She is not interested on a romantic level

[CaptainFenix]

Hi fellas,

I would like to know what you make of this girl, and how you would deal with this.
So I met her on a thursday at a salsa dance night. Exchanged contacts, the next day, friday, made plans to go walk my dog together. We had a great time, really good intimate conversation, but no kissing or touching.

Then I tried meeting her up again and this was the msg interaction:

"[12:34, 11/26/2022] Me: am going to tomorro morning to this cool outdoor monthly market. From my impression of you and your open mindedness, I think you would enjoy it to. Do you want to come with me?
[14:23, 11/26/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Sounds nice. I have an appointment tomorrow in lunch time. When do you wanna go there?
[14:57, 11/26/2022] Me: I was thinking heading out around 9hish. What time do you have your appointment? I can either pick you up or we meet there
[20:06, 11/26/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Okay thanks for the invite. I love to take time for myself in the morning and then go into the appointment. Otherwise it feels too stressful. I'm glad you invited me. I will be there next time "

Since she didn't want to go to the market, I ended up going with another girl who I also met at the dance night, and went out with on saturday, I ended up having secxs with this second girl, so in the morning we just went to the market together. And then I texted the first girl the following:

"[11:21, 11/27/2022] Me: No worries, i came with a friend
[11:22, 11/27/2022] Me: Lets try and meet soon. Maybe for kayaking
[15:04, 11/27/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Yes okay. good idea!
I am back at 7th of december and then we can make an appointment for kayaking."

She was going to a week long retreat fyi. And then on sunday the second girl invited to come check out a pool party in a villa where she used to live, and guess who was there too?! The first girl!!! I went over when I saw her, just to say hi. But there wasn't much interaction as she was busy with a group of friends. Anyway, today monday these msgs ensued:

"[08:27, 11/28/2022] Me: Have fun at your retreat interesting coincidence that we saw each other yesterday at the same place
[09:30, 11/28/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Jonathan, thanks for your wishes, yes it was really an interesting coincidence and an interesting compilation.
the girl you were there with I know from dancing. she was there too, right?
So Jon, I really like you as a person. I laugh a lot with you, which is really great and I like our connection.
And I love interpersonal clarity.
So I have to tell you that I'm not interested in anything romantic. (if I'm completely wrong and it wasn't you anyway, feel free to let me know).
I would be happy (because I value you so much) if we keep in touch and then sometime really brainstorm or I approach you with workshops I want to hold.
Maybe we can have a nice friendship like you told me about the other girl who became your friend and traveled together with.
I wish you a great start of the week"

What do you guys make of this whole situation? How would you react / respond?
Just an "Ok" and move on?

 

[adanricci]

"Did I ask for anything romantic?"

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Naw fnck dat. She wants to put you in orbit and extract free advice if and when she wants. Just go NC.

She’s already wasted enough of your time.

You made a mistake, telling her about having become platonic friends with a woman in the past. She figures she can do the same thing don’t let her. I figure you did this as a comfort building gesture thinking it might get her to trust you more. Women don’t necessarily want to trust you, trust doesn’t wet slits. There are ways to run trust game from a bad boy perspective without giving concrete examples like the one you did her. Never talk to a woman about other platonic relationships you have with women. You are too high value, remember? All women are dying to get with you that should be the narrative. Not hey look I’m such a cool guy that she could sleep naked beside me in my bed and I would never make a move on you.

What’s the benefit for you? Anyway you clearly have other chicks to bang.

The only thing I’m going to say is that I hope that the one that she saw you with is attractive enough to put her on her heels. I suspect that may not have been the case.

 

[Dr.Suave]

There were girls in my life that only reached out when they wanted free advice. That didnt feel right in my gut so I blocked them.

 

[threeforfree]

She knows you're banging the other girl but didn't come out and say it, and she doesn't want to be a plate.

