She want's to meet after breakup

[wonderMan]

I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 17. Three days ago we broke up over phone call because she FEELS like she gives 160% of effort in the relationship and I barely give 50%. We live quite far apart and see eachother once a week and sometimes don't see eachother for a week or two. She cried alot and said she loves me and still has feelings for me but she doesn't quite see a future anymore because I don't put more effort in and she's upset that I prioritize my friends, gym, hobbies and job before her. I'll admit I did cry as well. She said shes completely drained emotionally but she never said specifically she wanted to break up (but definitely hinted at it), so I ended things, she agreed to the breakup but wants to meet up for coffee one last time. She is positive with covid and contacted me today that her quarantine ends tuesday (6 days from now) and I told her to bring me my clothes back to my place and she said:

Her: "Absolutely, tell me when you're free"
Me: "Anytime after 2pm next week, ideally on a wednesday"
Her: "I'll let you know because I have a job interview next week"
Me: "Get well soon"
Her: "Thanks, I'll text you before I come"

She's honestly a good woman, sex was good, cooking was good, well mannered and well behaved. Essentially I feel like this is a big test to see if I really am the guy she genuinely desires or if Im putting up a fake. My question is: Knowing all this how should I handle the days following up to the meet up and what should I do when she comes over (I do want her back, because I feel like I am at fault and she's definitely worth it, but I also feel like its a big test)

 

[SW15]

Decline. #nextset

 

[wonderMan]

75% chance she has already gone on at least one date with another man. What's in it for you to risk your sanity by attending some emotionally traumatizing sitdown with someone who is most likely withholding at least one major reason for why you have broken up? It will just be a lie fest and manipulation fest to make her feel better.

Personally, I would decline and MAYBE take her back once she seems to appreciate the effort you do put in given that it is a tough situation to maintain with the distance. Who wants a girlfriend that doesnt really want to be there? I am talking begging and lots of guaruntees. She has been devaluing your in her mind for months and months and testing the waters elsewhere. That level of ingratitude and devaluation can't be undone as quickly as you are attempting to do it.

Good point, however it baffles me all the memories we made, and her family was so loving to me, she literally did everything for me, really submisive, she wanted a family with me, she said I literally made her a calm, more relaxed person and was the first person to show her what love really is and all that and we broke up in literally a day because of distance?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are 20. She is 17. There isn't much else to say.

You'll date plenty of more women in your lifetime, likely a lot that will make her look not so great in comparison.

You have limited data points to compare her too, that's why you think she is amazing.

 

[TheKid]

Shes been blaming you for everything and you think its a good idea to give her closure?

Reverse the rolls. Would she do that for you?

 

[Glassguy]

You are 20. She is 17. There isn't much else to say.

You'll date plenty of more women in your lifetime, likely a lot that will make her look not so great in comparison.

You have limited data points to compare her too, that's why you think she is amazing.

This.
Go find 10 more hot chicks to rail and get them all chasing you. Then you'll learn abundance and fun without the needy/blaming gf situation. You don't need a serious gf at 20 yrs old when you can have plenty of them chasing you.

 

[The Duke]

You probably are guilty with what she claims, but I'd move on. Ive always been accused of giving far less in relationships than her. Its not such a bad thing, keeps them wanting more but try and strike a better balance in the future. You both will be better down the road if you end this for good. Get as much experience as you can.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You probably are guilty with what she claims, but I'd move on. Ive always been accused of giving far less in relationships than her. Its not such a bad thing, keeps them wanting more but try and strike a better balance in the future. You both will be better down the road if you end this for good. Get as much experience as you can.

Yeah women always want closure. You don't owe her anything. She is the one who dumped you, she doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.

Stop with this nice guy behavior, this mindset may be why she dumped you in the first place.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Shes in the party years and wants to go ride the c0ck carousel. In about ten years she might feel the wall and reach the epiphany phase.

Nothing wrong with crying but never do it in front of women. Trust me

Time for you to spin plates. Good luck bro

 

[Murk]

Shes 17! Unless she is an 8+ with great morals (which could be perfect to stay with long term and marry - the best situation imo) let her go and move on.

At 20 I was wanking hoping for a sniff of pvssy.

 

[dude99]

I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 17. Three days ago we broke up over phone call because she FEELS like she gives 160% of effort in the relationship and I barely give 50%. We live quite far apart and see eachother once a week and sometimes don't see eachother for a week or two. She cried alot and said she loves me and still has feelings for me but she doesn't quite see a future anymore because I don't put more effort in and she's upset that I prioritize my friends, gym, hobbies and job before her. I'll admit I did cry as well. She said shes completely drained emotionally but she never said specifically she wanted to break up (but definitely hinted at it), so I ended things, she agreed to the breakup but wants to meet up for coffee one last time. She is positive with covid and contacted me today that her quarantine ends tuesday (6 days from now) and I told her to bring me my clothes back to my place and she said:

Her: "Absolutely, tell me when you're free"
Me: "Anytime after 2pm next week, ideally on a wednesday"
Her: "I'll let you know because I have a job interview next week"
Me: "Get well soon"
Her: "Thanks, I'll text you before I come"

She's honestly a good woman, sex was good, cooking was good, well mannered and well behaved. Essentially I feel like this is a big test to see if I really am the guy she genuinely desires or if Im putting up a fake. My question is: Knowing all this how should I handle the days following up to the meet up and what should I do when she comes over (I do want her back, because I feel like I am at fault and she's definitely worth it, but I also feel like its a big test)

You should always be too busy for an ex. Period. She wants to see you "sorry love. I already have plans. Sorry dear. Too busy. " No matter what time she throws out.

