She disappeared: trying to figure out what went wrong - any insight?

[AV87]

Hello, I've been reading articles on this website for a while, this is my first post.

I'll briefly introduce myself: I'm 25 years old and when it comes to women I believe in self-confidence, a strong personality, a good sense of humor and as much charm as possible (of course). These 'beliefs' have made me quite successful with women, and having good Mediterranean looks helps.

Yet, a situation happened recently in which it looks as though I've made some fatal mistake, I'd appreciate some insight. Thanks in advance.

I'll keep the story short: I met this girl at a club when we were celebrating our graduation from university. She's very beautiful, so I approached her with a joke about the undanceable, crappy music that was being played. She laughed, we quickly hit it off and we ended up talking for most of the night: good connection on many levels, good chemistry, some physical touch. Before leaving she asks for my phone nr and full name so she can add me on FB, and we mention meeting for coffee or drinks once back in London. A good start, it looks like.

She flies to a tropical island, and I go back home for xmas. Since attraction has an expiration date, I think it best to keep moderately in touch to maintain the sparkle alive. I write to her on FB to wish her merry xmas, exchange a couple of messages in which we say what we've been up to, then we wish each other happy new year. She asks me what my plans are and when I'd be back in London. I answer and ask her the same: she reads the message, and since then, no answer. It's been 2 weeks now. What's going on, I wonder?

A few details: I took the initiative to keep in touch, and on average my messages were longer. But, they were also sparse (3-4 over 2 weeks) and I didn't mention anything about meeting again once in London etc, I was saving that for the right moment - mentioning that too early would've come off as desperate. I think with my actions I sounded interested, but not desperate, and I certainly did all I could to avoid that. My opinion is that I have displayed what I've seen defined as 'Confident Persistence': I've been present through messages, but also confident and non-insistent. My idea was keeping in touch till we'd meet once back in London, and then it would've been the dating game, where I find myself very comfortable.

I'm afraid that while I was just keeping in touch and keeping the interest alive for the month it would have taken us to be in the same city again, for some reason it must have looked to her as desperate. Moreover, I showed our online conversation to a couple of trusted friends - girls who are attractive and can be very very *****y with men who lack self-confidence - and they said that they saw nothing desperate about the messages - actually, one said that from the messages you can't even really understand I'm that interested since I say nothing too bold or direct. Which, again, was my intent as I didn't want to play any cards online: all I wanted was keeping in touch to keep the game alive till we met in person, when we would have eventually hit it off.

I think that either she is traumatized by needy guys so she interpreted a couple of messages and a merry xmas/happy new year over 2 weeks as signs of weakness; or the idea of dating me or (a guy for that matter) just lost appeal in her mind, being on a tropical island now and having a lot of things to do there to pay attention to me.

Either way, after 2 weeks of silence not only it's pretty clear to me that she's gone, but her not even dignifying me of an answer doesn't make me want to have anything to do with her, unless she's got a very good reason for it.

Yet, for my education I'd like to understand what I may have done wrong.

Thank you.

 

[peteywintz]

The problem is you described one (apparently fairly low IL) woman. There are 50 million reasons for her to go cold on you, and there really isn't anything you could have done about 49.9 million of them.

 

[AV87]

The problem is you described one (apparently fairly low IL) woman. There are 50 million reasons for her to go cold on you, and there really isn't anything you could have done about 49.9 million of them.

That still leaves 100,000 possible things... ok seriously, what does IL mean? Interest Level?

 

[NewAndImproved]

Distance kills. That's all I think this is. She found a better, hotter deal on that tropical island and that's that. She no longer has high IL with you. I was in a similar situation last year. You really gotta try to mine the interaction for all it's worth when you're with her and make it go as far as you can that night.

Yeah, sure you had a good connection, spent the whole evening together, she was showing plenty of IOIs above and beyond (like asking for your number) etc... I've had plenty of nights like that only to never hear from the girl again.

