She asked "What would you say if I said 'I Love You'?"

[StephenG7585]

Her: "What would you say if I said 'I Love You'?"
Me: "I'd say 'Say it when you've had absolutely nothing at all to drink and I'll believe you."

Try to believe me when I tell you she really wasn't drunk. She was drinking but she wasn't drunk. Either way, I realized that alcohol probably facilitated that question coming out and that's why I responded the way I did. I didn't say "I'd say 'Sorry I don't love you!" because I probably do love her, but I've learned from the site and from personal experience that it's her job to say it first. My problem is I'm clueless as to what her asking the question means. You don't just say something like that to anybody. However, her reaction to my response gave me the vibe of "that was enough resistance to make her feel (in her sensitive state) that that is too close to rejection to actually say it." She sort of validated this by saying so, in so many words.

A few minutes passed as we stood there "in each other's embrace" (yes, I used that awful expression on purpose), and I whispered, "Were you going to say it?" She said no, and she "never says it first anyway". This was where I stated that I'm personally done saying it first, and we sort of 'kidded' that "oh well I guess we'll never love each other!"

Some facts and happenings that might be useful to know:

-She makes an awful lot of marriage references. Keep in mind we're not "technically" anything because she just got out of a 2 year relationship and I guessed it was extremely draining for her or some sh*t and wants to feel "normal" again before she gets in another one. But she seriously jokes about this sh*t all the time. You're already doing me a huge favor by reading this and hopefully giving me some direction so I'll spare you those details because you could care less.

-Every time we're together she manages to begin a discussion about children; how she wants to adopt because "nobody wants to adopt the 9-year-olds" and a few other reasons I forgot but will probably hear about when she talks about it yet again next time I see her.

-Last night she sat on my lap and started discussing birth control options with me and how I'd "have to pay every other month".

-Last night she threw out a mention of how there were "several reasons that indicated I'm 'boyfriend material'/'the boyfriend type'". I guess there were five or something and I think she let out two of them but is deciding to be coy and girly and 'make me wait for the others' or something.

Basically, the conclusion I've jumped to is that there's an awful lot of pieces in motion here for this all to be some "Carrie"-like joke at my expense. It would take an awful lot of work to orchestrate such a grand ruse without this meaning something. I could really use a second pair of eyes here, fellas. Would you mind telling me your thoughts of what you see happening?

Thanks a lot,

Steve

 

[DonGorgon]

Her: "What would you say if I said 'I Love You'?"
Me: "I'd say 'Say it when you've had absolutely nothing at all to drink and I'll believe you."

Me: "Well if you said that then i would brobably ask you how you know you love me"

Very few woman can emotionally rationalize that response so she wil now be on the spot explaining her feelings to me.......

 

[StephenG7585]

that's a great response. wish i had it last night!

 

[Duffdog]

Her: "What would you say if I said 'I Love You'?"
Me: "I'd say 'Say it when you've had absolutely nothing at all to drink and I'll believe you."

Try to believe me when I tell you she really wasn't drunk. She was drinking but she wasn't drunk. Either way, I realized that alcohol probably facilitated that question coming out and that's why I responded the way I did. I didn't say "I'd say 'Sorry I don't love you!" because I probably do love her, but I've learned from the site and from personal experience that it's her job to say it first. My problem is I'm clueless as to what her asking the question means. You don't just say something like that to anybody. However, her reaction to my response gave me the vibe of "that was enough resistance to make her feel (in her sensitive state) that that is too close to rejection to actually say it." She sort of validated this by saying so, in so many words.

A few minutes passed as we stood there "in each other's embrace" (yes, I used that awful expression on purpose), and I whispered, "Were you going to say it?" She said no, and she "never says it first anyway". This was where I stated that I'm personally done saying it first, and we sort of 'kidded' that "oh well I guess we'll never love each other!"