 

[Robert28]

I wouldn’t even respond to that and just block.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This is a common saying from perpetually single girls with unreasonable expectations hoping to be saved by a Disney Prince Charming. Even if you would have had sex with this girl, she would've just wasted your time and money. Take this as a subtle win and move on.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

1. Way too many dates too fast from you. You should set one date per week, no more, until she pushes for more. You were asking this girl to hang out literally every day. That is way too much.
2. Best not to make your dates something platonic. Walking dogs is platonic. Lunch is platonic. Outdoor markets is platonic. These things are fine to do once you are having sex with a girl but not before. Your dates should be romantic, and in a time and setting where sex COULD happen.
3. Your whole vibe and conversation with her feels platonic in general. It's like you are trying to be platonic friends with her and wait to see if she gives you any clear green light invitations that she is interested in more before you make your move. Women don't like this. They want a man who is confident, masculine, and goes after what he wants. I made the same mistake you did after my divorce and I missed out on 90% off the opportunities I had. Be flirty, touch her, escalate physically, tease her. Don't just act like a platonic friend and hope something romantic evolves because that isn't how it works despite what movies and TV brainwash you to believe.
4. Don't talk about your platonic female friends. Pierce.Manhammer explained this well. It also indicated that the other girl friend-zoned you. Women want what other women want and if the women in your life are friend-zoning you then that's what she is going to do tooo.
5. Dating multiple women from a single group (or trying) can be risky. You can develop a reputation quickly. It is great that you are getting out there and pulling the trigger on multiple women - seriously, good job; doing this, you are way ahead of the majority of men. But some women are going to be turned-off by that and will disqualify you for it. That's no big deal - there will always be more women around, and the first girl may not have ever been interested in you romantically anyway.

Given that you will be seeing her in class, and given that she has told you she isn't interested in you romantically, I would either just politely tell her that romance wasn't your intent and that you are already seeing someone (the girl you were with), or just say "No problem." Don't invest in her friendship if the only reason you would be doing it is in hopes of it turning into something more one day because that won't happen.

 

[The Duke]

OP-
1. Too many dates too soon.
2. You seem to be good at building friendships with women, but this skillset isn't effective for dropping panties.
3. Sara got butthurt when she saw the other girl.
4. Forget about Sara, she is now a waste of time. She is just looking for free attention and validation at this point.
5. Women shouldn't want to be your friend, they should want to fuhk you. Men make better friends anyways.

 

[2Rocky]

would like to know what you make of this girl, and how you would deal with this.

1) quit texting her
2) quit asking her out
3) be cordial, kind friendly but don't initiate anything with her
4) dance with her at class if it is the rotation, but don't try to match up with her on purpose.
5) treat her as a colleague, not a potential plate.
6) be too busy to accept any dates from her.

 

[Gamisch]

All great responses .

My first observation is this woman is a PRO in friendzoning guys.

But, something doesnt add up. Imo women MOSTLY will use the LBF card as a last resort, to push away a man who " just doesn't get it". The fact she seemingly outta nowhere brings up a LTR, combined with the fact you made a thread shows me that you must've been giving her LTR vibes constantly ,or too much.

She felt like she needed to hit the brake by saying a lotta nothing basically.

Other options
- as mentioned before, she doesnt wanna be a plate
- you invaded her circle, and she reacts like a cornered cat. Probably bc she has, or had something going on with dudes that were there too.
-this combined with your style of gaming pushed her little by little away.

But it's no biggie .
- You couldn't predict she would be there, and I wouldn't even write this one off completely .
- You showed value by showing up with another woman.
-now finish it by following the advice giving. By no means allow her to LBF with you.

Great learning experience.

 

[CaptainFenix]

Wow such great input guys. Im still NC since her last message. she is away on a retreat till the 7th december anyways, so she wouldnt reply until then even if sent her a message.

I think some of the replies might be dead on, she might had something with dudes from the event and felt I was getting too close for comfort, so she put brakes on before shyt hit the fan on her side. Or she got butthurt when she saw me with the other girl, figured i was banging her and decided she didnt want to became another plate...