One of my problems is that I automatically place girls into relationship girl vs. girl I would hook up with just from a first encounter. Perhaps you do the same. The girls I think I might want to have a relationship with, I won't push things as far, even though I know I should. If she was punching your number into her phone, there's no reason why things shouldn't have gotten more physical that night.

 

[AV87]

Distance kills. That's all I think this is. She found a better, hotter deal on that tropical island and that's that. She no longer has high IL with you. I was in a similar situation last year. You really gotta try to mine the interaction for all it's worth when you're with her and make it go as far as you can that night.

Yeah, sure you had a good connection, spent the whole evening together, she was showing plenty of IOIs above and beyond (like asking for your number) etc... I've had plenty of nights like that only to never hear from the girl again.

One of my problems is that I automatically place girls into relationship girl vs. girl I would hook up with just from a first encounter. Perhaps you do the same. The girls I think I might want to have a relationship with, I won't push things as far, even though I know I should. If she was punching your number into her phone, there's no reason why things shouldn't have gotten more physical that night.

Yeah, good call - I think her IL went down as quickly as it went up that night. I do the 'placing' too, and for me she indicated relationship potential due to the connection we quickly established, so I didn't want to push it and potentially blow it with a kiss right there and then. As interested as she was that night, and even physical as things were getting, she must have recovered from the 'sparkle' pretty quickly, while I didn't.

Whether she found a hot deal there, I don't know, but it would explain a lot of things.

What I'm left with now is a big sense of unfulfillment, I'd seen that girl on campus before and I thought she was really beautiful. I chat her up at a club, she goes so far as to ask for my number only to then grow cold and then disappear. Damn...

 

[NewAndImproved]

That's women for you man. I place a high value on good connections, too. (of course the girl has to be attractive, too). However, the better I've gotten at this, the more I've been able to have these good connections with a lot of different women. It's not about the girl, it's about you.

You never know, though. Your girl may come around. You say you're at the same college? In that case, maybe you'll see her around at another party. I've rekindled things with girls from months/years back, simply by running into them again. And this is after cold brush-offs, too.

 

[NewAndImproved]

Also one final thought, just seeing now that you all met out just before the holidays, just before she was about to go on a trip to that "tropical island."

In that case, she was most definitely down!

 

[AV87]

Also one final thought, just seeing now that you all met out just before the holidays, just before she was about to go on a trip to that "tropical island."

In that case, she was most definitely down!

'Down' as in, excited and ready for new things, experiences etc and, thus: more flirty?

By the way we graduated, so chances are: I won't see her again unless we meet by accident, which in London isn't so easy. I know very well that all I would need is to see her again to recreate that chemistry, but if she doesn't even tell me in what continent she's in right now...

also, I've let her know in a smartass way that I didn't exactly appreciate her disappearance: I told her that by now I assume she's been kidnapped by the Filipino Rebels and that they will probably be checking her FB account and ask for the ransom, so I asked to state their price for an answer. My way to mock how 'precious' she thinks she and her answers are, not that she'll get what I mean, I think

 

[Plutoman]

So she didn't reply to one message, and the game was ended?

Common enough, heck, doesn't always mean low interest (ofc not high interest - but could still be medium interest). Just pop her a text/message later, be it a few days or a week later.

If it's repeated, sure, but occasionally that's just going to happen. If you get no reply from the ping, then it's done. Else, just keep gaming on and act like nothing happened.

Edit: To be more clear, she was on a vacation on a tropical island. She may have read the message, figured she'd reply later, got sidetracked on the tropical island, and felt awkward sending you a message 3 days later. Girls do that stuff. Maybe she just wanted to see if you'd contact her again. Who knows? Point being that you worked a one strike rule. Understand that a one-strike rule is going to cost you some lays that may take some more work. Especially on a situation like this, work a two strike rule at least, or accept that you'll lose some from that one strike rule for reasons you'll never understand.

 

[AV87]

So she didn't reply to one message, and the game was ended?

