She cant decide between me and another

[mrRuckus]

I have like 3 freinds from college that r always flirting with me, a few others as well. But i dont like em. Not one girl i ever like ever wants to be wit me, it blows.

Haha you sound like a woman. Do you need a challenge or something?

 

[DJinTraining06]

Walking away you win either way.

She's either going to be ohhh nooo what a man he can walk away from me i need to get his attention back (needs to validate herself)... and the other guy probably is like pleeeease go with me being a whiny little b1tch. Just give her the impression that you're cool with it and you'll see other girls. Well don't just give her the impression you might want to actually do that but we all know we're not all DJ nirvana yet so you probably won't get right on another girl but there's nothign wrong with leaving that impression.

OR none of that happens and since you're not in contact with her you stop caring.

It's not quite the same as with someone you haven't been seeing that long, but my most recent ex has been giving me some hell mixed with "good old buddy" vibes mixed with jealousy of other girls lately. I just got bored with it and didn't see the point of even talking to her anymore mostly because it doesn't jive with me that she gets my friendship and company if we're no longer fvcking or dating so I blocked her on AIM and all that. Of course, I still peek at her away messages and whatever and since then every away message she puts up has been really sad... (things like "hopeless. futile. going to bed."... ha..) as if she noticed i blocked her but is too proud at the moment to say anything about it directly to me. And the best part is I care less and less every day AND she's the one who broke up with me! It just totally flips their world upside down when you walk away.

Of course if you walk away she might not care at all which means good riddance anyway. But still you get to forget about it and stop caring much easier than if you talk to her all the time.


Dwight Shrute on "the office" last week:
"reject a woman and she'll never let it go. that's one of the many weaknesses of their kind. also weak arms."
..pretty close to the actual quote..

Sorry to say too late tho i went on and on on aim about how this is like high schoool sh*t and and i dont get why she would put out all those signals that she liked me if she was gonna go out with another guy. bla bla bla, then she said i was being mean cuz of somethin else i said, and i said sorry and totally became a wuss. I thn texted her an pologized again and said "sorry again, dont mean to be a baby about it, i just thought we really clicked and i dont get it". I dunno is it too late to act like i dont care now? lol Prob is right?

 

[DJinTraining06]

Haha you sound like a woman. Do you need a challenge or something?

lol nahh man the girls who like me aint veyr good looking, only a couple maybe. But i dont like em, every girl i ever felt anything for dont want me, that is life for an AFC i guess. oh well ill stop b*thchin like a woman.

 

[sh4rk b1t3]

Sounds like this guy needs a beating. Maybe the girl too. Come on, there has to be SOMEONE other than you that is to take the blame for this?

 

[DJinTraining06]

Ok so last night she called me up and we cleared things up and had a nice convo. Like 10 mins later we were both online and i imd her. We talked a couple mins, and i realized she was blocking me.

I have 2 screennames on all the time, so i saw that she was still showing on my other screenname, and i imd her with the other one and was like wtf? What the hell did u block me for? I told her if ur not interested just flat out tell me that, dont block me thats retarted.

So she says, "u and the other guy are iming me at the same time! i cant take it right now. I blocked both of you! I'm so confused, between work,this, and life i genreal im so stressed right now. im sorry i just need space."
So im like ok watever, u coudla just said that rather than blockin me. Shes like stop it! why r u freakin out. So im like "how am im freakin out? u the one who just blocked 2 guys for iming u. Im totally calm ur the one freakin here. So then i said fine whaver u want, and she said im sorry just gimem some space. have a goodnight.

Ok now i know i been handling the whole thing wrong and continue too, but whats done is done. What im tryin to figure out is why she didnt take the out that i gave her, i made it easy for her. I told her if she rather be with the other guy, or if shes just not interested to just tell and not to worry bout hurting my feeelings cuz its cool. But she didnt bite, she said "i just need time to think"

Ok aside form my pathetic groveling AFC behavior, what do u guys make of her behavior? I know girls will go to far lenghts not to hurt a guys feelings, even lead him on soemtimes. But this seems a bit extreme, i dont think she'd let me go on and on so much if she didnt actually like me. I assume she lieks him more than me. I'm the backup plan right? I also assume this guy isnt as into her as she would like, and shes probably just hoping something happens, but she doesnt wanna lose me in case he drops her. Shes never even been on a date with this guy she just works with himmshe said, so it sounds like a crush.

