misterlove3000
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- Mar 20, 2011
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I met a girl two months ago on a dating site and it has been going really well between us. I'm 30, she's 27. We now see each other very often and I'm developing very intense early feelings for her, however; she dropped a bomb on me the other day. I'm not sure how it came up, but I asked if she ever had a threesome. She said" well, actually, I used to go to a swingers club and I've had threesome's, foursome's, and moresomes." She said she was referred to as a "unicorn" because she was a single female at a swinger club and she got involved through a swinger couple that she befriended after a random wild night. I couldn't believe what i was hearing, that is not my lifestyle at all, I've had sex with about 20 people. That is also why, for the most part, I have sought out women with similar sexual pasts as my own, a fairly experienced past. I have also been invited to threesomes and group sex, but it's just not for me.
I want to be mature, and i like her, but being hard to digest, I had a lot of questions. A second conversation revealed that she did this about 2 and 1/2 years ago for three months mainly on weekends and she had been involved mostly with two couples at a time. She said there was one experience with three couples, but the most men she slept with in a night was two, not at the same time. In total, she said she has been with 15 partners in her life, give or take a couple, although she doesn't count the female partners. She gave one woman oral in that time and she said she was bicurious but not now bisexual. She "got it out of her system," she said, and is interested in being with one person, me.
Am I crazy to think that someone with this sort of past is capable of long-term monogamy now? I feel like she started fudging numbers and facts based on my open yet surprised and concerned response. Everyone tells white lies about sexual partners. The numbers aren't going to make or break the relationship. It could be 50 and I would be alright with it. But certain sexual activity that really goes beyond the norm I think might change the game. That dishonesty is not malicious, if her idea of what constitutes as sex does not apply to female partners, then how many partners have been left out because of her loose definition of WHAT constitutes AS a sexual partner?
This is not about a number and getting over the past. This is a question of character. She was a swinger in that she pursued this activity at swinging clubs and parties with couples. I believe in monogamy and this behavior complicates my trust of her boundaries, and maybe even her respect for relationships. Even if a man allowed his wife to me for a night, I wouldn't take it, because I simply don't believe that it has no negative impact on that relationship, regardless of their "open-mindedness." And if it exists the couples that would have no issue, then I feel there is a fundamental difference in values concerning monogamy. Although engaging with couples seems the best way to get nsa sex, I worry that there might be this difference in value which I think might also give us different definitions of monogamy and relationships. I don't think that this is something you can always lay down with conversation.
This also raises concerns for me about her ability to be sexually satisfied by one person...at a time. I want to be her stallion but I only have one ****, and it's not a python. And I don't have breasts, a vagina, and eight hands. Will I never be able to share with her, her most intense sexual moments? I think I understand, it's erotic to fantasize being so submissive that your mouth is full and you're being penetrated and you're being rubbed. It's exhibitionism too. I understand the fantasy, but now that it's not a fantasy anymore, will she ever enjoy one on one sex quite as much?
So please respond to either of the issues, do you think there is a fundamental difference in values concerning relationships, sex and monogamy?
and can someone with not just a promiscuous past, but one of group sex be satisfied with a single sexual partner?
Thank you, Mister
I want to be mature, and i like her, but being hard to digest, I had a lot of questions. A second conversation revealed that she did this about 2 and 1/2 years ago for three months mainly on weekends and she had been involved mostly with two couples at a time. She said there was one experience with three couples, but the most men she slept with in a night was two, not at the same time. In total, she said she has been with 15 partners in her life, give or take a couple, although she doesn't count the female partners. She gave one woman oral in that time and she said she was bicurious but not now bisexual. She "got it out of her system," she said, and is interested in being with one person, me.
Am I crazy to think that someone with this sort of past is capable of long-term monogamy now? I feel like she started fudging numbers and facts based on my open yet surprised and concerned response. Everyone tells white lies about sexual partners. The numbers aren't going to make or break the relationship. It could be 50 and I would be alright with it. But certain sexual activity that really goes beyond the norm I think might change the game. That dishonesty is not malicious, if her idea of what constitutes as sex does not apply to female partners, then how many partners have been left out because of her loose definition of WHAT constitutes AS a sexual partner?
This is not about a number and getting over the past. This is a question of character. She was a swinger in that she pursued this activity at swinging clubs and parties with couples. I believe in monogamy and this behavior complicates my trust of her boundaries, and maybe even her respect for relationships. Even if a man allowed his wife to me for a night, I wouldn't take it, because I simply don't believe that it has no negative impact on that relationship, regardless of their "open-mindedness." And if it exists the couples that would have no issue, then I feel there is a fundamental difference in values concerning monogamy. Although engaging with couples seems the best way to get nsa sex, I worry that there might be this difference in value which I think might also give us different definitions of monogamy and relationships. I don't think that this is something you can always lay down with conversation.
This also raises concerns for me about her ability to be sexually satisfied by one person...at a time. I want to be her stallion but I only have one ****, and it's not a python. And I don't have breasts, a vagina, and eight hands. Will I never be able to share with her, her most intense sexual moments? I think I understand, it's erotic to fantasize being so submissive that your mouth is full and you're being penetrated and you're being rubbed. It's exhibitionism too. I understand the fantasy, but now that it's not a fantasy anymore, will she ever enjoy one on one sex quite as much?
So please respond to either of the issues, do you think there is a fundamental difference in values concerning relationships, sex and monogamy?
and can someone with not just a promiscuous past, but one of group sex be satisfied with a single sexual partner?
Thank you, Mister
