She sees me like a "nice older brother" - Can I ever get out of this space?

[Alle_Gory]

Bunch of quitters...

OP, I'm going to lay it out for you. You dug yourself into this mess and you can dig yourself out. First, figure out WHY she thinks like this. It's not normal. You must be doing something very, very wrong. You need to figure out what it is. Probably you're not sexual at all. This is a big no-no. She's a woman, she's not androgynous. Treat her like a woman, not like some Disney ideal of a girl. A real woman. Find out how they like to be treated. Observe what other guys do. Do that.

Keep the girl around. She is excellent for practice and gauging whether you're doing it right. You don't need to start over. Use what you have available and make the best of it. Nothing is perfect, no perfect situation, or person, or anything.

Good luck. If you need more specifics then let me know. Read the mature man section for tips. Jophil writes good, useful sh*t, but sometimes he's a little too rough and likes to cut things early. Use your own judgment.

 

[Tyson420]

Well, I'm not saying he should quit. What he should do, in the meantime is find other girls to keep him busy.

For this, he can try to dig himself out of the hole he made. It's possible, I mean I grew up with this girl since the age of 8 and she's been like my best friend, real tight but I hung out with my boys most of the time but I tell her a lot of **** and she does the same.

She LJBF'd me when we were 15.

We're 19, we're F-Buddies. We both have our relationships, but we chill time to time to smash. We both used to feel like we're pretty much siblings, it took me FIVE years for me to smash and the closest I ever got was F-Buddy.
...
WHAT THE ****!

The first time I hit it, she beat around the bush with it and in a way said we're nothing more than that.

Please don't get one-it-us, just **** your side *****.

 

[slaog]

I forgot to add something earlier. Women say things they don't mean. So you need to see her actions around you instead of listening to what she said (she said you're like a brother). Can you tell us of the way she acts around you?


Keep us informed of the situation.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Well, I'm not saying he should quit. What he should do, in the meantime is find other girls to keep him busy.

No disagreement there. Variety is the spice of life, and he needs more exposure to women.

For this, he can try to dig himself out of the hole he made. It's possible, I mean I grew up with this girl since the age of 8 and she's been like my best friend, real tight but I hung out with my boys most of the time but I tell her a lot of **** and she does the same.

He fvcking better, otherwise he will never learn what he's doing wrong. I'm surprised the chick is still friends with him. Good, that means it can be done.

We're 19, we're F-Buddies. We both have our relationships, but we chill time to time to smash. We both used to feel like we're pretty much siblings, it took me FIVE years for me to smash and the closest I ever got was F-Buddy.

You must be missing something then. Same situation with other chicks?

 

[Energizer]

I forgot to add something earlier. Women say things they don't mean. So you need to see her actions around you instead of listening to what she said (she said you're like a brother). Can you tell us of the way she acts around you?

She could have an incestuous fetish where she sees the OP as her brother because she has some perverse fetish. I wonder if the OP has ever thought about this?

 

[deuce42]

Yes the OP did get this and thought of it early on. For what its worth, the OP is has been out in the field for the last few days trying to move on with his life on the basis that oneitis is a dangerous habit and he accepts the wisdom of many on this board in broadening the net with other chicks. Trying to meet other women is a step in a better direction he accepts, albeit that festering seething lust for a chick over a long period of time is hard to ignore despite how mucho and manly we like to convince ourselves we are.

That being said, the OP still maintains that the behaviour of the woman in question is bizarre to say the least and may be shrouded in a number of possible neurosis that is beyond any rational comprehension. Whether this be erotic infatuations for brotherly figures etc. There is a point clearly where one accepts that when both ****y/smart arse, and then kind and caring did not work, one must accept that its beyond understanding and try to move on.

I agree with Sloag that what women say is different to what they mean and how they act sometimes. I will try to interpret her actions in future on the premise that I am looking for a less hard work girl anyway and if something comes of this dead pan one, then well and good.

Once again I want to say thanks so much to everyone here for offering advice and help. Had I have learn't the stuff you guys understand years ago I would have had a lot more fun. At the risk of boring everyone, I hope I have new developments to post

 

[Alle_Gory]

There is a point clearly where one accepts that when both ****y/smart arse, and then kind and caring did not work, one must accept that its beyond understanding and try to move on.

Sounds like its not worth the effort then. The way I see it, if you can figure out how to undo this, you got the game down with ANY chick.

Also, you've been doing things wrong for awhile. I can't believe you're expecting to undo years of damage in a few weeks. Nothing ever works like that.

I agree with Sloag that what women say is different to what they mean and how they act sometimes. I will try to interpret her actions in future on the premise that I am looking for a less hard work girl anyway and if something comes of this dead pan one, then well and good.

The best things in life worth doing are NOT easy.

I hope I have new developments to post

I hope you will re-consider the more difficult path. If you can solve this situation, you can do anything. That's how difficult it is to get out of the friend/brother zone.

 

[SmoothTalker]

Congrats, you're close friends. However, you are exactly not where you want to be if you want to **** her.

I see you like a brother is what girls say to guys that they get along with, and don't want to hurt the feeling of, but have no interest in romantically. Just like a guy might say that to some female friend who's nice and all, but he would never **** for whatever reason. It just lets the person down easy.


This situation is sometimes possible to change, but that's rare and difficult. It would also require you to sort of leave her life, give some time for her to start forgetting, and then re-enter in a dramatic fashion that makes her think of you in an entirely different way. One way to help get her to see you in a different way is to get an insanely hot girlfriend along the way as pretty much all girls (and humans in general) show pre-selection bias. But then, if you have a super hot girlfriend, will you still want her?

Basically, you're looking at a lot of work AND time with very little chance of success, and if you do succeed, you might not like it. Many people act quite differently with their friends and with their significant other. You may find this cool girl is a psycho ***** to her boyfriends, or never puts out, or whatever.