She didn't respond, I have no idea why. Any thoughts?

[Igetit!]

Hi, I have taken some time away trying to reflect on what i've done wrong and it's time I answer your questions below as precisely as I can.

Wow man. You made this thread over a month ago,and you're just now coming back to get answers to your original questions?


Well I suppose that's a good thing,I mean it's not like all the girls would have been gone just because you took some time to examine yourself and your game.

When you approach a girl,WHAT DO YOU SAY? What EXACTLY?


Usually for instance if I'm in say a coffee place like a Starbucks I'll use an indirect conversation opener just to start a conversation such as 'how does the wifi work?' or 'is that any good?' (referring to something they're eating) usually after their answer i'll follow up with what they're doing i.e. if they are reading a book or writing an essay i'll ask them about that.

Following on i'll ask them where they are from if they speak with an accent, I try to throw in a neg here or there to test the water or make a joke.

Your opener seems ok. The only adjustment I'd make is to not just throw a question out there and sit there waiting on her to respond.

You need to talk....A LOT. So instead of this.....

you:Is that any good? (referring to something she's eating)
her:Yes,it's ok. (or whatever she says).


You would go with something more like this.....

you:Hey,is that any good? Because I've been coming to this (restaurant or whatever it is) for the last two months,and I've had just about everything on the menu,from (this) to (that) to (whatever),but that (whatever it is she's eating) is the only thing I haven't tried yet. It looks good,but I want to know how the thing taste before I drop any cash on it.


You say the WHOLE THING,altogether. You don't say,"Is that any good",then pause and wait for her to answer. Say it all together.

Also,have a little energy,a little curiousity to your voice when you speak. Ask the question like you REALLY MEAN IT and like you REALLY WANT TO KNOW how it taste.

And one more thing....bodylanuage. DON'T WALK directly up to her table and ask her that. You want your BODY to be facing AWAY from her,not 100% in the other direction,but almost as if you walked past where she was and you had to turn you head and slightly turn your body in order to speak to her.


If she hooks and starts to get into the conversation,THEN you can turn and face her completely,but do it slowly.

Admittedly if the convo goes on too long I notice I start to get nervous and I start talking more about friend-zone stuff.

Well the nervousness needs to be taken care of,but as far as the friendzone stuff,I'd say it's kinda hard to get friendzoned when you first approach a girl.


You'd have to really be working at it to make that happen.

Usually if I want her to know I'm picking her up i'll compliment her in some way about her outfit or something cos otherwise she might think I'm just looking to be a friend.

No,she won't think that.

Girls know that guys don't approach them looking for new "friends",especially if the girl is attractive.



And be careful how you compliment a woman. Say,"I like" this or "I like" that about her. Don't say,"you're beautiful or you're hot.

You can EASILY slip over from creating attraction in her towards you to causing her to become an AW with you. In fact,it's so easy to do,you can do it and not even realize you've done it.....until you try to ask her out.

This one in particular I think the problem was not the approach or what I said but was the longer it went on I got more nervous and she felt that, I left no mystery. I should have left after 10mins rather than 1 hour. So I learned my lesson.

Bingo. If you start acting nervous,basically anything you say will be shut out.

She'll be too focused on how you're making her feel to listen to what you say.

Really what I need help on is on first dates.

When do you start to notice problems? Is it during the approach,after the approach but before the first date,or after a date has already taken place?

TBH I notice problems all over shop. I am in a bad situation where I'm a recovering AFC, and I have had rejection in some form with every girl I have ever been with where it's her not being into me anymore rather than other way round.

The constant rejection over the years has really damaged my fragile ego where I assume she'll flake to try and soften the blow which can be counterproductive if she doesn't. I have a very negative view to protect my ego when they do flake, I get very upset because it happens again and again, that when one doesn't flake I start to get oneitis and feel under extreme pressure to deliver on dates because I know I may not get another chance with another girl for a while.

Dude,you need to fix all this. With all that going on inside you,it's no wonder you're having problems. You make it seem like you're just one big ball of nervousness,anxiety,and fidgitiness with legs walking around from girl to girl.


At this point,you could "technically" do everything right,but all negative energy radiating from you would destroy any potential progress you make.



Seems like you're making girls your world. So when you get rejected,you feel like your whole world has come crashing down.



You need to focus more on being a content,happy person than being some emotionally empty hole waiting for some girl to come by to fill.

So there's 3 pronged problem, where I'm struggling to get lots of non flaking numbers, so it puts me into a nervous worried state of mind before a date if say 1 out of the 10 doesnt flake. It's hard staying positive when you've had all rejection all your life.

the approach is ok, i feel the most anxiety before a date, during a date and after a date.

