She flaked on me twice... is it my turn now?

[tsmith2334]

She cancelled on me twice... is it my turn now?

Edit: She canceled on me, not flaked.

Quick background, I've been talking to this girl "on and off" for a pretty long time. We've gone on a few casual dates in the past. She's home from college for the summer so we've decided to reconnect.

It's never gotten too serious between us, but she's always heavy on the IOIs. In fact one time I posted a "date report" on here and all the responses were that she was crazy into me and I was stupid for doubting myself. So once and for all, I'm trying to turn this into more.

So, last week, we made plans for next Tuesday (seeing a movie). She also expressed interested in hanging out before then. I suggested dinner that Thursday, she loved the idea.

Early Thursday, she texts me (texting is the main we communicate, she hates talking on the phone, it is what it is) and says hey can we re-schedule for tomorrow instead? I say sure, see ya Friday. This didn't bother me at all.

Friday rolls around, she messages me again (this time like two hours before I was supposed to pick her up). She can't make dinner tonight either. She says let's go to dinner before the movie on Tuesday instead (kinda already was going to do that from the start, but whatever). I pretty much said "yea, whatever". She could tell I wasn't happy that she flaked a second time. But I didn't overreact (like I've seen a lot of people on here do).

So we still have plans for Tuesday. I'm NCing between now and then just to build interest.

I'm thinking about flaking on her Tuesday, just saying "yeahhh sorry I can't make it tonight" or whatever. To be honest, the 2nd time she flaked really annoyed me and I feel like I lost a lot of ground very quickly. Part of me feels like the only way to bounce back from her flaking twice is to become the flaker. I think that's sort of the mentality on this site.

Part of all me also says, "so what, screw it". Nothing should be stopping me from having a good time on Tuesday. Just take her out, c+f, go for a kiss close , etc. and don't worry about the previous flakeage (could always just be a shit test).

To flake or not to flake?

 

[DonGorgon]

yup your turn to go find some other options... she has many other dudes and you are not high on her list hence the flaking.. flaking is thg biggest hint that women give to beta males... always ask yourself.. "would she flake on brad pitt?"... NO!!!!

 

[tsmith2334]

always ask yourself.. "would she flake on brad pitt?"... NO!!!!

I get that, trust me. That's one of the biggest cliche's on this site. But I'm not sure if you read my whole post.

One thing to keep in mind is she flaked on a supplemental set of plans.

It's not like she flaked and I never heard from her again. I still have plans to see her three days from now (if she also flakes on me then, different story).

 

[JdelaSilviera]

Don´t flake, it shows you are a bitter, and there´s always the possibility (even if remote) that she really couldn´t make it. Always remember women are much more social than men, and they have inumerous things to do, and girl friends drama to deal with.
About brad pitt, I know at least one celebrity, very good looking soccer player that was flaked by an average looking girl I know... So yeah, she COULD flake on brad pitt.

If she flakes again, tell her you thought she was a quality woman, and too bad you were mistaken.... Tell her she is the average attention ***** and it´s good you understood that early, this in a cool way... it will kill her inside.

 

[scorpio1138]

Flaking is flaking.....doesn't matter why they do it. A woman with high interest will cancel plans with her friends and walk miles in snow to get to you. Just the way it is.

 

[DonGorgon]

I get that, trust me. That's one of the biggest cliche's on this site. But I'm not sure if you read my whole post.

One thing to keep in mind is she flaked on a supplemental set of plans.

It's not like she flaked and I never heard from her again. I still have plans to see her three days from now (if she also flakes on me then, different story).

lol.. dude a flake is a flake no matter how smooth she does it... any flake at all is a BS signal .. women do what they want wen they want with whom they want.. dont give her the chance to flake on you again.. women loose respect you you when you let then flake with no consequences and it harder to F them.. but most men dont have enough options to flake on a woman so we end up on the powerless side again...

 

[JdelaSilviera]

Flaking is flaking.....doesn't matter why they do it. A woman with high interest will cancel plans with her friends and walk miles in snow to get to you. Just the way it is.