Common enough, heck, doesn't always mean low interest (ofc not high interest - but could still be medium interest). Just pop her a text/message later, be it a few days or a week later.

If it's repeated, sure, but occasionally that's just going to happen. If you get no reply from the ping, then it's done. Else, just keep gaming on and act like nothing happened.

Edit: To be more clear, she was on a vacation on a tropical island. She may have read the message, figured she'd reply later, got sidetracked on the tropical island, and felt awkward sending you a message 3 days later. Girls do that stuff. Maybe she just wanted to see if you'd contact her again. Who knows? Point being that you worked a one strike rule. Understand that a one-strike rule is going to cost you some lays that may take some more work. Especially on a situation like this, work a two strike rule at least, or accept that you'll lose some from that one strike rule for reasons you'll never understand.

No no, it wasn't a one strike game, I'd never ever freak out for one unanswered message. Indeed, a week later I messaged her again, saying "hi, how are you doing? I'm in London, what about you?", to rekindle things and find out whether she really was ignoring me or I just got sidetracked while she was on the tropical island. Ignored again, and I sent that message a week ago: she read them right away, and promptly ignored.

By now, I'm virtually certain that she's not interested. Or she has been kidnapped by a commando, as I wrote her a few hours ago...

 

[Plutoman]

Ahh, in that case, it was just simply a case of 'she found someone else', or time/distance killed it.

Doubt it was desperation/neediness. There's all kinds of reasons, and typically it's pointless to analyze them. If you've played your game without major faults, it's probably something to do with her, and not you (most probably meeting someone else that she got to be around more, or an ex got in touch, or somesuch).

All you can do is move on. Braddock's text guide says to ping occasionally - if you look at his book, you'd stick her under the long fuse section, ping every few weeks with some mass text, see what happens. All you lose is your ego. Alternatively, just drop it and find other girls.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Righto mate, no more messages to her and if she reaches out, don't be so eager to reply.
Just check this one to the game and find a woman who would crawl over broken glass to be with you.
If she's as hot as you say, she's probably being offered dyck every minute of every day. So some guy she met weeks ago and not seen since will quickly be forgotten among the excitement of the multitudes of men trying to get in her pants.
You may not have done anything wrong, you're just a victim of poor timing.

 

[Skalioppe]

I'm sorry to be blunt, but you were a bit of fun one night and that is all you are to her. She was polite for a while, but isn't really bothered, you were a fairly insignificant memory in a plethora of men who show her interest. A nice guy.

But I'd bet good money that she's got her heart set on someone else, someone she knows better, I guarantee it - someone she's super keen on. She may even be with that guy , as some women are highly moral in relationships and so once entering one, will only concentrate on that man.

Either move on or try one last contact in a week or two, but expect the worse.

 

[GotED?]

Attention Wh0re at its best, you been AWed, man.....

This sounds like the beginning of a Oneitis - don't go down the road.

Start focusing on other women, you've wasted enough time pedestaling her in this thread.

Best of luck.

Exodus

 

[SamTheHobit]

As much as I hate to say this.. You need to spin plates.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey guy:

Welcome to the forum! After reading your post here, as well as one of your responses, I believe I can offer some insights into your situation...

I believe in self-confidence, a strong personality, a good sense of humor and as much charm as possible (of course). These 'beliefs' have made me quite successful with women, and having good Mediterranean looks helps..."

...But you're still single. This doesn't mean you don't have women fawning all over you, but unless you're the one constantly dumping THEM, you may want to re-examine how you are and see if there's anything in your personality that may be dissuading women from staying with you. It's a thing all men have to do, but it involves putting your ego aside and really self-analyzing the things you may be consciously or subconsciously doing that's causing you to remain single.

we quickly hit it off and we ended up talking for most of the night: good connection on many levels, good chemistry, some physical touch.

We need specifics. What kind of physical touch? What was it that made you assume you had good chemistry? Girls love to talk to anyone that will listen; never assume your hook has been completely set in just because she talked to you all night - for all you know, she could have just been tolerating you because their was no one else there better to talk to. The only way really know this is if you (a) asked for her number and she gave it to you, or (b) if you actually went in for a kiss at some point and she kissed you back.