She wanted to break up because she was receiving new attention and is looking to blame you "not enough effort," because women feel they are never responsible And never should he held accountable. This is her fabricating a problem to make it your fault.

her wanting to meet after the break up is her seeking validation to see she can still pull you back in Should new guy not work out. She is branch swinging.

Should go down like this.

Her "i want to see you."
You "why?"
Her "because of blah blah blah."
You " i gotta go. Don't call me. I'll call you if i have time. Good luck."

Then go 100% no contact.

 

[dude99]

Good point, however it baffles me all the memories we made, and her family was so loving to me, she literally did everything for me, really submisive, she wanted a family with me, she said I literally made her a calm, more relaxed person and was the first person to show her what love really is and all that and we broke up in literally a day because of distance?

The sudden shift in her attitude towards you is 100% another dog in the yard. She is getting new attention.

When things are going great and she blind sides you with this sudden change in attitude, you can bet it is a new guy giving her attention.

 

[RickTheToad]

I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 17. Three days ago we broke up over phone call because she FEELS like she gives 160% of effort in the relationship and I barely give 50%. We live quite far apart and see eachother once a week and sometimes don't see eachother for a week or two. She cried alot and said she loves me and still has feelings for me but she doesn't quite see a future anymore because I don't put more effort in and she's upset that I prioritize my friends, gym, hobbies and job before her. I'll admit I did cry as well. She said shes completely drained emotionally but she never said specifically she wanted to break up (but definitely hinted at it), so I ended things, she agreed to the breakup but wants to meet up for coffee one last time. She is positive with covid and contacted me today that her quarantine ends tuesday (6 days from now) and I told her to bring me my clothes back to my place and she said:

Her: "Absolutely, tell me when you're free"
Me: "Anytime after 2pm next week, ideally on a wednesday"
Her: "I'll let you know because I have a job interview next week"
Me: "Get well soon"
Her: "Thanks, I'll text you before I come"

She's honestly a good woman, sex was good, cooking was good, well mannered and well behaved. Essentially I feel like this is a big test to see if I really am the guy she genuinely desires or if Im putting up a fake. My question is: Knowing all this how should I handle the days following up to the meet up and what should I do when she comes over (I do want her back, because I feel like I am at fault and she's definitely worth it, but I also feel like its a big test)

One, you're too young for an LTR. Two, prob. more important, you're too far away from each other. Unless she's willing to move near you, or you are willing to move in together somewhere, this is going nowhere fast. Plate her if she wants to hang around, but this is dead due to locations. Never date a person more than an hour away.

If she wants to come over, cool, keep in casual. Order some pizza and make sure you guys fvck. If she leaves with no sex, the interest from her is gone. Personally, once the trash is outside, I never let the female back in my life. Never. I did this once, still smarts a bit. Never again. You have to stick to your morals and criteria in order to get them to submit to you. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT chase her at all.

 

[dude99]

they simply havent had wherewithal emotionally to leave even a bad situation without the certainty of having other options that she likes since as long as ive been dating. A breakup and some form of cheating(sometimes just emotional) are synonymous, in fact if you have a breakup that involves fighting, you will notice she is comparing you to someone.


A friend of mine was in an identical situation to OP's gf. She had been becoming more and more unhappy with the long distance and was losing her attraction. The end was inevitable, she was young and hot and would have gotten bored of any guy, much less a nice guy long distance. She did not do the relationship any favors by partying a lot, although I don't think she cheated. She mentioned some guy liked her, and the next conversation we had she had broken up with her boyfriend. When I mentioned the guy that liked her previously, she got VERY defensive and was like HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM. Nothing serious ever happened between the two, I know that, but im certain it played a big factor in making the relationship finally discardable.

Her reaction tells me she definately gave the other guy a lot of thought.
You said she may not have cheated but she sure thought about it. Her reaction gave that away

 

[2Rocky]

You are 20. She is 17. There isn't much else to say.

You'll date plenty of more women in your lifetime, likely a lot that will make her look not so great in comparison.

You have limited data points to compare her too, that's why you think she is amazing.

plus 100 to this.
I posted a link to a female mathematician who stated 12 romantic partners was the baseline requirement for a good outcome from future relationships.

I

told her to bring me my clothes back to my place and she said:

You ain’t getting that hoodie back no matter what she says it is a law

 

[darksprezzatura]

You are 20. She is 17. There isn't much else to say.

You'll date plenty of more women in your lifetime, likely a lot that will make her look not so great in comparison.

You have limited data points to compare her too, that's why you think she is amazing.

Bump

 

[darksprezzatura]

Silence and distance if you want to salvage this.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Silence and complete disappearance if you want to dodge a bullet