You really can´t prove that. When she cancels big time plans to be with you it´s obvious she is interested. It´s like recognizing gay men, it´s very easy to do if they behave like girls, but they could be all macho and still be gay.

But of course I respect your opinion, I just don´t care if a girl thinks I lost my dignity, the thing is you would lose her anyway, and I think I would have already lost some decent girls if I given up too early to keep my dignity.

 

[tsmith2334]

lol.. dude a flake is a flake no matter how smooth she does it... any flake at all is a BS signal ..

Understood.

What I'm saying is though; typically when a girl flakes, that's it. She flaked and it's over. Here she flaked on me, but there is still a means to an end (plans to see her in three days).

So drop all the "you should feel so disrespected because she flaked on you" and "she wouldn't have flaked on George Clooney" BS. My options for Tuesday:

A) I flake on her, to assert dominance, establish social value and reciprocate on her flakes.

B) Forget that she flaked, take her out to dinner and a movie, proceed as a Don Juan and go for a kiss close (or better)

A or B????

 

[JdelaSilviera]

Do you really think, if you go for A you will regain your social value. I really would see you as a loser, a psyco, a bitter. If you were the first to flake, that would be another issue, you would be "the superior"... but now you really can´t flake lol, if you wanted to flake you should have done earlier when she proposed a new day.

If she flakes on you, tell her you are disappointed and that she isn´t good enough for you. Cause quality women keep their word. All this without getting emotional

 

[tsmith2334]

Do you really think, if you go for A you will regain your social value. I really would see you as a loser, a psyco, a bitter.

I agree with pretty much everything you've said in this thread. That's why I probably end up choosing B.

Flakes really don't bother me that much. Like you said, people have plenty shit to do in their daily lives. There's no reason to overreact or be offended by it.

If she flaked a third time on Tuesday, that would be the last time I tried hanging out with her though.

 

[Ease]

Easy, change the plan.

If it was dinner, say lets do lunch instead. Or come to my house, i cba going out. Or lets go X.

If you cancel, you probly have nothing better to do. If you show up on time after gettin flaked on, your a chump.

 

[Joe Stud]

You went on several dates already, and now your anticipating "the big kiss close"?

You're boring her to death. moving too slow. What part of: "make the hoe say no", don't you understand??

 

[tsmith2334]

You went on several dates already, and now your anticipating "the big kiss close"?

You're boring her to death. moving too slow. What part of: "make the hoe say no", don't you understand??

Several dates, but over the course of a few years. I haven't seen her in over 6 months. Like I said, "on and off".

This time though... trying to get a little more serious...

 

[Kailex]

Listen to JoeStud, he got it RIGHT.
He saw exactly the same thing I was looking at.

Quick background, I've been talking to this girl "on and off" for a pretty long time. We've gone on a few casual dates in the past. She's home from college for the summer so we've decided to reconnect.

It's never gotten too serious between us, but she's always heavy on the IOIs. In fact one time I posted a "date report" on here and all the responses were that she was crazy into me and I was stupid for doubting myself. So once and for all, I'm trying to turn this into more.

Nothing should be stopping me from having a good time on Tuesday. Just take her out, c+f, go for a kiss close , etc. and don't worry about the previous flakeage (could always just be a shit test).

To flake or not to flake?

Just in case you didn't fully understand what Joe Stud was trying to say...

You haven't kiss closed this girl EVER? And it's been a few years of this off-on deal? You want to know why she is planning stuff with you and then cancelling?

Because she found better options BOTH times.
You're Plan Z in her little black book, the go-to-guy if all else fails.

And you think that flaking on her is going to right the ship's course?

She won't even care. She's already done it twice to you.
The only thing you have left is either NEXT her or you go out with her and you "make that hoe say no".

Right now, you're that "friend" that takes her out every once in a while and nothing more.

 

[tsmith2334]

if you wanted to flake you should have done earlier when she proposed a new day.

