Sharing my AFC letter's and journals I wrote getting over my EX.

[narcissist]

Sharing my embarassing AFC letter's and journals I wrote getting over my EX. Enjoy!

I would like to share with you guys some of my extremely cringe worthy AFC journals I wrote when I was with my ex about "being in love" "heartbreak" "pain" and more. I would also like to share with you guys a note that I wrote which was intended to give to my ex. I wrote this note about 8-9 days before I found out she cheated on me and decided to dump her.

I am doing this for several reasons.

1) because I stumbled across these journals/notes while cleaning out my shoebox full of documents tonight and am now enamoured by my prior idiocy.

2) I think they are absolutely hilarious. Me and my mom were literally laughing out loud when we read them because they are so utterly ridiculous. So I don't mind being made fun of and embarrassed if it offers others a good time and they smile and laugh. I want others to laugh at my own expense because I am trying to become a more humble human being.

3) I think it serves as a good concrete lesson to be learned. That being: When under the influence of "love" our emotions become heavily clouded and our actions end up taking form under the sole influence of these emotions. We grow an emotional filter to which we see our confronted situations and our rational mind gets over powered by it and we end up making silly mistakes and silly decisions. So by putting these up, others can be reminded that they ARE in fact silly decisions ESPECIALLY if you end up giving these "heart on the sleeve" notes to the girl (which in my case I didn't to which she has never actually read them)

4) Because it gives room for others to share their notes, or AFC moments, and we can create a healthy discussion on how to eradicate AFC traits, and how to handle the maelstrom clusterfvck of emotions that engulfs us when we actually fall for a woman. In this, we can be prepared and actually be men that control their emotions, rather than men that let their emotions control them. So maybe after you read it, if any of you guys are actually interested in my past pathetic AFCness then we can start a discussion. I would rather have a discussion on Sosuave then be consumed by the many primitive "what should I do with this girl" threads.

and 5) Because I would rather sit down and write and exercise my mind than watch a movie or youtube videos. I feel it is a better way to spend my time.


So lets get started.

As a preliminary, I would like to state that I am in fact over her wholeheartedly. I am a very honest person and like to be open, so I wouldn't lie to you guys. After reading these notes and looking at the pictures I have with her absolutely NO feelings went through me. Just indifference. And honestly I don't know what to think about it just yet, because for six months I was devastated by the breakup, and now... Im just numb.


Okay so I will go in timely order. Linear from the first "journal post" haha

By the way, they are quite lengthly. I will do reflections of each journal post, now that I am over her.

These first posts are the first time she cheated, and then I took her back a month later, the second time she cheated is the last "written" note which I never gave to her, and thats when I dumped her and came to SoSuave and changed my life. I will do the note last, because its directed literally TO her.

JOURNAL POST 1)

Eternal binding love enraptured my every thought and soul. Burdening, yet needed; This existence would be futile without her love. Her love, and my love, forever feeding the seed of happiness.

Reflection 1) What the absolute fvck am I talking about. lmfao. Man oh man. The power of one's first love. This is so damn AFC its actually absurd. Also, why am I speaking so obscure? Am I trying to be a literary genius? Well, this is an utter failure. hahaha


JOURNAL POST 2)

....... Random journal entry

Recently i have had a lot on my mind

A lot to do with love

What is love? To be honest i don't have a clue.... I know that pain follows love almost always whether it be heart break or death pain always ensues love. My question is why does pain ensue love? The constant imagining of what used to be fills my heart with deep sorrowful mourning... The thoughts of cuddling, kissing, sex, love making, talking, sharing ideas and feelings............ Talking about our day and what made us happy/sad/upset that day.... Making fun of work together... Eating together.... Sleeping together

Touching her body and face and looking into her eyes... Kissing her behind her ear so she gets goosebumps
These memories haunt my heart and flood my soul with anguish
Was love worth it? Worth the pain that follows? I miss her heart beat... I want to talk to her, call her, text her but i can't and won't, it's not my pride but self respect.... I cant take the thought of her being with that other guy... Even if she didnt love him she got excited by his touch and kiss... Not mine... I've been thinking a lot about her and i want to stop thinking about her i want to stop having her fill my mind with these thoughts

I love women with a passion but not in a player type of way......... I can see my self loving many different women but if i got one i would only love the one...... I love the companionship.... At the beggining of my relationship i was gunna cheat on her but my whole paradigm has been changed by the anguish

I will never cheat


Im only 20 and this is for sure the worst pain I've endured
Its excruciating knowing the one i loved the one i trusted the one i care for so deeply the one i protected did not have the same feelings for me

I lay here alone wanting to turn over and have her by my side so i can put my arm around her warm body and slip my hand under her shirt to her bare skin and feel her heart beat as we fall asleep

I hope i love again
I know that i will treat my next girlfriend differently now that i have experience

I have this strange passion for a woman's love... I dont know where it roots from but its most definitely my weakness
I dont crave sex like most men do i crave.........
.............. I crave bonding ..... Like the thought of knowing this special girl loves u ... And the satisfaction of having another soul

Love is like having another soul but its in a different body... And when you have sex your physically that soul as well
That's why sex is better when u love as opposed to one night stands

I dont know why I crave the love of a woman...... But I constantly think about it all the time....

When i see a woman on the street or at my work or at the gym my mind likes to picture a life with them, a relationship, never sex.... I like to picture loving them and them loving me............... Hmmmm i honestly wonder why i do that

I recently also found out that i like innocence a lot..... If a girl isn't innocent like not the way she looks but her personality then i find it hard to picture loving them.... I really think thats just a preference i picked up from my ex


Idk life is......... Sometimes too indescribable

Reflection 2) Man I rant a lot. Well I actually still feel the same way in some aspects of this post. Dont get me wrong, its the epitome of AFCdom, but For instance, I think i do crave a womans love still. I wont lie. Its something that I always think about. I have just changed my perspective. I now know that I dont NEED a womans love, and that my craving is merely social conditioning. What I need is to focus on my life and better it every single day.

 

[narcissist]

JOURNAL POST 3)

Preliminary - I said her name alot in this post so I will change her name it HbK

Im starting to write journals now before i go to sleep or wherever i am maybe just to jot down a thought or an interesting idea i think of...... Anything really.... These journals are just physical manifestations of my mind and all the thoughts and ideas that occupy it

Today ive been thinking of many different things
As i was reading my journal entry from last night... A thought came to my mind about love

Love is a lot like electron entanglement but only if love exists in both partners
When two people truely love each other its like they are bound or entangled by an invisible non existent rope or something.... Attatched by the heart

I have a feelin that as i sit here and write my journal entry and think about my ex HbK shes doing something similar... I feel like im never far from her mind... Sometimes my imagination gets the better of me and thinks that shes over me but im probably dealing with te break up better then her.... We are still bound by the heart by this entangling device.... It still pulls us close... Our souls are still entangled and thats why its hard to get over her....
I dont want todo anything else but hold her for a long time... And feel her body... Her skin her warmth against mine... Her smell near my nose... I forget how her voice sounds which is very sad because its the voice that proclaimed "i love you" so many times

I never told her how much i loved her name

"HbK" its a very beautiful name


I lay here and actually feel less pain... The journal entry's are helping me come to grips with it.... I feel like i will eventually forgive her in my heart because i can feel the hate washing away like the tide of the ocean

The mistakes i made in the relationship are evident

I became too comfortable and showing my love to her diminished... The maiiiiiin problem in the relationship was me... And my inability to accept a woman's love... I have a problem with not having enough love.... I wanted her to shower me with love and when she didnt i would step back to hurt her in order for her to fight... She gave up and fcuked another dude... But she is also self destructive... Depressive and downright nihilistic....
I will be truely happier without her but it will take time

I like Evelyn (girl i was seeing after I broke up with HbK the first time) but i can tell i won't like her as much as HbK.... Im sort of giving my self a self proclaiming prophecy but i can tell already.... I think i can make her love me

I wonder what HbK is doing at this very moment... I hope she still misses me


Reflection 3) Im actually laughing so hard and just doing facepalm after facepalm. What do you guys think about this sh*t?


THE WRITTEN NOTE - POST #4)

I dont know, I have to write this out becasue im laying in bed and i cant stop thinking about you... Im madly in love with you and it makes me do stupid sh*t. I feel sick because I love you so much.

Im clearly not used to loving a girl this much... not used to the feelings and emotions that run though my mind at night when i try and sleep that are filled by you. for the first time in my life my emotions have grabbed hold of my life and is in the drivers seat.

I dont think i ever told you this, but growing up and especially throughout highschool i would always be daydreaming or just in my own head alot, and it would always be about the day when i could fall abck on someones love and call someone i truly love "my girl" or my baby, or my love - most of all my girlfriend. I would always wish i cold introduce to my friends the girl i love and be proud.... these thoughts truly ran my actions.... I was always trying to do things to get girls attention just because i had so much love to give. But most of the time anything that ever happened ended up in hurt and the love I had to give out would only grow stronger. giving this love out was all i actually gave a fvck about. I secretly yearned to give my love to someone special. no one in my eyes was right or perfect for that love. until you came along. (sidenote: LOLOLOLOL)

I dont know if you do this at all, but i sometimes go back in time in my mind and try and find the exact moment in time when i fell deeply for you. (sidenote: oh god). im honestly not sure where or when i let you take siege my heart and love (sidenote: did i just fvcking say siege. SIEGE?!)

I try to constantly find that moment when my barriers melted away for you... it was so subtle for me.... was it for you? or did you know when you fell for me?

I dont know. when i first met oyu i had a preconcieved notion that i could always control my emotions and i could instantly not love someone if i wanted to, at my whim. (in caps) you fvcked up that thought! (sidenote: Im not writting it in caps. Its too embarassing lmfao)

I dont think I will ever get over you.

I love you so damn much... fvck.


Reflection 4) I am shaking my head profusely.




Well thats all folks. Thank socrates, I came to this website. Thank Aristotle himself that I didnt let her read any of these. And thank fvcking Plato, that I shook off all my AFC traits and became a boss, who is in control of his life and has fvcked multiple women since this ex, gain around 15 lbs of muscle and is constantly striving for better!!!!

That was fvcking cathartic. I hope you all enjoyed laughing at me I know I did. And I hope you guys post embarrassing stuff like this too. We were ALL AFC at one point. Its just great to know that my perspective is better yourself constantly and women are periphery to life at BEST.

love ya'll..

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Nice posting as always, N. You have an affinity for getting your thoughts in to words in a style way beyond your years.

It's fair to say that I have also written notes along these lines and emails and one most shame-worthy, self-deprecating monologue on FB, in much the same style as this thread. Unfortunately for me, I am obviously well-known to my FB connections; what a tool! You have surely simply expressed herein what so many others have done in the past and there is little or no shame in any of it - simply, the process of bitter experience that we have mentioned previously.

I have had a mind to start a journal in much the same style as your own for a while, though have talked myself out of it, considering it as a little self-indulged. On reflection now however, I have possibly been using that as an excuse subconsciously, to avoid having to go through the hard graft of improving to the next plain.

This has also made me realise that there is no shame in airing thoughts in public, so long as they are objective and useful in some way to the author and /or audience.


(seriously though, you and I would get on very well in RL, N. I'll look youup if am ever in your neck of the woods).

Regards,

TMK

 

[MtnMan]

wow man, props for sharing. I discovered some AFC writings of mine after a breakup. I was so disgusted by them at the time that I threw them in the wood stove. I wish I had kept them, because they would be funny now.

 

[Night-hawk]

Thanks for the share.

Makes me want to go rummage through my old love drunk/ hangover writings. Oh the beauty that flows from heartache...what prose we write! How RIGHT we seemed. Heh. Writing down our hearts with tears of blue.

 

[wishyo]

nice, i had similar thoughts and feelings when i was in love. being in love is a great feeling, glad you experienced it

 

[narcissist]

Thanks for the support you guys! This is why I love this community.

I find it absolutely fascinating how being in love can really change ones paradigm completely. Its like I was two completely different people.

Like I wrote that sh*t no longer than a year - year and a half ago. And in ONE year I have changed SO much. SO much so that I have complete indifference to that SAME girl whom I thought "I could not live without"

One year! wow. Thats not a long time considering the caliber of love I had for her.

That makes me think how much Im going to change in the next year. Or the next 5 years.



Also do any of you guys have any notes or journals worth sharing from your afc days? I would actually be very interested to read them. If you do please post them down here!

 

[narcissist]

The Red Pill is when you realize women don't give a sh!t about any of this...that doesn't make that deep desire any less legitimate or real, just that it will likely be unfulfilled.

This is exactly redpill. Although I think it is only half of redpill. I think the other half is understanding that the whole "finding a woman is the purpose in life" conditioning is not AT ALL real. That more importantly, self-improvement and self-betterment along with creating your own legacy is more important! But this is because of the first half of redpill, which is what you stated.

Although maybe that is more MGTOW.

 

[narcissist]

This has also made me realise that there is no shame in airing thoughts in public, so long as they are objective and useful in some way to the author and /or audience.


(seriously though, you and I would get on very well in RL, N. I'll look youup if am ever in your neck of the woods).

Regards,

TMK

I agree wholeheartedly. I think that sharing private thoughts are one of the sole purposes behind social evolution. Without deviance from the social norm we can never QUESTION the social norm and we with become TOO indoctrinated with "normality". Airing private beliefs/thoughts/ideas is how this whole community came about, which ultimately generated the equations we have today that aim at solving the many women problems we are faced with in our 21st century society.


ps. I would definitely be down to hang out a kick the sh*t if you are ever in my area. Give me a shout, if youre ever in Toronto!

 

[Dgwizdal]

vBulletin Message
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to narcissist again.

 

[Eph]

I stopped reading after the second one lol. They just seemed so purposely vague and about love. I think you were trying too hard to be deep. Good message overall though.

 

[Skyline]

Im clearly not used to loving a girl this much...

http://youtu.be/FNSZgbJsSxU