She Broke NC - After 7 weeks

[bigneil]

Well, as I documented back in June, the love of my life told me she was in love with someone else and I said goodbye on the spot. That was 7 weeks ago. They say that on average if we walk away people return in 6-8 weeks which was spot on. They also say rebound relationships last 5 weeks on average.

Earlier today, before she wrote, I told a friend how my nerves were on fire and I couldn't believe how much it still hurt not to have her in my life, but that I used the pain to fuel my workout program.

Then at noon today I wrote a list of all of the coincidences that happened that reminded me of her. There were 13 - in 13 weeks (3 months - it's been that long since I actually saw her). It was one year ago this week that I first saw her on stage. I realized the likelihood of her writing to me was extremely high, in fact I predicted she would write today.

Sure enough, as I was looking at the list of coincidences, my phone lit up and it was her. She's now divorced and is back to her old self. I didn't ask any questions but I told her about some of the coincidences on the list and she couldn't believe them (having photos of the new model, the girl she was with when I met her didn't hurt).

I've lost 14 pounds since I last saw her and would like to see if we still have the chemistry we once did. The potential for incredible makeup sex is high.

A lot of friends (none on SS) had suggested I should reach out to her, but the rule I was following was that you end on good terms and then walk away forever until she reaches out. However, I have no hard feelings. She is only 21, and was with her husband since age 14 so she needed time. The time away from her has only reminded me how much I love her, and how hard it is to replace her.

Anyhow, after a text conversation of about 15 texts I shut my phone off. I didn't make plans with her yet.

Your thoughts?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

People essentially don't change; and it must be said that women are far less likely even than men. And, least of all 21 year old women.

So do what you want, but I wouldn't get involved romantically. Whatever issues were there before, or at the time of the break up, will still be there. And with due respect, (at least) an element of her contact will just be seeking attention, especially after nearly two months.

Look out for what she's saying; is she full of regrets, talking about missing you and thinking about you; or is it more small talk? Try to be rational rather than 'in lurve', as far as possible. She doesn't want a soppy doormat.

As always judge actions over words. Be a man and keep your emotions in check.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I have sent you a private mail as I know we are both in very similar situations

Ultimately you can listen to advice and opinions all day long , only you can take the gamble on her

And that’s what it is a gamble, ……you risk take someone back that broke you’re heart will/ can they do it again ?

On the flip side people do F@ck up , every person I have met in my life has fvcked up somewhere along the line me included nobody is squeaky clean

Some choose to cover it up, some choose to talk about it

Are we all entitled too a F@ck up? yes

Can you accept it and move on ? ……that’s a question only you can answer I guess you have to ask yourself is she worth the risk ?

In my case im staying emotionally devoid until im convinced of a real change

 

[Glassguy]

@bigneil

You need to re-evaluate your self worth and self respect. Why would you want to back to someone who ditched you?

So many red flags.

She was married and seeing you. She was married and seeing you AND another man. She dumped you for the other man.

It didn't work out so she sent you a feeler text to see if she could take you on a trio down memory lane. Which she did.

You should ditch this chick, increase your self respect and find someone better.

 

[Bingo-Player]

@bigneil
find someone better.

considering the state of social decay we are in

alot of guys are uncertain of whether "better" even exists any longer

every man i speak to the same problems keep on cropping up .......

we cant all be wrong

 

[The Duke]

BigNeil- this chic is a bad deal. She has some issues. Girls like this are worth no more than a good time. If that's what you want then have at it, just don't get emotionally invested.

 

[kronreiff]

Neil? I thought you knew the meaning of an "X". Even though you're chasing a pipe dream. Hope it satisfies your aging desires for something that will truly never be yours.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

She's 21. She knows she's hot sh!t and can get just about any guy. I wouldn't expect her at this age to commit to a serious LTR in the traditional sense of being exclusive with you. Since she knows she's hot, she wants to get all the mileage out of it that she can while she's got it.

I guess what I'm saying is, she's gonna ride the carousel no matter what you or any other guy does. I figure since you're on the short list, may as well enjoy the ride.

 

[El Payaso]

The potential for incredible makeup sex is high.

Stop thinking with your d!ck.

The time away from her has only reminded me how much I love her, and how hard it is to replace her

Oneitis.

 

[soulforge]

@bigneil

You need to re-evaluate your self worth and self respect. Why would you want to back to someone who ditched you?

So many red flags.

She was married and seeing you. She was married and seeing you AND another man. She dumped you for the other man.

