She flaked on me twice... is it my turn now?

[tsmith2334]

OP why are you making excuses for her cancelling on you? she wasted your time twice and then you were annoyed the second time, but you didn't say anything, and happily accepted a 3rd date? you should have told her to call you next month after that. you thinking she really hates talking on the phone? or she really hates talking on the phone with you? you know it's okay to let that chic know she's fvcking up, I am starting to see how stupid that I'm always soo aloof and nothing bothers me, let me either hold it all inside or next that chic. it's so damn stupid.

You are a f*cking moron. I did say something, she knew I was annoyed. And I didn't happily accept the 3rd date, we had already planned it prior. I swear, nobody on here actually reads anything.

I know she doesn't like talking on the phone, because she doesn't like talking on the phone. Her girlfriends, even her sister, call her all the time and she never picks up or calls them back. I probably have a better response rate than they do. I know her and you don't, so stop asking retarded questions. Focus on the issue at hand, instead of trying to inject unfounded self-doubt.

By the way, "letting her know she's f*cking up" is the quickest and easiest way to come off as a self-important, delusional jackass who is too busy criticizing women and taking himself to seriously to actually get laid. A.K.A. this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c06pinaKl8o

And now to address Kailex...

How do you possibly know this?
Did you follow her around all night just to make sure?
Unless you did that, you have no guarantee that she isnt doing that.

Confident hunch. I know her pretty well. We live in a ghost town and I'd be willing to bet a paycheck she has very little "dating options" when she's home from college. Trust me, I know her. You don't.

Maybe she canceled on me, and immediately hopped in a drug dealer's car and gave him head while he took her to a gangbang. Anything is possible. But I'd rather air on the side of common sense and self-assuredness. Paranoid suspicions of her canceling on me and screwing a bunch of other guys won't help my psyche, it will hurt it. Try peddling all the negativity and self-doubt you want on me, I promise you it won't work.

You are saying:

-She's hurting for dates.
-She's cancelling dates with ME.

Just THINK about it.
And she's done it TWICE.

Um, yea. I am. It happened. It is what it is. Chalk it up as a shit test. Or... people... living... their... lives. I'm seeing her tomorrow. I'll live. Again, it's in my best interest to bypass the self-doubt and negativity. Had there not been a 2nd set of existing plans, I may be a little more dreary about the situation, but my end goal is always self-betterment and being positive.

Again, unless you stalked her all night, you have NO clue what she was up to.
I just hate it when guys come on these boards and act SO SURE about their current situations.

So, realistically, what are my 2 options?

A) Stalk her.
B) Be confident and self-assured.

I choose the latter. You're framing is so NEGATIVE and the only thing you're trying to accomplish on this message board is to make other users feel like crap and paranoid. I'm not buying what you're selling, dude.

A woman who is interested and is "hurting for dates"... will NOT cancel dates.

It's called a shit test. Or, here's a crazy thought, maybe people having things going on in their lives and occasionally cancel plans. Whoa, never thought of that!

Get yourself out of the SS bubble for a second. What's more appealing to a women, a guy who's fun and laid back or a guy who is extremely critical off her and loses his cool over a canceled date? Put yourself in her shoes for a second. I'm not saying to be a pushover, rather, just stop sweating the small stuff.

You either go out with her and escalate to No Man's Land or you just apply the Two Strikes Rule.

Applying the "two-strikes rule", everything has resulted in counter offers and legitimate reasons for canceling. Or I can forget these stupid made-up rules and decide to play life by ear and do what I feel is best.

The average, sexual active man (married and/ or banging HB8's or better) has never heard of the 2 strike rule, the Gunwitch method, the push-pull holy grail and all this other nonsense. He was confident and she responded well. You don't need to spend 13 hours on SoSuave every day to figure out how to get laid.

Think about what YOU'RE doing for a second. Insisting THE only 2 options are arbitrary crap from PUA's trying to make a buck. Dude, 99% of the population (including millions of men banging hot chicks) has never heard of SS or these "essential methods". Get out of the SS bubble and stop being so asinine.

Sidenote: The Friday she canceled on me, I went to a bar in a college town about 45 minutes away, got drunk and had a (albeit very brief) makeout session with a girl on the dance floor. How about that for spinning plates?

There are NO other options.

Here's another option, not listening to you. This forum is absolute crap. Morons like you peddle negativity, inapplicable stupid rules, paranoia and self-defeat, and whatever other garbage they can "spin" into some sort of a deranged pseudo-self-help manual.

This forum has actually been detrimental to my gaming of women. That's why I post here once every few months and then leave again. Whenever I feel confident and reassured, a bunch of jackasses on here advocate analyzing every detail, overreacting and losing sight of the end-game (having fun and self-improvement).

