She is changing!

[John.Peter151]

Thanks once again for your time and well so i guess u would understand it too, i don't give a damn to stay with her b!tchy attitude but she was kinda angel who transformed into a Real B!TCH!
So well no she's fine and the only reason is she lost attraction, about which once she told me that she's not feeling the same interest anymore.. Long ago she told this, after which slowly slowly she started turning to a B!TCH.
At that time she wanted to talk to me, and told me that she don't know it herself but it's just that she don't feel the craze anymore in the relationship, and i just said her that it happens and is natural, it will be fine just chill and moved onto another topic, didn't knew it will cost me this much because i thought it's just random topic she bring in.
Well when she started changing her attitude towards me, once she even left me because of a HELL lame reason HELL lame, then i begged her to death, cried like a kid begging her to come back, it finally was successful to get her back but respect didn't came back and you don't need to tell i did wrong, i know that was AGAINST attraction whatever i did, didn't knew that time. So well i kept on begging asking her to tell the reason why she's so changed with me but nothing worked and she never admitted it that she's changed. Then 3 weeks ago she called me and said she need some space on her own, i said why? and she told the reason as "To realize how important you are to me". Then she just disappeared, called 11-12 times but no answer and no reply to texts, after 3 days she replied and told she's back from the break. Then i calmly asked her again and she said it as she don't feel that she will lose me anymore and that no matter who's fault it is, only i am the one who say sorry and ask for forgiveness so the other person takes benefits and that she don't want to take this benefit from me etc. Well so i know it truly that i lost such a great oppertunity by being clingy, needy and "Nice" guy. So we can't redo the past but the thing i want to know, are there still chances for me to get back to where i was with that girl? and re-gain her respect. I was planning of telling her something like "You don't know how to respect other's and as i can see by your attitude, ur not wanting to keep this relation so best wishes good bye." A nice idea? and then ill go NC.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Thanks once again for your time and well so i guess u would understand it too, i don't give a damn to stay with her b!tchy attitude but she was kinda angel who transformed into a Real B!TCH!
So well no she's fine and the only reason is she lost attraction, about which once she told me that she's not feeling the same interest anymore.. Long ago she told this, after which slowly slowly she started turning to a B!TCH.
At that time she wanted to talk to me, and told me that she don't know it herself but it's just that she don't feel the craze anymore in the relationship, and i just said her that it happens and is natural, it will be fine just chill and moved onto another topic, didn't knew it will cost me this much because i thought it's just random topic she bring in.
Well when she started changing her attitude towards me, once she even left me because of a HELL lame reason HELL lame, then i begged her to death, cried like a kid begging her to come back, it finally was successful to get her back but respect didn't came back and you don't need to tell i did wrong, i know that was AGAINST attraction whatever i did, didn't knew that time. So well i kept on begging asking her to tell the reason why she's so changed with me but nothing worked and she never admitted it that she's changed. Then 3 weeks ago she called me and said she need some space on her own, i said why? and she told the reason as "To realize how important you are to me". Then she just disappeared, called 11-12 times but no answer and no reply to texts, after 3 days she replied and told she's back from the break. Then i calmly asked her again and she said it as she don't feel that she will lose me anymore and that no matter who's fault it is, only i am the one who say sorry and ask for forgiveness so the other person takes benefits and that she don't want to take this benefit from me etc. Well so i know it truly that i lost such a great oppertunity by being clingy, needy and "Nice" guy. So we can't redo the past but the thing i want to know, are there still chances for me to get back to where i was with that girl? and re-gain her respect. I was planning of telling her something like "You don't know how to respect other's and as i can see by your attitude, ur not wanting to keep this relation so best wishes good bye." A nice idea? and then ill go NC.

See..so again, being needy, begging, etc, all of this clearly turns the woman's vjay into a sealed locked box, and there goes her heart too.

Maybe she's also not very mature, etc.

It is hard to go 'backwards' to where you once were. When momentum drops off entirely, or certain things take place, it's hard to move backwards.

If you tell her 'good bye' you are basically communicating the end of the relationship -- going NC will just seal that.

She might come back -- or she might believe as you said, 'good bye' and move on.

If you are trying to rebuild her attraction, you're going to have go give HER some space (just like she blew you off for 3 days) -- go 3 days NO CONTACT, don't say 'good bye' , don't 'break up' -- just totally IGNORE HER for 3 days and see what happens.

IDK man this relationship sounds broken entirely, but you can try that to rebuild. It's just tough once she's lost respect and views you a certain way.

Anyone else have any ideas?

 

[Voice]

This same scenario happened to one of my good friends. He put his gf on a HUGE pedestal. I even remember him telling me that she was "way out of his league" and that he "couldn't do better than her". He basically worshiped her. He told her he loved her. Our group of friends loved them both as individuals but even more when they were together. I liked her too as a person but looks wise she was nothing particularly special.

Slowly I began to see her treat him differently. She would yell at him for stupid reasons or demand he'd come over and hang out with her. She would get upset and throw a fit if he was a few minutes late to their dates. He'd be like a dog on a leash. She even pulled a stunt where she wouldn't have sex with him for over a month. She made some excuse saying she was afraid of getting pregnant. Meanwhile, she took birth control AND made him wear condoms every time. Yet he still stayed with her and catered to her every need. She was in COMPLETE control and it seemed like she was loosing interest.

