She calls after 3 years

[MR_PERFECT]

3 years ago, I dated a girl for about 3 months. From what I remember, she was very immature when it came to dating: She was really into her friends; left clues that led me to believe she possibly hooking up with a guy that came before me; had an obvious interest in her female friends, yet denied it. Despite all that, I had no problems with her, I was dating other women and never took her seriously, I was justing havig a good time. What annoyed me more than anything was that she wasn't honest when confronted. Thnigs between us just kind of died out... I never called her, she never called me. I never even thought about her when it was over.

She recently called me and said she would like to be friends and keep in touch. Now, I've had a few women call back after an extended absence, but never 3 years. My question to you guys is not whether I should persue something with her, my question is, what possible reason could she have for contacting me?

I've only had one friend who had an ex call him after 3-4 years and it was becuase apologizing to him was one of her twelve steps.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... my question is, what possible reason could she have for contacting me?

She's felt she's changed and she wants to see whether you have too and possibly see herself as making the most positive change (i.e. has she outgrown you). Whatever it may be, she's doing it for her own curiosity and eventual increasing her own feeling of self worth, possibly at your expense. Look at it for what it is and ask yourself if it is worth your time and effort. Basically, do you truly want to be friends with her?

 

[decades]

She probably just got dumped by someone. It might be because a bad boy boyfriend showed his true colors and she remembered you as the nice guy. Maybe YOU were the badboy and she just dumped Mr. Boring. The point is an Event prompted this.

People often do this when they need some validation from the opposite sex, usually because they were rejected by X. Its not that odd. She also may be feeling older with the bio clock kicking in. She also may have screwed up big time in life, with money, with relationships, on the job, etc., and is desperate for a way to start over, start fresh. Its Not because she suddenly remembered how great you were. When these things happen, always think it through and ask the questions what is motivating her? Think about your own life when you may have done something that "rhymes" with this and figure out what was going on with you at the time.

A chick just contacted me after about six months. Guess what? She just had a bad breakup. My last real contact with her before this was me asking her to come over for dinner, which she ignored because she had just started seeing "him".

 

[MR_PERFECT]

Look at it for what it is and ask yourself if it is worth your time and effort. Basically, do you truly want to be friends with her?

It's funny, a friend asked me why I've waited to call and have not jumped on it. When I first knew her, I would have been friends, she was the one that said no. And, no, I wouldn't put any effort into it, it's just that I'm curious.

Francisco, I wouldn't blame her for contacting me for her own self-worth, in my first post, I left something out: For whatever reason, I wasn't turned on by her when we started sleeping together and she was inexperienced. This is the Mature Man's Forum, so I know most of you have been in this situation. I could get it up but couldn't keep it up... repeatedly ... over a two month period.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...This is the Mature Man's Forum, so I know most of you have been in this situation. I could get it up but couldn't keep it up... repeatedly ... over a two month period.

Uh-oh, it sounds as if your hormones have lost their control over you. Now you have to rely on qualities other than big tits and a nice ass to make an attraction for you. Just because you can lay her, it doesn't mean that you have to; especially if you don't want to. Having the ability to choose and to feel comfortable with the choice is a very powerful attribute of a DJ.

 

[Latinoman]

Francisco...

Please, clean your PM folder. Thanks!

LOL.

 

[joekerr31]

given you wanted to be friends and she said 'no', i wouldn't call her back now.

what seems to have happened is, like most chics, she over valued her value in the market.

see, chics aren't exactly sure how to measure their value. the reason being is that guys don't seem to really have any 'set' standards. they like big boobs and they like to f*ck - that's pretty much all women know. based on those standards, in theory, any decent looking woman should be able to land the most gorgeous guy out there, all they have to do is spread their legs.

a lot of women aren't sure why brad pitt would f*ck woman A over B. the deciding factor seems to be mostly about status, availability, and game playing. Pitt just wants a p8ssy to f*ck and as long as the chic is half way attractive any woman has a shot at being the one he chooses.

this is how women think (I believe).

so you're chic had fun with you and then figured she'd go out and see if she could land herself a brad pitt. As long as she is willing to spread her legs surely she has the same odds as any other woman of catching the 'prize' no?

but after 3 years of letting one guy after another bust a nut in her, never finding her brad pitt, and not finding some rich dude to treat her like a princess and give her everything - she's realizing that maybe life doesn't work the way she thought.

so now she's flip through her memory and sorting out which guy treated her the best. looks like your name came out on top.

so now she's trying to reconnect. the 'friends' thing is bullsh*t. no one calls someone up after 3 years to be friends.

she wants to work her way back in to your life. sound comlpicated? women know its not. women know that ALL they have to do is get you into the sac ONCE and BAM they got you.

anyway, I wouldn't even bother returning her call. you've moved on with life, keep it that way.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Well since she wait 3 years you have to establish control. Call her in 5 years and set something up.

 

[mrRuckus]

Well since she wait 3 years you have to establish control. Call her in 5 years and set something up.

Haha...5 years later...

"Hey sorry it took so long to get back to you. Things have been pretty hectic at work... anyway, what's new with you?"

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

Well since she wait 3 years you have to establish control. Call her in 5 years and set something up.

Hah, that's a good idea. Although 5 years might be a bit too long for it to have an effect. 5 years for a typical hor is enough to have several bouts of drug addiction, cult involvement and extrication, or have a guy get overzealous with the donkey punches and put her in a coma. So she might not even remember. Or she might be dead.

 

[ScrewIt]

so you're chic had fun with you and then figured she'd go out and see if she could land herself a brad pitt. As long as she is willing to spread her legs surely she has the same odds as any other woman of catching the 'prize' no?

but after 3 years of letting one guy after another bust a nut in her, never finding her brad pitt, and not finding some rich dude to treat her like a princess and give her everything - she's realizing that maybe life doesn't work the way she thought.

so now she's flip through her memory and sorting out which guy treated her the best. looks like your name came out on top.

so now she's trying to reconnect. the 'friends' thing is bullsh*t. no one calls someone up after 3 years to be friends.

she wants to work her way back in to your life. sound comlpicated? women know its not. women know that ALL they have to do is get you into the sac ONCE and BAM they got you.

anyway, I wouldn't even bother returning her call. you've moved on with life, keep it that way.

joeker is right. I had an ex once who decided to test the waters with some guy. A couple weeks later she was telling me all this fairy-tale stuff about him and wanted us to be friends - I of course i said no. A few months later she tried contacting me several times and even on her birthday. We did finally meet up (not on her birthday), it was clearly obvious she was single again and wanted me back..but it was too late because I had moved on.

Girls have this way of doing the 'grass is greener' thing from time to time, especially if a relationship gets stale. Simply put, either a couple are in relationship or they are just dating exclusively.

But maybe its not such a bad thing she contacted you, you said she was immature and stuff...who knows maybe she's a changed grown mature woman. I think its worth a shot, if you dont like what you see after the first meetup then do NC. pvssy is pvssy right?