There's a reason SoSuave has become a joke to the outside world (see the definition of "SoSuave" on Encylopedia Dramatica). Peace out guys, it was a good run. I guess I answered my own question. The date for tomorrow is still on. I'm going to go out and make things happen, rather than look for useless advice from virgins.

 

[vatoloco]

Good luck tsmith!



Okay, to those new people reading, here's what happened:

Unfortunately (or "fortunately" for us who find women both nuts and fascinating at the same time! ) women like to test us like this to see if we have a backbone. They want a man who won't put up with their B.S. (I know, it sounds crazy! -- see my comment about them being "nuts" earlier)

When women flake, it's either because they're not interested and couldn't say "No" to your face (hence delaying the get-together long enough for you to get the hint) OR they're sh!ttesting you to see if you give in to their whims. If you do, she will have no respect towards you. Without respect, there can be no love. The end.

 

[tsmith2334]

Unfortunately (or "fortunately" for us who find women both nuts and fascinating at the same time! ) women like to test us like this to see if we have a backbone. They want a man who won't put up with their B.S. (I know, it sounds crazy! -- see my comment about them being "nuts" earlier)

When women flake, it's either because they're not interested and couldn't say "No" to your face (hence delaying the get-together long enough for you to get the hint) OR they're sh!ttesting you to see if you give in to their whims. If you do, she will have no respect towards you. Without respect, there can be no love. The end.

You're just speaking in cliches. What do you actually suggest that I do?

Cliff notes version: Before she canceled, we had already made plans for next week (which is tomorrow). For those accusing me of not having a spine and happily rescheduling, may I re-iterate: WE DID NOT RESCHEDULE AFTER SHE CANCELED, THE PLANS HAD ALREADY BEEN MADE PRIOR.

So, vatoloco my current options are: a) cancel those plans or b) still take her out on the date. I have no room to switch the times around, count-offer, suggest lunch or anything like that, I work a 9 to 5 and the only time I can date is in the evening.

She already knows I was annoyed that she canceled twice, believe me I wasn't all smiles and flowers. I've NC'd her since then. I let her know I didn't think it was cool and I didn't appreciate it.

So, again, the question is, do I...

a) Cancel the date for tomorrow (plans were already made before the cancellation)

b) Take her out on the date.

Please just answer the question instead of going off in tangents.

 

[vatoloco]

You're just speaking in cliches. What do you actually suggest that I do?

You're not gonna like it. I'd rather just wish you good luck...

a) Cancel the date for tomorrow (plans were already made before the cancellation)

b) Take her out on the date.

Please just answer the question instead of going off in tangents.

...but since you insist. Take her out and wish for the best.

Good luck my man!

 

[Kailex]

So, again, the question is, do I...

a) Cancel the date for tomorrow (plans were already made before the cancellation)

b) Take her out on the date.

Please just answer the question instead of going off in tangents.

I'll bite, since you are asking a legitimate question and assuming that you still want to go out with her, which obviously... you do.

Just go with A. You seem adamant about giving her a shot, so, why not?

If you "flake" on her, you won't really be affecting her at all, to be honest. And it's Tuesday evening. Might as well go out and have fun.

 

[tsmith2334]

I'll bite, since you are asking a legitimate question and assuming that you still want to go out with her, which obviously... you do.

Just go with A. You seem adamant about giving her a shot, so, why not?

If you "flake" on her, you won't really be affecting her at all, to be honest. And it's Tuesday evening. Might as well go out and have fun.

Thanks for your input. Repped. Sorry I kinda flew off the handle before.

 

[FreD_BeaR]

Ok dude, first i will answer your questions. Go on the fricken date for gods sake. Reading your huge post honestly was slightly infuriating. But I cooled down and will give you my best advice.


First though, dont blow up on people who are trying to help you. What they are saying is good advice I think. Dont be upset at SS or everyone else because you think they are insulting you. they are trying to help you out. It happens too often where people ask a question then refuse to listen to any advice.

Anyway, I kinda know what youre going through man. I understand, but you need to also understand that the advice at hand here isnt bad. You just have to take everything with a grain of salt. Your life is not a textbook and you shouldnt live it like one. In time you will take techniques and it will become natural, where its no longer a rule or guide. Its just the way you are. So when people are telling you to apply the two strikes rule, I personally think its a good rule, obviously you use your own judgement since its your life, no one elses, and you know it better than anyone right?

