She DOESN'T Kiss on the first date...

[Nikoli]

Wondering how many of you've encountered this where the girl tells you up front she doesn't kiss on the first date. Of course we all hear that they dont have sex on the first date but I'd never heard the kiss thing before.

Little bakground: Went on a frist date with a POFer last Friday. Took her to my favourite little lounge. Conversation was good and there was a good amount of chemistry. She's an artist and has a lot of body art so that lead to lots of stuff to talk about. Near the end of the date she mentions how she never kisses on the first date and I take this as the ultimate challenge. So on the way to her car I pull her in and plant one. She's a bit off guard but then later grabs me back and kisses me pretty aggresively, saying "this is how it should go". Cool, I think, I've broken through with this one and taken her a bit out of her comfort zone.

Fastforward to yesterday I text her to set something up for this weekend and she is telling me she's now uncomfortable with me as I didn't respect her rules. I serioulsy did not take this seriously as it's a kiss for chrissakes. They do this in Europe when they meet. Lol. She's phrasing it as a joke with lots of Lol's and such but I can tell she's still kind of pissed.

Is she worth any more of my time and NRG?

 

[ecko280]

keep escalating sexually. She is play games to determined who is beta and who is a MAN.

 

[5string]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=182950

This one will......

 

[PDubb75]

If she was honestly uncomfortable, there is no way she would have kissed you again on her own later. In that case, the most uncomfortable she probably would have been, would be at the time... not 4 days later. And that time is when SHE initiated more. Go by her actions, not her words.

 

[Burroughs]

Is she worth any more of my time and NRG?

No

And there is a larger lesson here, one that many including you ignored....Never rise to the 'challenge' of a women...only YOU as a man set the rules never the other way around. Never let the women set THE BAR FOR ANYTHING...because even if you win you lose.

99% of the problems on this board would be solved if men simply played by the rules THEY set, but we can't...we let women set the frame....because we want the puss too much.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Her: "I don't kiss on the first date."


You: "I suppose a blow-job would be out of the question then?"

 

[vatoloco]

Near the end of the date she mentions how she never kisses on the first date and I take this as the ultimate challenge.

"Whoa sweetheart, slow down there! Who says I'm gonna kiss ya? You ain't earned yet! "

So on the way to her car I pull her in and plant one. She's a bit off guard but then later grabs me back and kisses me pretty aggresively, saying "this is how it should go".

"So what was that about not kissing on the first date? "

Fastforward to yesterday I text her to set something up for this weekend and she is telling me she's now uncomfortable with me as I didn't respect her rules. I serioulsy did not take this seriously as it's a kiss for chrissakes. They do this in Europe when they meet. Lol. She's phrasing it as a joke with lots of Lol's and such but I can tell she's still kind of pissed.

Shit-testing 101. She's testing you to see if you have balls.

Is she worth any more of my time and NRG?

Stick to the plan, son. Stick to the plan. If she digs, she'll play. If she's uptight and no fun, she'll drop you. Either way, you come out on top.

 

[jophil28]

No

And there is a larger lesson here, one that many including you ignored....Never rise to the 'challenge' of a women...only YOU as a man set the rules never the other way around. Never let the women set THE BAR FOR ANYTHING...because even if you win you lose.

99% of the problems on this board would be solved if men simply played by the rules THEY set, but we can't...we let women set the frame....because we want the puss too much.

This is good advice ^^.

Her "no kiss" statement is loaded with self importance and expectations that she is the one who sets the rules, and she is the one who calls the shots.

I look for a woman to be on her Sunday best behavior on a first date- I expect her to try to impress me... not set up hoops for me to jump through, or fake up some shyte tests.

I would next a woman who made that "no kiss" statement. It is a strong indicator of her need for control.

 

[Die Hard]

^^ What he said.

 

[Jitterbug]

I'd take the first "no first-date kiss rule" statement as a playful challenge, but her going on about it afterwards is a mood killer. In fact I'd tell her just that and see what she has to say. If she actually takes it seriously then she can go. That much drama & negotiation over a kiss... Imagine how much sh1t you'd have to put up to get a blowie.

 

[jophil28]

...she's now uncomfortable with me as I didn't respect her rules.

Oh, believe me, there will be many, many more of her "rules" to come if you persist with her.
Her "no kiss" statement was designed to trap you in a 'no win' outcome.

IF you had complied and backed off, she would have known that she can control your behavior. She then gets the upper hand from date #1, and you surrender the frame..
IF you ignored her 'no kiss' rule (as you did ) she gets to whine to you later, in self righteous indignation, about your lack of respect. .

Women like this will ultimately snare you in faked-up drama and endless mindless complaints.

 

[Zunder]

What a silly immature thing for this girl to say to you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Nickoll,
Shes a prudish control freak,I have had plenty of girls who never kissed on the first date,not many that haven't come across by the third or fourth though....Drop her Mate.

