partying it up, riding yachts in the Mediterranean, and banging tons of hot euro slvts. Then what did you do while you were over there?

Corresponded with her. Every. Single. F'ing. Day.

First off, a guy having the time of his life in Europe does not think about some chick he just met stateside. Instinctively she knows this. Secondly, you removed all mystery about yourself, thereby killing any attraction she had for you. She knew you were 100% in the bag once you returned. Zero worry on her part at all. But because chicks love attention, she was more than happy to suck all yours up and probably even took glee in knowing you were so invested in her.

If you would have taken your vacation and then dropped her one or two ambiguous lines about "people" you were meeting, and the partying you were doing, she probably would have been jumping you on your return. Assuming she's not dating some other dude.

Live and learn, move on.

 

[Eph]

Your first mistake was talking to her so damn much. You should have given her some space. Second mistake was being so damn clingy. You're like a lost puppy. Personally, after getting "No I am not. I feel bad I will only get to see you for an hour if I come now", I would have said, "look, if you don't wanna see me, that's fine. But I'm done playing this game". What you responded with was just awful.

Don't tolerate BS. Once, okay. But if she flakes every time you make plans to see her, you're allowed to do one of two things: ignore her, or call her out on her sh!t. Any other reaction is off limits. So, you've played the game and lost. Time to try again.

 

[Rainman4707]

Learn from this & move on.

 

[sylvester the cat]

oddly this girl knows that you are not interested in her.

she knows that you are one of those guys who needs a woman to give their life meaning and that if it wasn't her it would be any other girl you happened to come across.

that's the real reason why guys like you get mixed messages.

the day you realise you do not need a woman is the day you will have women drooling over you. life, my man, is a paradox.

there are two realities sitting side by side. the world of language (where she tells you she is interested) and the world as it actually is (where her actions say otherwise). in the world of language you probably think you like this girl. in the world as it really is, you are just a needy guy who has been led to believe (most probably by the media/hollywood, lack of parental guidance etc) that a woman is the key to happiness. they aren't.

forget this girl. it's over.

 

[nismo-4]

TL;DR!

Your princess is in another castle.

All because you kept on staying in contact with her, killing any mystery, intrigue, challenge, and attraction.

So move on. Unless you want to just be friends with her.

Mixed signals means little-no interest. Mixed signals are negative signals. The minute a woman sends them, I instantly drop her, no questions asked.

Case closed.

 

[pyros]

I dont really understand what is the problem of most guys here...they meet a girl, go on a date, or two dates, and then...one of them go on vacations and then the guy texts her EVERY DAMN DAY, or he calls her everyda, or they talk on the phone for hours during the whole time, wtf???

and then what happens? the girl does not show interest anymore.

Anyway, you killed her attraction for you by doing this and she probably met some other guy that increases her attraction, not decreases it.

So stop being such a wussy and forget about this girl, but not without flagellating yourself first for your super beta behaviour.

 

[UltimaWeapon]

TL;DR!

Your princess is in another castle.

All because you kept on staying in contact with her, killing any mystery, intrigue, challenge, and attraction.

So move on. Unless you want to just be friends with her.

Mixed signals means little-no interest. Mixed signals are negative signals. The minute a woman sends them, I instantly drop her, no questions asked.

Case closed.

This girl is boiling my blood. I am legit so annoyed by her actions its unbelievable. I haven't told her anything yet. She texts and talks to me everyday if she wasn't interested or was with another guy, why would she continue to make plans with me and then flake?? I do not understand what is with these games!!!!!

 

[pyros]

you're the silly one here.

If you're so confused and angry, you should stop talking to her, so you will stop wasting your time.

It is that easy.

 

[3agle 3yes]

Oh look, another new member wondering what happened when a woman loses interest after communicating with her on an almost daily basis.

No offence, but someone should make a sticky about this...it's getting tiresome.

What does it say about someone who is constantly talking/texting over the phone with someone even when they're out of the country?

Overfamiliarity is a pvssy drier.

If your goal is to f*ck her (which it should be), then the only way you can do it is when you're with her physically. Everything else is superfluous and you could come across as someone with no life/and other options ....

 

[UltimaWeapon]

Oh look, another new member wondering what happened when a woman loses interest after communicating with her on an almost daily basis.

No offence, but someone should make a sticky about this...it's getting tiresome.

What does it say about someone who is constantly talking/texting over the phone with someone even when they're out of the country?

Overfamiliarity is a pvssy drier.

If your goal is to f*ck her (which it should be), then the only way you can do it is when you're with her physically. Everything else is superfluous and you could come across as someone with no life/and other options ....