Its about the balance and actually understanding these tecniques and why they work. You flaking I can almost guarentee will do nothing. Disregarding your past, you and this girl made plans to go out to diner and movie. Ok great, now she said she wants to see you before it.... ok it sounds like shes got some high interest. So you make plans, but then she cancels the day before. You brush it off, people are busy, I agree. But its here how you handle it that determines the frame. It may not be that big of a deal, but saying ok no problem isnt really the right way to handle it. I dont know what you said exactly, but something C+F to put you in control, like someone said above saying youre losing your chances with me. That is nothing like that youtube video man, thats what you need to understand. Its all in the context of what you say. Its not what you say as much how you say it. If youre teasing her and not being a serious doucher whos a bitter bub like that dimitri than it means something totally different.

To the next point, I know the feeling when you think you know a person, but just because you THINK you know a person, what theyre doing, who theyre with. It dosnt mean **** dude. You think you can trust people, believe what they have to say, but Ive seen too many times people lie right through their teeth, then calling people out on their lies that I know are lies, watching them back peddle making more lies. Anyway back on point, im not saying she was with some other dude, but im not saying she wasnt, and I dont think you should be so sure either. Its always an option. What others have said, if she wants to see you shell cancel other plans to be with you, that is so true its not even funny. Ofcourse people have commitments, but if a girl wants to see you she will. Ive seen it first hand from intense high interest level, then seeing it drop, to it being too low to bring back up. The only way to learn these things is to have them happen and learn from your mistakes. When its happening, it is so hard, maybe impossible to see what others are telling you. Its when you take a step back and rationalize things, thats when you realize what was really going on, thats when you learn.


So anyway tsmith, good luck with this bitty. Dont be so hard on the forum, were here to help and learn, just like you. Take all advice with a grain of salt but realize it exists because it works. Go on the date, escalate it, be cool, be suave.

 

[FreD_BeaR]

I too take breaks from the forum, I havent visited in a while. Pretty much just focused the past couple months on myself. Enjoying myself, becoming a better person inside and out. Not worrying about picking up chicks, not trying to impress anyone. Its about you dude, no one else. It took me so long to realize it is my life, Im a man now, I will do what I want when I want and im going to live my life to the fullest being the best person i can be.

 

[cordoncordon]

I do think you were too nice to her after the flakes, but at this point you have nothing to lose by going out with her. I would be very assertive and try to F her tomorrow night. Be funny, carefree, and BE AGGRESSIVE. :cheer: She might just feel so bad about flaking that she'll cave right in. But no matter what, don't act upset that she flaked, and don't act like you are into her all that much other than as a nice lay.

 

[terran2k]

ripping into me when I am just trying ot help? You think when I say to let her know she's ****ing up is to do something like in that youtube vid? really dude, you're acting like such a jerk off.

 

[tsmith2334]

ripping into me when I am just trying ot help? You think when I say to let her know she's ****ing up is to do something like in that youtube vid? really dude, you're acting like such a jerk off.

Sorry, man. I got kinda heated before for no reason. I apologize.

It may not be that big of a deal, but saying ok no problem isnt really the right way to handle it. I dont know what you said exactly, but something C+F to put you in control, like someone said above saying youre losing your chances with me.

Thanks for your input. I am going to rep you, terran2k and cordoncordon.

I didn't react that nicely when she canceled, I told her it was "weak". And of course she sent multiple texts apologizing and saying we'd be getting dinner before the movie. I just said w/e.

And the plan tomorrow is to be C+F and laid back (but aggressive). I'm going to make a joke about her canceling on me and that will be that. I'm good at C+F, if I wasn't than she wouldn't want to keep going on these casual dates

:wave:

 

[todays_news]

go on the date, if you have no doubts then go, and update the thread on how it goes.

besides, your spinning other plates. Hardly a loss even if she isnt interested.

you seem like an arrogant yet confident kind of guy which is a good combination where women are concerned. Perfect for a date.

Good luck.

 

[Disco]

why would you even play this game? you are a safe backup plan for her in case something better doesn't come along. you've known her for years, she's home from college for the summer and you aren't on her important list. you are working for nothing and you should wake up to the reality. you can lash out at me if you want, but you will a) get nothing IF...IF...the date actually happens which I'll give a 20 percent chance that it might and she'll want to go home early or b) you'll end up hearing about how she misses college, how fun it is, her new girlfriends and of course college guys. you are making a big deal out of nothing that will bring anything you are hoping for. you're her buddy at best, but not even a close one.

i think you should drop how the two of you "reconnected". i bet it's not what you think it is. i am even willing to bet it was you who made the effort and suggestion to reconnect. people here need to read what the posts really say and not just keywords that result in a canned response. i'm on your team buddy, but damn play chess and see the whole game.

and btw, this is the best part "Trust me, I know her. You don't.". if you know her so well why the **** are you posting about it? you contradict yourself so much in your posts that it's alarming.

