She Cheated

[Tweek_1984]

So my girlfriend of 18 months called me tonight and told me that she'd made out with another guy last night.

I met her on my university exchange from the Uk to Canada in 2005/06. I'm currently in my last year of uni in Manchester. So we've been doing the whole long distance thing. However, I spent christmas with her family this christmas and was planning to see her again at the end of this month.

But, obviously this wasn't enough for her it seems.

The plan was that I'd either move over there and do a masters (I've applied, but yet to hear whether I've been accepted). Or, move over there in the summer and work something out. I would have lived with her either way. We've had it all planned out.

Everything in our relationship was pretty strong, apart from the whole long distance relationship. Sure, we've had our issues that I've had a problem with, but she was my rock, until now.

I told her I needed time to think and I'd call her back, but we'd probably have to end the relationship.

I'm a bit shellshocked at the moment and feel sick. If we do split up, I'll have to re-evaluate my whole future. I thought we were going to go the whole way and get married, I love her etc.

I don't know what to think or do. I need some advice people.

I know that the majority of the advice in this tread will be immediately split up with her, but bear in mind that I do love her, and I don't want to make any rash decisions that may drastically affect my whole future. Please take this into consideration.

 

[banGbro]

Take her out to a nice restaurant, and go the the bar, find a chick and try to get her number or make out with her. Show her how it feels. Just because she made out with a guy dont mean shes a bad lady. But you do need to reevaluate what you want. She is your rock? That makes you what? Maybe she made out with another guy because what? Maybe you not ready for marriage because this one is not right.


Now, if Im going to have that long of a relationship, Id test. If its going to 5th date, Im testing, thats it.


18 months and you want to get married with her? That is fast.

 

[Wyldfire]

Situations like this are no fun. Something to consider is that she chose to be honest and tell you about the mistake she made. You never would have found out had she not told you. She could have easily hid it from you...but she didn't. This tells you that even though she may make mistakes, she takes responsibility for them, tells the truth and tries to make amends. IF you can get past this by talking about it and REALLY resolving it then you actually have a very good chance at having a very successful LTR with her. A lot of women (and guys) mess up in ways like this...or even worse...and they keep it a secret. Most people will only admit something like this when confronted with proof or they are caught in the act...because they don't take responsibility for their own choices and actions.

Although you feel betrayed right now...she respected you enough to tell you the truth so you had the option to end the relationship over her mistake. Finding someone who is that honest and willing to work on a relationship is rare these days. Personally, I would advise that you try to move past it if you can. I wouldn't plan on marriage anytime too soon, though...but kissing someone else one time probably isn't worth throwing away the whole relationship over. Just make sure you talk very openly about how you feel about this so you don't hold resentment over it later. You'll have to let it go for it to work. Good luck.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Proof positive that on a long enough time line all LDR's will end on a bad note.

The slvt did you a favor. Learn to let go.

 

[splinterkb]

If that b*tch cheats, choke that sl*t.

 

[Viking25]

What Wyldfire said....and also,what does she think is the best way right now? Does she want to make things right with you again? Does she admit that she made a biggest mistake?...Consider everything.

 

[Last Man Standing]

She told you because she doesn't want to be with you anymore - take the hint kid!!!! Your love for her doeb't count -- she obviously doesn't want you!!!!!

 

[DJDamage]

Everything in our relationship was pretty strong, apart from the whole long distance relationship.

That is an oxymoron statment. Your relationship may have started strong but after you move to a long distance situation it just keeps on getting weaker and weaker. It was bound to happen.

Situations like this are no fun. Something to consider is that she chose to be honest and tell you about the mistake she made. .

That was not a mistake. When you trip over your shoelaces that is a mistake. When she decided to make an evening and lock lips with another guy its because her needs were not met.

This LTR long distance was a bad choice to make. Another bad choice is trying to organise your entire life and future around your LTR long distance.

You are too young for LTR, go out there and sarge some women that live within close driving distance not a flying distance.

 

[Tweek_1984]

That was not a mistake. When you trip over your shoelaces that is a mistake. When she decided to make an evening and lock lips with another guy its because her needs were not met.

I totally agree with this sentiment. Cheating is not a mistake. I need to find out why she's done this.

I was happy with the long distance LTR. If I could cope and was prepared to stay faithful, why wouldn't she? I think this is more to do with her personality rather than because simply I'm not there. Thats a pretty weak reason.

I think I'm going to write down exactly how I feel and get everything straight and then call her and put the ball in her court.

 

[danielzxc]

She told you because she doesn't want to be with you anymore - take the hint kid!!!! Your love for her doeb't count -- she obviously doesn't want you!!!!!

For once I agree with this guy!

What better way to break it off than tell you she cheated on you? Take the hint man, take the hint!

Only a modern, liberalism-addled brain could possibly believe something so cosmically stupid as having a girl tell you cheated on you being a sign of a strong relationship.

Bro, even if she did cheat on you, the best thing, clearly, would have been to keep her mouth shut about it. Since 99% of people know this -- geniuses like wyldfire aside -- the safest conclusion is that she told you about cheating on you because you're supposed to take the hint that she's over you.

 

[danielzxc]

I was happy with the long distance LTR. If I could cope and was prepared to stay faithful, why wouldn't she?

Umm, maybe 'cos LDRs are so unnatural?

