She flakes, then comes back for attention

[Meisterman]

I'm in a situation with a girl right now where she's been flakey the past few weeks. She'd always initiate, text, make arrangements, etc. We banged a few times. But once she started going cold/flakey, I pulled way back. If she pulled back 10 inches, I pull back 10 feet. If she pulls back 10 feet, I pull back 10 miles.

This has resulted in me going Ghost on her for several days, multiple times. Both times she has reached out, basically begging for attention, asking to hang out, meet up, etc.

Then when I have given her a second chance since she's initiating without any effort on my part, she pulls similar flakey sh*t again.

For example 2 weeks ago she made plans to hang out, then when I said "What's up?" She ignored it for a full day and apologized. Then last night she made plans to hang out, kept delaying it saying she was working on a paper. Then made an excuse that we can't go to her place because her roommate is sleeping in the living room and doesn't want to be disrupted. Then when I suggested she can come over here stopped responding MID TEXT!! and haven't heard from her since. We live literally right next door too on campus. I know she didn't have anyone else over and I know she didn't fall asleep. I can hear her room through my bedroom wall. It's that close.

I know you guys will say "Yeah low IL, move on." Thing is, I HAVE moved on. I HAVE dropped her. But then she comes back, acting all super friendly, and pulls the same sh*t again. She sent me a super long nice thanksgiving text I felt obliged to reply to and saying we should catch up when I got back on campus. Then she texts me again the day I get back acting all enthused etc. And I did end up seeing her that night.

She's a girl studying abroad. She leaves the country in 1 week. I'm not sure whether I should try to see her at all before she leaves. I already know I'm not responding to her next text, but knowing her she WILL send one because she must love the attention.

I can either

A) Go ghost forever and have her leave the country without saying a word
B) Ignore her first text but reply with indifference if she sends another one a day or two after that
C) Be nice about it. Reply "it's no problem" and don't act upset over it. (That's what I did the first 2 times. Now I'm less likely to choose this).
D) Anything else

It's hard because she initiates a lot, acting super friendly and enthused, whenever I go NC. And we still have seen each other a few times recently. But then she pulls crap like this, and makes me feel it's not worth replying at all. After last night, her respect has hit an all time low.

Keep in mind she was slightly more than just a random plate. We were fairly close for a couple months, and live next door on campus so we saw each other a lot. If I went complete ghost with her leaving the country to UK, it would definitely hit her hard, and there would be probably no chance of salvaging anything left after that.

 

[sylvester the cat]

All that matters is that you don't care either way. Whether it's because you're spinning plates or engaged in other activities.

If you insist on replying just make your response clear and to the point. My place such and such a time. If she doesn't comply then forget her.

 

[Meisterman]

All that matters is that you don't care either way. Whether it's because you're spinning plates or engaged in other activities.

If you insist on replying just make your response clear and to the point. My place such and such a time. If she doesn't comply then forget her.

I already did this. Last night was already strike 2, or even strike 3 in a few week span. So when she reaches out again I could just go ghost and let her leave the country without saying a word. Or possibly reply politely, but don't try to initiate seeing her again. And I agree with you that what matters most is I don't care either way.

 

[sylvester the cat]

I already did this. Last night was already strike 2, or even strike 3 in a few week span. So when she reaches out again I could just go ghost and let her leave the country without saying a word. Or possibly reply politely, but don't try to initiate seeing her again. And I agree with you that what matters most is I don't care either way.

Yes. Always be polite. Ok, no problem or I understand being the magic words. Then go ghost and keep busy.

 

[Meisterman]

Ok she literally just texted me right now apologizing saying she fell asleep last night while writing her paper. Which is a lie but whatever. And then she asked if I want to hang out tonight in the evening. Part of me is just like "yeah ok, that's fine. Whatever" and the other part is saying "fvck that. I got other sh*t to do tonight." and the other part of me just doesn't want to respond at all. After a flake like that how would you guys respond, or would you just not at all?

 

[Lolapo]

Give her one more chance, if she flakes tonight, she's done

 

[salinechow]

Yea. Sometimes people are just flakey people in general, even with friends and family. It isn’t always necessarily a game. Just idiot behavior and they were never taught differently. I say give her a goodbye f^ck. She seems willing.

 

[El Payaso]

Tell her off and move on. Waste of time.

