She's baaa-aaaccckkkk (Onetis out of the blue)

[Befuddled]

Sooo...was checking email today as always, and saw this peculiar thing show up from an address id never seen before. i open it up.... and voila. She’s back. (I think my previous nickname on these boards was "hawkeye", so do a search if you’d like)

Well.... it's been a good 2 years since I’ve seen this girl, and almost 3 since we actually hung out together. 2 years ago I was a wreck over this girl. she was the "one" (onetis)....went into depression, grades went down, etc,etc.... you know the drill. I basically got slapped into the friendzone with a subtle "I love football players" when i tried spending time with her.

So 2 years ago, we broke off contact. Didn’t exchange phone numbers or emails...just went our own ways. She was a friend of a friend of a friend, and we spent a lot of time together one semester 3 years ago.

So, apparently she’s been seeing my friend across campus and "got his email just so she could get mine from him", and she goes on to fill me in on what’s going on in her life, ets,etc....

At first I thought it was an April fools joke. But...
1. My friends know what i went through during that time, and i doubt any of them would pull something like this.
2. She mentioned something very specific that only the 2 of us know about (a birthday present I got for her).

So we never really dated or went out or anything. After she broke up with her bf i tried, but failed. we never called each other on the phone (although i called her 2-3 times total) and we never got each other's IM info or anything.

So now after 2 years, after I sulked for about 8 months and finally moved on. This happens. It was totally uncalled for!!! And it pisses me off.

Just had to vent. Just wondering what you guys would do in this situation. it's literally been 2+years and while on the same campus we never had each other phone numbers or emails or anything. Now this.

I’ve pretty much decided I’m not going to reply, but just wanted your thoughts.

Cheers.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

go ahead and reply to her. you're new man, right?

 

[Dirtheart]

I can relate to what you have been through as I've been through the exact same thing. But you have learned from it, right? And as TooCold says, you're a new man too, right?

Reply to her, but play it cool (but not cold). Be polite, but don't act like you are close friends, don't ask her to meet, don't even ask her questions about herself. Let her do all the work.

I did manage to turn my oneitis around by doing this and the woman I fell for back then is interested in me now. I'm not interested in her now, however, but I'm enjoying having the upper hand at last and I'm happy to let her keep trying.

 

[Big-J]

I guess you guys missed the part where he said he was here before, his name is registered before both of yours, his previous name, Hawkeye, was registered in 2001 .

No he's not new.



As far as contacting the girl, IMO You should know if you should or not, if the oneitis isn't completely gone, you know not to. If you can talk to her knowing you could toss this girl away again at the drop of a hat, then go ahead. If you think it could be the start of what you got over all over again, stay away.

I myself wouldn't as I set a rule for myself of "when it's over it's over". Albeit there are some exceptions but those are stashed in the friends zone.


I think you know what to do.

 

[alboh]

Why not go for it? It could be fun. I've never heard of anyone falling for the same girl twice. It seems as though once the initial crush period is over you can't go back to that, at least in my experience. And when I hang out with former crushes now I feel really relaxed, there seems to be an extra level of familiarity in it.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

I wouldn't reply. Don't let her string you along and give you more false hope.

 

[Big-J]

Originally posted by alboh
Why not go for it? It could be fun. I've never heard of anyone falling for the same girl twice. It seems as though once the initial crush period is over you can't go back to that, at least in my experience. And when I hang out with former crushes now I feel really relaxed, there seems to be an extra level of familiarity in it.

Not so sure he's over it though, due to this quote:

"So now after 2 years, after I sulked for about 8 months and finally moved on. This happens. It was totally uncalled for!!! And it pisses me off."

This here shows that there may be some leftovers in his head still. It's uncalled for to him, and it Pisses him off. I know when I was over my last crush years back in highschool, and they contacted me about a year ago, I wasn't pissed, didn't think it was uncalled for, was kinda like "hey look who it is". Talked a bit, that was pretty much it except for chance encounters, and the odd time she calls me out of the blue. Everytime it's the same, hey look who it is. That's about it.

 

[alboh]

Good point Big-J.

Actually I visited the town I lived in for a few years in high school last month. I was at a bar with friends and I spotted this girl I had had an INSANE crush on back in the day...like after I moved out of the city I couldn't listen to Weezer without thinking of her for at least 6 months.

Anyway, I walked right up to her and said, "Hey Alexis! I had the BIGGEST crush on you in grade 10!"

And she paused for a few seconds, taking this in, and replied: "WHAT??!! I had the biggest crush on YOU in grade 10!!"

 

[CLOONEY]

Why go back to a place that bought you saddness and pain.

Your happy now and over her, dont reply to her, there are plenty more girls out there, and this one os OBVIOUSLY NOT worth your time (if you cant see that, you are FUKCING BLIND)!! She just wants you to get all into her again to give herself an ego boost. Delete that email as quick as you can, and never wonder about her again!!!!!

