She asked me a weird favor

[Halo]

I met this girl through match.com and went out with her a few days ago for the first time. I had a good time and I thought things went pretty well. We talked about going bowling next week maybe, and at the end she was saying something like "we should do this again sometime" (whether genuine or just politeness is anyone's guess).

This is what is weird. I had just sat down at my computer and she sent me an IM. She asked if I would do her a favor. I just asked what, without saying yes or no. She then goes on to tell me that she's going hiking with a guy from match.com tomorrow and wanted someone to know about it in case she disappears from the face of the Earth. Obviously my initial thought was "why in the hell is she telling me this, about some other guy she is going out with?". She is new in town and doesn't know many people yet, but I doubt I am the sole person she could give this information to.

Obviously I do not feel like being overly accomodating when she talks about going out with some other guy (not that there is anything wrong with it per se, but why mention it to me), yet I can't get all huffy about it either since that wouldn't be very Don Juan. I just said something like "well, I'll try to keep it in mind", but admittedly I was a bit on the spot with that question.

What do you guys make of this? Was this a strategic mention of some other guy so as to dissuade me from pursuing her, an attempt to make me jealous, or just an honest (but crude) request for someone to check up on her?

Perplexing.

 

[deeman]

well, I would say go along with i. If you dont here from her when she gets back, then maybe she is dead, and in that case you wouldn't have to NEXT her anyway cuz shes as dead as wood.

If she gets back and contacts you shortly after, be real ****y with it and say you thought she would have been a goner and you were already seeting up other dates elsewhere. After that, see if she wants to hang again and move in for the kill on that date.

 

[WaterTiger]

It's NOT wierd...well, not from a woman's point of view. Just ask her to e-mail you the guys's pic. If you see her as missing on the 11pm news you have something to give the cops. I've done this the gay man who lives across the hall from me for years. I put all the e-mails corespondence & pics of the guy I'm going to meet in an envelope. If I'm not back by a pre-arranged hour, he calls the cops & gives them the envelope. I do the same for him.

Personally I think she's freaking STUPID to go out hiking alone with a guy she's just met.

You can use this to your advantage as the "Noble Protective" guy and get all C & F with the fact she was taking a risk with him, why not take a risk with you? I mean she trusts YOU right??? If she didn't trust YOU she'd never have asked you for the favor.

See where I'm going with this?

Good Luck!

 

[princelydeeds]

As soon as she said that to me, Id tell her never to tell me about her and other guys. I'd say, I like you but Im not your girlfriend, share your dating info with your girlfriends. Id say it in a very sincere matter of fact kind of way.Don't let her put you in the friend zone.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Ya should have said, 'Want me to screen him, if he isn't a pimp like me, I'll tell him to move on. ...I can also add, if you like, the ole 'If you break her heart, I'll break a foot up yo ass.' ...then say jokingly, 'Look, I know I just met ya but, I don't like the guy... I know I haven't met him, or know him personally, but... hiking? What is he a hippie?' ...I know what it looks like but, it ain't.. u just playin.... you can end the convo with, 'Hey you got a sister, we can double date! ...or is your Mom happily married?'

 

[John Juan]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
As soon as she said that to me, Id tell her never to tell me about her and other guys.

This is overreaction princelydeeds. Honestly you've gotta control your emotions in regards to women you're into and other guys. A true DJ doesn't get jealous. Jealousy is about THE most unflattering characteristic a guy can exude...

At any rate, I'd personally just next her, go out with some other hotties or FIND some more if you don't have any to call upon. She'll be writing you again if she's interested in pursuing things more with you. Fact is that her IL is not particularly high right now if she's dating other guys and there's nothing you can act upon right now to change that. Coming off as a jerk though will get you no pvssy points. I'd have just written her back "have fun, send me a postcard" and then left her on a high note.

-jlc style

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by John Juan
This is overreaction princelydeeds. Honestly you've gotta control your emotions in regards to women you're into and other guys. A true DJ doesn't get jealous. Jealousy is about THE most unflattering characteristic a guy can exude...
-jlc style

Huh Jealousy, emotions, who said that? I didnt say get emotional or scream at her. I don't get emotional over some chick I went out with once. I said tell her to leave all this discussion about her other men to her girlfriends. How is that emotional? Im not her girlfriend I dont want to know about other guys. It has nothign to do with jealousy, actually its the opposite emotion, I dont give a shi!t, not one single **** care about her other guys. Just cause I say I don't wanna hear it doesn't mean im jealous it means, "I don't wanna hear it."

