She seems like LTR material...

[Die Hard]

It's nice to have a set of fixed rules that hold true 99% of the time... Like when you meet a BPD the rule is ''RUN!!!'' I'm always looking to expand my own set of rules and wonder what you guys think about the following rule I just came up with:

The thought ''this girl is LTR material'' should never enter your mind before you even have a steady relationship with her!

I mean, it's ridiculous anyway, it's just not realistic to think you can know this beforehand! On top of that:

* It will evoke expectations in you, which only raises the chance of becoming dissapointed...
* It's mostly just a case of 'the wish being father to the thought'.
* It's basically the first step towards putting her on a pedestal...

So whenever you meet some girl and this thought starts entering your mind, you should get a hold of yourself and put that thought aside! When you're already in a relationship with a girl for a while, the rule might not apply...but when you're still in the dating phase or not even that far yet? Please, get rid of that thought ASAP...

Any thoughts on my ''rule''? Do you agree/disagree?

 

[squirrels]

Interesting to hear that from you. Our natural instinct as homo-sapiens is to "pair-bond"...mate for life. Once we choose a mate, it's natural for us to become attached.

What you're advocating is a rational effort to overcome what is really only instinct. Is it not?

That being said, I agree with you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I agree. Curiously, that is what women do. They start imagining your marriage and children together from the instant they see you, constantly turning that imagined future over and over in their heads. It is when they lose that fantasy that they typically lose interest in you.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Agreed. Projecting into the future very early in the game is the very thing that gets us into big trouble. It's a setup for an almost certain let-down, because it is based on filling in too many blanks with the imagination. We end up building a false person and a false relationship in our minds. When reality hits, the devastation is unleashed.

 

[zekko]

Interesting to hear that from you. Our natural instinct as homo-sapiens is to "pair-bond"...mate for life. Once we choose a mate, it's natural for us to become attached.

Strange to hear someone else say this.
Usually someone says the male instinct is to spread his seed/screw as many women as possible. Then I say, yes, but we also have an instinct to pair bond. And then everybody else calls me crazy.

Anyway, I don't agree that the instinct is to mate for life necessarily. There is an instinct to become attached long enough to ensure survival of offspring. Commonly this is 5-7 years. It can last longer for some people though.

 

[scrouds]

The male human species has 2 forks. The naturally dominant "alpha male" is biologically indicated to spread his seed.

The lesser beta males instinctually seek out pair bonds, as that is they best avenue to get some of their seed to the future generation.

The females of homo sapien though biologic imperative (and an assistive description by Dr. Maslow) pair bond with the best provider they can, and do seek out superior sperm when opportunity arises to give their eggs the best chance possible.


There is a strong imperative for women and herd (beta) males to seek security. There is less of an imperative for dominant males. Through laws and culture inherent in modern society, we supply the needed security that women crave. Hence any attractive woman rides the cocck carosel to fulfill their need to superior seed stock.

fugly women still go after security, through welfare, kidfare, or attempts at climbing the career ladder (stacked against them because the hotter you are, the better the career opportunities). Hot women get careers and sugar daddies.

 

[typical]

The male human species has 2 forks. The naturally dominant "alpha male" is biologically indicated to spread his seed.

The lesser beta males instinctually seek out pair bonds, as that is they best avenue to get some of their seed to the future generation.

The females of homo sapien though biologic imperative (and an assistive description by Dr. Maslow) pair bond with the best provider they can, and do seek out superior sperm when opportunity arises to give their eggs the best chance possible.


There is a strong imperative for women and herd (beta) males to seek security. There is less of an imperative for dominant males. Through laws and culture inherent in modern society, we supply the needed security that women crave. Hence any attractive woman rides the cocck carosel to fulfill their need to superior seed stock.

fugly women still go after security, through welfare, kidfare, or attempts at climbing the career ladder (stacked against them because the hotter you are, the better the career opportunities). Hot women get careers and sugar daddies.

I agree and disagree on some points, I don't see it as two forks but one road, depending on the genes of the particular male he will either be a highly dominant male and be able to procreate with many females while he is still in his prime. Normally between the ages of 20 and 40 (depending on the health of the individual), he would also know instinctively that he has a limited time to get his genes into the next generation before other males challenge his right as dominant male.

The Beta males at that time will settle for scraps or the females the dominant male deems unworthy of mating with (before modern times he would most likely still defend these females but not anymore with the ample supply of females). Now once the Alpha male of the pack is in decline the beta males would challenge and assume the top spot or an outsider would take the top spot.