I kept thinking to myself, wow she's gonna dump him and he's gonna be crushed. I didn't want to believe it because they've been together for so long and hoped it was just a phase. Sure enough I got the news from my bud that she called off the relationship because she "needed some time on her own". He was absolutely crushed. I never seen him so depressed in my life. He was normally the guy to cheer everyone up so it hurt me so much to see him like that. I felt terrible for him.

I told him to go NC but he didn't want to listen. He would text her everyday hoping she would change her mind.

FINALLY, he started listening to me. He started texting her less and less. He even hooked up with a few girls (not very attractive ones but hey he needed to get his mind of his ex). He was then asked by a sorority girl to be her date to a formal. He wound up hooking up with her as well.

As you can imagine, news of this soon came to his ex and the jealously levels went through the roof. Out of nowhere, a few weeks later I would walk out my room to see her walking out of his room in nothing but one of his t-shirts. As she went to the bathroom, he walked out with a huge smile on his face, gave me a high-five and said "I'm BACK!". She fvcked his brains out that night. It was the first time he'd had sex in months. The "pregnancy ploy" she pulled before seemed to magically not exist anymore in her head.

Fast forward to now, they still hook up every now and then and he's STILL in love with her. BUT, he still hooks up with other girls. She's much more willing to be with him now and her attitude to him is similar to when they were first going out. She still gets extremely jealous when he talks to other girls.

This comes to show that sometimes maybe all a girl needs is a little competition. A little uncertainty or insecurity can go a long way. She needs to know that her boyfriend has other options, and she will fvck you good to keep herself your #1.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

John, give this a read:
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/relationship-game-week-a-readers-journey/

I'm not a huge fan of this guy, but this article has some truth.

 

[flashpoint]

i think as long as she is shyt-testing you as long you stand a chance to turn the tide. but the trail of fail needs to be left. so stop being clingy, needy, nice. JUST STOP. if you want to keep her you need to risk losing her. doesnt mean you need to push her away actively, but take your stand in the relationship.

right now she is with you (or is she?) out of pity and because of some memories of the good days maybe. and she will feel pretty soon that this isnt what she wants. or you start acting differently. first STOP hanging on to the past. the more you think you want this and that back, the more it will be gone. just assume it is still there, you only cant see it. then act like the dude she is totally into up to the point it becomes almost annoying ... so YOU need space and time. and dont take shyt from her EVER again.

 

[John.Peter151]

I got it all, so the main thing i've to redo is what she thinks of me, i should stop doing the thing's that made her distant from me. I guess at first i'll see that she'll not like this and will act getting more distant if i stop being overly-nice but with time she will get attracted automatically - rite?

But other then all that, what about "love" and sincerity? How can a hell sincere person become that B!tchy with her/his love. Should i call it "Her" fault? :S

 

[Desdinova]

I got it all, so the main thing i've to redo is what she thinks of me, i should stop doing the thing's that made her distant from me. I guess at first i'll see that she'll not like this and will act getting more distant if i stop being overly-nice but with time she will get attracted automatically - rite?

You cannot change a woman's perspective of you in a few days or weeks. You can get a 'clean slate' and start over again with a woman after a minimum of one year without contact. The more years that go by, the better your chance of getting her attraction back up to a nice level.

But I'm talking about years. It seems like you want to accomplish this in a couple of weeks. You can't do that. It doesn't work that way. You need to cut this woman off from your life and move on to other women.

The DJ Bible link is at the bottom of the page.

 

[John.Peter151]

Years? You kidding me lol? It's hard to wait a month even and you're taking me to year, not year i mean "Years" woah man you want to kill me

Well after a lot thinking on this matter. Well listen i may try getting reserved and doing what ever to get her attraction back. It won't be succesfull as much as a NC can be. She think's i can't leave her ever so it's better to give her a taste of her "own alone" medicine. Will breakup with her telling her the true reason, if she came back - she's all mine and she'll be afraid of losing me again too, but if she didn't came back. That's what GOD wants. - Rite? I heard that as i will be thinking that "What if she moved on, what if she found someone else, what if she never came back ever" - she'll be thinking same to some extent.

Btw, i know most people are non-religious too, but if you are somehow religious, please pray for me. Will be very much thankful.

 

[Purefilth]

dude... NC, DJ bible... GO!!

 

[Desdinova]

Years? You kidding me lol? It's hard to wait a month even and you're taking me to year, not year i mean "Years" woah man you want to kill me

My first fiancee did a lot of the same 5hit your gf is doing. She changed, had new interests, and quit saying "I love you". If I would have asked her to take me back a couple weeks to a month later, she wouldn't have gone for it. A year after she broke up with me, she wanted back. I didn't want none of it. 9 years later, she REALLY wanted me back. I went out on one date with her and never took her out on a second one.

What you're doing is looking for the quick fix. There isn't any. If you want a woman's currently non-existent attraction for you to return, you need to let her memories and negative emotions fade with time. Once your previous relationship issues are no longer fresh in her mind, THEN you can go back and try again.