Some facts and happenings that might be useful to know:

-She makes an awful lot of marriage references. Keep in mind we're not "technically" anything because she just got out of a 2 year relationship and I guessed it was extremely draining for her or some sh*t and wants to feel "normal" again before she gets in another one. But she seriously jokes about this sh*t all the time. You're already doing me a huge favor by reading this and hopefully giving me some direction so I'll spare you those details because you could care less.

-Every time we're together she manages to begin a discussion about children; how she wants to adopt because "nobody wants to adopt the 9-year-olds" and a few other reasons I forgot but will probably hear about when she talks about it yet again next time I see her.

-Last night she sat on my lap and started discussing birth control options with me and how I'd "have to pay every other month".

-Last night she threw out a mention of how there were "several reasons that indicated I'm 'boyfriend material'/'the boyfriend type'". I guess there were five or something and I think she let out two of them but is deciding to be coy and girly and 'make me wait for the others' or something.

Basically, the conclusion I've jumped to is that there's an awful lot of pieces in motion here for this all to be some "Carrie"-like joke at my expense. It would take an awful lot of work to orchestrate such a grand ruse without this meaning something. I could really use a second pair of eyes here, fellas. Would you mind telling me your thoughts of what you see happening?

Thanks a lot,

Steve

Ok, if any girl started to say any of that S%$t to me I would be out. Thats bordering on crazy there-- but it sounds like this girl has been passed around to hundreds of guys so has everything already planned out and needed a proper venue to say it. And now you know what she was really thinking all along.

Making you pay every other month for birth control. Or what? Shell get pregnant and say its yours?!?!? F%$k that--run fast. This is a recipe for disaster already and I don't know her.

 

[DJDamage]

Her:"What would you say if I said 'I Love You'?"

Me: I would say thank you!, now gimme some sugar

 

[StephenG7585]

What do you mean by "now you know what she was really thinking all along"? I'm sorry man I think maybe I'm just too close to this situation to even get what you're saying. And yeah this probably does sound crazy but frankly I'm quite damaged myself, by "the world's standards". So this doesn't strike me as crazy like it strikes you as crazy, because well, I GUESS MAYBE I'M CRAZY.

I guess perhaps the question I was asking is what do you think happened with that whole (thread title) thing. Like what was going on there and if I gave a different answer do you think she would've said I love you? And given what you know do you think she's in love with me? This might come off really gay but we really do fit each other like a glove

 

[Darth]

Her:"What would you say if I said 'I Love You'?"

Me: I would say thank you!, now gimme some sugar

I would say something like that. That's my style too

 

[brewbaron]

Like what was going on there and if I gave a different answer do you think she would've said I love you? And given what you know do you think she's in love with me? This might come off really gay but we really do fit each other like a glove

yes. clearly she was going to say it until you backed her off. if you love her say it already, no point in playing these games. or if you're still hesitant why don't you use the tactic she did, ask her in a semi-joking manner "What would you say if I said 'I Love You'?". she will probably get all flustered and blurt out that she loves you.

 

[slickaz]

the other dude on here might be right, in that she may just be going through that stage where she wants to get locked back coz she's been in an LTR, most girls like the security of knowing they are in an LTR.

honestly, if i was you, id be cautious, because if she's dropping all these hints, then she's already convinced herself she's in love with you, but is not going to be "the first one to say it"; thats like saying :

"officer, yes i did rob that store but im not gonna admit to it"

and about the birth controls:
She said you should be every other month? so she's already assuming and hinting that this is not limited to a time limit in her mind, she's mindset for a long term and she's setting rules for it. id give it some serious thought, if we havent spoken ab out exclusivity already.