Based on your input i think the best course of action would be one of the following:
1. Just continue NC until she initiates again if she doesnt, then its dead and buried
2. Send her a msg after the 7th showing that im fine not having anything romantic with her and just try to see if there is any business opportunity to mske some money together. I own a social club and she is a coach, we talked about she giving workshops there and split the ticket sales revenue
The message could go like this:
"How was the feminism or whatever its called retreat? Btw to answer your last message, thanks for the clarity but did I ever say I wanted anything romantic with you? Dont take this personal but you're not even my type... If you wanna business and workshops, we can do that"

What do you guys think?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Wow such great input guys. Im still NC since her last message. she is away on a retreat till the 7th december anyways, so she wouldnt reply until then even if sent her a message.

I think some of the replies might be dead on, she might had something with dudes from the event and felt I was getting too close for comfort, so she put brakes on before shyt hit the fan on her side. Or she got butthurt when she saw me with the other girl, figured i was banging her and decided she didnt want to became another plate...

Based on your input i think the best course of action would be one of the following:
1. Just continue NC until she initiates again if she doesnt, then its dead and buried
2. Send her a msg after the 7th showing that im fine not having anything romantic with her and just try to see if there is any business opportunity to mske some money together. I own a social club and she is a coach, we talked about she giving workshops there and split the ticket sales revenue
The message could go like this:
"How was the feminism or whatever its called retreat? Btw to answer your last message, thanks for the clarity but did I ever say I wanted anything romantic with you? Dont take this personal but you're not even my type... If you wanna business and workshops, we can do that"

What do you guys think?

I’m pretty sure everyone said leave her alone, and take it from me, if you chase the girl you like you’re never going to catch her. She’s the carrot on a stick and you’re the donkey. Break the stick, go another direction, and **** someone else. I lost my girl the way you’re playing it. I wish I knew this advice then. It sucks. I miss her. And I was such a bitter jackass too at the end. Would be amazed if we speak again.

 

[MatureDJ]

Hi fellas,

I would like to know what you make of this girl, and how you would deal with this.
So I met her on a thursday at a salsa dance night. Exchanged contacts, the next day, friday, made plans to go walk my dog together. We had a great time, really good intimate conversation, but no kissing or touching.

Then I tried meeting her up again and this was the msg interaction:

"[12:34, 11/26/2022] Me: am going to tomorro morning to this cool outdoor monthly market. From my impression of you and your open mindedness, I think you would enjoy it to. Do you want to come with me?
[14:23, 11/26/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Sounds nice. I have an appointment tomorrow in lunch time. When do you wanna go there?
[14:57, 11/26/2022] Me: I was thinking heading out around 9hish. What time do you have your appointment? I can either pick you up or we meet there
[20:06, 11/26/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Okay thanks for the invite. I love to take time for myself in the morning and then go into the appointment. Otherwise it feels too stressful. I'm glad you invited me. I will be there next time "

Since she didn't want to go to the market, I ended up going with another girl who I also met at the dance night, and went out with on saturday, I ended up having secxs with this second girl, so in the morning we just went to the market together. And then I texted the first girl the following:

"[11:21, 11/27/2022] Me: No worries, i came with a friend
[11:22, 11/27/2022] Me: Lets try and meet soon. Maybe for kayaking
[15:04, 11/27/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Yes okay. good idea!
I am back at 7th of december and then we can make an appointment for kayaking."

She was going to a week long retreat fyi. And then on sunday the second girl invited to come check out a pool party in a villa where she used to live, and guess who was there too?! The first girl!!! I went over when I saw her, just to say hi. But there wasn't much interaction as she was busy with a group of friends. Anyway, today monday these msgs ensued:

"[08:27, 11/28/2022] Me: Have fun at your retreat interesting coincidence that we saw each other yesterday at the same place
[09:30, 11/28/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Jonathan, thanks for your wishes, yes it was really an interesting coincidence and an interesting compilation.
the girl you were there with I know from dancing. she was there too, right?
So Jon, I really like you as a person. I laugh a lot with you, which is really great and I like our connection.
And I love interpersonal clarity.
So I have to tell you that I'm not interested in anything romantic. (if I'm completely wrong and it wasn't you anyway, feel free to let me know).
I would be happy (because I value you so much) if we keep in touch and then sometime really brainstorm or I approach you with workshops I want to hold.
Maybe we can have a nice friendship like you told me about the other girl who became your friend and traveled together with.
I wish you a great start of the week"

What do you guys make of this whole situation? How would you react / respond?
Just an "Ok" and move on?

