She does bite back!

[sazc]

@Amante Silvestre hits the nail on the head with what he posted.

The blow job idea is fun, and funny, but I don't think it would have really solved @HankHill inner struggle/conflict. He would have still felt 'some type of way' about her not noticing that he was actually upset, even tho he told her it was fine she forgot and he wasn't upset.

Hanks valid in his feelings/conflict/struggle but he's got to figure out why this situation/struggle occured in the first place, and how to lead in order to make sure it doesn't occur again.

 

[LiveYourDream]

You do not tell a woman it is OK only to get upset with her because she behaves as if everything is OK. Women do this all of the time with men; say everything is fine when it is not

This diminishes attraction, no matter which sex does it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

say everything is fine when it is not

If done repeatedly, I will loose respect for the person. If they continue, I will disengage.

 

[LiveYourDream]

There is a BIG difference between (so-called) 'respect' which is demanded, and true respect, which is earned.

There is a BIG difference, as well, between submission demanded from a woman, primarily through control and/or fear tactics, versus the submission shown/given to a man by choice, from a woman, whose heart deeply desires to please him, because she truly admires and respects him.

The first set usually comes from demands rooted in insecurity. The second set are by-products, of a man's strong character.

One set is not the same as the other. To the less experienced, sometimes they can appear deceptively similar, on the outside. Make no mistake, the experience, on the inside, are worlds apart.

 

[Spaz]

I said as much on the first page of this thread, and I still believe it to be the case.

The forgotten chore is irrelevant to the issue here. This issue became much bigger than it should have been because of an inconsistency in the tone in which Hank leads this woman. It is very apparent to me right here:



As I stated earlier, a woman who cares will follow the tone in which you set. Many men assume this is a good thing and that it means a woman will always fall in line, but that is not always the case. When your very own tone conflicts, they will follow with conflict in kind, and this is often when the drama unfolds.

You do not tell a woman it is OK only to get upset with her because she behaves as if everything is OK. Women do this all of the time with men; say everything is fine when it is not, and this is not the way a man should lead a woman.

Expecting a woman to be submissive is one thing, most especially when your expectations are clear and well defined. It is quite another to expect a woman to be submissive to your inner struggles that are not clearly expressed and an be conflictive with your own behavior, words, etc.

IMO, Hank should have expressed that he was upset with her and demanded his complimentary bl0wjob right there at the very moment she begged him not to get mad about her forgetting the chore.

This sh*t would have been wrapped up and resolved on his terms right then and there. He would have gotten the submissive woman he wanted leading with the right tone. Giving up the reigns by saying all is fine and then expecting them to act accordingly to your frame is not the way to go, IMO.

You got this right Amante.

The "deeper issues" were his instincts kicking in at the mounting anomalies within his girlfriend's behaviour.

The missed chore is irrelevant and i highly suspect his girl knows it too.

Hanky here needs to ponder as to why his instincts is telling him something is off - one of man's greatest tool - use it to ur benefit Hank.

Don't disregard that instinct.

But, a woman cannot or will not continue to be submissive without an appropriate level of dominance applied.

And this is where he failed.

He was not consistent.

I've often mentioned passive and dominant traits are inborn within a man.

Yes passive men could learn dominant traits - but there's always going to be this struggle - a tug of war within the passive man's personality to bring forth the dominant traits that he has learned.

 

[Spaz]

@Spaz welcome back, @Ranger left.


Mild form of early narcissism & gaslighting.

Lol. No wonder I tried searching for his name but came up empty.

It's registering him as a guest.

Anyhow it's great that he has learned much and moved on to better things in life.

 

[HankHill]

I'm glad we're having a good discussion about this because there are always things to learn from these situations. For those who don't know me I will just say that I've mostly been in LTRs, 5yr, 11yrs, 7yrs etc. Which btw is not very SS because we teach men to not get into exclusive relationships here with good reasons for that. I just enjoy being in relationships myself, as long as I feel the woman's really into me.

Expecting a woman to be submissive is one thing, most especially when your expectations are clear and well defined. It is quite another to expect a woman to be submissive to your inner struggles that are not clearly expressed and an be conflictive with your own behavior, words, etc.

IMO, Hank should have expressed that he was upset with her and demanded his complimentary bl0wjob right there at the very moment she begged him not to get mad about her forgetting the chore.

Good point and yeah perhaps that could've fixed the issue or as sazc said it might not have? However, at the time I was just trying to let it go and not create a situation because I truly was appreciative of what all she'd done but as guru and spaz suggested there was something bothering me subconsciously which is why I couldn't shake the feeling off even as I tried. I still don't know why exactly but I think it was likely because she's usually all over me but that day she got busy trying to wrap things up and this was a change in her behavior that I didn't like. I was also over at her place so while she got busy making dinner I felt useless sitting around. I'm almost always busy doing something when I'm by myself and can't sit idle.

Anyway, fast forward to this past weekend - it was perfect again like it has been for most of the past 5 months. We went down to the beach, Starbucks, ate out, she made awesome food at home (she's a great cook), we made plans for a road trip to take together, did a patio project together at her place, she ironed my clothes for work, we watched movies cuddling in bed, joked around, laughed, had several crazy sex sessions and got morning BJs. We did talk about our 'first major blow up' and she said she now knows what I like and how I want things to go in the future...and I told her how I appreciated all the caring little things she does. She said a bunch of the usual mushy stuff like she does 'I just want to be with you...I'll always take care of you honey...I'm your little wh*re in bed...don't let me go babe, I want to be your lady etc'. This morning she texted how my morning was going...I texted her 'it's going great! I'm happy, I had a great weekend with a hot gf ' she said 'oh honey you have no idea how happy you make me, I miss you already!'.