It didn't work out so she sent you a feeler text to see if she could take you on a trio down memory lane. Which she did.

You should ditch this chick, increase your self respect and find someone better.[/QUOTE

There is NO BETTER only the problems, but with a different..

You will find better? Chances are, you will find much worse!

 

[Von]

I expect another 100 thread on this girl will appear

Ex are Ex for a reason
Only lack of options would have a guy take his cheating girl

 

[bigneil]

The change is that they regret leaving you for the new guy they were fvcking so now they might try to play you both like they did at the beginning...lol

You accurately predicted in June she would return. I was confident she would. Seven of her texts ended with a question mark, so it wasn't a bad conversation.

Guys, it was EXACTLY like Swingers (1995). In that movie, the guy gets dumped and pines over a girl for 6 months and then he gets a new number and his ex calls, (SPOILER WARNING) - and he gets another call on the other line from the new girl and he says to his Oneitis he has to take the call.

Yesterday, just as my ex started writing again, a girl I met Friday started texting right when I had a conversation going (I have zero text life lately - these were my 2 most intense conversations of the month - at once). Ever be typing a text and getting another text? It's distracting. That's what most girls probably deal with every time they talk to us.

The new girl is coming up tomorrow for a photo shoot. Used to be a Vegas show girl. Lately girls jump at the chance to do a photo shoot for a pittance (less than a good dinner date would cost). Looks a lot like my favorite girl (I thought it was her).

 

[bigneil]

She's 21. She knows she's hot sh!t and can get just about any guy. I wouldn't expect her at this age to commit to a serious LTR in the traditional sense of being exclusive with you. Since she knows she's hot, she wants to get all the mileage out of it that she can while she's got it.

I guess what I'm saying is, she's gonna ride the carousel no matter what you or any other guy does. I figure since you're on the short list, may as well enjoy the ride.

Exactly. I don't have an abundance of HB9+ girls throwing themselves at me. We put up with more crap from hotter women. My only option is to have sex with her and take it from there. If I hadn't lost 14 lb I might think it would be the same, but I went from looking worse than her bodybuilder ex husband to looking better than him, just since I saw her.

Let's say I find another girl (I did). She has other men in her life also. The odds of a disease are higher when you take a new lover.

Plus, for the first time, she is no longer married. We never had a commitment so she never cheated on me. I got her to leave him.

 

[bigneil]

Only lack of options would have a guy take his cheating girl

Ridiculous. Show us a HB9+ 21 year old who you dated for 9 months, and who is an option. You would give your left nut to be with this girl and you know it.

Show us your HB9+ options. And as someone who has dated several, you only have true chemistry with a few.

As if (at age 47) I should have got a HB9+ 21 year old to be 100% faithful or it wasn't worth it.

 

[Von]

Ridiculous. Show us a HB9+ 21 year old who you dated for 9 months, and who is an option. You would give your left nut to be with this girl and you know it.

Show us your HB9+ options. And as someone who has dated several, you only have true chemistry with a few.

As if (at age 47) I should have got a HB9+ 21 year old to be 100% faithful or it wasn't worth it.

That's exactly what I meant

An Ex is an Ex

Self-respect will allow you to attract better chicks

 

[attic]

If you are able to keep your frame in check, I expect you will be fine.

If your frame is not in check with this girl, you need to be really honest with yourself.

I've read a number of your posts, you appear to me to be giving this girl more credit (your love) than she deserves. That being said, I get it and only you know if she deserves your attention.

 

[finality]

What was her opening text?

 

[resilient]

Guys, it was EXACTLY like Swingers (1995).

Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.

 

[Glassguy]

Ridiculous. Show us a HB9+ 21 year old who you dated for 9 months, and who is an option. You would give your left nut to be with this girl and you know it.

Show us your HB9+ options. And as someone who has dated several, you only have true chemistry with a few.

As if (at age 47) I should have got a HB9+ 21 year old to be 100% faithful or it wasn't worth it.

That's the difference in us. You're all about looks. In EVERY post you make, you point out a chicks looks as their only attribute. Probably because it is just that.

I'd rather hang out with a 28 yr old 8 than hand my self respect over on a silver platter to a 9 that has a history of playing games and throwing me away like trash.

It's all very shallow.

 

[bigneil]

"You see, that's the thing... somehow they know not to come back until you really forget."

What was her opening text?

"I just wanted to let you know that I got a new job, the one you got me an interview for. I start next week.".