She got me

[SgtSplacker]

Curious about this "Talk about
what she looks like, how you feel about her, things you can do together."

Well I mean don't start fawning over her or anything but you can talk about the more civil aspects of her appearance. Maybe you might like how she dresses, or if she works out. I'll tell her I notice she stays fit and I like that, then get into asking her how/where she works out. The overall topic is her but it's not like you're sitting there telling her how tight her thighs are Mmmmmm. Compliment what she does, not her for doing it. If you get into talking about how you feel about her you can talk about something regarding her personality that you like. No direct compliments just relate that you think she is cool and always give her enough room to talk about you a bit, draw the conversation to you with a "i love what you do, this is how i do it" kinda flow. Talking about your next possible date is done the same way, talk about things that are cool and places you like to go. Don't try to make plans with her like you're trying to lock it down or anything. Then hit her up on a Thursday and invite to one of those spots on Saturday see if she's free. If she is busy tell her you might head out there with some friends anyway. If i'm feeling really good about how the date is going i'll tell her something like "maybe we'll go there next weekend" and that's it.


When I take a girl out i'll rarely say it's a date at first, i'm just trying to get to know her because she is interesting to me that's all she gets at first. Maybe this girl is a wack job and drives me nuts for months at a time? I need to feel this kind of thing out before ever even suggesting I might be interested in her by using words like "date". If I see she stays excited about spending time together then maybe i'll start to call them dates after that. I like to maintain a type of steady progression like that, so she knows where this is going and she's either on the boat or not, sink or swim and lets move on. If she fakes at some point in this then maybe she's just pretending or a bit unsure about things and that's definitely not what i'm looking for. I'm looking for a girl that is sure she likes me not some unsure girl considering her options while shes eating my food and drinking my drinks. Point is that you don't want to be all over her but you do want to keep things on target so nobody is confused and either of you can move on easily if something doesn't feel good without any real rejection by either party.


As far as sex goes I follow the same logic by following a natural progression. Start with kino move onto kissing a bit, after that just do what feels right as long as you have intimacy established you know you are going to get it eventually but always maintain a good pace of progression. Because if everything else is going perfect and you fake on trying to lay her, she will think there is something wrong and will treat you like you just offended her and believe or not you subtly just did.

 

[ubercat]

Thanks great reply

 

[Yewki]

Why should I respond? Let's say you were on a date and you just bought dinner for her. On the way out she hits on another guy right in front of you. You have to think. I was being emotional and not thinking just like you are now. Of course I sound like an Ahole. That's the point. I'm being an Ahole to someone who just got done venting to me to turn and talk to other dudes right after canceling. She wasn't sad, she was being manipulative. Now she's sad and still wants to vent. She can't have it both ways. I don't hate her, I just don't want to be supportive. Did you not read that she got online before and after canceling after I just got done being supportive? That's incredibly inconsiderate which is why I'm no longer being considerate. Okay, I'm a jerk. Then I'm just a jerk.

Doesn't matter if she pulled down her pants and took a dump on your shoes in the middle of the mall, if she tells you a relative died then extend her the basic common courtesy of a response. "So sorry to hear." She will remember the fact you didn't respond, and assume you're an a**hole. Even if she deserves it, do you really want to stoop to that level?

 

[Amilz]

Doesn't matter if she pulled down her pants and took a dump on your shoes in the middle of the mall, if she tells you a relative died then extend her the basic common courtesy of a response. "So sorry to hear." She will remember the fact you didn't respond, and assume you're an a**hole. Even if she deserves it, do you really want to stoop to that level?

I did respond, but too late. Yea, I handled it all wrong.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I did respond, but too late. Yea, I handled it all wrong.

You've got to remain centered my friend. Don't let anything get to you.

 

[Sprayarc]

I did respond, but too late. Yea, I handled it all wrong.

Don't worry. Her attitude will change when she's like 35

 

[Amilz]

You've got to remain centered my friend. Don't let anything get to you.

Thanks. I think I'm probably not in a good situation to be dating at all right now. I'm trying to be overly logical and missing the basics when they are right in front of me. I'm gonna take a step back from all of it.

 

[Amilz]

She ended up texting me a couple of days later. She was pretty animated in her texts and mine were cordial but I kept them fairly basic. It's the same as before though. She might send me a text in a couple of days and initiate then I might do the same. There is no continuous stream of dialogue and she has made no hint at rescheduling. It seems like she's keeping me around for attention at this point. I'm glad she responded because I felt like a jerk for not responding sooner to what was going on with her but I think I just need to leave it alone. I don't think it's worth chasing someone with lukewarm interest.

