She pulled the 'Silent Treatment'

[TheRenegadesOfFunk2]

I got in an argument with my GF. It was my fault (an off-night of trying to be ****y/funny). Then I said something that really offended her (just a joke that she took very badly).
I apologized immediately. Told her it was a slip-up and that I never meant to hurt her.
She then pulled the silent treatment on me and kept her distance.
Almost an hour has passed and she's still not talking. At this point I'm getting pissed (I didn't show it, tried my best to keep things cool) but it felt like I was constantly apologizing/talking to a brick wall. I suggested that we both should take some time off and left.

She texted me the next morning saying how she was hurt and that we should take some time off like I suggested.
I agreed. Reminded her that I've already apologized for last night (felt like a million times) and calmly called her out on her silent treatment bs as well.

It's been 4 long days (it was hard lol) with no contact whatsoever. I still want to be w/ her but that silent treatment game she pulled was unacceptable.

Any tips/advice? Is this more of a relationship power struggle or do you think she wants out? I was thinking of contacting her first to talk things out.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

What did you say

 

[rocket87]

She was sh!t-testing you to see if you would slave to her with apologies for something you said. You shouldn't have apologized, and instead insisted that you didn't mean to hurt her ("my intentions weren't to offend you.") and that you're "sorry if she took it the wrong way"

1. Wtf did you say?

2. She probably doesn't want out and is just being a snotty b!tch and wants to make you slave around for her.

The next plan of action depends on how often you two usually communicate. From the sounds of it, it seems like a pretty constant thing?

 

[Uberguy]

I suggested that we both should take some time off and left.
...
She texted me the next morning saying how she was hurt and that we should take some time off like I suggested.
...
It's been 4 long days (it was hard lol) with no contact whatsoever. I still want to be w/ her but that silent treatment game she pulled was unacceptable.

It sounds like she called your bluff. I'd recommend not trying to bluff your way with her (or with a boss...or against someone in Vegas) unless you're willing to deal with the consequences of getting called out.

As for this particular situation, if you cave, she wins, and she'll always know she can manipulate you in the relationship. If you don't cave, she may move on, and you may never get back together again. With those scenarios in mind, what matters most to you: having your pride, or having your girl?

 

[bigneil]

I've learned NEVER to say the word "sorry" and NEVER to apologize.

Why? Because it only makes another copy of what went wrong!

A perfect example was in a cartoon I saw once. One character walked up to another and punched him square in the gut. The other character curled over in pain.

Then the first character went up to the other again and said "Hey, remember when I did this?" (punching him square in the gut a second time). "Sorry about that".

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

If she doesn't contact you at all then screw her. Who wants a girl that stubborn anyway?

To me it is a red flag that she held something like this for so long. Whoelse knows what's gonna happen in the future and she pulls this crap. It's not a good feeling my friend. My ex used to do sh!t like this and I would beg..... and I never got pride into the relationship until it was over.

 

[TheRenegadesOfFunk2]

Wow thanks for the feedback guys!
I don't want to go into too much details in what was actually said (I know kinda lame).. but she took it as a direct insult to her character. And I immediately told her it wasn't (just a bad joke that she took the wrong way).

I felt like I gave up a lot of power in the relationship that night (apologizing more than once and putting up with her being silent for that long). I guess I got a lot to think about..

 

[Johnnyventana]

"I guess I got a lot to think about.." And the perfect silent environment to think about it!

 

[jtlancer]

You cannot have an enjoyable, fun relationship with someone who is easily offended. What kind of relationship do you want to have? Easily offended sh&t testing females can be fun to f8ck but are not relationship material in my opinion. Who wants day after day of that? There are plenty of hot girls who know how to behave themselves with a little demonstrated strength.

 

[hisstory]

These replies are some of the worst pieces of advice I have ever read.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I've learned NEVER to say the word "sorry" and NEVER to apologize.

Why? Because it only makes another copy of what went wrong!

