She cheated on her ex for me, BUT...

[Fela Kuti]

This thread is related to this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=186632 but it's not necessary to read that before this one.

I'm sure most of you will tell me to stay away from girl who cheated on her ex to be with me but hear me out first.

I knew her since about 4 years ago because she's my then gf's friend. Fast forward to 4 months ago. I didn't know how it started but I was starting to have a crush on her. We chatted a lot online and we got along good, I felt some vibes from her, too. Nothing flirty though.

Somewhere around that time, I heard that she went exclusive with a guy. I was gutted and tried to stay away from her. But after awhile we started to talk again, this time more intimate and flirty. We even met for coffee twice. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't resist.

Then, finally, the bomb dropped. She confessed that she'd been falling for me those past months and she only accepted the guy as a way to get her mind off of me because she thought we didn't have a future considering I'm her friend's ex. Turned out it didn't work, she continued. She just didn't feel any chemistry with him and her feelings for me even grew stronger. So, the inevitable happened. She dumped his boyfriend and told me "let's take this slow though."

So, do you think this case could be considered an exception for the "once a cheater always a cheater" phrase?

 

[Zodiac]

So, do you think this case could be considered an exception for the "once a cheater always a cheater" phrase?

Nope. She drifts from one relationship to another dumping people when another shiny thing catches her eye. She cheated once before with a guy that seems to be you in this case as I haven't read the thread you have linked but using the info you have provided in this thread. If anything man as much as you may disagree with the next bit of advice it is rather true; you satisfied her in the past that is why she wants to go for you at this moment in time. Eventually she may find another shiny object to move onto that gives her a better fulfillment and you even asking this question on this forum shows you wonder this as well which wont go away the whole time you are dating her and will only get worse when she acts suspicious in your eyes because you know what she has cheated in the past.

 

[cupraikso]

I agree with Zodiac, but I will not say "get out of there ASAP" as most forum members will tell you; however, you should NEVER trust her completely. Trusting her will be your downfall and you will end up miserable and heartbroken. Keep your emotional distance, and ALWAYS have in your mind that she will willingly leave you for a shinier object.

It's so easy to overlook this now because your ego is sky-high because you've "stolen" a girl from someone else and you think you're a king. Don't let your ego fool you. You're as replaceable as anybody else.

You're playing with fire, and you will undoubtedly end up hurt later on, but don't let that keep you from having the experience. Don't think that it will not happen to you. Again. Don't think that you will not be cheated on because she "fell for you". If you can keep that in mind in every interaction with her I think you could get something without too many bruises, but you must always be ready for the downfall.

In other words: keep your cool with her and always be alert. Fck any of these two things and you'll be doomed.

 

[Fela Kuti]

Nope. She drifts from one relationship to another dumping people when another shiny thing catches her eye.

I don't really get this. she didn't dump him because she saw another shiny thing. she had already seen this shiny thing, which is me, before she dated that guy.

 

[cupraikso]

I don't really get this. she didn't dump him because she saw another shiny thing. she had already seen this shiny thing, which is me, before she dated that guy.

Wow. You really came here looking for someone to validate your conclusions, didn't you?

The problem is that you're believing absolutely everything that she's telling you. Accepting someone just to get you out of her mind? I'm sorry, but that's BS. Logically it is all sound. Emotionally, it is not. If she had been that into you, the first thing that she would have done is to have made it known in some very obvious way, her friend be damned. She's not like that, you're saying? well, that's not how it works. Female loyalty is so rare that I would only believe that if she was a tomboy.

 

[Credos]

something smells fishy...

If she really wanted you, she would've found a way into your pants a long time ago... (Let's hope the fish smell didn't come from there! :nervous: )

So why didn't she... :trouble:

Anyhow reading parts of the previous thread you clearly want to hear something from us but ain't hearing what you like. Maybe that's because you know somewhere deep down we're right. You wanna trust this girl but she clearly has a "not trustworthy" vibe going for her, being a cheater and all.

PS:

"she's almost incapable of being jealous"

that's only true with girls who are using people man, just so you know... My suggestion is to avoid this situation as a whole. signs of "attention wh0re-itis" are already showing up...

 

[Fela Kuti]

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all of you guys' advice. It's just that my gut feeling says she's honest. I'll just see what happens next while keeping what I read here in mind. Thanks.

 

[Credos]

Maybe this fact will shed some light: From a trustworthy source, I heard that the ex feels the girl didn't give it all in their relationship. This doesn't surprise me as I was the one that's on her mind for the length of the relationship.