It won't be succesfull as much as a NC can be. She think's i can't leave her ever so it's better to give her a taste of her "own alone" medicine.

She's not going to be alone. She's likely looking for a good 'escape route' from your relationship. In other words, if she doesn't currently have another guy she's interested in within her vicinity, she'll be looking for one.

It's only a matter of time before she completely terminates your relationship. You're just dragging out the inevitable and when the relationship finally DOES end, it's going to be extremely traumatic and hurtful for the both of you.

 

[John.Peter151]

Thank you all for advises. I know there are many other people's going through the same sh!t. I was searching on google and found a wonderful article. Recomend you all to read it here: http://www.datingsupportcenter.com/datingarticles/what-if-your-girlfriend-is-taking-you-for-granted/

That's exactly the case with most of us.

 

[drak_ool]

JohnChops, What is DJ bible? :S

I seriously think, and I'm not the only one, sure BackBreaker would agree with this, that every new member should have to read the DJ bible as well as take a short test to prove that he understood it before he can start a new post.

sooooooooo many questions would be answered right off the bat.

 

[Purefilth]

^^^^ this^^^^

 

[Desdinova]

How do you bring back the balance to the relationship?

It’s quite simple. Start growing some spine and don’t
be afraid of losing the whole relationship all together. Pull
back from her and let her “freak out” a bit as she realizes
that she COULD lose you.

Things that this article overlooked...

1) The power struggle is likely to cause more problems in the relationship than the ones that are already existing. Taking back the power is easier said than done. This goes along hand-in-hand with...

2) People don't like change. If you're woman is used to you being a spineless AFC, she isn't going to take you seriously. When you persist that you're no longer a spineless AFC, she's going to think you're turning into an as5hole. She already has enough disrespect and resentment toward you, and adding the fact that you're an a55hole is only going to make it worse.

Again, the best way to get back the spark and attraction from a woman who no longer respects you is to get rid of her, and DO NOT contact her for a couple of years. After that, you've pretty much got a clean slate to work with.

 

[DonJuanabe]

"Again, the best way to get back the spark and attraction from a woman who no longer respects you is to get rid of her, and DO NOT contact her for a couple of years. After that, you've pretty much got a clean slate to work with."

I agree with this in general (assuming the woman is, at that point, single or in a deteriorating relationship). However, I think less time can go by if major changes have occurred in your life and you know how to properly contact her. For example, say you are an artist and one of your works goes on display 8 months after the breakup. You contact the ex and say hey ABC museum is showing my masterpiece -- you should drop by I'll be there during the display. Or say you bought a house (not some condo but an impressive piece of real estate) during the time apart you could text and say hey you should come see my new place after work some night this week or invite her to your house warming party. The idea being that MAJOR change has occurred in your life and you are not the same as you were when she knew you.

 

[flashpoint]

all i see is heavy speculation on the inevitable. dont kid urself, when she is gone she is gone. she might even leave you later but when she does that you most likely have already missed the point of return.

I'd say this speculating is utterly useless, you do what you have to and live with the consequences. there might be a chance that things are changing but i certainly wouldnt count on that. You dont use no contact policy in order to get something but simply because you wont put up with this kind of shyte in your life anymore. there is no room for that. at least if your life or the quality of it means something to you.

bottom line: if she becomes an ungrateful disrespecting biatch just because you were good to her, how the fock is that in any way attractive? how is that even remotely that what you are supposed to be looking for? she changes her attitude, ok you might want to think about taking her back. unless of course you have like 5-10 better options by the time. which you should have btw. for your own sake. and not for some focked up DREAM about everlasting romance.

 

[GotED?]

There's a saying (not trying to make anyone here puke really...) that goes like "If it is meant to be, then it will happen" or "You must let go of love and if it is meant to be, then it will return on its own".

I think there's some truth in it - life is full of uncertainty, and we over-egotistical human beings think we control our full destiny. We really don't, most of the time we can just learn to REACT to life and its awesome joy or s**t party. One thing I have learned from SS is, termed 'Spinning Plates' - though I don't believe in multiple sexual partners at one time (everyone is entitled to their own belief), I do agree you need to see different women at anytime to open your mind to what is available out there and realize what a Sh*tty/fooked up deal you have before.

This is the way to unpedestal your Oneitis - get passionate and horny about other possibilities in life. Good luck.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[Desdinova]

There's a saying (not trying to make anyone here puke really...) that goes like "If it is meant to be, then it will happen" or "You must let go of love and if it is meant to be, then it will return on its own".

If that's the case, then I should have at least five wives. I have a list of women who have tried or are currently trying to get back with me.

If it comes to a point where you have to 'let love go' then it's not 'meant to be'. Now, I really hate society's romantic jargon so to put it a better way: if you can't get along with the bytch then she's not right for you, no matter how much she's infatuated with you.

I truly believe that you can actually get behind the wheel of a woman's attraction and steer it in the direction you want it to go which is why I don't buy into the "let love happen" crap. If you just sit by and let it happen, her emotional car is going to crash.