She said three big words, now what?

[Upside]

I have been seeing this girl for a couple of months and everything is going very well. When we hang out there is always laughing, sexual jokes, and overall good times. I see her about twice a week, and other than that there is very little contact in between dates. 90% of the texts/calls involve dates being set up and the other 10% involve fluff iniated by her mostly. I've heard that her not initiating a lot of contact can be a sign of low interest, but so far I have no reason to believe that. She has been very responsive to everything I say or do.

She is great in the sack too, just typing and thinking about ****ing her is getting me hard. Anyway...

In the earlier days of dating her she asks "what are we?" and I deflected. She asks "are we bf/gf or are we **** buddies, because I don't really care what we are." Long story short I told her that I just enjoy spending time with her and it doesn't matter what we make ourselves out to be because those are just words. Let's just spend time together and enjoy ourselves. (Just to clarify, I definitely would enjoy being in an LTR with her down the road if things continue like this.)

It has never been brought up again since, but in the back of my mind I have thought about why she would say "...because I don't really care what we are." Part of me thinks that she wants to be offically together and that was her way of bringing it up, but she was too vague and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask her if she wanted to be official. I need to hear from her mouth, "I want us to be together" or something like that for the bf/gf thing to happen. As of this moment there are no labels between us, just two people having a good time and I don't have a problem with that right now.

Things have started to get more serious recently. So much so in fact I am now caught off guard and unsure of what to do. One night she told me that she loves me. I definitely knew that she was into me from our time together, but I sure has **** did not expect those words to come out of her mouth that this time. I basically smiled, kissed her, and continued on. She said it once more, so I smiled and kissed her once more. Wasn't brought up since. If her asking "what are we?" wasn't a way to try and get me to commit and express myself and my feelings, then this sure as hell was it.

My concern is this. She asks what are we and tells me that she loves me, but never directly mentions that she wants to be mutually exclusive. I don't want to over analyze this ****, but I don't know what to do at this point.

If I mention that we should be together it may in fact turn her off because it then becomes her choice, not mine. If I mention that I really like her, but not love her at this time, I am setting myself up for some kind of failure. One is that I don't feel the same as she does and then starts to question this relationship or two, I could say I love her...not mean it..and turn her off in the process. You guys know how emotional women can be. One second they love you and want to spend time with you and the next day they want to punch you in the face.

I don't want to ignore this though. I feel like I have to say something concrete and definitive in order for her to feel that I understand what she is feeling and where she is coming from without coming off as an emotionless zombie just in it for the sex if I don't say anything at all. What should I say?...if anything? How? When?

This sounds more complicated that it really is and I might be making a big deal out of nothing. I guess when a chick says I love you this soon, it really makes you think. I don't want to make any stupid mistakes in the long run with this girl. I do really like her. Thanks guys for any adivice.

 

[Bryce556]

i actually have a similar situation here, i think Ive heard the girl i'm seeing say those words to me but like nervously so i wasn't sure if i heard her right..., btw whats a good response to that? i just pretended like i dident hear her.

she also keeps saying she wants to ask me something but is too shy too and would only do it if she got drunk with me. so far we have just been having fun and whatnot, Id like to see a response on this topic

 

[Upside]

Movin' on up.

Note: I am probably going to see her tomorrow.

 

[kingsam]

test

 

[Kailex]

Don't listen to what she says... when she says "because I don't care"...
That's woman for: I care, but I'm going to act like I don't.

And her saying: I love you (Kailex Note: I just threw up in my mouth typing that) means that she wants to take that step...

Again, let HER bring that up... she's maneuvering her way into an LTR...
First by asking what you were
And second by saying the three words...

Whatever you are doing... you are doing right, and keep doing it.
Do NOT fail the active test.

Don't second guess yourself.

 

[masterpiece]

I posted a post just like this on tuesday as my girl said she loved me over the weekend but i dont feel the same, you can check out the replys i got here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=173531

 

[PRMoon]

She wants you to commit but doesn't want to push you away by forcing your hand. I've been in this spot several times before in the past. This is a commonality for women to do when they know you're on the fence but they're having sex with you, developing feelings, but don't know what your plan is. Her saying she loves you during sex is like a guy saying it while he's drunk. She can't control her inhibitions or feelings during this time so she says what she thinks is on her mind (realize this may not be the case exactly but she thinks it to be true). This is a potentially dangerous situation depending on what your relationships with other girls are besides this one.

If you're not seeing anyone else and you're really interested you can continue to do things as they are. Don't feel obligated to say that you love her. If you like seeing her and you spend time with her that's fine, but that's not necessarily love. Just stick with you have feelings for her and you'd like to explore this bond further. It may sound like a cop out but if you tell her you love her and things go askew (you meet someone else and you cheat for example) things can go from zero to ugly very quickly. Trust me when I say this will work on your own psychological level much more significantly than the alternatives.

Now if you don't like this girl and you're just playing games and being young. Just be sure to cover your tracks. I've played this this one the right way and the wrong way before. The wrong way gives a big head and leads to being sloppy about your manner. Don't take any unnecessary risk with other girls or put too much on your plate where you can't keep track of it all. A small detail missed can lead to a massive failure in your game and possibly lead to destruction of property.

Regardless of which you chose, I agree with the other posters. You're in a good place. You've done thus far and put yourself on the winning side. Just keep pace and stay solid.

 

[Appoloin]

The Best response I have ever used to a woman who tells me she loves me is these two words. I know. straight of starwars but it works like a charm.

 

[boomerick]

Standard response to "I love you..."

No you don't. You just think you do......or.....

You'd better......or....

I know..... (sounds good but I don't use it)

IF......you decide to go LTR make sure you DON"T STOP GAMING HER !!!!!!!

Can't emphasize that enough. If you let your guard down she will grab frame SO FAST you won't know what hit you. THEN......you're wearin' the European sholder bag while dutifully escorting her on her draperies shopping trip that was "way more important than your regular Saturday golfing with your buddies." GEEZ !!!.....f*ckin' SHOOT ME !!!!!!!!!

NEVER STOP GAMING HER, EVER!




Over and Out.

 

[Upside]

Just an update.

We hung out last night. It was brought up again. She continues to say I love you and she said it doesn't matter if I say it back yet. I haven't and won't for some time probably. She asked if I love her and I said I don't know what it is exactly, but when I do I'll be the first to let her know. At this point she knows I like her a lot, and that is really how I feel at the moment.

The whole official thing was brought up again (all her by the way. I did not push any of this) and basically we are "official" in her eyes because we have been going on dates for a while. The past several weeks I have been seeing her friends a lot too, she has yet to meet any of mine. She told me that I am now seen as her boyfriend and not just a guy she is seeing. (I ****ing hate labels though. Changes the dynamic and flow of the good times in a relationship IMO when labels are attached.) Hopefully she proves to be the girl I think she is and it won't change a damn thing about us. This is what I wanted afterall.

At this point it SEEMS like I can't do or say anything to mess this up, but I know better. One wrong step and everything can go downhill. I feel we are at a good place though, she gets all excited about seeing me and thinking about future things we can do together. Heh. This should be fun, but I still need to keep my distance a bit. I'll keep treating her like I have and won't let any of this affect our fun.

 

[DjVita]

YOU define what the realtionship is about
its actually a good thing that she asks you what is going on btw u 2
like the he loves me he loves me not...
dont tell her just say "i know what it is about between you an me girl, so relax and have fun!"
that simple my man
keep her by doing the things that work
the game NEVER ends