And yes i know i should have other options and say the hell with this girl cuz shes playing games. bla bla bla. but i think shes worth it. What is ur assesment of this? Is she either

a. avoiding hurting my feelings
b. trying to keep me as a backup
c. telling the truth and she likes us both equally and cant decide
d. testing me
e. a female commitment phobe who doenst like to get serious with guys.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Ok so last night she called me up and we cleared things up and had a nice convo. Like 10 mins later we were both online and i imd her. We talked a couple mins, and i realized she was blocking me.

I have 2 screennames on all the time, so i saw that she was still showing on my other screenname, and i imd her with the other one and was like wtf? What the hell did u block me for? I told her if ur not interested just flat out tell me that, dont block me thats retarted...

:crackup: She Frickin' Blocked Me! :crackup:

 

[Aaron B]

My ex-wife pulled that crap when we first started dating.

She had been seeing another guy when we met and she told me she was still talking to him and wasn't sure what to do. I told her that if she liked him she should go for him. But she couldn't have us both so make up your mind.

Unfortunately, I was the winner

 

[DJinTraining06]

Well it's over now, i became the freaky guy now, i emailed her 4 times and texted her 8 times in the last 2 days, she emailed me today and said - this is the final comminciation between us. she doesn't want to ever speak to me again. She said shes very sorry it didnt work out between us but she is not gonna reply to me again. I have been reading this website for like 2 yrs and i go and do this. Wats the matter with me. Pretty pathetic i know, i freaked out when she dropped me for the other guy.

 

[Maximus Rex]

I hate to dish out cliches but if you've got a few other hot babes hanging onto you, then you'd be the one that can't decide. Go increase your choice of women and you'll feel less bummed. Don't worry though such girls turn up every once in a while to spice up our lives so don't take it personally.

I concur with dude. WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! Don't you read the information on the site. You act like you've been with this chick for years, yet you've only gone out 8 times and I bet you haven't even saw the nookie yet.

She's not feeling you. So what's your problem and why do you care? This is a perfect example of why you need to have a "rotation." If you had other chicks in the stable, you would've be worried about her "getting serious," with another guy. You'd be to busy "working other leads."

My suggestion is that you go out and try to find some new a$$.

 

[DJinTraining06]

I concur with dude. WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! Don't you read the information on the site. You act like you've been with this chick for years, yet you've only gone out 8 times and I bet you haven't even saw the nookie yet.

She's not feeling you. So what's your problem and why do you care? This is a perfect example of why you need to have a "rotation." If you had other chicks in the stable, you would've be worried about her "getting serious," with another guy. You'd be to busy "working other leads."

My suggestion is that you go out and try to find some new a$$.

Thanks ur right. i needed that. She had a backburner, I should have too. i dunno im never like this, there was just somethin about her. i didnt even mind that she said she wants to stay a virgin till marriage. I woulda been cool wit some bj's and stuff cuz i like her mentally and all. i think i take life way too seriously. Girls should just for A$$, not for happiness right?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well it's over now, i became the freaky guy now, i emailed her 4 times and texted her 8 times in the last 2 days, she emailed me today and said - this is the final comminciation between us. she doesn't want to ever speak to me again. She said shes very sorry it didnt work out between us but she is not gonna reply to me again. I have been reading this website for like 2 yrs and i go and do this. Wats the matter with me. Pretty pathetic i know, i freaked out when she dropped me for the other guy.

So what have you learned from all of this? Anything besides not taking life so seriously?

 

[DJinTraining06]

So what have you learned from all of this? Anything besides not taking life so seriously?

I learned alot beleive me. I always knew this stuff, especially since readin this website, but experiencing it first hand is the only way u really end up believing it iguess. life experience is the only way i ever learn, i dunno bout u I was devastated the last 2 days, and still kinda am over this. I am never gonna throw all my eggs in one basket again, im not gonna let myself get hooked on a girl unles i got others on the backburner either. I'm never gonna tell a girl how i feel bout her so early on, and im never gonna hint at bein exclusive to ask a girl about her love life after 3 dates. I also learned somethin form my past few relationships and its totally clear now. You can never accuse a girl of being dishonest or judge her character, even if she was a complete b*tch, am i right? If shes a b*tch u either dump her A$$ or just let it slide if u want a future with her. Cuz girls dont have to be accountable for anything. They got the vaginas and they always win. The only way we win is to take their bullsh*t and get laid cuz we r so good to them. Girls want a guy who is perfectly calm and laid back all the time. I think thats why i attract so many girls. every girl i goout with once or twice tells me i seem so laid back. once they get to know me they see im not and drop my a$$. They dont wanna know about our problems, they dont wanna see us get mad, or sad, or upset or anything. Their the only ones who r allowed to show emotion right? we as guys love when a girl tells us or shows us she likes us. Girls r turned off big time by it aint they.

