SHE asks ME out, then back-pedals.

[Z Man]

Hey guys, it's been a few years since I started a thread...

So Monday night approx. 10:30PM I'm working on my project due the next day( finals week at college ). I get a phone call, a number that I don't recognize.

It is this girl from my church singles ward. I have seen her at church but she's a plain-jane HB4 at best. I actually knew of her about 2 years ago because my roommate was trying to romance her. I ignored her then.

I am Mormom and single Mormom people attend a young singles group until they get married or turn 31, then move on to the 31-and-older ward. I will be 32 in a few months.

Anyway, so this girl calls me out of the blue and I recognize her name after a minute of thought. She rambles on as females do about how she is "usualy responsible" with money, etc. but she's in a pickle and has no money until payday and is low on gas and wondering if I can help her arrange a ride to work the next day, and already has been working through the church hierchy phone list and found my name and photo...

I interrupted her,"So you want money for gas?"

She rambles again about really appreciating that and doesn't want to bother me while I'm working on my finals...

I'm the type of person that likes to fix things fast if I can( which usually means doing it myself ) so I calmed her down and reluctantly made a plan to meet up with her and follow her over to the gas station, etc. Fortunately I was mostly done with my assignment so I could turn it in in the morning. I get her address and had to cut her off when she tried to describe her house and the nearby building, etc, and to call her if I couldn't find the place...

The number of the street is all I need, thank you.

She offers to feed me some cinamon roles and I joke that she "better cook them fast before I get there", but turns out they are store-bought.

There is snow on the ground and it feels like 20 degrees F outside. Fortunately she didn't live very far from me and I get there without incident and am getting impatient when she doesn't answer the door right away. Finally her (better-looking) roommate lets me inside, but she is with a guy watching a video on the TV. Finally, the girl appears, smiling at me and holding the package with cinamon rolls, but still rambling about being responsible, etc.

I was aloof and tired. ( had been up since 6AM ) So, I use my gas card and she fills up the tank. I was curious about my roommate who wanted to romance her back then and what happened to him. I had to jog her memory about him, LOL!

Turns out he was doing all kinds of AFC stuff. I remember him talking to me about her back then and I tried to suggest a few DJ tactics, but he wouldn't listen. She even made a comment that they hung out together several times in the summer "but he never made a move" then come Valentine's Day he went hardcore with flowers, candy, etc. and she got weirded-out. "You make me happy when I'm with you" he would tell her and she finally had to cut all ties with him. I mentioned that sounded "borderline creepy" and she fully agreed and wouldn't shut-up about his antics for a while. I finally had to tell her "Let's not talk about him anymore." and she agreed.

 

[Z Man]

I follow her back to her place. She invites me inside. I say,"Well, it is warmer inside than out here in the car. I'll stay a few minutes". I had no expectations and I'm not really interested in her, but I learned from what she said about my AFC roommate. I teased her about "being responsible" and that she used up her "one good turn from me for the year" and would have to wait til next year( January) if she expected another favor from me. I accepted a drink of orange juice when she offered. She also cooked me a pop-tart on a plate, LOL!

We sat at the kitchen counter. She did most of the chatting and started sharing dirt about some of the guys in our church, pointing to there photo in the church directory. I told her she should introduce me to all the women in our singles group that she knows and she tells me about a few of them and shows me their photo.

The whole time she was flirting a bit so I decided to practice flirting back. She's 32, a few months older than me and was complaining that some of the guys at church are 40+, and immature, or are players. We had a fun discussion about dynamics of dating. I shared a few DJ ideas from an abstract point of view. She also mentioned she has been engaged twice in the past, but one of the guys turned out to be violent and she broke it off with him.

She just got a new cell phone recently and prods me to add her number(written on the bulletin board behind us) to my phone and comment something about, "you probably have all girls' numbers in your phone".

I said, "No, but most of them are, yes." ( which is partially true. )
Then she starts in asking what I like to do for fun and what I'm doing this week. I was able to tell her that I am busy( cause I am ) and "I have a movie date lined up with this girl probably on Saturday. I gotta talk to her tomorrow when I see her in class" and finals week finishes on Thursday and I hadn't thought about Friday yet( because of a date plan for Saturday )

Her: "How 'bout Friday? We can get together and do something."



Suddenly I realized what she was saying, so I put it to her bluntly, "Do you mean like just "hanging out" or like a "date"?

Her: "What would you want it to be?"

Me: "Well, we might as well make it a date." She agreed.

Wow. That was a nice ego boost and I wasn't even trying( I was unshaven and still had my workpants on, with holes in the pocket and knees. )

I finished my pop-tart and she invites me into the other room. Around here, sex seems to be taboo, so we have a "chastity line" and "BYU approved" guidelines when single men and women are in each other's houses. I thought she was headed toward her room so I joked that I didn't think that was appropriate and she said, "No, this is the living room. I NEVER invite guys into my room!"

