Looking back on my life, I realise how insecure I am.
I know this sounds silly, but when I log onto myspace or MSN and see peoples top friends it sort of upsets me, me not being there.
Also, the fact that most weekends it's usually me improving my social skills with ... a TV or computer. It's not that I don't have friends to hang out with, it's just that I'm not as close to the rest of the group as they are with each other. This results in me only being invited to the big gatherings such as parties and meals etc., but not the little things like playing football at the park on the weekend, and the thing is, we hardly ever go to parties or meals so these outing are very scarce.
I think because I'm so unhappy with my social life, my school life has started to suffer too. I know I have coursework to do, which is much more important than sitting in front of a TV or computer, but i just can't bring myself to do it, I feel so demotivated with this aspect of my life; that others suffer as a result.
So in order to hide this social embarrassment, I created a mask.
People at school believe I have this amazing social life, where I go out with my other group of friends and have amazing nights. We go to parties and spent a week in France during the Summer holidays, when in actual fact, NONE of this is true. Yeah, I sound and feel pretty pathetic.
It's not just socially I feel inadequate, I sometimes have refrained from going to school because because I've got a ZIT!!
I'm quite insecure about my looks.
People at school believe I've got pretty high confidence, but as stated before, that's a mask.
I think it's that and the fact that I am comfortable in some social situations, but as people form school see me in the same situation every day I have adapted to it. I am a very funny guy and find it easy to make people laugh once I have gotten to know them, but if I'm meeting them for the first time, they usually find me bland and boring.
The thing is I want true confidence, not one that's a mask because it will show through, I had to do a speech in English class one day and I felt so insecure it definitely showed through.
I'd really appreciate if you could give me some insight as to how I can get rid of these negative thought patterns that are building a blockade on the journey of true confidence. That, and how to "shed the mask" i have created.
Cheers.
I know this sounds silly, but when I log onto myspace or MSN and see peoples top friends it sort of upsets me, me not being there.
Also, the fact that most weekends it's usually me improving my social skills with ... a TV or computer. It's not that I don't have friends to hang out with, it's just that I'm not as close to the rest of the group as they are with each other. This results in me only being invited to the big gatherings such as parties and meals etc., but not the little things like playing football at the park on the weekend, and the thing is, we hardly ever go to parties or meals so these outing are very scarce.
I think because I'm so unhappy with my social life, my school life has started to suffer too. I know I have coursework to do, which is much more important than sitting in front of a TV or computer, but i just can't bring myself to do it, I feel so demotivated with this aspect of my life; that others suffer as a result.
So in order to hide this social embarrassment, I created a mask.
People at school believe I have this amazing social life, where I go out with my other group of friends and have amazing nights. We go to parties and spent a week in France during the Summer holidays, when in actual fact, NONE of this is true. Yeah, I sound and feel pretty pathetic.
It's not just socially I feel inadequate, I sometimes have refrained from going to school because because I've got a ZIT!!
I'm quite insecure about my looks.
People at school believe I've got pretty high confidence, but as stated before, that's a mask.
I think it's that and the fact that I am comfortable in some social situations, but as people form school see me in the same situation every day I have adapted to it. I am a very funny guy and find it easy to make people laugh once I have gotten to know them, but if I'm meeting them for the first time, they usually find me bland and boring.
The thing is I want true confidence, not one that's a mask because it will show through, I had to do a speech in English class one day and I felt so insecure it definitely showed through.
I'd really appreciate if you could give me some insight as to how I can get rid of these negative thought patterns that are building a blockade on the journey of true confidence. That, and how to "shed the mask" i have created.
Cheers.
