She mentions boyfriend

[Syrio]

I was wondering how you guys thought I should act in this situation:

So there's this girl who works where I work who started about 3 weeks ago. I never really developed any interest in her until maybe a week ago. Anyway, she's been showing some definite IOIs (plays with her hair a lot when I talk to her, comes to talk to me about work-related things that obviously don't matter, jokes around with me and laughs at nearly every joke I make, etc) but then one day she tells me and the people I work with that she's going to another state for the weekend. When somebody asked her what she's doing, she says that she's visiting her boyfriend (who she hasn't mentioned until today).

I guess what I really should do is just "next" her. I still don't want to give up entirely though, so I was thinking I would just go after other women and be indifferent to her for the time being. Do you guys think this is the right course of action? The other option I see is to just continue on and pretend that she never mentioned a boyfriend. What do you guys think?

 

[SeymourCake]

I wouldn't talk to any women that are at my workplace in a flirtatious way. It's too risky and unprofessional.

That is just me though.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Just maintain friendly relations but avoid being sucked into the friend zone.
Be the cool, funny, flirty guy but if she starts trying to unload deep and meaningful crap on you, especially about the BF, make an excuse to GTFO.
Build her desire to fever pitch and don't be surprised if you're next cab off the rank when she splits with the BF.

 

[Uncharted]

If she mentions her boyfriend to you more than once then she's not interested.

I've had girls not mention the boyfriend at all (2-3 weeks) and only bring it up when I ask them out. I would prefer it if they at least mentioned something beforehand. Saves time.

 

[VladPatton]

You have two strikes against you already:

- It's work related
- She has a boyfriend

Cure the oneitis while it is fresh, and leave this one alone.

 

[Chickfight]

I was wondering how you guys thought I should act in this situation:

So there's this girl who works where I work who started about 3 weeks ago. I never really developed any interest in her until maybe a week ago. Anyway, she's been showing some definite IOIs (plays with her hair a lot when I talk to her, comes to talk to me about work-related things that obviously don't matter, jokes around with me and laughs at nearly every joke I make, etc) but then one day she tells me and the people I work with that she's going to another state for the weekend. When somebody asked her what she's doing, she says that she's visiting her boyfriend (who she hasn't mentioned until today).

I guess what I really should do is just "next" her. I still don't want to give up entirely though, so I was thinking I would just go after other women and be indifferent to her for the time being. Do you guys think this is the right course of action? The other option I see is to just continue on and pretend that she never mentioned a boyfriend. What do you guys think?

She plays with her hair a lot. Lots of girl play with there hair, but I'm sure she wants to jump your bones because she touched her hair in your presence. And how would asking about work related stuff not matter at work. She laughs at your jokes.. what, so no one else does?

Your "IOI's" aren't very much to go on. Didn't mention she had a boyfriend? I'm sure a bunch of your other coworkers didn't know either. She's been there 3 weeks. "Next her", next what? There wasn't anything to next. Acting indifferent to her is totally dumb. She'll just think you're being weird and probably won't even connect it to her mentioning to everyone she has a boyfriend and if she does, she'll just think you're weirder.

You're acting like you already have some special relationship, which you don't. "Pretend she never mentioned she had a boyfriend", oh wow how weird is it for her to mention to everyone she's going to see her boyfriend after they asked, now she made it so strange between you guys that you have to pretend she never said it. No man, just chill. The positive side here is, nothing's happened yet and you haven't acted weird about it yet, so you can do whatever you want with a fresh slate. You wanna hook up with her? Show her around the city, go for some drinks, get her drunk. Put the moves on her so to speak, but don't go on pretending you have some special connection at your workplace. Don't make a big deal out of the boyfriend thing.

 

[Syrio]

She plays with her hair a lot. Lots of girl play with there hair, but I'm sure she wants to jump your bones because she touched her hair in your presence. And how would asking about work related stuff not matter at work. She laughs at your jokes.. what, so no one else does?

Your "IOI's" aren't very much to go on. Didn't mention she had a boyfriend? I'm sure a bunch of your other coworkers didn't know either. She's been there 3 weeks. "Next her", next what? There wasn't anything to next. Acting indifferent to her is totally dumb. She'll just think you're being weird and probably won't even connect it to her mentioning to everyone she has a boyfriend and if she does, she'll just think you're weirder.