Discussing dates and "cute" guys is something she should do with her girlfriends, not me. Listening to all that drama, is not something I wanna hear. IMHO opinion when she starts telling you about her dates you are well on your way to LJBF.

 

[John Juan]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
It has nothign to do with jealousy, actually its the opposite emotion, I dont give a shi!t, not one single **** care about her other guys. Just cause I say I don't wanna hear it doesn't mean im jealous it means, "I don't wanna hear it."

Listen to yourself prince, its the fact that you'd say anything at all about her going out with someone else speaks volumes. I think we're on the same page here <both don't really care>, but I think the way you'd go about it actually expresses an attitude whereas mine doesn't.

-jlc style

 

[PlayerinTraining]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
Huh Jealousy, emotions, who said that? I didnt say get emotional or scream at her. I don't get emotional over some chick I went out with once. I said tell her to leave all this discussion about her other men to her girlfriends. How is that emotional?

Now, I agree with you that listening to her talk about other guys isn't good, but bluntly telling her you don't want to hear it isn't the best way to go about it.

You need to think about this using "chick logic." She is talking about these guys in order to gauge the guy's interest level. Obviously, the higher the man's IL, the lower her IL will be.

Now, who seems like the more secure and confident guy:
1) the one who says "Hey, I don't want to hear about these other guys..."

2) the one who takes the test in stride, doesn't react or appear jealous, and shifts the conversation to another topic...

Maybe other DJ's could help out, but I'd either tease her about this by saying "Hey, if you want me to listen to your relationship problems, that will be 75 bucks an hour. Good therapy doesn't come cheap."

You could also turn this around by getting her to focus on the NEGATIVE things these guys make her feel. If it looks like she is getting a bit upset, change the topic to something that will make her feel more positive.

 

[Desire me]

I wold tell her to find someone else for all of that because you should be going hiking with me.

k.i.p
Desire Me

 

[Halo]

It's NOT wierd...well, not from a woman's point of view. Just ask her to e-mail you the guys's pic. If you see her as missing on the 11pm news you have something to give the cops. I've done this the gay man who lives across the hall from me for years. I put all the e-mails corespondence & pics of the guy I'm going to meet in an envelope. If I'm not back by a pre-arranged hour, he calls the cops & gives them the envelope. I do the same for him.

Personally I think she's freaking STUPID to go out hiking alone with a guy she's just met.

Well, I agree it's not weird to let someone know where you're going and who you're going with, but I do think it's a bit odd to choose someone you just went on a date with a few days before as your "confidant", so to speak. I am leaning towards thinking she wants to test/raise my interest. If her goal was to dissuade me she could just avoid contact entirely, rather than initiating conversation with me just so she could give me these little tidbits.

But yeah, I think it's pretty stupid to go hiking with some stranger by herself, but it's none of my business what she wants to do. I think I handled it well by not acting like it bothered me that she is going out with some other guy. Really, it doesn't, I just find it curious that she was so overt about mentioning it.

 

[Starman]

I think John Juan hit it on the money

coming straight out and telling women about not wanting to hear about other guys is AFC

imagine if you started to talk to a girl about another woman..and she said "I dont wanna hear that!!!!"

what would you think? that she is insecure..and u are getting to her..

I did this with a couple chicks in my afc days..they would talk about other guys..and I would say "can you hang on a sec?" and put them on hold..

but thinking I was being waay smoov..I was subconsciously telling them "I dont wanna hear about other guys!!!"

and came off as insecure and pathetic..

in your situation..I would say "that hiking date sounds like fun! make sure you pack some mace!"

act like u dont care...and the other guy is a chump..but it isnt getting to you..because you have other girls going on and lined up...

and make her think twice about the safety of her hiking date

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by Starman
came off as insecure and pathetic..