You have essentially been ghosted. As they say in Texas, "she's a dry hole".

 

[CaptainFenix]

You have essentially been ghosted. As they say in Texas, "she's a dry hole".

Well, i actually ghosted her. She sent that last long message to which i havent replied yet. Am i being rude by not replying? Am i being stupid by not trying to chase any potential business opportunity that can come from this?

 

[Divorced w 3]

You haven’t ghosted her, lol, it’s been what 1 day? When she’s gone a week, I wouldn’t say a word to her. If she breaks silence I would play it from there. You really like this girl and she wants you to chase her. She also for sure knows you hooked up with the other one. Play this wrong they’re both going to drop you. Like Kurt Russell said in Backdraft “you’re doing it wrong”

 

[Gamisch]

Wow such great input guys. Im still NC since her last message. she is away on a retreat till the 7th december anyways, so she wouldnt reply until then even if sent her a message.

I think some of the replies might be dead on, she might had something with dudes from the event and felt I was getting too close for comfort, so she put brakes on before shyt hit the fan on her side. Or she got butthurt when she saw me with the other girl, figured i was banging her and decided she didnt want to became another plate...

Based on your input i think the best course of action would be one of the following:
1. Just continue NC until she initiates again if she doesnt, then its dead and buried
2. Send her a msg after the 7th showing that im fine not having anything romantic with her and just try to see if there is any business opportunity to mske some money together. I own a social club and she is a coach, we talked about she giving workshops there and split the ticket sales revenue
The message could go like this:
"How was the feminism or whatever its called retreat? Btw to answer your last message, thanks for the clarity but did I ever say I wanted anything romantic with you? Dont take this personal but you're not even my type... If you wanna business and workshops, we can do that"

What do you guys think?

Lol this one MUST be CALIENTE or not? Can you give me a example what she looks like?

Nah , bruh. You a grown man. Dont act butthurt like you didn't liked her. And if you do , then it's a final message. Dont try to break a woma down yet offer your friendship...??? She'll LAUGH at you for sending this and she'll be happy she made the right decision by rejecting you.

You basically offer your "orbiter service " on a golden plate. Remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE. If she want "workshops and chill " (aka your attention) she gotta WORK for that(aka sipping your *** straight from the source).

As I said before, "by accident " you did If you alotta things right actually.
-showing up with another woman is HUGE (unless she was less attractive, maybe you can elaborate on that?).
- Even the not responding (what's basically saying you give minus zero fcks in her eyes), made you go UP in value!

If you feel like you do must send something as a response, keep it sweet and short. Like
" that cool". Indeed, a completely unnecessary message.

I stil think this situation is insightful. This gentlemen, is how men get friendzoned permanently.

 

[CaptainFenix]

Lol this one MUST be CALIENTE or not? Can you give me a example what she looks like?

Nah , bruh. You a grown man. Dont act butthurt like you didn't liked her. And if you do , then it's a final message. Dont try to break a woma down yet offer your friendship...??? She'll LAUGH at you for sending this and she'll be happy she made the right decision by rejecting you.

You basically offer your "orbiter service " on a golden plate. Remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE. If she want "workshops and chill " (aka your attention) she gotta WORK for that(aka sipping your *** straight from the source).

As I said before, "by accident " you did If you alotta things right actually.
-showing up with another woman is HUGE (unless she was less attractive, maybe you can elaborate on that?).
- Even the not responding (what's basically saying you give minus zero fcks in her eyes), made you go UP in value!

If you feel like you do must send something as a response, keep it sweet and short. Like
" that cool". Indeed, a completely unnecessary message.

I stil think this situation is insightful. This gentlemen, is how men get friendzoned permanently.