You're acting like you already have some special relationship, which you don't. "Pretend she never mentioned she had a boyfriend", oh wow how weird is it for her to mention to everyone she's going to see her boyfriend after they asked, now she made it so strange between you guys that you have to pretend she never said it. No man, just chill. The positive side here is, nothing's happened yet and you haven't acted weird about it yet, so you can do whatever you want with a fresh slate. You wanna hook up with her? Show her around the city, go for some drinks, get her drunk. Put the moves on her so to speak, but don't go on pretending you have some special connection at your workplace. Don't make a big deal out of the boyfriend thing.

I can understand your suspicion that I'm misreading IOIs in general but I feel like you are misinterpreting both my post and the situation. I wasn't trying to convey the details about my interactions with her in this post, nor was I trying to question whether or not she is showing IOIs - she IS showing IOIs. My half-of-a-sentence describing the IOIs was not meant as an attempt to convince anyone that she is interested in me.

I really don't feel like typing out a big thing to convince you that she is actually showing IOIs - this was meant to be taken as a given. I said that the work-related things she came to talk to me about obviously didn't matter - that was also meant to be taken as a given.

I appreciate the advice on how to handle the situation, but I also think that you were mostly responding to a different issue which I didn't really get into. I'm pretty confident in my ability to read IOIs so that's not really what I was asking about. Thank you for the advice nonetheless.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

It sounds like she's in a long distance relationship. I wouldn't next her, but I wouldn't pursue her either. I would keep it casual and do what you're doing. In the workplace the only IOI that matters is if she hints at the 2 of you hanging out together outside work. Then you can pounce,but she has to suggest it not you.

 

[WoodB]

She is interested in you, and you seem eager to jump in.

I did that at work years ago and wished I hadn't. She and I dated for about 6 weeks. I rogered a number of times and she was good. But she also had this boyfriend on the side with whom she really wanted to be with, so I dumped her. She tried to get back with me every time her boyfriend gave her shyte, and I had to say no. This was hard because I wanted to roger her again.

Long story short: She ends up marrying her boyfriend. She also blabbed about me to her women colleagues, probably bedroom stuff nobody had to know.

So it's your move, my friend.

 

[nismo-4]

IOI's don't mean sh*t. IHAB usually is code for not interested,

I wouldn't advise this being it's at work, but if she's interested, when you ask her out, she'll do it.

All you can do is make a move. That's the only way you'll know.

Case closed.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

I've had girls not mention the boyfriend at all (2-3 weeks) and only bring it up when I ask them out. I would prefer it if they at least mentioned something beforehand. Saves time.

^ Females display this type of behaviour to validate themselves. By not mentioning their 'boyfriend' to you, and by either acting interested in you, flirting, or sending you "tell me Im desirable" behaviour, they get their validation.

Of course if a guy actually ask them out, they can then drop the BF bomb, feel more desired, and head back to their security blanket.

I never forget this - it's not love a woman wants. Its desire.

Love without desire is friendship.

 

[Syrio]

Thanks for all the tips, though I feel like there is a lot of conflicting advice here haha...

What I'm gathering from what you guys have written (and what seems to make most sense to me) is that I should keep on being casually friendly towards her. I shouldn't make a move unless she hints at hanging out outside work (considering that she has a boyfriend) but I shouldn't really be focused on that issue anyway... I should just go after other women and kind of forget about her.

I appreciate all of the advice!

 

[Chickfight]

Depends on your skill level really. Maybe take her somewhere where you're really comfortable and in your element, something fun. Doesn't matter how you get her there, if she brings up her boyfriend, say it's just as friends.

Remember, it doesn't matter if YOU say you're just friends, cause you're still free to act flirtatious around her, you can say that's how you act around all your friends and it gives them an excuse to hang out with you even though they have a boyfriend. I did this with a girl who wanted to not go out with me because of a BF. I said it's okay, we'll just go this one last time as friends. Then we're making out is she's all like "I thought we were friends" which I just brushed off with "we are, just really friendly friends" and she laughed.

So give her whatever excuse she needs to go out with you, even if you both know on the inside it bs. She just needs to not feel like a b!tch or cheating hoe until it's too late and she's already fallen for you. If she's attracted to you, she'll go along with it. Hope that helps.