This stuff is complicated. It's hard to find a the line between being successful with women and a borderline pushover.

 

[icantgetlaid]

I don't think it's worth chasing someone with lukewarm interest.

basically this .. trust your intuition always with girls ... always trust it ... when a girl likes you its super obvious. and when its not super obvious its because interest is lukewarm ... or they are playing games ... both situations are mentally exhaustive and a waste of your time as a DJ .. the nice part though is that it makes it easy to move on/next them.

 

[Amilz]

basically this .. trust your intuition always with girls ... always trust it ... when a girl likes you its super obvious. and when its not super obvious its because interest is lukewarm ... or they are playing games ... both situations are mentally exhaustive and a waste of your time as a DJ .. the nice part though is that it makes it easy to move on/next them.

I agree it is exhausting and somewhat selfish of me to expect more. It's also disrespectful to myself. It's desperation. I really need to start training myself to take a new approach. I think at this point I am going to ignore all responses from her that is if she even responds.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I agree it is exhausting and somewhat selfish of me to expect more. It's also disrespectful to myself. It's desperation. I really need to start training myself to take a new approach. I think at this point I am going to ignore all responses from her that is if she even responds.

You don't need to ignore her, or anyone in life. Simply state your intent and be congruent with your words. If you want her, tell her to schedule a time to see you in person. If she doesn't make a date, disappear. Your attention is your currency.

 

[Amilz]

So she invites me out on Monday but then asks what we should do. She didn't offer any suggestions. We agree to go to a movie on Wednesday. We meet there, don't hug just make small talk. This is the 3rd meeting. Before leaving to go I decided I was not going to as I had already spent about $140 the first 2 meets. I was kind of anxious that she was not going to pay but then I thought why wouldn't she when she invited me out. I drove all the way to her side of town in terrible weather on top of it so she wouldn't have to drive to me.

We walk into the theater and we both slowdown as we get to the concession counter to buy tickets. I branch away from the cashier and she won't go up to the counter. I lean on the glass and just wait. She starts staring at her shoes. The concession lady is probably just as uncomfortable as us. The awkwardness was palpable. I almost paid just to get that over with but the girl said she had to go to bathroom and hurried off leaving me at the concession with the cashier. I was stunned. I said to the cashier to hold off on it she's gonna chip in and walked away from the counter and got on my phone. When she came back from her act the girl was all bubbly an excited and walked up towards the concession and then looked confused. I told asked her if she would get it and went back to looking on my phone. She did and was polite about it but I was just ready to go at the point. It was the most uncomfortable date I've been on but at least I was decisive this time. I would have paid and been infuriated with myself after had I not started to change.

 

[Yewki]

Gotta love the entitlement. She expects you to pay for everything on every date, even if the date is her idea... then when you were making the very obvious hints that she needed to pay for something, you would think any half decent person would immediately be like "Oh yeah, I got this" ... but no, she still goes out of her way to try to avoid paying. She just stands there, awkwardly. Staring at her shoes? Suddenly going to the bathroom? LOL.

Like even if hypothetically she has extreme money issues and is on a super tight budget, it would just be common courtesy to tell you before asking you to go out and do something. "Hey by the way I can't spend any money". I don't know, I just don't get it. Sh*t like this is such a turn off to me, if I were you I'd be done with her. People like that are just not attractive to me no matter what they look like.

As soon as she hesitated to pay though you should have taken charge and just asked her to, instead of allowing the situation to become awkward.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Gotta love the entitlement. She expects you to pay for everything on every date, even if the date is her idea... then when you were making the very obvious hints that she needed to pay for something, you would think any half decent person would immediately be like "Oh yeah, I got this" ... but no, she still goes out of her way to try to avoid paying. She just stands there, awkwardly. Staring at her shoes? Suddenly going to the bathroom? LOL.

Like even if hypothetically she has extreme money issues and is on a super tight budget, it would just be common courtesy to tell you before asking you to go out and do something. "Hey by the way I can't spend any money". I don't know, I just don't get it. Sh*t like this is such a turn off to me, if I were you I'd be done with her. People like that are just not attractive to me no matter what they look like.

As soon as she hesitated to pay though you should have taken charge and just asked her to, instead of allowing the situation to become awkward.

Why not flatly tell her to pay for her share? Beating around the bush never works.

It's better to be blunt than to be played for a fool.

