Shedding the Remainder of my AFC Stigma

[Desdinova]

Ever since I found this board back in 2001, I've undergone a transformation. Almost everything in my life has changed. My relationships, my view of relationships, my sense of humor my values, my morals, living situation, basically everything you can think of. However, two things have remained constant:

Family
This is the only thing I cannot shed. My parents have raised me an AFC, and they continue to expect me to be an AFC. When I behave as a non-AFC, they don't like it. There really isn't anything I can do about this besides disowning them or waiting for them to die. Therefore, I have to live with them continually being disappointed with me, my behavior, and my choices in life. That's fine, I've learned to ignore it.

Job
This is the other thing that has remained a constant. I started at this job when I was 20, and I've been there for over a decade. The problem is I was an spineless AFC when I started there. During and after my transformation, I've tried to stand up for myself. This was quite unwelcomed by the co-workers who have known me since I started there.

I'm happy to say that I've got myself a new job and I start in a couple of weeks. However, quitting is proving to be difficult. Since I'm expected to be a spineless AFC, I'm supposed to obey what I'm told. I've been ordered to stay an extra week. I've repeatedly said NO in the most professional way possible, but it's still not acceptable. Check out this nugget from the last email I recieved: "I understand the future is exciting for you and that you want to move forward as soon as possible but, let’s button things up here first and leave on a good note." In other words, the only way I can leave on a good note is to stay the extra week. It reminds me of my parents putting conditions on everything and trying to give me little choice. I fvcking hate it.

Whether they like it or not, I'm sticking to my planned last day of employment. I will be starting fresh in a new workplace where people will learn who I am today, not who I was over a decade ago. For a long time, I've felt that my current job was holding my personal development back, and now I'm about to break free and continue improving myself. Nobody's going to stop me, ESPECIALLY not some snot-head who drives an ugly Beamer.

 

[Vulpine]

I've been ordered to stay an extra week.
...
Whether they like it or not, I'm sticking to my planned last day of employment.

Haha! Dude, that'll show them what's what!

I'm tired of employers reminding you that they can fire you for no reason whatsoever, then turning around and acting like they own you. They forget, you can quit for no reason, too. That's how it is when you are employed "at will". Unless you are contracted, you don't even need to give two weeks!

Stick it to 'em, Des!

Good for you on the change, too!
:cheer:

 

[true romance]

I know how you feel

The only way is to show is actions--->result..if you discuss with people who has been expected you to do or be AFC then you need to show results. Action....Action...success success

They will get it...and success it the ultimate DJ status..


I thought you shoudl give two weeks noctice before resign...Always be a professional at work..you don't let people push you around but Be a Pro.

 

[Colossus]

There is nothing like a fresh start.

I moved to a new city a few months ago, so I have been able to be the "new colossus" all the time. No one knows the difference. Yeah Ive made some blunders with women, but I learned from these flops and for all intents and purposes, I never have to see them again. That's what's great about a big city.

But I hear ya about family. I was also raised AFC, to "treat a woman like a queen". Wrong. You treat a woman like a queen and she will treat you like a slave. I love my dad, but I had to forge my own trail with this stuff.

Props on the new job. Leave when you need to leave. This is America--unless you're under contract, it's called "at will".

 

[Desdinova]

Even though the job is 5hit, I've avoided burning any bridges. Well, the boss is the one who lit the match. He just came up to me and told me how disappointed he is in me and asked, "Can you live with that?" All in front of another co-worker.

Reminds me of my fvcking dad.

 

[reset]

Uh.... you leave when you say you leave. Your boss is an ass. You don't need anything from him.

When you say you worked TEN YEARS somewhere (I'm pushing seven, and intend to be in your shoes soon) that speaks for ITSELF.

 

[wjh]

Even though the job is 5hit, I've avoided burning any bridges. Well, the boss is the one who lit the match. He just came up to me and told me how disappointed he is in me and asked, "Can you live with that?" All in front of another co-worker.

Reminds me of my fvcking dad.

Ugh. I've had an over-bearing boss. Finally I had had enough and quit with zero notice. He gave the same guilt trip crap yours did. I'm infinitely better off now.

Good luck with your new job! :cheer:

 

[slaog]

I'm thinking of making a new start next year. Too much baggage where I am now. It's alot easier to go somewhere else where nobody knows you and become the new you the person you always wanted to be.

 

[Warrior74]

Even though the job is 5hit, I've avoided burning any bridges. Well, the boss is the one who lit the match. He just came up to me and told me how disappointed he is in me and asked, "Can you live with that?" All in front of another co-worker.

Reminds me of my fvcking dad.

LOL! I probably would have clowned him in front of every one.

"What are you? My jewish mother giving me a guilt trip? That funny! *big laugh and smile* Look man, I've been here ten years, and I am very sure you wouldn't give me a two weeks notice if you were firing me. I have to move on to this new job now. I'm sure you understand and want the best for me after all my years of loyalty right?"

balls back in his court, does he act like a crybaby douche or bow out gracefully.


Either way...stick to your guns. You already got the other job, you don't need him for a reference. He's not thinking about you, he's thinking about himself. Who is more important to you? Him or you?

 

[KontrollerX]

Even though the job is 5hit, I've avoided burning any bridges. Well, the boss is the one who lit the match. He just came up to me and told me how disappointed he is in me and asked, "Can you live with that?" All in front of another co-worker.

Reminds me of my fvcking dad.

Glad you're quitting the job and not enabling this controlling c0cksucker to be controlling anymore.

Everyone else should quit too in order to send this fvcker a message.

Anyway did you say anything back to the guy in response or just roll your eyes at him?

 

[Desdinova]

did you say anything back to the guy in response or just roll your eyes at him?

When he asked me if I could live with his disappointment in me, I just shrugged my shoulders and said nothing like it was no big deal. He stomped away like a pissed off little kid.

You already got the other job, you don't need him for a reference.

Of course not. I already used two of his other employees for references

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

He just came up to me and told me how disappointed he is in me and asked, "Can you live with that?".

All attempts at manipulation or shame can be easily dealt with the techniques in this book:

http://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900

One way to handle the above is by suing a technique called inquiry or something (been a while since I read it).

Boss: blah bblah can you live with that?
You: (turn to him, open posture, eye contact, calm voice, question in an honest voice) What is it about blah blah blah that I shouldn't be able to live with?

they key is to ask in such a way that you are not trying to put him on the spot, as if you really are expecting a useful helpful anwser, like you are asking, "why do you think cinnomin pop tarts are better?"

Most people when their attempt at manipulation is answered with a honest inquiry, have no where to go. Especially if you come off as 100% non confrontationa. ESPECIALLY if other people are watching.

It is pure verbal aikido, and all shaming energy will be reflected back, and you come out the clear and absolute high road taking.

I seriously cannot recommend that book enough. Once you master the assertive skills in that book, you will NEVER need to worry about people shaming or manipulating you again INCLUDING YOUR FAMILY.

 

[Desdinova]

All attempts at manipulation or shame can be easily dealt with the techniques in this book:

http://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Fe.../dp/0553263900

I'm definately going to check out that book! Thanks for the recommendation!

 

[Phyzzle]

If he really, really needed me for one more week, and I had the time, I would do it. For an extra $300 cash under the table. That's just me, though.