RE: Female poster: Thats because, most of the time, people ARENT being honest. Never trust, or assume the best out of anyone too soon. And certainly dont wait around for them to be "ready". You always gotta protect your heart in these situations. Its not worth the risk of being led on by someone you dont know very well.
All that usually ends up happening is, one person does all the work - while the other gladly accepts, sets the boundaries as it suits them, does the deciding, and typically ends up having their cake and eating it too. I never met someone who didnt abuse the power that was given to them - even if they werent controlling by nature. You prevent it by never allowing it to happen. People generally act as theyre allowed to - not as theyre SUPPOSED to.
You cant assume that everyone is a good person just because theyve been "hurt". *******s get hurt all the time. Doesnt mean theyre not *******s, didnt cause problems, arent selfish, and werent to blame. And actually, getting hurt badly is a good way to become an *******, and have massive baggage on top of it. *******s arent created out of thin air, you know. Dating *******s is also a red flag in itself.
Even beyond that, you just never know what type of person youre dealing with. A lot of people are selfish out there. Besides, what makes her so special that he has to wait around? Being hurt doesnt mean ****. Nobody is entitled to anything. And its not worth finding out through a pseudo-, one-sided relationship, if theyre being honest, or not. Not to mention, waiting around, being their friend, acting all nice, and etc does nothing to build attraction. And this happens a LOT when you sympathize with the damsel in distress. Trying to be the hero-savior, and all that - only to end up with nothing. And no, a friendship isnt good enough when you want more - and they know you want more (even when they act all shocked and innocent as theyre leading you on, and making you feel guilty / selfish for wanting more - which DOES happen, by the way).
Gah... Its all crap. Not worth walking on eggshells, wondering where you stand, what their intentions are, if theyre being honest, if they really like you, if youre making progress... Its emotional chaos, and usually ends badly for everyone involved. Waste of time and emotions, and putting WAY too much trust into someone you dont even know - and could very well end up being a manipulative, controlling, crazy harpy. Again, you never know - and why kill yourself finding out? Remember: Everyone puts on their best face in the beginning - especially around the opposite sex.
****ing people. :nono:
