Shattered reality

[Nicholas]

long read, belongs to anything else but I need some dj wisdom.

The worst night in my life.

My retard father with who I've never been close with is an occasional gambler. On every 3 months he goes and fvcks up his monthly paycheck and makes financial situation of my family even worse. It's been that way since I was born. He is a pvssy and weak. But my grandfather is ex cop, hard guy and always had influence on my father. Overall my family is trying to act like a real one, like somekind of status quo is up.

Tonight I got suspicious my father went to casino. The feeling in my gut was so strong that I couldn't resist to go and find him. As I did. I looked at that motherfvcker straight into his eyes. He was surprised and scared. Confused totally. He said 'let me finish, wait outside please'. As I did. I was thinking what am I going to do. Should I tell my grandfather and mother? I was boiling and in disbelief.

He met me in 20 min and we started walking home. I felt like sh1t and in same time I was angry and sorry for him. It was a shot to my heart what came next. He told me he owes acumulated 1000e to his custumers on work. It was private debt, but they could cause him to lose his job. I was standing speechless. It was a strike to my reality, leaving only shattered pieces of my 'life' I thought I had.

No way he could return his debt. He needs 150e on monday. He is going to beg my grandfather (who knows about 100e debt not the rest 900e) to help him out which I believe he will. But WE HAVE NO MONEY. FVCK! ALL the fvcking bills, food, expenses my grandfather and mother are paying and they owe a lot to banks in credits and sh1t.

I'm crying inside. Can't believe this actually happened to me. I can't tell my mother, or the old folks about this. They would go insane and maybe finish in hospital or dead. I have younger sister also. It's a helpless situation and I know not if there is a unhurtfull solution.

I took my father cigarettes, mine also, and threw them away. He asked why I did that, I said no more smoking. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SPEND MONEY ANYMORE. YOU ARE GOING TO WORK EVERYDAY. YOU ARE GOING TO GET OUT OF THE SH1T YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO. I told him if you lose your job you'r gonna live 5 years and die.

I'm so sad. WTF is going on I really can't put my sh1t together now. I'm that person who likes everything perfect and has a lot of plans. All that is bullsh1t now. I can't talk with anybody about this matter, so I'm venting here...but I see no good solution.

Look what happened to my reality. I was worrying about some stupid sh1t, and now what...? I can't look in his eyes anymore. I pitty him.

So here it is gents...a lesson for me today.

Will I ever doubt my gut again? - no.
Will I wait till everything is 'perfect' to start living my life as I should? - no.
In what will I invest my time? - in myself, in my future...so I can have my own life without other bastards cutting my freedom or will. And while I'm doing that I might FOR A CHANGE TRY (and not b1tch all the time) to get some hb's on the way.

Things will never be the same anymore. This crap is going to affect me, I don't think I'll be able to spend money like before...for having fun. I'm scared sh1tless, please tell me everything is gonna be fine!

What's gonna happen...time will tell.

Stop worrying about stupid meaningless crap...It could be worse guys.

 

[Iceberg]

I took my father cigarettes, mine also, and threw them away. He asked why I did that, I said no more smoking. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SPEND MONEY ANYMORE. YOU ARE GOING TO WORK EVERYDAY. YOU ARE GOING TO GET OUT OF THE SH1T YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO. I told him if you lose your job you'r gonna live 5 years and die.

It's a noble effort, but I think your dad might have a serious gambling addiction. He might need professional help....these things are rarely as simple as just telling yourself that you won't do it anymore.

 

[backbreaker]

It's a noble effort, but I think your dad might have a serious gambling addiction. He might need professional help....these things are rarely as simple as just telling yourself that you won't do it anymore.

being a professional gambler myself basically, this is something I see quite often. some guys just don't know when to shut it down or they end up chasing bad money. I've seen more than one family feud break out in a real life drama at the race track over the years.



A few things

1. throwing away the man's cigs is counterproductive. one addition at a time. trust me on this. if you have any hope at ALL of getting your dad to stop the gambling do not make it worse and don't give him a crux. in drug rehab, they actually encourage people who do smoke to keep smoking for the first year for this reason. giving up drugs is bad enough, most addicts when they really are going at it hard and don't want to use chain smoke. you take away the cigs, at that point it's not looking too good.

2. do not enable. as bad as it is right now your grandpa cannot give him money. living day to day is hard enough as it is, I mean, love him, support him but don't enable him. don't clean up his messes and wipe off his boo boos.

3. your dad needs to be honest. I'm not saying this is the case but the casino could be a cover for something else. he could have a drug addiction and it could be dealers he owes money. if he owes banks money tell him to go to the banks and be 100% honest about what can happen. Sooner or later you have to pay the piper for the things you have done in your addiction. now is that time if he wants to turn it around.


And you are correct.. all this.. all this.. is at the end of the day pretty trivial. I had a bout with hard core drug addiction that afterwards, really put all this in perspective. if you want to go talk to the girl over there go talk to her and get it over with. what i have found is people who worry about trivial stuff like that, have never really went out there and lived life or had to seriously deal with life on life's terms. you should not 'worry' about talking to a female you find attractive. i assure you there are more urgent / pressing matters in life.

 

[Nicholas]

I see your point.

But it's never been worse than this. This debt accumulated from last summer. Since then I live not knowing what's going on. I'm giving up smokes also tho I love to smoke, right now he can't afford them. Grandpa was giving him money for cigs. He himself(father) admits he's stupid prick and promises he's gonna change from now on. Once I believed it but here's the same story again.
I was going to uncover the story to others but there would be so...much...drama. Old people could get heart attack or something, even now they drag themselves to hospitals etc. Even if I did tell, they couldn't help much, unless they sell property or get a loan somewhere.

150e are seemingly urgent, he told me grandpa not so long ago helped him to clear another debt. The other loan givers (the rest 800e) might wait few months in what time my father's gonna earn some money when selling season lifts up, from april. Even then in order for grandparenths not to uncover the truth my father has to balance his paycheck - part to his debt part for home.

But yet again expenses and bills are big my mom and grandpa barely can pay them up. And the banks of course. All three of them owe to banks. Those debts get only larger. But get this...few months ago they were buying lcd tvs. Fvcking dumbasses.

3. your dad needs to be honest. I'm not saying this is the case but the casino could be a cover for something else. he could have a drug addiction and it could be dealers he owes money. if he owes banks money tell him to go to the banks and be 100% honest about what can happen. Sooner or later you have to pay the piper for the things you have done in your addiction. now is that time if he wants to turn it around.

He's occasional gambler as I said, but it goes on for ages. It's my family fault they let that keep going and as you said wipe his ass. It's certenly not drug problem Im sure and tho his addicted for years I think he's gonna stop now.
Thing is he doesn't have money anymore, he can't even borrow some. After he returns his debts fvck me if Im gonna let him touch slots one more time.

He has serious problems, now I realise he can't do this on himself. Obviously I must keep his spirit alive. But we were never close, I barely even talk to him. It's sometimes hard to, he was always giving me troubles when I was a kid.

Proffesional help is out of reach for now...Ill give him a shot without it now. This is crossroad, it's not going to be easy. It's all coming on my back and this weight I've never encountered before.

thx guys.

 

[Wildebeest]

I can relate...

My dad has serious gambling issues leading him to dump $100,000 AUD in a week-long session (this is just one example, he was a very big gambler who was professional and then turned into addicted degenerate). No im not kidding, I watched him do it.
We're not rich either. Our house was worth about $700,000 at the time.

It shattered my reality too at the time. My father was my hero for most of my life, and suddenly he was just another random dude with problems, struggling against his life's current. I wanted to stop him, to beat the christ out of him after I realised he didnt know what he was doing anymore, he was just putting the family further and further in trouble.

It made me grow up substantially in a very short period. I eventually realised that I had to cut him off, and let him sink or swim, because I had to take care of myself and the rest of my family. I couldnt control his actions, so I had to work harder for myself. I was bitter for a long time. But we came out of the other end. He turned it around, at least for now, betting quite small now. But if he hadnt of turned it around? I would have cut him off emotionally and financially, and taken care of my mother and brother.

These are not over-reactions, I have only listed a fraction of the family history here. My father deeply violated my trust and faith in him, and although I have forgiven him, I dont forget. It ultimately made me stronger.

Good luck op

 

[Wildebeest]

btw

dont give him a ****ing cent, sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better, for them to see reality.

take care of the rest of your family

 

[Wildebeest]

my father attempted to use emotional blackmail on me many times to get money he wanted to bet.

I basically told him that I would cut him off further if he continued to do what he was doing. He backed down, and finally started to work correctly when he realised he couldnt manipulate me.