Yeah she is hot, well she is the type im attracted to. She is blond with blue eyes, and I tend to like those type of girls... nice bum, but on a personality level, there were several red flags. She admited to being bisexual and having had a serious relationship with a girl. And she is a bit too kinky for my taste, she admited to having used a strap on to fvck an ex-boyfriend. Some messed up shyt. And I'm not into that sort of thing. I prefer more wholesome girls for relationships, so I didn't think she was girlfriend material. It's just my pride that is hurt, and I wrote this thread to get some input on why she lost attraction, so that I can learn from this experience..

Anyway, yeah, I think she was trigerred by seeing me with the other girl and she must have seen I wasn't a simp. Maybe she is more into guys that she can control more.. I dunno. I may have dodged a bullet with this one.

To answer your question, this other girl had a beautiful face, brown hair and eyes, huge natural breasts, nice round bum, but a bit chubby, not fat, but not fit either. He breasts got a lot of attention when we walked on the street.

 

[RangerMIke]

If a women, right from the start, can't keep her hands off you then you are not going to give her anymore time and effort than some dude you just met.

The late great Doc Love figured this sh1t out decades ago. Everything starts with the woman... if she is not attracted to you RIGHT FROM THE START... you are wasting your time. Men need to screen women out... anyone giving you advice that says you can control a chick's attraction to you is full of cr@p.

The OP had a chick that was never attracted to him. None of his efforts would have changed that because you can not control attraction period.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Hi fellas,

I would like to know what you make of this girl, and how you would deal with this.
So I met her on a thursday at a salsa dance night. Exchanged contacts, the next day, friday, made plans to go walk my dog together. We had a great time, really good intimate conversation, but no kissing or touching.

Then I tried meeting her up again and this was the msg interaction:

"[12:34, 11/26/2022] Me: am going to tomorro morning to this cool outdoor monthly market. From my impression of you and your open mindedness, I think you would enjoy it to. Do you want to come with me?
[14:23, 11/26/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Sounds nice. I have an appointment tomorrow in lunch time. When do you wanna go there?
[14:57, 11/26/2022] Me: I was thinking heading out around 9hish. What time do you have your appointment? I can either pick you up or we meet there
[20:06, 11/26/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Okay thanks for the invite. I love to take time for myself in the morning and then go into the appointment. Otherwise it feels too stressful. I'm glad you invited me. I will be there next time "

Since she didn't want to go to the market, I ended up going with another girl who I also met at the dance night, and went out with on saturday, I ended up having secxs with this second girl, so in the morning we just went to the market together. And then I texted the first girl the following:

"[11:21, 11/27/2022] Me: No worries, i came with a friend
[11:22, 11/27/2022] Me: Lets try and meet soon. Maybe for kayaking
[15:04, 11/27/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Yes okay. good idea!
I am back at 7th of december and then we can make an appointment for kayaking."

She was going to a week long retreat fyi. And then on sunday the second girl invited to come check out a pool party in a villa where she used to live, and guess who was there too?! The first girl!!! I went over when I saw her, just to say hi. But there wasn't much interaction as she was busy with a group of friends. Anyway, today monday these msgs ensued:

"[08:27, 11/28/2022] Me: Have fun at your retreat interesting coincidence that we saw each other yesterday at the same place
[09:30, 11/28/2022] Sara Dancing 2022: Jonathan, thanks for your wishes, yes it was really an interesting coincidence and an interesting compilation.
the girl you were there with I know from dancing. she was there too, right?
So Jon, I really like you as a person. I laugh a lot with you, which is really great and I like our connection.
And I love interpersonal clarity.
So I have to tell you that I'm not interested in anything romantic. (if I'm completely wrong and it wasn't you anyway, feel free to let me know).
I would be happy (because I value you so much) if we keep in touch and then sometime really brainstorm or I approach you with workshops I want to hold.
Maybe we can have a nice friendship like you told me about the other girl who became your friend and traveled together with.
I wish you a great start of the week"

What do you guys make of this whole situation? How would you react / respond?
Just an "Ok" and move on?

I got beef with this situation. I am watching this thread, and will create one on topics like this soon.