 

[tsmith2334]

why would you even play this game? you are a safe backup plan for her in case something better doesn't come along. you've known her for years, she's home from college for the summer and you aren't on her important list. you are working for nothing and you should wake up to the reality. you can lash out at me if you want, but you will a) get nothing IF...IF...the date actually happens which I'll give a 20 percent chance that it might and she'll want to go home early or b) you'll end up hearing about how she misses college, how fun it is, her new girlfriends and of course college guys. you are making a big deal out of nothing that will bring anything you are hoping for. you're her buddy at best, but not even a close one.

i think you should drop how the two of you "reconnected". i bet it's not what you think it is. i am even willing to bet it was you who made the effort and suggestion to reconnect. people here need to read what the posts really say and not just keywords that result in a canned response. i'm on your team buddy, but damn play chess and see the whole game.

and btw, this is the best part "Trust me, I know her. You don't.". if you know her so well why the **** are you posting about it? you contradict yourself so much in your posts that it's alarming.

I don't think I did "our history" justice. We've always kinda had things for each other on and off. At one point, about 5 years ago, she was mine for the taking, but I was in a serious LTR with another girl (who turned out to be a huge headache, but that's for another discussion).

We aren't buddies. We really don't take to often outside of a dating environment. I've made sure to stay the hell out of the friend zone as best as humanly possible. I'll go months, at one point literally years without speaking to her. I'm not the safe guy who she can just call and chat with whatever she wants. I've always tried to challenge her and build interest.

In the past, in fact almost whenever I see her, there is a sharp amount of sexual/ intimate tension between us. Like I've said before, the IOIs are clear as day. One time I posted a FR and everyone on SS reiterated that I was dumb ass for not "capitalizing".

In fact, read it for yourself:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=168324

I've met up with her on her breaks before and trust me she doesn't play the whole "I miss my college life and my college girls and my college frat boys" card. We actually have really deep, mutually-focused interactions (kino, body language, etc) that are just begging for escalation.

As you can see in my FR, I've just never had the cojones to really, truly make a move. That is a thing of the past. And I'm not going to let any SS'ers bully me into paranoia and self-defeat this time.

So, this is chance for us to legit hook-up. Maybe we date seriously, maybe we only hook up a couple times, maybe I totally crash and burn. Bottom line, I'm bringing my pair with me this time and really going to push for something that's felt inevitable in the past.

 

[romanticman]

Just take her out ,enjoy and then gauge her interest. Dont flake on her..

 

[FreD_BeaR]

So, this is chance for us to legit hook-up. Maybe we date seriously, maybe we only hook up a couple times, maybe I totally crash and burn. Bottom line, I'm bringing my pair with me this time and really going to push for something that's felt inevitable in the past.

Go for it dude, you have literally nothing to lose. Do work!

 

[tihash]

Why are you doing "dinner and a movie" dates anyway?!?!

Don't take some girl you haven't slept with out to "dinner and a movie." That's absurd.

Invite her to Starbucks. I imagine with her clearly low IL, she will decline, cancel, or flake. Then you have your answer: she is using you as a free-food back-up in case no one else more fun comes around on date night.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Don't bother relying on 'IOI''s. There is no bigger bunch of bullsh*t in this community than the myth of the IOI. The only IOI you should trust is if she allows your d!ck in her mouth.

Girls give IOI's for SO many other reasons besides actually wanting you, it renders them useless.

 

[tsmith2334]

Invite her to Starbucks. I imagine with her clearly low IL, she will decline, cancel, or flake.

We've done the whole coffee thing before. I'm trying to move past that. IMO that's far more platonic.

Then you have your answer: she is using you as a free-food back-up in case no one else more fun comes around on date night.

She actually paid last time we went out for dinner. SS told me it was yet another green light.

By the way, our plans are still on for tonight. So, I'm going to go get ready and try to make some magic happen

 

[Rescue Mission]

why didn't you attempt to hook up with her the first couple of times that you saw her?? At this point, after several years of knowing you and NEVER having even a KISS, you absolutely have NO chance of getting any kind of hookup..........enjoy your "nice guy" DAAAAAAAAAAATE...awwwwww a DAAAATE how sweet!!.........if you ever want to increase your chances of actually getting a kiss with a girl who you already awkwardly established a "non-sexual zone" with, just drink wine with her, and lots of it.......no dinner, because dinner and being full does NOT result in horniness!

Sometimes, I can't understand why guys on here think like pvssies and not like logical horny MEN