And your source being the girl :crackup: ... Who's a cheater... Stage 5 Clinger!!

 

[Fela Kuti]

And your source being the girl :crackup: ... Who's a cheater... Stage 5 Clinger!!

dude, nope. I'm not that foolish.

in reply to your previous post: the fact that I am her good friend's ex speaks for itself as to why she didn't find a way to get close to me. I was seen as "untouchable" so she tried to forget me. I don't intend to prove you wrong, I'm just stating my point of view.

 

[Jaylan]

I don't really get this. she didn't dump him because she saw another shiny thing. she had already seen this shiny thing, which is me, before she dated that guy.

Denial is a river in your mind.

 

[movistar]

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all of you guys' advice. It's just that my gut feeling says she's honest. I'll just see what happens next while keeping what I read here in mind. Thanks.

Dude!!! I just did the same thing.... I got a girl to move out of her apartment ,a guy who she was dating for 6 years!! We had this whirlwind romance blah blah blah...

She is being honest with you, they are honest in the beginning because they are into you, but if someone else catches their attention they will be dishonest when necessary, even the "good girls". The rules bend but they don't break! She is NO different. Crazy thing is I KNEW this chick would change, I've been through it before, but I told myself "NO" this time its different.

But, do not leave her, just wear a condom on your heart... bang this chick until you are good and tired but DO NOT get caught up in her emotionally, this is the only way to keep her around. I guarantee you once she sees you are into her you'll be toast.

 

[Zodiac]

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all of you guys' advice. It's just that my gut feeling says she's honest. I'll just see what happens next while keeping what I read here in mind. Thanks.

Be prepared to come back to us and either lie through your teeth to us when she stomps on your heart it didn't happen or to admit to us what happened and us to say "We called it" and to have quotes thrown right back at you showing you the exact warning signs. Either that or you'll be embarrassed about the whole thing and stop posting all together. Trust me I went through a phase on this site where I was like "Lalalala I'm right and this site of people that know more than me are all wrong" but generally when a situation like the one you describe pops up and she is a serial dater there are red flags and I don't believe you are telling the whole picture to us.

Dude you put this p***y on a pedestal and you need to face it. Until then:

Denial is a river in your mind.

 

[49au]

Let's see:

- she cheats (triangulates)
- she lies ("I let my boyfriends date other women" - YEAH RIGHT)
- she has object constancy issues (loses feelings for you because of 4 days NC)
- she is clingy and wanted to see you every day


You could be dealing with a borderline. And even if you're not, you're dealing with an emotionally unstable, cheating wh0re. Let it go.

 

[Gdupm6]

Once a cheater always a cheater... I agree with the above comments... girls like that can't stay committed... They are selfish and do whatever it takes for them to be happy and satisfied in the moment. So be wise with your steps.

 

[movistar]

I believe anyone will cheat given the right conditions, so the "once a cheater" slogan is kinda due to human nature. If a woman is into you she will be much less likely to stray, but it could still happen. I do think some women and men depending on their morals are much MORE likely to cheat but I would just pay attention to her behaviors.

 

[Jaylan]

I believe anyone will cheat given the right conditions, so the "once a cheater" slogan is kinda due to human nature. If a woman is into you she will be much less likely to stray, but it could still happen. I do think some women and men depending on their morals are much MORE likely to cheat but I would just pay attention to her behaviors.

Speak for yourself. I have had opportunities in the past but I am not a hypocrite and I wont do something to someone that I wouldnt want done to me in a relationship.

 

[Fela Kuti]

Let's see:
- she has object constancy issues (loses feelings for you because of 4 days NC)
- she is clingy and wanted to see you every day

you surely making that up? I clearly didn't say anything like that.

 

[49au]

Oops, I got this girl mixed up with the one in the "NC triangle" thread.


I still think there are only two possible reasons she would "be ok" with a guy she is interested in dating other women, neither of which is good:

1) her IL is very low
2) she is a little nuts



There is a big difference between a woman knowing that you are seeing other women and fvcking you anyway, and a woman encouraging you to see other women.

 

[Zodiac]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=186391

Read this thread OP. You need it.

 

[typical]

To the OP,

Why is this chick so fu(ken important? Can't you find another chick that is a more stable emtional being? Why are you looking for a relationship with this girl? Why are you now spinning plates?

You've been here since 2006 and still talking like an AFC.