The thing is, nobody proposed a new day.

Originally we had plans for 2 different days, let's say X and Y. We made the plans for Y (last Friday) after we made the plans for X (this Tuesday) She wanted to see me a little sooner, I guess.

Sooo she flaked on Y but we still have the plans for X which is actually tomorrow.

I'm not sure if I'm going to flake on her tomorrow as payback, but I probably won't. I'd rather just chill with her and accomplish something then try to prove a point.

 

[tsmith2334]

Because she found better options BOTH times.
You're Plan Z in her little black book, the go-to-guy if all else fails.

If you're implying that she was out with other guys both times she flaked, I can promise you she wasn't.

Both nights we planned for dinner, she had a lot of existing stuff on her agenda but tried squeezing a "quick dinner" in. She had to end up canceling because there were a few other things she had to take care of (people do have lives outside of dating, you know) and because I'd be seeing her in 3 days anyway.

Are there other guys in her world? Maybe, I don't know. I'm spinning a couple plates now myself so it works both ways if that's the case.

Honestly, she's an HB7-ish and she strikes me as someone who's hurting for dates. Did she cancel on our plans to spend time with another guy? She didn't. And that's not me being played and thinking like a fool, I'm telling you that she didn't.

The only thing you have left is either NEXT her or you go out with her and you "make that hoe say no".

Right now, you're that "friend" that takes her out every once in a while and nothing more.

Agreed. But...

a) I do "next" her every time we go 6 months to a year without seeing each other. Do you think I'm just sitting on my thumbs the whole time? She's actually my fall back option... ever think of that?

b) I've said categorically that I plan on getting serious this time around... kiss close/ hooking up/ etc. That's been stated clearly and repeatedly. You're not telling me anything I don't know.

 

[jophil28]

Actually she did not "flake" on you - she canceled.
However I am nitpicking .
If I were you, I would read the "Two Strike Rule."

 

[tsmith2334]

Actually she did not "flake" on you - she canceled.

Very good point. Wasn't sure if I was misusing the word "flake", apparently I was.

Thanks for actually reading what I wrote. I appreciate it.

 

[Kailex]

If you're implying that she was out with other guys both times she flaked, I can promise you she wasn't.

How do you possibly know this?
Did you follow her around all night just to make sure?
Unless you did that, you have no guarantee that she isnt doing that.

Both nights we planned for dinner, she had a lot of existing stuff on her agenda but tried squeezing a "quick dinner" in. She had to end up canceling because there were a few other things she had to take care of (people do have lives outside of dating, you know) and because I'd be seeing her in 3 days anyway.

Are there other guys in her world? Maybe, I don't know. I'm spinning a couple plates now myself so it works both ways if that's the case.

Honestly, she's an HB7-ish and she strikes me as someone who's hurting for dates.

So, let me get this straight, she's hurting for dates, but she's flaking on her only dating option (according to YOU)?
How does this strike you as logical at ALL?

You are saying:

-She's hurting for dates.
-She's cancelling dates with ME.

Just THINK about it.
And she's done it TWICE.

Did she cancel on our plans to spend time with another guy? She didn't. And that's not me being played and thinking like a fool, I'm telling you that she didn't.

Again, unless you stalked her all night, you have NO clue what she was up to.
I just hate it when guys come on these boards and act SO SURE about their current situations.

A woman who is interested and is "hurting for dates"... will NOT cancel dates.

You either go out with her and escalate to No Man's Land or you just apply the Two Strikes Rule.

There are NO other options.

 

[terran2k]

OP why are you making excuses for her cancelling on you? she wasted your time twice and then you were annoyed the second time, but you didn't say anything, and happily accepted a 3rd date? you should have told her to call you next month after that. you thinking she really hates talking on the phone? or she really hates talking on the phone with you? you know it's okay to let that chic know she's fvcking up, I am starting to see how stupid that I'm always soo aloof and nothing bothers me, let me either hold it all inside or next that chic. it's so damn stupid.