Weaker individuals seek out pair bonding as it ensures that their genes survive although you can also see multiple pair bonding between a true "Alpha" male and his many women.

If we left it to nature and not religion or society I'm sure most women would always settle to be with a "Alpha" and share him with his other women then settle with a beta, but society has changed this with nearly 3000 years of religious brain washing.

To me it seems society and religion have instilled this "one man one woman" ideal when in nature very few animals actually follow this pattern. Even our closest animal relatives the chimps have a "Alpha" and several beta males in a family pack.

It's no wonder we as males seek to bond with a female yet we still wish to go after other women, I firmly believe we as males can pair bond with more than one woman at the same time but woman will only choose to bond with the strongest candidate untill they FEEL he is losing his strengths.

Shall I write a theses now LOL

EDIT: there are still religions and countries in the world where a man is allowed more than one woman.

 

[The Inside Man]

At the advent of organized religion, the idea of a family being a nuclear unit of one woman and one man was not even present. It was not until the last 500 years that this idea came about. Early Christianity and early Islam(centuries after the beginning of Christianity) did not adhere to this and it was not a requirement or doctrine. Witness the Roman empire which persisted many years after the birth of Christianity and eventually adopted it with Constantine.

The idea that the nuclear family comes from "3000 years of religious brainwashing" skips over a varied history of different world religions and ignores socio-cultural factors completely. In the beginning there was nothing that could even be construed as "religious brainwashing" because the first centuries of Christianity and other world religions were marked by oppression and were seen as counter cultural.

To the OP, I really agree with your point. It is a trap I have caught myself in before in the past.

 

[Slickster]

The thought ''this girl is LTR material'' should never enter your mind before you even have a steady relationship with her!

I like this rule for the guys who need it. Don't start putting the cart before the horse.

However, whether the girl is LTR material or not, it shouldn't really affect you that much.

Remember, she still takes great big nasty dumps, just like you and I.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Just getting too deep in your mind about "being with anyone" can genuinely create some let downs. I know I have held women in my mind with high expectations, believing them [truly at the time] to be my future wife/mother of my child, etc. What a bi.tch when reality hits.

Somehow there should be an active skepticism, which may in some ways be countering to trust, I am unsure, I know trust is the key to good relationships, but you should have in the back of your mind that you accept where the relationship is PRESENTLY. If it changes, your feelings may change. Set yourself up so if it is LOST, you are not financially/emotionally/mentally drained and devalued.

Trust me on this one.

But by all means, if you are genuinely enjoying the relationship, continue to enjoy it, continue to let it grow...but keep in mind your skeletons in the closet and hers...and the faults that all of us have [which can be very real]...

 

[Buddha_Mind]

[Good Potential LTR Attributes]

1. Emotionally stable.
2. Self-supporting.
3. Has not ridden the c*ock carousel.
4. Has no father issues.
5. Has not been a stripper.
6. Goes out of her way to make you happy.
7. Mild attachment [she will long for you, not the other way around]
8. Does not possess a large pool of AFC male friends.
9. Does not demean and nag you.
10. Respect respect respect.
11. Consideration for YOU.
12. Non-cheater.
13. Brags to her friends about you.
14. Patience
15. YOUR continued SELF-IMPROVEMENT.

^^And the only way we can get there is through by being a man ourselves, taking care of our things that need to be taken care of, and truly feeling like we can handle the challenges that life throws at us and succeed and be victorious through them^^

 

[The_411]

I don't know if that's the case. I understand the point you are trying to make because by qualifying a woman as having LTR potential in essence you are already behind the eight ball so to speak in the power dynamic.

However, I think there's a thin line where you can say she's has potential I will let things develop as opposed to saying there's no potential and after she's been sexed she's out the door.

I's certainly a tricky tight rope and if you can't keep perspective and understand that at any time a potential LTR to turn into a train wreck then yeah I'll agree with your initial premise.

 

[zekko]

1. Emotionally stable.
2. Self-supporting.
3. Has not ridden the c*ock carousel.
4. Has no father issues.
5. Has not been a stripper.
6. Goes out of her way to make you happy.
7. Mild attachment [she will long for you, not the other way around]
8. Does not possess a large pool of AFC male friends.
9. Does not demean and nag you.
10. Respect respect respect.
11. Consideration for YOU.
12. Non-cheater.
13. Brags to her friends about you.
14. Patience
15. YOUR continued SELF-IMPROVEMENT.

That's a pretty good list, actually.