 

[legolas]

Get a new email address and move on!!! There's no point in scratching a healing (hopefully healed) wound. Either that or simply put her on the spam list so her messages don't arrive to you. Don't you dare and try yourself to see how strong you are against her. You'll crash harder and waste a lot of useful time that you can use more productively.

 

[Befuddled]

1. im quite literally on the other side of the planet. (ive been travelling)
2. yes i'm a new man.
3. i contenmplated replying to her, but not so sure it's a good idea.
4. i have moved on with new relationships,etc.
5. i'm not so sure about the definition of 'onetis'. i thought it meant the first major time you 'fell'. it seems to me there's always that one, and well this girl was that one time for me. im used to playing the game, and the rejections that come with it, but this girl had a more profound effect on me.
6. i wouldnt mind replying to her, it's just that i finally got her completely out of my system and am dating a great girl now. it just felt like a knee in the balls that she descided to contact me. expecially since at one point, we actually lived in the same dorm and not once did we meet up, han out or even call each other. u know ?

Cheers.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by legolas
Get a new email address and move on!!! There's no point in scratching a healing (hopefully healed) wound. Either that or simply put her on the spam list so her messages don't arrive to you. Don't you dare and try yourself to see how strong you are against her. You'll crash harder and waste a lot of useful time that you can use more productively.

this is my exact point (anti-point). you're a new man, right? right?

if you are unsure, find out and contact her. if you crash harder, then you are not a new man. in any event you should never even consider putting yourself in the position of crashing. if this is remotely the case, then you aren't a new man.

it's always good to test yourself--unless you're afraid. i guarantee, if you are a new man, and you meet with her, you will see her in a whole new light. she won't be as pretty or as charming as you thought.

you've gotta decide if you are a new man. (check that: if you have to decide, you're not).

 

[Bunkins]

Holy crap, this sounds familier....... Almost the exact same thing is happening to me, except it was 3 yrs since we have seen eachother, and we dated for almost 2 yrs....... Just realized I'm not what I thought I was, thought I had come a long ways from what I used to be....... I think I just crashed, and I put myself there... Atleast I'm not in so deep I'm blind to the facts when put in front of me. But I got in just a little to deep, a little to involved and anything from here on out is going to be rough.... I was actually going to post about the same thing, but I thought I knew what was going on, knew what to do, it felt right. I've always felt she was the one, funny thing is she has felt it too.. I've got baggage, thought it was gone, but I'm still in love with this chick.... Nothing like crashing hardcore before, and having it replay itself over again.. I'm a moron, the signs were RIGHT IN FRONT of my face, but I let my feelings take control.... It's not her fault, I cant be mad at her... I know her to well to know she didnt do this on purpose. She gets a little unstable when she's alone, she cant stand it.... I know my feelings are real, her's arent but she thinks they are.... I was actually getting somewhere, trying my best to be a "DJ" though I knew I had a very long ways to go... I've got further to go than I thought, and after this it just got alot further away.. I dont know what to say, I know it doesnt feel very good though...

 

[Big-J]

Nothin' like a gut check & kick in the ass to put everything in perspective, eh?

I knew you weren't over her completely.

 

[Dirtheart]

You are dating someone you like now? Then don't let this woman interfere. However, send her a polite, yet cool reply because you'll feel better for it. I believe if you can do that it will help you close that proverbial chapter of your life.

Tell her your doing well, a bit about what you have been upto and subtly mention that you are seeing someone.

 

[LikRetsam]

You're all idiots.

There I said it.

Your oneitis is done. You've changed and you also see her under a completly new light, no longer that girl high on her pedestal. She won't interfere in your relationship unless you let her. She does not bare the plague eather. Just reply dude. Have fun, you have 1 life. There isn't some retarded rule saying you can't. There are no rules. Just reply and see what it gives then decide wether it's a good idea or not.
I frankly do not see the potential danger from a reply to an email. You are all stupid for telling him not to.

Lik

 

[Befuddled]

I'm writing the email right now. i dont plan on making it a regular thing.

 

[Befuddled]

Just thought i'd post an update.

Well i sent her an email a couple of days ago. i did a bit of thinking, and it really didnt make any sence for me to carry around all that luggage. it's over you know ? and if anything , i dont want to be the childish prick / coward incapapble of getting in contact with a previous aquaintance via the most impersonal of conacts (email).

So basically , i figured... i did like her a lot and she was good company, and well... im not interested in her anymore for many reason, but if shes had the courage or descency to get back in touch with a college "friend", why shouldnt i ? i got nothing to loose .

And the amazing thing is..... after so long i find myself not putting her up on a pedestral or really interested (the way i was before) in her or her life. And so, i just wrote a casual friendly email, updating her and thats about it.... i didnt ask any questions either...but not intentionally, i just wrote it.

And surprisingly, it dosent even bother me if i get a reply or not.... or even if it was an April fools joke... i guess it would be a good joke, and id have a luagh if it was..... well maybe not a laught.....but at least a chuckle