she dissed me- did I overreact?

[megabass]

Hi all,

So I'd like some advice on my handling of the following situation: I have been dating this 9 for a couple weeks. She's a shy girl and hasn't had much dating experience, but igets hit on all the time due to her looks. Last night we went to a party, and obviously during the night we spoke with different people. She was getting hit on by a few guys, which doesn't bother me in the least (in fact i enjoy seeing it). At the end of the night, however, she was talking to this guy as I went into the bathroom. When I came out he was just finishing getting her number. When i made eye contact with her she knew she had f-ed up. I said let's go and walked her home. She apologized, and I asked her how she would have felt if I was getting numbers in front of her. At ths point she grabbed my hand and said i'm sorry. Here's where a bit of AFCness took hold of me, and I accepted her apology with a little teasing. I kissed her goodnight and walked home. As I was walking however my instincts kicked in and I started really getting pissed at being disrespected like that. I have always treated her well. So I sent her the following text:

"You know what? A girl who gives her number out to a guy while the man she's dating is there!? He can have you. How disrespectful can you be? I'm glad I found this out about you now."

She called me 5 minutes later and asked why I didn't say that to her right away. I said it was because I was so pissed off. She wanted to talk but I cut her off and said I didn't want to talk and that we could talk later. *click

So, anyway I like this girl, and I can see that her inexperience might lead her to make stupid mistakes like this. combine this with the fact that she's so hot. I'm planning on waiting for her to call me again. Do you guys think I went over the top in my reaction? I may have been harsh, but there's no way I'm going to put up with that crap. If she doesn't call I don't want to totally write her off and may contact her after 3 or 4 days. What do you think?

Thanks

 

[Electro]

Okay now I'm not that qualified to make any comments on this, but I think I have a pretty sure idea the FIRST place you went wrong. It's perhaps the most pivotal at that time.

You found it <U>OKAY</U> for other guys to flirt with her??
I mean sure, you may have felt confident in your game, but the fact is, she had a lot of power over you at that point, she had all the interest from lots of different candidates. Not only that butall of the chumps had power over you too!!
You didn't let them know that YOU were with her, that YOU were the alpha of the group. You just stood by and gave back all of the confidence that you'd built by being with her, and you gave it away to them.
The idea of Game isn't to number-close, form a fragile connection then walk off and watch it wane.

You ever watched a wildlife documentary? A lion pride vying for the lone female. When the alpha gets her attention, he doesn't go bask under the shade of a tree and watch while every other male bites the back of her neck then proceed to hump the Hell out of her!

It's your own fault for letting her and THEM get so far.
If she was a 9 like you said, and you had her latched onto you like that then theres so much more you could have done.

Well crap happens. We live to learn.

Electro.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

The only thing you did wrong was not lash out on her in person. When I say "lash out," I mean tell her how you feel. I find it disrespectful for her to take another man's number while out with you. No matter how inexperienced, she knows the rules of the game. About other men hitting on your HB9 date: Were they hitting on her in front of your face, or when you stepped away? I would tactfully AMOG any guy that tried to flirt with my girl in my presence. I would dominate the conversation, give him a really firm handshake (while decentering him-- yanking), and eventually laugh as he walked away.

You can't blow you fuse everytime a guy hits on your girl, but you should never accept disrespect (her giving her number out).

I can accept that when casually dating your partner might game and be gamed , but her giving the # while your out with her.......

NEXT

 

[MightyMate]

Man You acted lame. You shouldnt kiss her at good bye, let her apologize that easly.. and if You did, You shouldnt sms her like lame guy who cant speak in eyes. The other thing is, she didnt tract You well because she gave her umber to somebody. Btw how could You let other guys to speak with her? Man i dont understand Your acting at al.

 

[megabass]

thanks for the inputs guys. yes, i admit my one mistake is allowing myself to kiss her and be ok after walking her home, but i didn't totally let it go and texted her minutes later when i had come to my senses. Mistake made- moving on. I will have no problem looking her in the eyes and telling her how she screwed up when i see her next.

She would definitely not flirt with guys while with me, and only talked to that guy who asked for her number when we were seperated for a few minutes talking to other people. This still doesn't excuse anything, however. I tend to disagree with the idea that i should need to be constantly on her arm in order to keep her from giving out her number. she should show enough respect to not need monitoring. She violated that, however, which is why i tore into her.

I definitely didn't play this one great, but i don't think horribly either. We'll see what happens.

 

[sapphire]

Yes, unless there is some kind of business transaction involved, even a dumb broad knows it is pretty disrespectful to give out numbers while on a romantic date.

 

[insidious]

Is what she did appropriate? Is how she comported herself at the party in your presence appropriate? Was your behavior there wussiness incarnate?

These are questions we could bat around all week and not really have a satisfactory answer. That is up to you to repair...

However....in any situation (not just with women and/or relationships) you get ONE chance to make your point, to express your emotions, and have it really mean something, have it carry weight.

What you did with texting-after-the-fact probably was f****g laughable to her. You really shot yourself in the foot there and I suspect she probably pushed you back quite a few notches in her Respect Belt with that little episode.

Dude you got mad at yourself later because you started realizing that what she did just pissed you off. What angered you even further, which you probably didn't realize at the time, was that you let her get away with it while just laughing it off and kissing her. You probably left with her with the impression that you weren't even mad anymore.

That angry message you sent her later just conveyed cowardice and AFC-ness and accomplished nothing towards putting her in her place. She won this battle hands-down dude. She'll probably call that fool now and not have the slightest qualms about it.