 

[Stugots26]

You can set your boundaries for respect. Say something like, "I'd like to see you, but I expect that a woman who's interested in me will respect my time when we make plans. If you can't do that I understand, and you can get in touch with me if you change your mind and want to start treating me and my time properly."

Then you have to go ghost.

No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don't in some way allow them to.

You're giving her these opportunities to show that she values you, and she's fallen short each time. So obviously she doesn't value you. Your only option is to draw your line in the sand by stating your expectations for treatment and then being congruent with that statement. If she can't meet them, it's unfortunate, but it's her loss and you'll find someone else.

 

[dangbro]

I have the same issue going on with a girl, we make arrangements only for her to flake. I go completely ghost only for her to text me a couple weeks later, I figure I will try again, only for her to give me the I will let you know text even though she claims to be interested. She wont follow though with letting me know but will then text me a week later... has too be an attention thing, I am debating on what to say to her when she does text me again.. any ideas?

 

[Meisterman]

She flaked AGAIN tonight when she texted me asking if I wanted to hang out since she flaked last night. When I replied telling her sure, she ignored and flaked again. It's an attention thing and it's pure disrespect. In hindsight I wish I didn't reply but I also had learned from the experience so now consider myself better for it.

If I hadn't replied, there's a chance I would still be invested in seeing her later this week before she left to the UK. Thank god I have that off my chest now. Feels good to be free, what a relief and I'm lucky it went the way it did.

Bottom line is. Don't lower your self respect for anything. Women, sex, approval, etc. Self respect comes first. If a woman crosses that line with me it's over.

 

[nismo-4]

I knew this was gonna turn out bad.

OP, start using the one strike rule. One flake, she's gone, blocked, and deleted from every platform. She wouldn't play these silly ho games with Brad Pitt.

Remember that when a woman flakes, you have failed. Consider it a lost cause and that 9/10 times she's in another castle.

Case closed.

 

[astrn]

A.

Thats your answer. Go ghost and move on.

If she comes back next year or another time you can initiate again. World is small so who knows!

 

[mikey2012]

She flaked AGAIN tonight when she texted me asking if I wanted to hang out since she flaked last night. When I replied telling her sure, she ignored and flaked again. It's an attention thing and it's pure disrespect. In hindsight I wish I didn't reply but I also had learned from the experience so now consider myself better for it.

If I hadn't replied, there's a chance I would still be invested in seeing her later this week before she left to the UK. Thank god I have that off my chest now. Feels good to be free, what a relief and I'm lucky it went the way it did.

Bottom line is. Don't lower your self respect for anything. Women, sex, approval, etc. Self respect comes first. If a woman crosses that line with me it's over.

You wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't care (you do coz you posted all this ) . And you care coz you aren't spinning plates.

If you were spinning plates then we wouldn't even be reading this post.

Your game is still weak I'm afraid . Improve it.

Learn not to care and spin more plates.

 

[Leif_Johnson]

don't give her another chance to flake.

 

[GS750]

don't give her another chance to flake.

Pretty much this. This chick has been jerking you around. Your attention is your currency...don't give her any more of it. Option A is where its at. Go ghost.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Now delete her details and forget about her.

 

[mikey2012]

Going ghost when you have no options is hard.

 

[stevo]

You wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't care (you do coz you posted all this ) . And you care coz you aren't spinning plates.

If you were spinning plates then we wouldn't even be reading this post.

Your game is still weak I'm afraid . Improve it.

Learn not to care and spin more plates.

It's not a plates thing.

OP described one of my plates perfectly except this one goes to college in a different city.

I spin plate, I live my life, she hits me up, we agree to chill, Its time and she's no where, I hit her up and she brings up some nonsense excuse.

I live my life, she sends a text, I ignore, she sends another later in the day or two days later.

Sometimes she does show up but time to time the above happens and I just wanna yell Leave me the fcuk alone.

So even if you could care less, even if youre spinning plates, even if you're not an orbiter, these type for some reason just play the mind game of : "if he's expecting me and I dont show, it'd make a stamp on his heart and he'd think about me more"

It does work but not in the way they think, if anything makes me want to cut contact.

It's a form to make us chase, gotta love silly games women play.

It also hurts brutally not because I care for her but more so because I care for my self respect and my time, only way for her not to pull same sheet again is to ignore all her texts, she'd get it at some point or she'd show up at your doorstep asking you why you went ghost. They wont be with you per se but they dont want to be without you.

 

[El Payaso]

Lesson learned at least. Flake once and you move on
Don't give her attention.