 

[DJF or John]

Yeah see, right here!

Right here...this is my point.

Hey Tweek, I'm a little tied up right now. Tell you what. Dont' do ANYTHING until I respond to you. Give me around 4 hours, check back later on tonight, late night.

I will respond to you bigtime. Just something to think about until I respond to you is this:

THE DAYS OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE OVER. No matter what anybody tells you, trust me, 90% of women are NO LONGER relationship material.

The sooner you get that and understand it, the sooner you will be able to play the game.

You might be a little depressed and sad at first with this news taht I am about to give you. But what's that period is over, you will be FREE

 

[DJDamage]

I need to find out why she's done this.

I was happy with the long distance LTR. If I could cope and was prepared to stay faithful, why wouldn't she? I think this is more to do with her personality rather than because simply I'm not there. Thats a pretty weak reason.

She done this because you are not around. It doesn't matter what kind of a commitment/deal you made with her but lets face it: You can hold your end of the bargain pretty good because it takes some effort to go out of your way to pick up a chick. For a woman every week she is constantly being approached by men who will hit on her and since her interest level in you are pretty low due to the long distance, she will eventually submit to her desire's.

I think I'm going to write down exactly how I feel and get everything straight and then call her and put the ball in her court.

So you are going to take the wuss route and try to make her feel guilty thousands of miles away and hope after you spill your beans that she will do what?? feel so remorsed that she will become more in love with you and make an even bigger commitment??! Is that going to change what happened? Is that going to make the two of you closer??

In the meantime there are plenty of women in your area who you can approach.

 

[librito]

theres only one solution to this problem.... the initials
are
D.T.B = Dump That B1tch.......

remember that D T B is also the solution to all the problems that may appear while in a relationship.... it takes care of them immediately and forever.

 

[STR8UP]

I was happy with the long distance LTR. If I could cope and was prepared to stay faithful, why wouldn't she? I think this is more to do with her personality rather than because simply I'm not there. Thats a pretty weak reason.

NEVER assume that ANY woman (or man for that matter) holds herself the same level of integrity that you hold yourself to.

Check out the other threads on cheating women. Most of them will cheat given the right circumstances.

 

[STR8UP]

Oh yea, and get THE FUKK out of that stupid ass long distance relationship bullsh!t ASAP. I'm not kidding.

 

[Tweek_1984]

So you are going to take the wuss route and try to make her feel guilty thousands of miles away and hope after you spill your beans that she will do what?? feel so remorsed that she will become more in love with you and make an even bigger commitment??! Is that going to change what happened? Is that going to make the two of you closer??

In the meantime there are plenty of women in your area who you can approach.

Come on man. We've been going out 18 months, I genuinely love her, I thought she loved me. Theres one thing I don't feel like doing now and that's going out and bedding some random air head.

I don't intend to 'spill my beans' or unleash my mushy, heartfelt feelings. I intend to lay the cards out on the table to potentially either finish the relationship or patch it up.

The fact that shes cheated on me like this is a great big sign that there is something wrong. Whether thats some underlying emotional issue of her own, she doesn't love me, or I'm not man enough for her, I don't know. But I think it's important that we find out so we can evaluate whether its worth bothering to patch things up, or whether we should just call it a day.

I'm sure you've heard it before, but I really value our relationship. I'm a real picky person and she met all my criteria when I met her. She's one of my best friends. It's my dream to move to N.America and she could provide a big link for me to get over there. Losing my love, my best friend and my future is too big a thing to just throw away and call it a day so I can go and 'sarge on' and 'bang some hotties'. That stuff doesn't interest me.

That being said, I'm a pretty logical guy and I'd like to think I can spot a dead horse when I see one. If I don't think the relationship is worth it, I won't waste my time.

 

[Wyldfire]

Tweek, if you want to salvage the relationship then you should pay closest attention to the advice I gave you. She didn't have sex with the guy...she kissed him. While that's clearly not good...she DID catch herself and stop. It could have been far worse. And as I said...for her to tell you when she could have easily gotten away with it DOES mean something...she values, respects and most likely loves you. For it to work you have to communicate with her and get beyond it. You shouldn't just avoid or ignore her entirely, either. You should let her know that you are hurt, feel betrayed and need time to think. When you genuinely love someone things like this will not turn the love off. You don't want to send her the message that it's definitely over if you aren't sure yet if it is. The advice on this site is NOT geared towards having successful LTRs. I just made a post in the Tips section about LTRs earlier today...go read that.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Tweek, if you want to salvage the relationship then you should pay closest attention to the advice I gave you. She didn't have sex with the guy...she kissed him. While that's clearly not good...she DID catch herself and stop. It could have been far worse.

When a woman spills her guts and tells you she only "kissed him", in chick speak it means she swallowed his load. If she admits to sucking his c0ck it really means he busted his load up her dirtchute.

Lose this broad asap.

 

[Wyldfire]

When a woman spills her guts and tells you she only "kissed him", in chick speak it means she swallowed his load. If she admits to sucking his c0ck it really means he busted his load up her dirtchute.

Lose this broad asap.

You know...I really feel sorry for guys like you whose only experience with women has been so bad that you assume all women lie, cheat and are evil beasts. Perhaps you should take greater care in choosing who to get involved with and you might actually meet a decent woman. That being said...there's a very good chance even if you did meet one that she wouldn't give you the time of day.