Before leaving she asks for my phone # and full name so she can add me on FB, and we mention meeting for coffee or drinks once back in London. A good start, it looks like.

But did you get HER number? Did you at least ask for it? Either way, no bueno - interested girls want you to contact them, and make it easy for you to do so. She asked for your facebook and sent you messages, but did she ever try texting you so you'd have her number? She's more accessible by phone than she is by facebook, but if she didn't at least hit you up on the phone once it's because she doesn't want you to have easy access to her.

She flies to a tropical island, and I go back home for xmas. Since attraction has an expiration date, I think it best to keep moderately in touch to maintain the sparkle alive.

Ooooh, sorry, but you're mistaken my friend! Attraction only has an expiration date if the girl has LOW-to-NO interest in you. I have girls I dated in the past that I dumped and could still go back to right now if I wanted. Why? HIGH INTEREST LEVEL.

When a girl goes on vacation, it's the WORST time to try and contact her. Real talk, she's got other things to do besides contact you on a consistent basis. Now, I'll grant you that, again, if she has high interest she will most likely try and hit you up at some point... but again, it should be coming from HER end, not yours. If anything, she needs to be on vacation pondering why you're not contacting her so that she has incentive to reach out to you. And, if she does, she'll do so at a time where she's not doing other things 'cause she's on VACATION.

I write to her on FB to wish her merry xmas, exchange a couple of messages in which we say what we've been up to, then we wish each other happy new year.

Nothing too bad here, but again: until she's back from vacation, no contact is the way to go. If she likes you, she's not going to forget you in 3 or 4 weeks - in the long time-span of life, 3 to 4 weeks isn't long enough to forget someone you supposedly had a connection with.

She asks me what my plans are and when I'd be back in London. I answer and ask her the same: she reads the message, and since then, no answer. It's been 2 weeks now. What's going on, I wonder?

And now we get to the part of the program where I inform you that, sadly, TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS. (In this case it's FB messaging, but it's basically the same thing.)

Because now, messaging you has become burdensome to her vacation, and it's put you in a predicament where you've been left waiting for her to respond for 2 weeks and gotten know answer. If only you could reach her on the phone... but oh wait, you don't have her number, do you? And, in your head, you don't know for sure if she doesn't like you or if she hasn't messaged you back because she's busy doing vacation stuff - all you know is, you're stuck in limbo, and it sux.

A few details: I took the initiative to keep in touch, and on average my messages were longer. But, they were also sparse (3-4 over 2 weeks) and I didn't mention anything about meeting again once in London etc, I was saving that for the right moment - mentioning that too early would've come off as desperate. I think with my actions I sounded interested, but not desperate, and I certainly did all I could to avoid that. My opinion is that I have displayed what I've seen defined as 'Confident Persistence': I've been present through messages, but also confident and non-insistent. My idea was keeping in touch till we'd meet once back in London, and then it would've been the dating game, where I find myself very comfortable.

Aw, that's great. The problem, though, is that it doesn't matter what YOU thought about how you sounded in these messages; it only matters how SHE thought you sounded. I keep telling all the guys here that, for all the stuff they say about how they sounded confident, edgy, funny, etc. via text, rarely does it actually come across as such. I have girls that are friends that get text messages from guys all the time, and I have yet to read a single one from a guy that makes me thing "Oh man, that guy is on FIRE! That one text he sent, maaaaaan it's a good thing he sent THAT one!" Instead, it just comes across sounding like a guy that's not confident enough in himself to say something to a girl in person or via phone, so he says it via text instead but still comes off lacking in some way.

I showed our online conversation to a couple of trusted friends - girls who are attractive and can be very very *****y with men who lack self-confidence - and they said that they saw nothing desperate about the messages - actually, one said that from the messages you can't even really understand I'm that interested since I say nothing too bold or direct.

