she appeared to have high IL now she doesn't

[pete101]

i had what i thought was a good date on Fri: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198866
the post about what happened is in the last post of the thread in the thread above. she text me after our date to say: 'Hi pete, it was lovely meet you again.. thank you so much for the sushi, it was delicious...enjoy your weekend.' she sent that 1 hour after our date at 11pm, i text her back a couple hours later at 1am 'you're welcome.' (usually we reply to each other quite quicikly i.e. 20mins) during the date i made suggestion speculatively we get together on Sunday (i.e. yesterday to teach her golf but the weather was terrible i never contacted her plus it was only 2 days after our date)

so i text her today suggesting we go to a museum on Fri evening as it closes at 10pm but before then we should get together to play pool. it was quite a long text but said everythign i wanted. she texts back not too favorably after 10mins: 'Hi Pete, hope you are well, sorry but im working for the next few days till 10pm..and im out friday evening...' no counter offer, nothing.. i think she's playing hard to get a bit but that doesn't seem positive.

should i just wait till thursday and then offer something for Sunday or just wait to see if she contacts me again?

 

[sylvester the cat]

Why would she be playing hard to get at this stage of the game?

She already went on a date with you...

 

[pete101]

i was considering a ploy in response which i dont know if is a good idea... there's some famous fashion exhibit going on currently at the museum that i know she'd love, i was going to do it as a surprise but i might as well reveal it now.. would a jealousy ploy infuriate or stem her IL back up?

i.e. 'that's a shame there's a famous fashion exhibit going on at the museum that you'd love. I guess i'll have to take some other italian beauty who studies law haha' (she's italian and studies law)

is this more likely to infuriate her than make her jealous?

admittedly i've been too available and was gona send that with no question at the end to see if she responds.

is it more powerful if i just dont respond at all?

 

[rum]

"enjoy your weekend" = I never want to see you again

if you get a "can't wait until next time" or something to that effect you're pretty much screwed

 

[foreverAFC]

"she appeared to have high IL now she doesn't"

welcome to this is the rest of your life bro

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

...so i text her today suggesting we go to a museum on Fri evening as it closes at 10pm but before then we should get together to play pool. it was quite a long text but said everythign i wanted. she texts back not too favorably after 10mins: 'Hi Pete, hope you are well, sorry but im working for the next few days till 10pm..and im out friday evening...' no counter offer, nothing.. i think she's playing hard to get a bit but that doesn't seem positive.

should i just wait till thursday and then offer something for Sunday or just wait to see if she contacts me again?

Without going into great detail we can all summarize this simply:

- Long texts, don't do it! - The two of you have been on just the one date. Just a follow up with phone call to arrange a meeting place and time is all that's needed. Short texts between dates with random banter that don't engage anything are OK, but only one or two at most.

- I would back off this one for now and focus on other women. Not just in this particular case, but for every woman with lowered IL. If she does have high interest she would be making time for you. Go find a woman who jumps at the idea of meeting you.

- As a side note, you seem to believe that because the first date went well it will continue to the next date - It doesn't happen like that, this situation happens A LOT.

 

[st_99]

she definitely isnt playing hard to get. she has very little to no interest. probably closer to none.

get out there, find more girls. thats the only answer.

 

[Fly By Night]

She isn't available and she has already been out with you once. Just give her a couple days or more and then make plans with her. (By the looks of it, you might have to wait til the weekend or next week) You don't want to start forcing in a date with her all the time. You should have at least waited til Wednesday to plan another date, seems like you are too eager to meet her.

In the mean time, why not spin some plates my friend?

 

[pete101]

Without going into great detail we can all summarize this simply:

- Long texts, don't do it! - The two of you have been on just the one date. Just a follow up with phone call to arrange a meeting place and time is all that's needed. Short texts between dates with random banter that don't engage anything are OK, but only one or two at most.

- I would back off this one for now and focus on other women. Not just in this particular case, but for every woman with lowered IL. If she does have high interest she would be making time for you. Go find a woman who jumps at the idea of meeting you.

