She reached out after standing me up

calatrava

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A few months ago, I met a beautiful girl through mutual friends while I was still at university. We hung out a few times at parties and got closer each time. During the last encounter, she sat next to me, held onto my forearm, and didn’t let me talk to anyone else at the table. She asked a lot of personal questions, including whether I was seeing anyone, and even made plans for what we should do together since I was moving back home and then relocating to another country for work reasons. I never had a woman act this way with me while at a social event.

Afterward, I messaged the girl who introduced us, asking if her friend was always this forward and communicative. She said she had never seen her act this way with anyone else and encouraged me to message her and set up a date. So, we started texting, and she was very responsive—showering me with compliments, sending voice messages, pictures, and so on. However, since my hometown is hours away from where she lives and works, I was hesitant to make the trip unless I was sure it wouldn’t be a waste of time.

After a few days of texting, I suggested a date, and she immediately agreed. In hindsight, I probably should have left it there, but I kept messaging her to keep the momentum going—which, of course, had the opposite effect. A few days later, she mentioned she was on a business trip and might not make it back in time for our date, but she’d let me know.

The day of the date came, and I got stood up. I waited at the bar for 20 minutes, no messages on my phone. It was pretty clear that I had messed up, so I decided to forget about it and just went about my business as usual. But today, five days later, she sent me a long message, apologizing profusely for forgetting to tell me she couldn’t make it and explaining how busy she had been.

I’m thinking of just replying with a simple “It’s okay, it happens bla bla” and seeing how she responds. What do you think of this situation, and what would you do?
 

BPH

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Alright, so first and foremost, this is probably a lost cause. What I suggest when it comes to texting is to only bother with it if you're A. replying or B. it has a point (setting up a date, confirming a date, etc). When it comes to chitchat, I mirror - meaning that I'll reply, but in a similar fashion and timeline to how they message me; I'm not going to reply to a long, thought-out message with only a couple words, for example, or respond instantly when it's taken her hours to get back to me.

Anyway, that ship has sailed, so how to move forward.

First off, you mention being hesitant to make the trip because she is hourS - PLURAL - from where you live. So this date where you got stood up at the bar for 20 minutes...did it take you a significant amount of time to get there? Because if that's the case, assuming you've read the message, I would move on and not respond unless she continues texting you apologizing. If, and only IF that happens, I would move onto the next step - which you can skip to if you did NOT travel hourS to the date spot where you were stood up...

Let HER plan the date. It's common courtesy that if somebody is interested, but cannot make an appearance for whatever reason, they suggest an alternative. If she does that, you could consider whether her suggestion works for you - daytime lunch date? Probably won't involve sex...nighttime drinks at the bar or movie at her place? Probably will.

But again, it's probably a lost cause. If you guys had already been hooking up and this happened, then it wouldn't be a big deal. But if you guys are still courting and haven't even run a few bases, then she's probably getting cold feet.
 
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Deranged

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Would she have forgotten about her date with jason momoa? Looks to me like she's medium-low interest level but wants to keep you in orbit.

I wouldn't give this too much consideration, let alone a few months worth. She stood you up; move on.
 

Canadian_Man

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She asked a lot of personal questions, including whether I was seeing anyone, and even made plans for what we should do together since I was moving back home and then relocating to another country for work reasons.
Multiple members here seeking advice have used the word "even" in this type of manner.

It seems to always stand out when I read it.

I believe it says something about your mindset, your eagerness, and your "intensity".
 

Clockwerk50

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I don’t get it. Did you drive all that way without even confirming the same day if she was still down to meet up? If that is true that’s on you my man.
 

Tell her a little about yourself, but not too much. Maintain some mystery. Give her something to think about and wonder about when she's at home.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Bingo-Player

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After a few days of texting, I suggested a date, and she immediately agreed. In hindsight, I probably should have left it there, but I kept messaging her to keep the momentum going—which, of course, had the opposite effect.
I have had girls where we can text more or less every other day and its fine, but the frame of me being in charge has been established quickly

What sort of stuff were you texting her OP ? in my experience women like short sharp messages the more c0cky / witty the better because it stimulates her goldfish sized attention span

any attempt at trying to be overly romantic / sexual / corny / funny or trying to impress her will usually quickly result in a sharp decline in interest and usually a ghosting

Seems to trigger some sort of alarm in them , and every single one is the same unless she's heavily below your smv

I think its a "why is this guy trying so hard" alarm

The really disturbing thing is that it can be triggered even when your not intentionally trying to do any of the above , you can literally put one sentence in the wrong context and she will take it in whatever way she pleases

I can practically guarantee you've texted her something which has triggered this response and no show

-------------------------------------------------

Think the only way too recover is too make her work for your validation that's what she wants

I would just send her

" You didn't seem like the unreliable type , not sure how I feel about things after that "

I suspect this could send hamster spinning
 

The Duke

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It took her 5 days to realize you weren't giving her any free attention and oh yeah sorry about the date I flaked out on!!! Hahahaha

Come on dude, have some respect for yourself. That b!tch can fuhk off.
 

Bokanovsky

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I don’t get it. Did you drive all that way without even confirming the same day if she was still down to meet up? If that is true that’s on you my man.
I don't get it either. Why would you spend several hours travelling to meet her if you weren't even sure that she'd be there?

Also, when someone says that they are "not sure" if the can make it and will let you know, it always means that they won't make it. You could have safely cancelled your plans as soon as you heard that.
 

BackInTheGame78

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The only acceptable answer is to let her know that was extremely disrespectful and you don't tolerate people wasting your time. Then let her know if she wants to come over to have a drink at your place and some great conversation then that's awesome. If not then kick rocks.

Her option is to come to your house or kick rocks essentially. That's how you show a hot woman that you aren't bending over backwards for her and make her be the one to bend over backwards for you now.
 

Glassguy

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Just invite her over to hang out at your place. She lost her opportunity for a "date". If she agrees, great. Try to bang her.
If she doesn't agree, great. Forget about her.
 

TheGambino

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Just invite her over to hang out at your place. She lost her opportunity for a "date". If she agrees, great. Try to bang her.
If she doesn't agree, great. Forget about her.
@Glassguy
I only need your view on my last thread. Can you look at it?
 
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