Never take advice from women about other women. That's like asking a fish how to catch other fish - they think they know, but subconsciously they don't really want to tell you in case you try to use those same tactics on them. Also, your screening of these women is inaccurate. Even a woman who appears to act some kind of way with low-confident men can, in reality, be a self-sabotoger who acts sh!tty towards ALL men due to daddy issues or past problems choosing the right men to date.

I think that either she is traumatized by needy guys so she interpreted a couple of messages and a merry xmas/happy new year over 2 weeks as signs of weakness

Okay, please stop doing this. Just kick the habit right now. Stop assuming that every time a girl doesn't want to go out with you it's because of some kind of psychological character flaw. A woman can not like you or lose interest in you for a plethora of reasons, none of them having to do with being traumatized by anything. Saying "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year" to her isn't going to make her think "Man, what a weak @$$ b!tch this guy is!" A guy she had interest in could say these things and it would mean the world to her. She's not responding 'cause she has LOW INTEREST, not because you're coming off as needy.

In short: you made a few mistakes here and there, but ultimately you could have done everything right and this girl still not have high interest in you. You know how guys go out sometimes simply looking for a girl to lay and nothing more? Sometimes girls go out to get what I call an "emotional lay": they have some guy follow them around so they feel special and desirable, and that's all they want out of him.

However, you can become better at reading these things early on by doing things like asking for the number; waiting for her to initiate physical contact; not texting/calling her for 3 to 5 days to see if she hits you up first. ( And I say this having just recently gotten a girl's number, and having HER hit ME up with a text 30 minutes after she got home, and the next day asking me to go to a movie - when they like you, they help you!)

Hope this helps!

 

[DonGorgon]

all women have you and at least 3 other dudes... you were ousted by one of those ether dudes

 

[AV87]

Hey guy:
Welcome to the forum! After reading your post here, as well as one of your responses, I believe I can offer some insights into your situation...

Hey Harry, thanks for your helpful reply! So, in order:

...But you're still single. This doesn't mean you don't have women fawning all over you, but unless you're the one constantly dumping THEM, you may want to re-examine how you are and see if there's anything in your personality that may be dissuading women from staying with you.

I see your point, and well: I'm almost always the one dumping. Over the last year, 4 girls wanted to start a relationship with me, but I didn't feel involved enough to do it. Overall, I've been in 3 important relationships. It's not always me dumping of course: on another occasion, I did really like a girl but she didn't feel the same so it all ended before it even began. All in all: yes I'm single, but over 1 year 4 girls wanted to become my girlfriend. I prefer being alone than staying with someone I only mildly like just for the sake of having a girlfriend.

We need specifics. What kind of physical touch? What was it that made you assume you had good chemistry?

Hand on hips and side of my arm recurrently when talking to me. During a bit of banter, then, to enforce what she was saying she gently takes both my shoulders. Overall very positive body language, I also touched her hip or arm now and then while talking or getting closer because I couldn't hear her, and she reacted well. I assumed we had good chemistry because of that and how the conversation was flowing well and we were discovering we were on the same page about many things. To contextualize: we're both nerdy postgraduate students who usually also need an intellectual affinity to feel real attraction towards someone: charm and looks alone are usually not enough. We did have that intellectual affinity and a lot of it, plus a more basic chemistry, down to the physical (touching/caressing etc).

But did you get HER number? Did you at least ask for it?

I asked her for it and she promptly gave it to me. But I won't call her now, obviously. I don't even know if she's in my same continent.

Ooooh, sorry, but you're mistaken my friend! Attraction only has an expiration date if the girl has LOW-to-NO interest in you.

I agree, her interest level was probably moderate-to-high that night but it suddenly dropped. I kind of felt this, so I thought that I should keep in touch now and then just to maintain a foothold in her life from which to ask her out once back in London. Then it's the the dating arena and the fun begins.

until she's back from vacation, no contact is the way to go. If she likes you, she's not going to forget you in 3 or 4 weeks - in the long time-span of life, 3 to 4 weeks isn't long enough to forget someone you supposedly had a connection with.