- As a side note, you seem to believe that because the first date went well it will continue to the next date - It doesn't happen like that, this situation happens A LOT.

your last side note.. because hte first date went well it will continue to the next date.. but it doesn't happen like that.. what do you mean?

 

[pete101]

is it worth me sending the response i said to make her jealous as a ploy or will that infuriate her?

'that's a shame there's a famous fashion exhibit going on at the museum that you'd love. l'll take some other italian beauty who studies law haha'

(she's italian and studies law)

she'll know im joking but also semi serious i might take someone else.. is this likely to backfire?

 

[pete101]

She isn't available and she has already been out with you once. Just give her a couple days or more and then make plans with her. (By the looks of it, you might have to wait til the weekend or next week) You don't want to start forcing in a date with her all the time. You should have at least waited til Wednesday to plan another date, seems like you are too eager to meet her.

In the mean time, why not spin some plates my friend?

unfortunately she is my only plate and only date i've been on for 6 months.. (not counting a couple others which i wouldnt' consider dates)

it's not as if i haven't been sarging.. i just have very little success.. got lots of numbers this pasts year and all but this 1 have gone on a date with and it's gone well.. im making progress but very very slowly.. i cant really do much more than that.

 

[Kbomb]

is it worth me sending the response i said to make her jealous as a ploy or will that infuriate her?

'that's a shame there's a famous fashion exhibit going on at the museum that you'd love. l'll take some other italian beauty who studies law haha'

(she's italian and studies law)

she'll know im joking but also semi serious i might take someone else.. is this likely to backfire?

this text reeks of desperation. you need more women in your life.

 

[Kbomb]

unfortunately she is my only plate and only date i've been on for 6 months.. (not counting a couple others which i wouldnt' consider dates)

it's not as if i haven't been sarging.. i just have very little success.. got lots of numbers this pasts year and all but this 1 have gone on a date with and it's gone well.. im making progress but very very slowly.. i cant really do much more than that.

6 months is nothing. You've made progress man, Do not be impatient.

 

[Burroughs]

haha' (she's italian and studies law)

?

bet she wouldn't flake on Berlusconi :crackup: :crackup:

 

[sylvester the cat]

is it worth me sending the response i said to make her jealous as a ploy or will that infuriate her?

'that's a shame there's a famous fashion exhibit going on at the museum that you'd love. l'll take some other italian beauty who studies law haha'

(she's italian and studies law)

she'll know im joking but also semi serious i might take someone else.. is this likely to backfire?

i did this once (in my more AFC days) to a girl who was acting flakey (she texted me to say she'd call to confirm!!!).

she called my bluff and said go ahead. i said 'suit yourself' and prepared to watch her crumble.

5 hours later i was virtually begging her to forgive me.

Oh the shame. The shame.

 

[VladPatton]

Stop the over-texting, it is killing your relationship! Go NC on her. If she contacts you again (that's a big IF), mention that you indeed went to the fashion thing and it was great.

Then you start messing with her by giving her vague answers as to who you went with. This is of course if you wanna mess with her and go this route. Might not be worth it, though.

For now, drop her, and move on ASAP. We've all been here. These bytches loose interest quicker than the speed of light. No reason for it except entitlement. They somehow always feel there is something better on the other side of the fence. Let them go and find out for themselves that it is they who are the broken ones.

 

[pete101]

yeah it backfired and i think you guys are gona flame me for what ensued.. however i have an immediate date with her tonight instead.

she sent back 'enjoy yourself..'

and i responded with: 'i will, you know im joking right i was gona contact you yesterday to play golf but the weather was atrocious. do you want to see this fashion exhibit?'

she goes 'i dont know, what is it about....'