I teased her about being "innocent" and "proper". She invited me to sit and watch her DVD of Bill Cosby's stand-up "for a few minutes, before you have to go". I'm like, "okay, for a few minutes".

 

[Z Man]

I'm relaxed and kickin' back on the couch and she's flirting with me the whole time, so I tried some kino with her and decided to have fun with it since I'm not really into her. We chatted about different things. Several times she nagged me about,"so what are we goinna do on our date? We need to plan our date." She was asking what I like to do. I brushed it off, but eventually she rattled off ideas i.e. skating, country dancing, movie, etc. I was having fun and not taking her too seriously. At one point she says,"we should at least go to eat somewhere", I put my hand to her shoulder and looked right at her," You like to eat too? We have so much in common!" We both laughed.

We finally settled on going up to SLC to see the Christmas light display. I joked with her about, "Are you one of those girls who likes to pay her own way?" and are you "the flakey type?" and other qualifying questions and she was quick to repond with what she thought I wanted to hear. She wanted me to promise to pick her up at 7PM on Friday but I told her 7:15 "ish:”

Her: "Don't say 'ish'", but I teased her more. Finally, I had to go and she had given me a sheet of paper to write down our date info ( I teased her about not owning post-it notes ).

I was bent over, using the coffee table as a writing surface. She stood behind me a few moments.

Me: "Are you looking at my butt?"
Her: "Me? No. NO! I'm not."
Me: "Why not? Don't you think I have nice butt?" with a smirk on my face.
Her: "I'm not looking. Not yet. Not til later" She looked embarrassed a bit.

I chose to give her a hug at the door and walked out and commented that "this has been interesting"
Her: "What do you mean by that?"
Me: "I'm really tired. I'll tell you later."
Her: "But I wanna know what you mean"
Me: "Let's say it was more a positive than negative experience" with a smile.

Walking back to my car, I’m thinking, “What have I done? She seemed to be flirting with me hardcore! I’m not sure I even like her!” I don’t want to “use” her at the cost of her getting hurt or something. I’ll have to be careful.

But this idea of “using” her to get other women’s attention kept brewing in my mind, but I want to be a gentleman and try to treat how I would want to be treated. Big mistake!

I had decided we would take my car on Friday to go on the freeway to Salt Lake. Today( two days later ), there is a nail poking into the tread of a tire. The tire is still inflated as long as I don’t pull it out. I might be able to go get it fixed before our date but my time between finishing up finals is limited.

So, at noon, I call her to take her car, or to go more local for our date plans. She doesn’t have voice-mail hooked up yet so couldn’t leave her a message. Finally get a hold of her this evening, and comment that “her phone doesn’t like” and she laughs. But she sounds a bit moody over the phone.

I explain about not wanting to drive fast on the freeway with my tire in its present condition( until I can get it fixed ), which I may not have time to do before our date. Turns out her car brakes are giving her trouble, so she suggests going to eat plus a movie locally to avoid freeway speeds and possible danger. If I have time to fix the tire or not I agree to call and tell her one way or the other. Trying to be a gentleman and keep her informed if it changes our plans.

Her: “Oh, and I was thinking we should go as friends, like a friend date. I broke off my engagement a few months ago and am not ready for anything yet, as I’m still getting over him. I just wanted to make sure we are clear.”

WTF?

Me: “O..Kay. I’m a bit confused.”( She had asked ME out. )
Her: “We can be friends. I’m just not ready yet. Maybe in a while we can date, but not now. I can pay my way if you want. Do you still want to go?”
Me: “Um…(say NO! say NO!)…Yeah, I want to see this thing through!” (DAMMIT!)
Me: “WHATEVER…”(annoyed voice to her)
Her: “Ok, are you going to call tomorrow to let me know if we are still going?”
Me: “Yes, I’ll call.”

DAMMIT! My “honor” tells me I should call her like I said I would. But I really want to tell her off tomorrow and say F---- it! And not waste my time. Imagine, I felt guilty for planning to “use” her as a bit of social proof and to get to know some other girls through her network.

The above novel, copyright Z Man, LOL!

Comments, welcome. This is still mostly fresh in my mind thought I left a few things out. I’m thinking this may be a sh!t test from her or similar to the “my boyfriend…” thread. Honestly, I don’t really care that much about her, but my ego is bruised as I wasn’t even trying to make anything happen with her but she made it sound like she was trying to let me down easy!

No good deed goes unpunished. :kick:

 

[Lexie]

I don't think you should take this personally, after all, you don't even really like her, right? It sounds to me like she's being really sincere, I think she might be feeling like it's too soon for her to start dating again, but she enjoys your company and doesn't want to loose you as a friend, or a 'possibility' in the future. It may have even come as a surprise to her that she likes you or is attracted to you, and once she had a chance to think about it, she decided to be a little more cautious.

 

[chance]

damn unlucky man. i think with these girls you can't really know what will happen. maybe you'll be waiting a long time to get a date out of her. by then you'll just be friends. maybe she will give in and you and her will be a happy couple. i guess there's only one way to find out.