And now we get to the part of the program where I inform you that, sadly, TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS. (In this case it's FB messaging, but it's basically the same thing.)

In hindsight, I agree with you. But it needs to be contextualized: if you quite like someone/have a connection with him, receiving a message from him wouldn't be burdensome. Indeed, her answers to me were pretty enthusiastic, she seemed quite happy I'd contacted her. Perhaps she even really was, before something happened.
Also, I never wrote any suicidal stuff like "yo i noticed you saw my msg 3 days ago but didnt answer, is everything alright lol?", or anything that even remotely hints at the fact that I expected a quick answer.

Aw, that's great. The problem, though, is that it doesn't matter what YOU thought about how you sounded in these messages; it only matters how SHE thought you sounded. I keep telling all the guys here that, for all the stuff they say about how they sounded confident, edgy, funny, etc. via text, rarely does it actually come across as such. I have girls that are friends that get text messages from guys all the time, and I have yet to read a single one from a guy that makes me thing "Oh man, that guy is on FIRE! That one text he sent, maaaaaan it's a good thing he sent THAT one!" Instead, it just comes across sounding like a guy that's not confident enough in himself to say something to a girl in person or via phone, so he says it via text instead but still comes off lacking in some way.

You couldn't be more right. Indeed, I hate texting. Indeed again, I wasn't flirty in those messages: merry xmas/happy new year/how are you stuff, no more. I was leaving everything for when we would've met in person, which I (sadly) had taken for granted. So it's not even a matter of sounding confident during messages, I wasn't even trying. I was just giving wishes and keeping in touch about her and my vacations, no more. The real deal must happen only in person, some people apparently can achieve a lot via texts but I'm not one of them, I need to do it in person, looking in her eyes etc.

Never take advice from women about other women. That's like asking a fish how to catch other fish - they think they know, but subconsciously they don't really want to tell you in case you try to use those same tactics on them. Also, your screening of these women is inaccurate. Even a woman who appears to act some kind of way with low-confident men can, in reality, be a self-sabotoger who acts sh!tty towards ALL men due to daddy issues or past problems choosing the right men to date.

Again, I agree. Just let me point out that I don't care what they say about technique, what I needed to know is that my messages didn't sound needy/clingy/pathetic in the least. Actually I just re-read them before writing this to make double sure and indeed, it's just keeping in touch: giving best wishes, asking her what she's up to, telling her about a few interesting things i've been up to myself, in a few lines.

Okay, please stop doing this. Just kick the habit right now. Stop assuming that every time a girl doesn't want to go out with you it's because of some kind of psychological character flaw. A woman can not like you or lose interest in you for a plethora of reasons, none of them having to do with being traumatized by anything. Saying "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year" to her isn't going to make her think "Man, what a weak @$$ b!tch this guy is!" A guy she had interest in could say these things and it would mean the world to her. She's not responding 'cause she has LOW INTEREST, not because you're coming off as needy.

True. Oh well, better this than having to live with the regret of having fawked it up.

In short: you made a few mistakes here and there, but ultimately you could have done everything right and this girl still not have high interest in you. You know how guys go out sometimes simply looking for a girl to lay and nothing more? Sometimes girls go out to get what I call an "emotional lay": they have some guy follow them around so they feel special and desirable, and that's all they want out of him.

However, you can become better at reading these things early on by doing things like asking for the number; waiting for her to initiate physical contact; not texting/calling her for 3 to 5 days to see if she hits you up first. ( And I say this having just recently gotten a girl's number, and having HER hit ME up with a text 30 minutes after she got home, and the next day asking me to go to a movie - when they like you, they help you!)

I agree with everything you said here. Just let me say that I did ask for her number and did wait for her to initiate physical contact, although usually it's me initiating it, gradually. And hell yes, when a girl is really interested she does help you a lot...

Hope this helps!