i proceed to call instead of texting her.. she answered. she seemed a bit muted she was about to leave the house to go eat then go yoga, i told her i was having a business dinner tonight from 7-9 and went on a bit about it, she said 'ok enjoy yourself' i sensed a level of i duno unsureity in her voice.. i tried my best not to sound desperate, tried making joke here and there and said 'i was gona call you yesterday to play golf but you saw how bad the weather was.. it would be more of a punishment then fun.' she laughed.. then i proceeded to explain to her about the fashion exhibit and she said she thinks she's been but not to the 1 i was talkign about and she liked to go but shes working the next few days and out friday.. i also mentioned the new james bond film she wants to see and she said she'd like to see that.. i said to her 'what you doing tonight?' she goes 'nothing' i said 'lets go out, let's meet at 9.30' she goes 'ok'

then i text her a few mins later to tell her we're going for drinks at a bar locally. she says 'great i've not been there before'

then she proceeds to text me a few mins later to change the frame suggesting we go to dinner instead (this raised alarm bells to me that she's a user or trying to get me to pay for dinner)

i said to her 'arent you going there now to eat? i'll be really full from this business dinner but you go eat first and i'll meet you after at 9.45. see you then'

she then says 'oh,i hate eating on my own..that's why it's good to be in a relationship!!! let's leave it tonight...we can arrange another night where we can go for dinner/drinks together...'

this raised more alarm bells that just cos she's been wined and dined before im not gona do that.

i sent back: let's compromise, i'll come meet u at the restaurant at 9.15 but im not buying you dinner i will get the ****tails tho. dinners are for gf's and when u reach that stage that time will come and i will. see u at 9.15.'

no response.. i wait.. no response.. then i call her again no answer. so i leave a text making a alternative offer:

'you're not the only 1 who's been hurt before so i dont take women to dinner till their gf's cos ive been used in the past.. the alternative if you're hungry is i'll cook my famous salmon tagitellia with tomatos and peppers. do you have a frying pan? (you prob use your oven for clothes storage! haha)'

i knew i f'd up.. but i wasn't going to be taken for a ride.

she then proceeds to text me that:

lets leave it tonight.. im not in a great mood and wont be a good company...

to me it seems like she just wants a guy to wine her and dine her and isn't that interested in actually seeing me for me.

im really so desperate and afc at the moment.. i call her back to try to get her to meet up not thinking this'll look desperate.. she goes on to make excuses why shes not in a good mood and gives me BS answers.. she then made something about how i keep saying i'll come over to cook for her to her place and she said 'i dont invite strange men to my place who i dont know' i tried to back track saying that was later.. but tbh i knew i f'd up.. if that genuinely was the reason or i f'd up that when she didn't text me back immediately but she could have been on the phone (she told me some BS line about how a gf is going through a divorce and she needs to be there for her blah blah) i tried to sweet talk her but it wasn't workign well enough she was like 'we can meet up some other time blah blah' then she says 'i need to hang up the phone now and take this other call from a gf who needs my help' i got annoyed at this point and said ok and i think we hung up at the same time.

there's no point contacting her again is there?

she thinks im after one thing.. so if i dont call again she'll think that was all it was.. if i do.. i'll look even more afc than i am now.

i dont understand this 'actively pursuing' thing.. it's like impossible to do when you have only one option.

 

[sylvester the cat]

yeah it backfired and i think you guys are gona flame me for what ensued.. however i have an immediate date with her tonight instead.

she sent back 'enjoy yourself..'

and i responded with: 'i will, you know im joking right i was gona contact you yesterday to play golf but the weather was atrocious. do you want to see this fashion exhibit?'

she goes 'i dont know, what is it about....'

i proceed to call instead of texting her.. she answered. she seemed a bit muted she was about to leave the house to go eat then go yoga, i told her i was having a business dinner tonight from 7-9 and went on a bit about it, she said 'ok enjoy yourself' i sensed a level of i duno unsureity in her voice.. i tried my best not to sound desperate, tried making joke here and there and said 'i was gona call you yesterday to play golf but you saw how bad the weather was.. it would be more of a punishment then fun.' she laughed.. then i proceeded to explain to her about the fashion exhibit and she said she thinks she's been but not to the 1 i was talkign about and she liked to go but shes working the next few days and out friday.. i also mentioned the new james bond film she wants to see and she said she'd like to see that.. i said to her 'what you doing tonight?' she goes 'nothing' i said 'lets go out, let's meet at 9.30' she goes 'ok'

then i text her a few mins later to tell her we're going for drinks at a bar locally. she says 'great i've not been there before'

then she proceeds to text me a few mins later to change the frame suggesting we go to dinner instead (this raised alarm bells to me that she's a user or trying to get me to pay for dinner)

i said to her 'arent you going there now to eat? i'll be really full from this business dinner but you go eat first and i'll meet you after at 9.45. see you then'

she then says 'oh,i hate eating on my own..that's why it's good to be in a relationship!!! let's leave it tonight...we can arrange another night where we can go for dinner/drinks together...'