 

[FCB]

So she invites me out on Monday but then asks what we should do. She didn't offer any suggestions. We agree to go to a movie on Wednesday. We meet there, don't hug just make small talk. This is the 3rd meeting. Before leaving to go I decided I was not going to as I had already spent about $140 the first 2 meets. I was kind of anxious that she was not going to pay but then I thought why wouldn't she when she invited me out. I drove all the way to her side of town in terrible weather on top of it so she wouldn't have to drive to me.

We walk into the theater and we both slowdown as we get to the concession counter to buy tickets. I branch away from the cashier and she won't go up to the counter. I lean on the glass and just wait. She starts staring at her shoes. The concession lady is probably just as uncomfortable as us. The awkwardness was palpable. I almost paid just to get that over with but the girl said she had to go to bathroom and hurried off leaving me at the concession with the cashier. I was stunned. I said to the cashier to hold off on it she's gonna chip in and walked away from the counter and got on my phone. When she came back from her act the girl was all bubbly an excited and walked up towards the concession and then looked confused. I told asked her if she would get it and went back to looking on my phone. She did and was polite about it but I was just ready to go at the point. It was the most uncomfortable date I've been on but at least I was decisive this time. I would have paid and been infuriated with myself after had I not started to change.

Yeah you handled this very poorly. You should tell her to pay in a playfull way before the date or on your way up to the theatre. Just be straight up and tell her since you've paid for the first 2 dates its her turn to take you out and show you a good time, say it playfully but assertively and don't back down. That will show you aren't going to pay for her company. If a girl reschedules a date on me or does something else I don't like but still proposes an alternative I almost always tell them they are buying first round. This accomplishes a few goals; it turns the tables and puts them in a position to chase you and makes you stand out from the usual orbiters, it sets the tone for having multiple drinks and a fun date, it shows you aren't a pushover and if she disappoints you there will be consequences.

 

[Amilz]

Yeah you handled this very poorly. You should tell her to pay in a playfull way before the date or on your way up to the theatre. Just be straight up and tell her since you've paid for the first 2 dates its her turn to take you out and show you a good time, say it playfully but assertively and don't back down. That will show you aren't going to pay for her company. If a girl reschedules a date on me or does something else I don't like but still proposes an alternative I almost always tell them they are buying first round. This accomplishes a few goals; it turns the tables and puts them in a position to chase you and makes you stand out from the usual orbiters, it sets the tone for having multiple drinks and a fun date, it shows you aren't a pushover and if she disappoints you there will be consequences.

I understand what you are saying and I agree if I was trying to maintain or build interest with this girl but I was so disinterested after her actions that I didn't care if I was blunt or that she was no longer interested. I really just wanted to go home. My attraction to her dwindled greatly. Even if I didn't handle it well I feel empowered either way. No matter how playful or nice I was she was not going to be intimate with me. I shouldn't have to tell her she needs to pay. It's courteous to pay for someone or at least pay for yourself if you invite them out.

 

[Amilz]

Gotta love the entitlement. She expects you to pay for everything on every date, even if the date is her idea... then when you were making the very obvious hints that she needed to pay for something, you would think any half decent person would immediately be like "Oh yeah, I got this" ... but no, she still goes out of her way to try to avoid paying. She just stands there, awkwardly. Staring at her shoes? Suddenly going to the bathroom? LOL.

Like even if hypothetically she has extreme money issues and is on a super tight budget, it would just be common courtesy to tell you before asking you to go out and do something. "Hey by the way I can't spend any money". I don't know, I just don't get it. Sh*t like this is such a turn off to me, if I were you I'd be done with her. People like that are just not attractive to me no matter what they look like.

As soon as she hesitated to pay though you should have taken charge and just asked her to, instead of allowing the situation to become awkward.

Her personality became so unattractive to me that I barely remembered why I even considered her attractive at all. She became very average. I leaned away from her during the movie. I've never been on a date where a girl behaved like this.

 

[usernamedox11]

seems like you guys didn't have much of a connection anyway. i don't blame her.

op, unless you were just looking to smash, you should've not seen her after the first date if you saw there was no connection. and if you were looking to smash, you need to sexually escalate earlier.

don't force a connection. it's either there or it's not. and if it's not, who gives a sh1t. move on.

if i hang out with a girl and sex isn't my main goal and the connection is just not there, i don't bother hanging out with the girl again.

you must evaluate and see if the girl is winning you over. it's not about proving yourself to the girl.

again, if there is not much conversation and the date is boring, move on. if your goal is to smash, physically escalate early and deal with the rejection if she isn't having it. no big deal, you were just looking for sex. if the goal is a GF, don't bother with a girl that you have no fun or connection with.