A perfect example was in a cartoon I saw once. One character walked up to another and punched him square in the gut. The other character curled over in pain.

Then the first character went up to the other again and said "Hey, remember when I did this?" (punching him square in the gut a second time). "Sorry about that".

Bigneil, what if you've actually made a mistake? Do you really want to be with a women who doesn't have the self respect to NOT absorb blame for an argument or problem even when it's your fault and not hers? It's one thing to make sure that all apologies are hard-won, or that they are few and far between, but to NEVER apologize is just insane!

 

[ArcBound]

I got in an argument with my GF. It was my fault (an off-night of trying to be ****y/funny).

I'm going to stop reading right here and not go any further. Why were you trying to be ****y/funny? Because some PUA or someone on a forum told you so?

 

[TheRenegadesOfFunk2]

I'm going to stop reading right here and not go any further. Why were you trying to be ****y/funny? Because some PUA or someone on a forum told you so?

Well I wasn't "trying to be ****y/funny" thats bad wording on my part. I try not to take things TOO seriously with her (I've always cracked jokes and tease her a bit) especially if the energy-levels of a date is a bit low. I want to be in a fun relationship.
This particular night she was overly-sensitive and moody, and that's something I should've realized earlier and should've toned it down a bit.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

These replies are some of the worst pieces of advice I have ever read.

I have to agree with this. First, You should definitely apologize for genuine wrong doing, but only once. If you truly were offensive and just didn't realize it, a second reinforcement apology is ok. How? you: "that's why you momma's so fat. haha." Oh snap! Did I just say that? you: "I'm sorry. It just came out. I didn't mean it." She's fuming and you're backing off. Thats good. Give her space to be mad. She is allowed. After a little bit then you try to put her in a good mood. Make her laugh. If you can get away with it, tickle her. Now, if that isn't working then you have to switch gears. Realize she's angrier than you thought and remove yourself from the situation with one last apology. Thats how you handle that.

Right now though, don't try to make her call you. You said its been four days. You can go ahead and call her now if you want, but only once. She probably won't answer, leave a message: "Hey. I rented a movie, <name of movie>. Come over and watch it with me." Or however you handle movies, it doesn't matter. If she ignores your attempt to communicate then wait a full day and try one more time.

 

[bukowski_merit]

I got in an argument with my GF. It was my fault (an off-night of trying to be ****y/funny). Then I said something that really offended her (just a joke that she took very badly).

Do not fear her when she gets offended.

I apologized immediately. Told her it was a slip-up and that I never meant to hurt her.

And you were afraid you had hurt her.

She then pulled the silent treatment on me and kept her distance.

This might not have happened if you had remained calm and moved along. You need to develop a light switch inside. You flick that switch up - and you're happy. You flip that switch down - and you're indifferent.

There's no other mode!

Fear of her is counter-productive!

Almost an hour has passed and she's still not talking. At this point I'm getting pissed (I didn't show it, tried my best to keep things cool) but it felt like I was constantly apologizing/talking to a brick wall.

"contantly apologizing"? "talking to a brick wall"? This is weak sh!t man.... Really weak!

I suggested that we both should take some time off and left.

No need to wait this long to do this, and no need to suggest anything. Just say, "alright, well i'm leaving." And go.... No need for dramtics on your part... She's creating enough of them on her own...

She texted me the next morning saying how she was hurt and that we should take some time off like I suggested.

This is pissing me off now! Look (this happened about 3 days ago: The girl "K" proposed we take a "break" because she didn't feel like i had feelings for her.):

Bukowski: "Ok, we can do that." (i pulled out my phone and opened my calander)
K: "What are you doing?"
Bukowski: (ignore her question) "Ok, so how about June 21st?"
K: "Juse 21st?"
Bukowski: "Yeah, we can set that date for when the breaks over!" (smiling)
K: "Oh my god! Seriously! I'm having a hard time with this."
Bukowski: "I can get you the number of a good therapist for you to talk about your problems with."
K: "Wow! You don't care? That hurts me deep down." (tries her best to put on a "im going to cry" face.)
Bukowski: "Then come on, i'll take you to the pharmacy"
K: "Pharmacy? For what?"
Bukowski: "To get a box of kleenex for you to whipe away your tears." (big grin)

At that point i saw a smile crack on her face!