 

[f283000]

If a girl says this I think it can be because

1) You telegraphed too much interest: Maybe you acted way too excited/happy to be around her and she picked up on it. Do you think she would be telling you this if you acted dis-interested and as a challenge to her in your interactions with her? I think not.

2) She thinks you're a nice guy: Women can smell a nice guy from a mile away. They will test you to see if you are a nice guy or if you actually got some spine. Women telling you stuff like this is a test for them to see if you "measure up and man up" and actually escalate, or if you get scared and your ego takes a hit cause she is telling you she won't kiss on a first date (making you think she's meaning you). A nice guy will lose hope while a guy with some game knows she's playing a game.

of course we all know a woman will f*** a total random stranger on a spring break if he pushes all the right buttons so it doesn't really matter what she says.

 

[Falcon25]

It means nothing. Try again next time, if she doesn't kiss "on the second date" then you move on. This is perfectly normal. Just give it another shot. By the way, if a girl doesn't want a kiss, you don't "pull her and plant one", you don't make her more uncomfortable, you make mental footnotes, put her in the rule of two, and try again next time.

 

[DanelMadr]

RED FLAGS all over, man.

Girls who make statements like these have some serious problems.
Basically you got involved in the power game she started by her statement. You did like the real conquerer, good for you but you accepted the challenge for a fight that can't be won.

On game level...do not react to shyt tests.

On deeper level...why did you try to conquer her? What do you need to prove to yourself?

I guess, I would....on my best day...accepted and ignored (not taking it personally) her statement. I would feel pity for her over complicated life and would tell her that. If she was able to laugh at her reflexion I wouldn't eject, otherwise....

Woulda, shoulda, coulda....

Now you are in the middle of power game, which you can't win, unless you refuse to play. Not for the sake of winning though It is not about taking the highway. It is about having no need to play.

If you want an advice...the best I can tell you is...
I think, you should tell her, that you apologize (and mean it) for not respecting her whatever-that-BS-was-meant-to-be (rephrase it in nice terms) and say your Goodbyes (and mean it). Take it as spiritual exercise.

 

[Nikoli]

Good comments guys.

Bit more background here....the first kiss I planted was just a silly quick peck on her lips as we we're paying our bill at the bar. I kept my body back and leant in for a quick "european" style one. It just seemed so ridiculous that a women would refuse to kiss on the first date and it didn't match up with her vibe and style. I didn't take it personally but I definitely felt she was playing a bit of a game.

Then later, as we were walking to her car, I was bugging her about it and she grabbed me for a more passionate, open mouth kiss. Then I grabbed her back and went for one more. Seemed like a successfull date to me with her texting me as soon as she got home and then again the next afternoon.

Starnge birds...

 

[vatoloco]

And this is exactly why I gave you the advice that I did. That's the vibe that this girl gave me based on your OP. So, stick to the plan.

She is playing her part. But we're not talking the bad kind of "playing of games" here. She obviously knows her role in this mating dance and it's up to you to play your role accordingly.

She, Woman. You, Man.

 

[PDubb75]

Good comments guys.

Bit more background here....the first kiss I planted was just a silly quick peck on her lips as we we're paying our bill at the bar. I kept my body back and leant in for a quick "european" style one. It just seemed so ridiculous that a women would refuse to kiss on the first date and it didn't match up with her vibe and style. I didn't take it personally but I definitely felt she was playing a bit of a game.

Then later, as we were walking to her car, I was bugging her about it and she grabbed me for a more passionate, open mouth kiss. Then I grabbed her back and went for one more. Seemed like a successfull date to me with her texting me as soon as she got home and then again the next afternoon.

Starnge birds...

I personally think this shows that some of you guys here take some stuff waaaayyyyyy too seriously. Why are you suggesting he drop this girl? Because she made 1 simple comment, then her actions proved the opposite of that comment? In his favor?

All this talk about red flags, her "self-importance", straight up "no"s... seems to be jumping the gun to me. Yikes...

Sure, you should keep your eyes open for that to continue, but it was 1 comment on a first date. And it didn't even hold true. Do you guys leave a girl when she says she doesn't like sports but then watches part of a game with you?

If anything, this could be a testament to your game, not necessarily to her worthlessness to you.

There is a difference between being "the prize" and being a complete a$$hole. And I'm not at all saying this girl IS worth the time. My point is, what happened here should not be anywhere near the evidence to make that determination just yet.

 

[Sesar]

I reckon you did well... if she kissed you back after u planted her a peck then continue on.. u could of put on more moves and Escalate.. Ignore what she said n see her again n be Sexual. B a Man go 4 what u want.. Her kissing u back Aggressively is a Big Sign.. and what did u do when she did that?? There are other stuff u can do sexually besides kissing her.. e.g. getting close.. lots of kino n building it up from there!! Ur game is not weak ur just unsure, if i was you see her n try again.

I know some girls mean what they say goes but ur the Man n u make things happen.. so just do it.

She's a Girl ur a Guy!! Take Charge