this raised more alarm bells that just cos she's been wined and dined before im not gona do that.

i sent back: let's compromise, i'll come meet u at the restaurant at 9.15 but im not buying you dinner i will get the ****tails tho. dinners are for gf's and when u reach that stage that time will come and i will. see u at 9.15.'

no response.. i wait.. no response.. then i call her again no answer. so i leave a text making a alternative offer:

'you're not the only 1 who's been hurt before so i dont take women to dinner till their gf's cos ive been used in the past.. the alternative if you're hungry is i'll cook my famous salmon tagitellia with tomatos and peppers. do you have a frying pan? (you prob use your oven for clothes storage! haha)'

i knew i f'd up.. but i wasn't going to be taken for a ride.

she then proceeds to text me that:

lets leave it tonight.. im not in a great mood and wont be a good company...

to me it seems like she just wants a guy to wine her and dine her and isn't that interested in actually seeing me for me.

im really so desperate and afc at the moment.. i call her back to try to get her to meet up not thinking this'll look desperate.. she goes on to make excuses why shes not in a good mood and gives me BS answers.. she then made something about how i keep saying i'll come over to cook for her to her place and she said 'i dont invite strange men to my place who i dont know' i tried to back track saying that was later.. but tbh i knew i f'd up.. if that genuinely was the reason or i f'd up that when she didn't text me back immediately but she could have been on the phone (she told me some BS line about how a gf is going through a divorce and she needs to be there for her blah blah) i tried to sweet talk her but it wasn't workign well enough she was like 'we can meet up some other time blah blah' then she says 'i need to hang up the phone now and take this other call from a gf who needs my help' i got annoyed at this point and said ok and i think we hung up at the same time.

there's no point contacting her again is there?

she thinks im after one thing.. so if i dont call again she'll think that was all it was.. if i do.. i'll look even more afc than i am now.

i dont understand this 'actively pursuing' thing.. it's like impossible to do when you have only one option.

I swear the biggest problem for us guys is when we make fools of ourselves, we try and dig ourselves out of an already large hole we've dug for ourselves and thus proceed on the long journey of making even larger fools of ourselves in a misguided attempt to save face.

You probably should have left it at let's meet at 9.30.

other than that i'd say get out now whilst you still have some dignity and self-respect and forget her (or at least make like you 'appear' to forget her). it's the only way.

 

[BeDJ]

i dont understand this 'actively pursuing' thing.. it's like impossible to do when you have only one option.

When you only have 1 option, you are VERY prone to acting desperate. It only needs to happen once for you to learn this important lesson. She's 35 so it won't be that hard to chalk up.

 

[cordoncordon]

Ok so you acted desperate. Really desperate. And she saw right through all of that and tried to use your desperation as a means to get a free meal. Notice how when you said you weren't buying her dinner that she all of sudden "wasn't feeling all that great"? So, a few things we can learn from all this.

1. She is not interested in you. She is interested in getting free drinks, dinners, and movies from you. Move on. Do not contact her again. This girl will bring you nothing but frustration, stress, and heartache.

2. You REALLY need to stop acting so needy. You are acting like a 15 year old school boy in love with his first crush instead of a grown adult man. Here is a suggestion, whatever that feeling inside of you is telling you to do with women? Do the opposite. At least for right now. Trust me you will be better off. Some of those texts were cringe worthy. Too long. Too needy. Too complicated. Too supplicating. Too everything.

Do the opposite until your confidence starts to build and you start to get a feeling for what really to do and it becomes 2nd nature.