You bet it did! I hope what I did is more clear too, since you suggested me to do a few things I'd indeed done.

My conclusion: for some reason at the very moment she felt an interest and connection, wanted to keep in touch and meet again... then she left for the tropical island and quickly forgot about it. Maybe she met someone else there, maybe an ex showed up...

...or maybe it's because as I recently found out she will probably move back to her home country in South America in a few weeks, which she didn't mention to me? By the way it doesn't matter, I know that she's gone, what I started this thread for was to understand what my mistakes were, and how to improve. Mission completed, thanks a lot to all of you who answered!

 

[Burroughs]

read 'the manipulated man' by esther vilar

it will answer all your questions

and questions you have yet to ask

 

[zinc4]

Hello, I've been reading articles on this website for a while, this is my first post.

I'll briefly introduce myself: I'm 25 years old and when it comes to women I believe in self-confidence, a strong personality, a good sense of humor and as much charm as possible (of course). These 'beliefs' have made me quite successful with women, and having good Mediterranean looks helps.

Yet, a situation happened recently in which it looks as though I've made some fatal mistake, I'd appreciate some insight. Thanks in advance.

I'll keep the story short: I met this girl at a club when we were celebrating our graduation from university. She's very beautiful, so I approached her with a joke about the undanceable, crappy music that was being played. She laughed, we quickly hit it off and we ended up talking for most of the night: good connection on many levels, good chemistry, some physical touch. Before leaving she asks for my phone nr and full name so she can add me on FB, and we mention meeting for coffee or drinks once back in London. A good start, it looks like.

She flies to a tropical island, and I go back home for xmas. Since attraction has an expiration date, I think it best to keep moderately in touch to maintain the sparkle alive. I write to her on FB to wish her merry xmas, exchange a couple of messages in which we say what we've been up to, then we wish each other happy new year. She asks me what my plans are and when I'd be back in London. I answer and ask her the same: she reads the message, and since then, no answer. It's been 2 weeks now. What's going on, I wonder?

A few details: I took the initiative to keep in touch, and on average my messages were longer. But, they were also sparse (3-4 over 2 weeks) and I didn't mention anything about meeting again once in London etc, I was saving that for the right moment - mentioning that too early would've come off as desperate. I think with my actions I sounded interested, but not desperate, and I certainly did all I could to avoid that. My opinion is that I have displayed what I've seen defined as 'Confident Persistence': I've been present through messages, but also confident and non-insistent. My idea was keeping in touch till we'd meet once back in London, and then it would've been the dating game, where I find myself very comfortable.

I'm afraid that while I was just keeping in touch and keeping the interest alive for the month it would have taken us to be in the same city again, for some reason it must have looked to her as desperate. Moreover, I showed our online conversation to a couple of trusted friends - girls who are attractive and can be very very *****y with men who lack self-confidence - and they said that they saw nothing desperate about the messages - actually, one said that from the messages you can't even really understand I'm that interested since I say nothing too bold or direct. Which, again, was my intent as I didn't want to play any cards online: all I wanted was keeping in touch to keep the game alive till we met in person, when we would have eventually hit it off.

I think that either she is traumatized by needy guys so she interpreted a couple of messages and a merry xmas/happy new year over 2 weeks as signs of weakness; or the idea of dating me or (a guy for that matter) just lost appeal in her mind, being on a tropical island now and having a lot of things to do there to pay attention to me.

Either way, after 2 weeks of silence not only it's pretty clear to me that she's gone, but her not even dignifying me of an answer doesn't make me want to have anything to do with her, unless she's got a very good reason for it.

Yet, for my education I'd like to understand what I may have done wrong.

Thank you.

She found another guy obviously...i mean you never even went out on one date....that equals nothing in her eyes....tropical island tons of guys going after her and the other women there...you are just the stranger she met clubbing one night...

also you should have tried to kiss her that night...but even that still just renders you a stranger at the club....this type of stuff happens to me all the time and i do it to women as well..get out and meet more and more and forget about this strange you met at the club...