Did i miss anything? lemme know if did.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I learned alot beleive me. I always knew this stuff, especially since readin this website, but experiencing it first hand is the only way u really end up believing it iguess. life experience is the only way i ever learn, i dunno bout u I was devastated the last 2 days, and still kinda am over this. I am never gonna throw all my eggs in one basket again, im not gonna let myself get hooked on a girl unles i got others on the backburner either. I'm never gonna tell a girl how i feel bout her so early on, and im never gonna hint at bein exclusive to ask a girl about her love life after 3 dates. I also learned somethin form my past few relationships and its totally clear now. You can never accuse a girl of being dishonest or judge her character, even if she was a complete b*tch, am i right? If shes a b*tch u either dump her A$$ or just let it slide if u want a future with her. Cuz girls dont have to be accountable for anything. They got the vaginas and they always win. The only way we win is to take their bullsh*t and get laid cuz we r so good to them. Girls want a guy who is perfectly calm and laid back all the time. I think thats why i attract so many girls. every girl i goout with once or twice tells me i seem so laid back. once they get to know me they see im not and drop my a$$. They dont wanna know about our problems, they dont wanna see us get mad, or sad, or upset or anything. Their the only ones who r allowed to show emotion right? we as guys love when a girl tells us or shows us she likes us. Girls r turned off big time by it aint they.

Did i miss anything? lemme know if did.

Good overview based on your experiences. Unfortunately it's not the best attitude to have if you truly want to become successful.

You hit a few points that are the basic rules of interaction but understand that they aren't absolute. It also seems that you feel that the social interaction between the sexes is like a competition skewed in the favor of women. Although that has been your pass experience, it doesn't need to be.

A person's life beliefs are based on how they perceive the past experiences of their life. If you see the road to DJism as a competition between the sexes, then it will be. The interesting thing is that a person can dramatically change their life experiences by changing their life beliefs and performing actions that are congruent with those beliefs.

It may be worthwhile challenging your beliefs. There are some guys who do well with women, why is that? It's easy to say its just about what they have or how they look but that's just superficial and typically anyone who use only those things will attract basically superficial woman. But how about the rest? What about the average looking guy with an average job but yet women not only gravitate to them but also try to stay connected to them? What are these guys doing? Those are the things that will help challenge your beliefs.

 

[DJinTraining06]

What about the average looking guy with an average job but yet women not only gravitate to them but also try to stay connected to them? What are these guys doing? Those are the things that will help challenge your beliefs.


Id love to know the answer to that. guess there isnt just 1 answer to this is there. Interesting post though. i gotta kind of erase the bitterness out of my head cuz its screwing up my beleifs. i used to beleive girls were angels and life was a fairy tale. I dont wanna get back to that, ya think somewhere in between is good? i got hurt really bad around late May, i had been dating a girl for a yr and she totally messed me up bad. Maybe this little recent expereince was good cuz it made me investigate my life and attitude a little more. Cuz ur def right about my competition beliefs. Good post.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What about the average looking guy with an average job but yet women not only gravitate to them but also try to stay connected to them? What are these guys doing? Those are the things that will help challenge your beliefs.


Id love to know the answer to that. guess there isnt just 1 answer to this is there. Interesting post though. i gotta kind of erase the bitterness out of my head cuz its screwing up my beleifs. i used to beleive girls were angels and life was a fairy tale. I dont wanna get back to that, ya think somewhere in between is good? i got hurt really bad around late May, i had been dating a girl for a yr and she totally messed me up bad. Maybe this little recent expereince was good cuz it made me investigate my life and attitude a little more. Cuz ur def right about my competition beliefs. Good post.

Here's a concept that may help yet may be easier said than done. Although people generally gravitate into certain familiar categories, consider not arbitrarily labeling individuals by the groups which they seemingly represent. This does not mean forgo the things you've learned, just don't prejudge and contaminate your perception before having empirical evidence with that person.

This will allow you to base your actions on what is going on at that moment instead of past history. It may make you feel in more control and possibly more confident in your own abilities, possibly even the ability to not be so deeply effected when an interaction doesn't go as well as you would have like it to have gone.