Because of this built up anxiety of her being my only opportunity for say the next month despite my efforts of picking up it's kind of hard not to have this added pressure on me to dispel.

On dates I will try to be C+F as much as I can at the beginning, almost as a defence mechanism cos im afraid of being friend zoned, it usually always starts really well with them laughing hilariously or kino'ing me.. It's as the date wears on and there is silent moments I end up getting nervous and keep talking filling in the space as I fear the sh1t test questions I don't know how to answer. Like 'what do you do?' and then i get 50 follow on questions about it when I tell them to 'guess' and say 'i dont talk about what i do' they just dont stop pressing.

Later it reaches this plateau where I run out of things to say and I feel nervous and start to panic (this might be what you're saying about them 'feeling' my emotions rather than what im saying)

Then I'll be in a state where I over kino, where i keep touching or prodding them in some way, which I've learned to stop now cos it creeps them out.

I'll attempt a kiss close at some point but sometimes I hesitate beforehand which shows lack of confidence I guess.

Dude,your problems ARE ALL INTERNAL. You should be projecting a positive view of yourself,instead you're sitting back in nervous anticipation wondering if the girls will like you or not.



You like,"Ok,I'm going to hold my breath and cross my fingers that she'll like me". Then you're like,"Please like me! Please like me! Please like me!".



You're like a nervous father-to-be at the hospital...pacing,walking up and down the halls while his wife is giving labor.



That "nervousness" is what's killing you. Girls want a guy who makes them feel safe. When she sees you all nervous and fidgity and about to wet your pants,do you think that instills any confidence in her?

Can you suggest any improvements about what I am suppose to talk about when there is silence?

I keep talking to avoid the stupid questions they ask to figure me out, I dont pass these well.

Turn the tables on them. Ask them some questions. Throw a neg off in there to keep them off balance.

They'll be so shocked by the neg,it'll get them off subject.

I used to have a standard follow through plan to a kiss close which hasn't been as effect lately. I'd compliment them a bit, touch their face and move their hair out of the way, if they let me do this i'd smell their neck and then go for a kiss close.

That touching their face and moving their hair out the way....don't do that stuff.

That's all Hollywood and movies. The problem with that is you're the ONLY ONE who knows the script.

Basically I lack confidence on a date because I Care so much about the outcome and they must be picking up on this desperation to get laid.

Bingo.



You're outcome dependant. You let complete STRANGERS decide FOR YOU how you feel about yourself.


If a hot girl says yes to going out with you,you feel good and think you're the "man".

If a hot girl turns you down,you feel bad about yourself,and think that you're ugly or that no one likes you.


So whichever reaction you got last determines how you see yourself. If the last girl you approached likes you,you're on top of the world,but if she turns you down,then you're nothing.


You need to change that dude. You need to decide NOW that you're a good and decent person....ON YOUR OWN. Once you start to do that,then the negative energy coming from inside you will change to confidence,and instead of girls feeling all that anxiety coming from inside you,they'll sense the confidence you have within yourself....and that confidence will make them feel at ease because you'll seem cool and in control.


You've got a LOT of work to do my friend.

 

[yeahbuddy14]

Whether you call her, text her, email her, send her a telegram or a carrier pigeon doesn't really matter. If the girl is interested in you, she will respond regardless of the medium. Imagine that a girl you were interested in sent YOU a text message asking you out. Would you "flake" and fail to get back to her because you would have rather received a phone call? Of course not. And neither would a woman...IF she was interested in you.

If this girl hasn't responded, it means only one thing: she's not interested in you. Next.

This is very true but in my experience it could also be her testing you, to see how you react?, a girl at work I used to hang out with would always reply to my texts and emails, FB messages pretty much straight away, we have had a difficult few months, basically she is a drama Queen and she lies and gossips so I ignored her for a month and she ended up blocking me on FB after I told her that I had nothing to say to her anymore.

We have started talking again recently (not sure if she is blushing when I talk to her but she is often pink in the face and the neck when I do) so I sent her an email and said I am tired of the drama between us and asked her out for coffee and told her that I miss our Friendship and hanging out with her and she didn't reply, yet I saw her the next day and while she seemed a little moody she seemed okay.

I did notice that she (and she often does this) was standing in a position in the tea room where I seemed to be in her sights and she was watching the other coworkers (girls) were around me while we did a morning quiz.

I'm not going to contact her again, she has played so many mind games and her actions don't match her words and pretty much never have, I just wish she would communicate like an Adult but I am guessing she doesn't want to meet for coffee but can't be Adult enough to tell me No.

I am thinking that she has always just been an AW or has had feelings for me and has had no idea how to deal with them and projected that on to me, she has been quite vindictive and I'm not going to let her do this **** anymore.

 

[salinechow]

I will share some advice with you I dont think has been mentioned yet. It valuable advice that has helped me.