Bare in mind that up to that point - her whole attitude was like she was distant and sad. That one "joke" broke her whole aura.

It was all a fvcking act! It was all a fvcking test! Who cares how legit her concern is? Or how tasteless your joke was? Or how she thinks you feel about her? Your girl and this girl were both throwing down landmines and seeing if we would step on them (aka: take her BS serious!)

You did step on the landmines man. And now you wonder where your legs are?

I agreed. Reminded her that I've already apologized for last night (felt like a million times) and calmly called her out on her silent treatment bs as well.

Sorry bro, but this is really weak stuff again. You don't "call girls out" on things by literally saying "you did or are doing this." You call them out on their BS by poking it with a stick and laughing at it without ever actually addressing it!

It's been 4 long days (it was hard lol) with no contact whatsoever. I still want to be w/ her but that silent treatment game she pulled was unacceptable.

Better check your phone man; might have missed that call/text from her you're waiting for.

Is this more of a relationship power struggle

The relationship power struggle already occured. Not sure when... But whenever it occured - you lost. From your story: She is ALREADY coming from a position of power... And things like this only give her more...

or do you think she wants out?

This will depend on a few factors.

Namely, if there's any other men in her life who she can branch swing to.

Did your heart just skip a beat when i mentioned other men?

I was thinking of contacting her first to talk things out.

Why talk things out? Trying to give her more power and chances to manipulate you?

 

[TheRenegadesOfFunk2]

Thanks for the tips/advice (the good, the bad, or just the honest truth)

"...It's one thing to make sure that all apologies are hard-won, or that they are few and far between, but to NEVER apologize is just insane!"
-I completely agree.

"Make her laugh. If you can get away with it, tickle her."
-Couldn't even make her crack a smile. She was set on being pissed off the whole night lol.

"Did your heart just skip a beat when i mentioned other men?"
-Honestly no.. Should it have? I mean the relationship has been GREAT before all this.. but at the same time if I can see myself walking away, learning from my mistakes, and moving on with my life (then I'm sure it's the same with her). So no shock here.

"You call them out on their BS by poking it with a stick and laughing at it without ever actually addressing it!"
-That's probably the best advice you can give someone when dealing with a woman's BS. And that's how I usually handle it. Just forgot about it that night and failed miserably. I'll chalk it up to experience.

I got it from here.

 

[betheman]

I have to agree with this. First, You should definitely apologize for genuine wrong doing, but only once. If you truly were offensive and just didn't realize it, a second reinforcement apology is ok. How? you: "that's why you momma's so fat. haha." Oh snap! Did I just say that? you: "I'm sorry. It just came out. I didn't mean it." She's fuming and you're backing off. Thats good. Give her space to be mad. She is allowed. After a little bit then you try to put her in a good mood. Make her laugh. If you can get away with it, tickle her. Now, if that isn't working then you have to switch gears. Realize she's angrier than you thought and remove yourself from the situation with one last apology. Thats how you handle that.

Right now though, don't try to make her call you. You said its been four days. You can go ahead and call her now if you want, but only once. She probably won't answer, leave a message: "Hey. I rented a movie, <name of movie>. Come over and watch it with me." Or however you handle movies, it doesn't matter. If she ignores your attempt to communicate then wait a full day and try one more time.

what??? really? are you the girls mother?

he has apologised more than enough, anyone, male or female who doesnt accept an apology needs to be left on their own and they most definately are not LTR material, this will happen again and again and you will be made to grovel over and over again and every fcucking misdemeanour will be dragged up like some ever growing charge list in future

 

[terran2k]

you should take notice that she has dropped contact with you for 4 days over a small incident it seems. A little flag should be popped up in your head that not all is as it seems.