I only communicated with her everyday because she showed me a lot of interest. If she truly wasn't interested why would she continue to text me first? It's not like I am forcing her to talk to me she can easily stop. You don't continue to initiate conversation with someone you aren't interested in?

She has only been in only one relationship also it was a 4.5 year one..ended 2 years ago.. maybe she is scared to get into something so fast ? so she is trying to slow it down? could that be a reason? I really want this girl and I put enough effort already so I really am disappointed after talking for over a month for this to be happening considering everything she said.

 

[jurry]

This one is over. Next. You torched it to the ground. Here is why:

You are negative challenge for this girl. When you met her you were this mysterious guy heading off for a month in Europe. She probably thought you were king sh*t for being so adventurous, filling her head with thoughts of you partying it up, riding yachts in the Mediterranean, and banging tons of hot euro slvts. Then what did you do while you were over there?

Corresponded with her. Every. Single. F'ing. Day.

First off, a guy having the time of his life in Europe does not think about some chick he just met stateside. Instinctively she knows this. Secondly, you removed all mystery about yourself, thereby killing any attraction she had for you. She knew you were 100% in the bag once you returned. Zero worry on her part at all. But because chicks love attention, she was more than happy to suck all yours up and probably even took glee in knowing you were so invested in her.

If you would have taken your vacation and then dropped her one or two ambiguous lines about "people" you were meeting, and the partying you were doing, she probably would have been jumping you on your return. Assuming she's not dating some other dude.

Live and learn, move on.

Beautifully said.

 

[Albatross953]

I've got one right now who has been single for four years. Couple flakes, worst kiss ever, always busy. But she counters, she comes back to me, she asked me out this week.

Bottom line, even if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt if she's scared....you gotta let her do the work. And you should be busy with life when she comes to you.

And she's not amazing. She's just another broad.

 

[marmel75]

This girl is boiling my blood. I am legit so annoyed by her actions its unbelievable. I haven't told her anything yet. She texts and talks to me everyday if she wasn't interested or was with another guy, why would she continue to make plans with me and then flake?? I do not understand what is with these games!!!!!

The more you talk in the beginning, the more you have a chance to say or text something she doesn't like, and because she hasn't gotten a chance to know you yet, doesn't know what context it might be in so she takes in a negative context usually.

Talk in person, stop acting like one of her girlfriends or gay guy friends.

 

[marmel75]

I only communicated with her everyday because she showed me a lot of interest. If she truly wasn't interested why would she continue to text me first? It's not like I am forcing her to talk to me she can easily stop. You don't continue to initiate conversation with someone you aren't interested in?

She has only been in only one relationship also it was a 4.5 year one..ended 2 years ago.. maybe she is scared to get into something so fast ? so she is trying to slow it down? could that be a reason? I really want this girl and I put enough effort already so I really am disappointed after talking for over a month for this to be happening considering everything she said.

Dude...stop it. You invested all this time and energy in this girl and some dude she met at the bar last night for an hour probably took her home and railed her after investing nothing.

Talking and texting for hours on end every day doesn't build attraction. No dude that has anything better to do has the time to be doing that. I mean if I was in Europe I wouldn't be giving a damn about some chick I just met and certainly wouldn't have time to be talking to her on the phone.

Just move on and don't repeat the same mistake next time. You come across as needy and desperate. And why are you buying flowers for a girl you've never even been on a date with? That comes across as being lame, just saying. Flowers are for your girlfriend on Valentine's Day, not some girl you never met up with.

She is stringing you along because its fun. Her and her girlfriends are probably laughing to see how long they can get you to continue. You seem to always have nothing going on so whenever she suggests meeting up, you are available.

 

[Atom Smasher]

She's an Attention Hore. She liked the idea of a cool guy who went to Europe, but you created a form, a definition for yourself in her mind and killed all the mystery, as the others have said.

The fantasy part of her brain makes her feel like you're this cool guy who she knows, but when it comes time to meet up she's forced to put the fantasy aside and acknowledge the reality that you're not what she'd hoped you were.

Either walk away or do the Atom Smasher Power Play: Get in touch with her, tell her she's going to stop the bullsh!t right now, that you're doing [X] on Saturday (or whenever) and you'd like her to join you. Tell her you expect a solid answer. Essentially you're going caveman on her.

It is very important that you put yourself above her in your frame, without being rude. Rather, you are being forceful and conveying that you have expectations of the people in your life. If she agrees and doesn't flake, when you meet switch to mystery mode and regale her with mysterious and incomplete stories about your trip to Europe. Leave them open ended without resolution. Excite her fantasies.

Always remember, men, that any given female NEEDS and WANTS you to bring more value than she does. You are above her, and that's exactly what she craves.

As I see it those are your only two viable options... Walk or the power play.