In the beginning, you will make a lot of mistakes. You will overthink every word you say, every word she says, every text, every touch. Yet, my friend, you are playing an emotional game with a formulated logic. (Its ok, we are all doing it to some extent)

So here is the advice, here is what will give you that edge you seek.

EMBRACE the failure! Accept it as part of what will make you better. When you ENJOY each failure, you take away its power to frustrate you. The #1 absolute #1 killer of all things women related is even the slightest hint of frustration. Even ugly chicks will recoil if they sniff it on you.

You must change your perception of what is happening. It is not failure att all it is just less success than perfect. Meaning, true failure is not trying, not moving, accepting a fat life of solitude. You TRY and every time you try, you are succeeding. You are being sharpened. ENJOY it. Laugh about it. Tell your friends how bad of a f^ck up it was and laugh with them about it. AND....LEARN FROM IT. Learn even one small thing every time. One day, actually pretty soon, at the rate you are going, it is just going to click! The percentages will start to change and encouragement will be self-propelling. DO NOT GET FRUSTRATED. Change the perception of what is happening. Congratulate yourself for f^cking it up because you tried and learned. Each screw up, no matter how big, protected you from the wrong girl. You cant see that, but it is true. When it clicks with the right chick(not LTR, just a fun pretty girl who is going to enjoy you for whatever amount of time) you will have long forgotten some non-sence about a botched call.

Keep going. Go harder. Each time you do not get the outcome you desire will give you the cool head you are looking for. You will start to not care. You will have enough numbers to pick which girl to call and you will become outcome indifferent. The opposite of frustrated.

A quick word about inner frame. I read someone say that telling you to work on yourself is not helpful advice. THIS IS THE LIE OF THE DEVIL.
You MUST continue to work on yourself or you will get frustrated by needing a woman for your co-dependent validation and you will NEVER succeed. You will fake your way into despair of it not working and settle again into an AFC existence and a toxic LTR. Then one day you will have to try and swallow an even bigger Red PIll.

If nothing else, (although the entire formula is essential) GO to the gym everyday! No, don’t just go there, die and be reborn there every day. THATS when you are allowed to be frustrated. Sweat out the frustration. Hate yourself when you are there and punish the body and mind that fails you until it submits it negativity to your will power. You will turn negativity into confidence. Clarity will emerge for confusion. Pain will turn to self-love. Chemicals from nature, that served man throughout existence, that know much better than you do, will heal your body, mind and spirit. Every day, exhaustion will make you rest and a warrior spirit of indifference and self-appreciation will emerge the next morning.

You OP do not even know who are or want to be yet until you refine it through exercise. If you want help and epiphanies, and wisdom. If you seek the answers to your questions, you must kill the old self and allow that wisdom in. Not just with ears, but with understanding and ownership. This can be accomplished by working out, hard.

The relationship with exercise is the only one that will ever match your effort. Each second is its own reward. Your body will love you. Your mind and spirit will blossom.

 

[pyros]

I am gonna kill you all after reading this thread. Just kidding lol.

For the OP:

STOP OVERTHINKING for God's sake. There is only one truth, one little, small but powerful truth...which is that THE DAMN MAJORITY OF WOMEN ARE GONNA REJECT YOU. Around 90% of them are gonna send you to hell for one reason or another, and it is not always because of you.

It may be because:
1- she finds you ugly
2- she is in a relationship`
3- she doesnt like guys approaching her
4- she just failed an examn
5- she's having a bad day
6- you act creepy
7- she just met a guy she likes a week ago
8- she doesnt wanna meet any guys at the moment
9- she is in a hurry
10- you remind her of an ex bf.
11- etc, etc, etc.

So unless you're a celebrity (football player, singer...) the majority of women are gonna reject you. So if you approach 10 girls, maybe one is gonna be interested in you if you do not fvck things up.

It is this simple. YOU DONT NEED TO FOLLOW A DAMN ALGORITHM, STEP BY STEP, THAT IS GONNA GUARANTEE YOU THE results you want. It doesnt work that way.

If you look ugly try to look better. If you dress bad, dress better. If you're shy and have no friends, try to correct this. But besides these things, you just need to find that 10% of women that are gonna like you eventhough you 'screw it' at some point.


Once you understand this little truth, it will free your mind.

P.S.
You should also get rid of your desperate behaviour. It would help.

 

[salinechow]

All the wisdom in the world is almost useless without going to the gym and exercise. A strong inner frame needs the foundation of a strong outer frame. They must co exsist.

( I mean when looking to develop oneself)

I understand that some do not need this to have a strong inner frame. They have already developed in other ways over the years. I speak of the gym and exercise in the way I do for people who are still under construction. Like, indeed, myself.