Talking about you being bf material and potential kids is a female way to subtly convince you that you are now entering an LTR mode with her.
thats like propoganda..and its true..i bet when she mentioned it you couldnt say anything back and you just let it slide..but its still in the back of your mind..right?...so now everytime you see her, you think bf material, love, kids...thatll then fester in your head into i have to buy a ring. dont go there.

regardless of wether you are crazy or whatnot doesnt mean you just fall into that trap, ive been there before and luckily stepped out of it..only just though. so be cautious as this will have lasting effects on you.

also, it seems instead of Dodging the bullet, you Want to know if she loves you, because you may love her?? that doesnt sound right. because that feeling...either you do or you dont, no middle... if she brought it up id kinda be a little worried..possibly run...fast..like a german shepherd with a police badge was chasing me..

i think inside you, you are already in a ltr with this chic and she's just setting concrete to the construction base you've just helped her build...

good luck.

 

[StephenG7585]

thanks man, you contributed a lot and i really appreciate that, you too brew. perhaps my phrasing led to confusion but i'll say it right now - you're right, there is no middle. i do love her. but i didn't want to be the one to say it first because a) i've done it a couple of times before and those relationships ended poorly, so i guess i've just associated it with sh*tty things happening, b) i didn't want to put myself out there and if she really DIDN'T mean it I didn't want to screw everything up, and c) everything i'd read on this site regarding this basically told me not to, so if i was going to do one or the other it would probably be prudent to put my faith in you guys.

i'd love to say it, but i guess i'm just concerned i'd do it, maybe she'd reciprocate, maybe she wouldn't, but would later 'remember' that she 'wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet' and backtrack on me. but basically you guys are suggesting that her actions (also coming in the form of implied speech) contradict this earlier declaration? should i drag this process out longer and just sort of hope she caves and says it? or do it myself? thanks again for the help

 

[Mavrick]

If a woman wants a man, she'll tear down doors to get to him. There's nothing he can do wrong once she's decided that he's the one she wants. She'll do whatever she can to change his mind. I repeat, when a girl likes a man, it isn't based on whether he likes her because if he doesn't, she'll set out to change his mind.

If she wants you, let her come knocking down your door. Give her a challenge because I assure you most guys will fling their arms wide open and say "here I am, come get me". That's not what a woman wants because that's too easy. She'll be done with a man like that quicker that it even started. They want that drama involved in obtaining you. If she asks you "what would you do if I said I love you?" then say, "you'll have to say it to find out". Give her nothing to go on. Let her find out through action. Talk through your actions, buddy.

 

[#41]

Her: "What would you say if I said I Love You?"
Me: "Objection, calls for speculation."

 

[Desert Fox]

Her: what would you say if I said I love you?

Me: I don't answer hypothetical questions

 

[ready123]

Making you pay every other month for birth control. Or what? Shell get pregnant and say its yours?!?!? F%$k that--run fast. This is a recipe for disaster already and I don't know her.

splitting the cost for birth control sounds pretty reasonable to me

other than that, I'd be running too

 

[StephenG7585]

yeah but the point is that i want this one and this craziness appeals to me because it's an ego boost and it's coming from her. if i was into the whole i'm-trying-to-play-5-broads-off-of-each-other game, that logic would apply. but i'm not. i just kind of wanted to know where you guys thought she was at and with that in mind, maybe some tips on how i should further proceed to secure her. the latter i could probably find if i searched hard enough but i figure it can't hurt to ask. thanks again.

 

[Demon]

Wow. My advice: watch this movie.

 

[Duffdog]

What do you mean by "now you know what she was really thinking all along"? I'm sorry man I think maybe I'm just too close to this situation to even get what you're saying. And yeah this probably does sound crazy but frankly I'm quite damaged myself, by "the world's standards". So this doesn't strike me as crazy like it strikes you as crazy, because well, I GUESS MAYBE I'M CRAZY.

I guess perhaps the question I was asking is what do you think happened with that whole (thread title) thing. Like what was going on there and if I gave a different answer do you think she would've said I love you? And given what you know do you think she's in love with me? This might come off really gay but we really do fit each other like a glove

K, well she liked you all along, thats what she was thinking. You could probably just ask her what she wants at this point. But, Now you are getting into "love" territory with the second paragraph. I don't know anything about that, so you are on your own on that subject. Im not good at love.