Sometimes you gotta just accept the fact that you didn't handle a situation the way you would have liked and swallow your pride and let it go. Don't resucitate some f****d up anger or hurt after the chance to truly address it has come and gone. Unfortunately life doesn't have those cute little "edit" buttons.

 

[megabass]

unfortunately there is no edit button that is correct. but here is the text she just sent me:

"do you want to talk to me today? i think we should at least try to sort it out. or should i just leave you alone? (please don't say yes)"

 

[smoke city]

were you already *planning on talking to her today? if so, then talk to her. if not, don't let her convince you to do anything. you don't owe her any explanation for your actions.
as for how you acted -- probably its fine as long as you made your feelings known somehow (eg by text. message). i actually would have just left her at the bar....

 

[JJMcLure]

Yes it was disrespectful. No you shouldn't have to hang on to her arm her all the time. But if you actively enjoy her getting hit on, you've got to expect sometime there will be a guy who CAN push the buttons to elicit number/attraction.

It's good you let her know you won't tolerate it, the first time it happened. Sure, if you'd have said it right away in person it would have maybe had more effect, but it doesn't matter. You let her know you won't take that sh1t - that's what counts.

Don't write her off this time round, but if this sh1t happens again then obviously she isn't trustworthy.

Right now you have the power, you have told her you don't want to speak to her, chicks hate that. She is worried you may dump her, chicks REALLY hate that happening.

But if you leave it too long, she will start to get over you and start hating you. If you want to sort it out, do it before that happens. Don't play games with it.

 

[amano]

I wouldnt yell at someone in a text message. Thats very lame. I think you handled it ok up to that point (asking her how she would feel if you did that to her)

Next time establish yourself more at any party where she will obviously be hit on. You can do this without coming off as possessive or overprotective.

Sounds like she's into you enough, and youre in control again though.

 

[Soprano]

whenever im in a situation involving text msgs and im not sure what i want to do, i let fate come into play

and i dont mean flipping a coin

i usually respond with "penispenispenispenispenis" for example or anything else that doesnt make any sense, so its basically like a "dummy message" to see what will happen.

if her response is entertaining then i'll talk to her and stuff. if she gets *****y or takes it the wrong way then pft next.

thats what i usually do because people will know im ****ing with them if they know me, but if you're a really serious dude that might make her think you're having a mental breakdown or dunk or something i would recommend using a different variation.

 

[flexion_]

Well if she is giving out her number to someone else with your there - thats pretty much an instant NEXT in my books.

I would just drop her completely if it was me.

 

[fyrefly]

You made many mistakes, rent the movie GIRL NEXT DOOR, this shy guy is at this party with a hot pornstar, elisha cuthbert meeeoooww, anyway, she starts getting hit on by jocks, what's he do, he goes up and just starts pashing her, i've done this, THE GIRL ABSOLUTELY LOVES IT, it's so ballsy, but it's awesome, that is what you should have done. As others have said, if you liked the girl, shouldn't have accept her bein hit on by other guys, it demotes/decreases your value. You have to be KING, and that means.....


DON'T GIVE THEM ANY POWER.

Her: i'm sorry
You: yeah i know

!!!!!! i can't stress this enough, the above doesn't really accept the apology and it will make the girl go on a huuuuuuuuuuuuuggee guilt trip and make it seem like she's done you a huuuuuuuuugggee injustice and she'll be thinking why do i have this huuuuuuuuuuuuuggggeeee attraction to this guy that i have this huuuuuuuuuuuugggeee feeling of guilt just for getting some guys number, i must really like him and want to sit on his huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggge.......i've said too much

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

Yes I think you did.

First off are you two even BF and GF?

Meaning are you two exclusive?

I think not.

So what you have been dating a 9 for a couple of weeks?

She’s not your Wife or your GF.

She had every right to do that.

Now was it a smart move hmm maybe not.

But look at it this way.

What if it was the other way around?

What if you got the number from a random chick would you this even be a problem?

I think half the guys here would be preaching Social Proof!

Look I think you could have been just cool and carried on like nothing happen.

Who knows it could have been a shyt test to see if you can handle being with a hot girl.

Hot girls are always going to be hit on no matter if they’re on a date or married.

That is what you have to deal with when with a hot girl.(not saying it’s ok for her to flirt or give out her number if she’s taken or married)

Now I’m not condoning what she did but it wasn’t like she was cheating on you.

You were at a party you two were obviously separate chatting with other people possibly new people to get to know them better. Having fun.

Like you said you enjoyed the attention she was getting. More like it was boasting your ego because she so hot and was dating you.

But your world started crumbling down when she gave out the digit.

Your confidence shot way down and now feel cheated on which in fact you weren’t.

You weren’t on a romantic date you were at a party.

Your instincts as a man didn’t kick in just a man whose ego got popped.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

You can't trust her anymore, start planning to look elsewhere, now.

 

[DinoCassanova]

No you didn't overreact, you underreacted, at least IMO. It was good you at least finally sent her that text msg, but as others here said that should have all been said immediately and in person. I wouldn't even say anything to the guy ( guys can only get as far as the female in question lets them get) I'd just pull her aside and tell her something like what you texted her, but in person. I read somewhere, and have internalized, that the word "JERK" is actually an acronym. It stands for "Just Expecting Respect Kid". In this case you should have been and had every right to have been a major "JERK". I would have lashed out at her (verbally) in person, as someone else here said, and then either left her at the party to find her own way home, or driven her home in total silence and told her Get out when we got to her house. You should see how she'd be calling and texting YOU after an incident like that occurred and she knows damn well it's her fault. Hopefully at least you'll totally freeze her out. Erase her number from your cell and forget she exists, is my advice.

 

[C00L]

2 weeks and no sex? whats the hold up..