she has a boyfriend, what to do?

[silviastreetman]

well, not to beat a dead horse, but instead of reading every other post related to, but not the same as, my situation, i am making this post. every situation is a little different so i need specific advice here. So there is this girl i like who obviously has a boyfriend. i meet her through a friend (sara). sara told me that the girl and her boyfriend had broken up a few times but gotten back together and that she doesnt know why she always takes him back even though sara and the girl (amy) have been best friends for a few years. he never takes her out, and doesnt give her the attention she needs, and both amy and sara have told me this. he continues to let her down and she is always available almost any day she doesnt work or go to school, so the opening is there. she does mention him, although rarely. her and i have become friends, although obviously i want more. and usually its easy to get chicks, but this is a little different because ive never tried a girl with a bf other then casual sex at a party or whatever. she calls me and we talk, but shes never made any physical type gestures, no hugs, touches, whatever, but i think shes not that way. she just needs the right motivation to get with me and dump the chump, but how do i give it to her without being too aggresive and ruining a delicate situation. i mean i havent made a move yet at all, but im not in love or anything and can easily move on, however i do like her a lot so i want to give it a good effort. so i think thats about everthing you need to know, so let the advice pour in.......

 

[Ulex]

In short, I think you should strategically detach from her – showing or not showing your interest first (I’m not sure about this). If you keep that way you will enter friend zone and later will be late to get out.

Ulex

 

[Gangster Of Love]

The boyfriend represents everything you don't to her. He's a challenge, and she can't get enough of him. Deep in her heart she wishes she could change him and get him to commit to her. You are just a friend who fills in all the gaps (needs, like attention, etc.) that he doesn't provide.

Best bet is to make a physical advance, even if she turns you down, deep inside she will respect you (like she does her boyfriend) for being a man and taking what you want.

The longer this keeps going on, the deeper you dig yourself into the friend only zone. Not a pretty sight. You can also be dating other girls, which you should already be doing, and make sure she knows about it. People are often motivated by the fear of loss. Make your move, then withdraw, and put Sara to good use for you.

 

[backbreaker]

My man hit it right on the head.

I am kind of in the same situtation, execpt I am at the point where I really dont' want the girl to break up with her BF at this point in time.

He is right; right now you are a gap filler. You are plugging in the emotional holes per say.

You have to be a damn man for crying out loud. Not to be mean, but honesty, if you were in her situtation, would YOU date YOU? I don't think so. You are always available, and she can get what she wants from you without dating you. The word Boyfriend is just a formatlity in my opinion.


Next time she calls you, be quick to set up a date to SEE her. If she comes with an execuse, even a valid one, tell her you are busy and you have to go. She will get the point sooner rather than later.

When you see her, touch her. You don't have to come out and try to bang her in 1 day, but make a move, any move.

 

[silviastreetman]

good points, the thing is that it started on the friendship tip, which isnt so good now. but i dont wanna be a gap filler so ill ask her out this weekend, and if she says yes, good, if not, my boy and i are going to pick up some girls anyway. but that makes a lot of sence, how she gets what she needs from me without giving anything in return. thats bull****! **** that! so ill just see what happens when i talk to her

 

[CrazyGoNuts]

I am in the same situation, she has a man but we both like each other alot. She's already cheated on him with me so its a little different, but the point is you need to make a move or at least give off the DISTINCT impression you will not settle for just being friends. I was in the same position, I broke it off with her not even a week ago and she is already calling me and telling me how much she misses me and how she "needs" me in her life.

Psychologically you give her everything she wants and doesnt have from her boyfriend. If she has a good time with you its not gonna make a difference because her boyfriend doesnt know or doesnt care. She will have the best of both worlds and she will have absolutely no reason whatsoever to leave him for you or anyone else. Hang out with her for a bit, show her what you're all about and then if its not going the way you want it to cut it loose completely.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by silviastreetman
she just needs the right motivation to get with me and dump the chump, but how do i give it to her without being too aggresive and ruining a delicate situation.

Let me guess. She's young and still chases the jerk guys who treat her like crap. She loves the chase.

So let her chase.

Start paying more attention to other chicks and less to her. Next time she calls tell her you have to run because you have a date. Be sure to let her or her friend know how much fun you had too.

The more time you spend talking, hanging out and being friends with her then the less she sees you as bf material and the more stuck in the friendzone you end up. Making a move on her is the wrong play.

If you make a move and she reciprocates then you know one thing. She isn't worth your time anyway.

If she's at all interested she'll make her self available as soon as she see's you slipping away. If not, quit wasting your time.

 

[JSH]

read the stuffon JERKS

 

[silviastreetman]

interesting point, i was planing on asking her out on friday, but now i wonder if i should go out with another chick instead, letting her know it, then go from there? which plan is better?

 

[ArmondTamzarian]

Don't bother

I would pull back from your current support role. You don't want to become one of her girlfriends. But, you can try to get her to introduce you to some of her single friends. Believe me, there is nothing better than a woman telling your girl that you are as perfect as they come.