I'll be pathetic and insecure. Cause Im not listening to some chick talk to me about another guy. If that makes her think shes getting to me so be it. I tell every chick as soon as she opens her mouth to talk about some other guy shes dating, "I don't wanna hear it." I don't ever want her to feel that im the listening caring ear. When you say you're going to charge her for listening to her problems, IMHO it sets you up as her therapist and IMHO, it sets you right on the path for LJBF as she begins to tell you more and more about the guys shes seeing. I don't beat around the bush and say hold on, Im a man I simply tell her, like a man " I don't wanna hear it."

Maybe you misinterpret my tone. Im a pretty laid back guy. I never sound like I give a sh!t about anything especially some chick I just met. Every woman Ive ever dated will tell you that my number one problem is that I act like I dont care about anything. My tone is never one of being pressed or bothered, its more of why are you bothering me with trivial sh!t.

To each his own, I tell every chick Im not there girlfriend so save the dating talks for their girlfriends. If not listening to some chick talk about the other guys shes dating makes me an AFC, so be it, I'll be dat. You can be her therapist and listening ear all you want, while Im tapping dat a$$.

 

[Halo]

I really understand both positions on this issue. When she first mentioned to me that she was going out with some other guy, I immediately thought that I might be descending into the Friend Zone. On the other hand, I didn't want to act pissy about it because I thought that would come across as insecure and low confidence. Plus I have no real reason to care if she goes out with other guys at this point. She made a point of letting me know about it though, and that's what has me thinking about the whole thing.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

princelydeeds: Looks like someone's a little bitter from being an "emotional tampon" back in the AFC days...LOL Bro I understand what your saying EXACTLY!! But John Juan is telling you that the way your approaching that situation makes you look like a jealous insecure man in THE GIRL'S EYES!! Remember girls don't use logic, they use emotion to judge people. If she says "I'm going hiking with so and so blah blah blah. " And you say "I DON'T WANT TO HERE IT, TELL IT TO YOUR G/F'S!!" She'll DEFINITELY think your a chump, if you don't believe me then try your method out the next time it happens. This is especially true for a girl you just met!!


Halo: Play it cool. I remember last semester I went on my first get together with this chick I hooked up with at a party. We were teasing eachother having a great time and I told her about a party that I was going to the next time and how she should join me. She responded by saying "well I have a date with another guy tomorrow." How did I respond?? In my sarcastic C/F tone I said, "well try your best not to think about me tomorrow, that's a little rude to do that when your in the company of someone else." Then she tried to tease me about "maybe coming to the party." I once again responded with more C/F and said, "well when you come meet me on the balcony." She kept on saying "how are you so sure that I'm coming??" I looked at her, smiled and said, "see you tomorrow and left." Eventually I had to NEXT her because she became waaaaaaaaaaay too clingy, but that's what you get when you bang 18 year girls... My point is, you should act like these things don't faze you AT ALL!! Because they shouldn't!! You should have 2 or 3 other girls your in contact with anyway. You'll be so busy that you won't be able to even have time to care about other guys in these girls lives.



PIMP

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
As soon as she said that to me, Id tell her never to tell me about her and other guys. I'd say, I like you but Im not your girlfriend, share your dating info with your girlfriends. Id say it in a very sincere matter of fact kind of way.Don't let her put you in the friend zone.

DON'T do this. this just seems huffy and prissy. if its a game, at least be a good sport.

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
princelydeeds: Looks like someone's a little bitter from being an "emotional tampon" back in the AFC days...LOL Bro I understand what your saying EXACTLY!! But John Juan is telling you that the way your approaching that situation makes you look like a jealous insecure man in THE GIRL'S EYES!! Remember girls don't use logic, they use emotion to judge people. If she says "I'm going hiking with so and so blah blah blah. " And you say "I DON'T WANT TO HERE IT, TELL IT TO YOUR G/F'S!!" She'll DEFINITELY think your a chump, if you don't believe me then try your method out the next time it happens. This is especially true for a girl you just met!!
PIMP

Without hesitation or reservation I stand by my original statement. Its not something I "would do" in theory. When confronted by women who are telling me about other guys I nip it in the bud. It has worked for me. You are right I have been the emotional tampon in the past and I refuse to be so again. But even more to the point, I have absolutely no interest in hearing about some otehr guy. I also think its disrespectful. I can say it w/o sounding like I give a sh!t probably becasue I dont give a sh!t.