The Unknown Don
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2002
- Messages
- 22
- Reaction score
- 4
Greetings again.
By way of introduction, here is a link to part I.
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/014814.html
I want to address several of the issues raised in the thread...and then I'll provide a little more insight...
First of all, everything I said about myself is absolutely true. Just turned 40, once married, now divorced (I don't understand why anyone would doubt this).
My advice comes from years of observation and experience. I don't pretend to know it all, but I like to think of myself as intelligent and objective. I don't have any personal agenda, and I genuinely like women.
My thoughts and advice are not hard and fast rules. They are generalizations based upon things I have experienced over a long period of time. There have certainly been exceptions and things that were out-of-the-ordinary, but for all intents and purposes, the vast majority of time, everything I wrote about has been spot-on.
I realize some Christians may have been offended by my comment that it is wise to avoid women who are addicted to nicotine, alcohol and born-again Christianity. However, I stand by my comments. I am not going to be drawn into some theological argument. This isn't a religious debate - I'm not criticizing the religion. I'm simply stating that it's usually been a bad bet to try to get involved with a woman who is a charismatic, fundamentalist or "born-again" Christian. I have also noticed that women who are involved in this religion tend to exhibit the same sort of personality disorders as followers of cults. There also seems to be a large number of women (and men) who used to be involved in one form of extreme behavior (e.g. drug addiction, crime, etc.) and simply switched to fundamentalist Christianity as their new "drug" of choice.
Now that we have that out of the way, let's get to the insight.
Let's discuss one of the top concerns of budding "DJs".... being a challenge.
I have read several articles and posts in this forum that advise men to be a "challenge" because women don't like wishy-washy, needy men (which is absolutely true by the way). Most of the suggestions given for becoming the elusive, challenging male typically involve not calling for a pre-determined number of days before asking for a first date, never leaving a message on an answering machine, putting your foot down about when and where that first date will happen, etc.
It's not that simple.
I get the impression that most of you think being a challenge involves some sort of silly game where you make yourselves somewhat inflexible and unapproachable, when - in fact - you want to do the exact opposite.
I know what I'm about to say will raise some hackles, but let me assure everyone here that - when getting through the first date or two - it will not matter much if you wait one day or three days to call, it will not matter much if you act detached, and it will not matter much if you do or don't leave a message on her answering machine. (Of course, assume we are not discussing the extremes - leaving 20 inane messages in an hour will brand you as a psychopath).
I absolutely guarantee you that women who have something going for them will be able to see through your facade. I guess the best way I can express my criticism is to say that you all seem to worry a bit too much about the mechanics of how the message is delivered, and not enough about the content.
Being a a true challenge involves three key factors:
1) Being firm, fair, and consistent. -- Hmmmm, how can I restate this? How's this: never compromise on your convictions, use common sense, and always do what you say you're going to do.
2) Being competent. -- Pursue your life with enthusiasm. Be proud of your chosen profession - no matter what it is. Don't brag about your accomplishments...actions speak louder than words. Women generally appreciate soft-spoken men who are in control of their lives and masters of their own destiny.
3) Being open-minded and receptive. -- Notice that the people we respect the most seem to have a genuine interest in our opinions without belittling us or cutting us off in mid-sentence to pontificate? Next time you have a conversation with a woman you're attracted to, be frugal with your opinions, and express genuine interest in hers, no matter how silly they may seem to you at first. Note: for God's sake, NEVER make patronizing comments such as, "Gosh, I never thought about it quite that way." It's only useless conversation filler which can be perceived as insincere or sarcastic.
Think of it this way: We all know people in our lives that we admire and respect a great deal. These people may interact directly with us in some fashion (for example, a favorite college professor), but for some strange reason, we can't imagine ourselves being in their inner circle of friends. They're friendly and APPROACHABLE, but - at the same time - there seems to be some sort of huge wall that needs to be scaled in order to develop a truly intimate friendship. The people we respect the most, the people who seem the most intriguing and the most difficult to establish close friendships with, the most CHALLENGING people, all exhibit the three character traits I outlined above. They don't need to artificially set the bar high by acting aloof or playing games.
If you want a woman to perceive you as a challenge, then you must first live your life in a way that earns her respect, and - more subtly - make her wonder what she will have to do to earn yours.
Stay tuned...more to come.
[This message has been edited by The Unknown Don (edited 05-19-2002).]
By way of introduction, here is a link to part I.
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/014814.html
I want to address several of the issues raised in the thread...and then I'll provide a little more insight...
First of all, everything I said about myself is absolutely true. Just turned 40, once married, now divorced (I don't understand why anyone would doubt this).
My advice comes from years of observation and experience. I don't pretend to know it all, but I like to think of myself as intelligent and objective. I don't have any personal agenda, and I genuinely like women.
My thoughts and advice are not hard and fast rules. They are generalizations based upon things I have experienced over a long period of time. There have certainly been exceptions and things that were out-of-the-ordinary, but for all intents and purposes, the vast majority of time, everything I wrote about has been spot-on.
I realize some Christians may have been offended by my comment that it is wise to avoid women who are addicted to nicotine, alcohol and born-again Christianity. However, I stand by my comments. I am not going to be drawn into some theological argument. This isn't a religious debate - I'm not criticizing the religion. I'm simply stating that it's usually been a bad bet to try to get involved with a woman who is a charismatic, fundamentalist or "born-again" Christian. I have also noticed that women who are involved in this religion tend to exhibit the same sort of personality disorders as followers of cults. There also seems to be a large number of women (and men) who used to be involved in one form of extreme behavior (e.g. drug addiction, crime, etc.) and simply switched to fundamentalist Christianity as their new "drug" of choice.
Now that we have that out of the way, let's get to the insight.
Let's discuss one of the top concerns of budding "DJs".... being a challenge.
I have read several articles and posts in this forum that advise men to be a "challenge" because women don't like wishy-washy, needy men (which is absolutely true by the way). Most of the suggestions given for becoming the elusive, challenging male typically involve not calling for a pre-determined number of days before asking for a first date, never leaving a message on an answering machine, putting your foot down about when and where that first date will happen, etc.
It's not that simple.
I get the impression that most of you think being a challenge involves some sort of silly game where you make yourselves somewhat inflexible and unapproachable, when - in fact - you want to do the exact opposite.
I know what I'm about to say will raise some hackles, but let me assure everyone here that - when getting through the first date or two - it will not matter much if you wait one day or three days to call, it will not matter much if you act detached, and it will not matter much if you do or don't leave a message on her answering machine. (Of course, assume we are not discussing the extremes - leaving 20 inane messages in an hour will brand you as a psychopath).
I absolutely guarantee you that women who have something going for them will be able to see through your facade. I guess the best way I can express my criticism is to say that you all seem to worry a bit too much about the mechanics of how the message is delivered, and not enough about the content.
Being a a true challenge involves three key factors:
1) Being firm, fair, and consistent. -- Hmmmm, how can I restate this? How's this: never compromise on your convictions, use common sense, and always do what you say you're going to do.
2) Being competent. -- Pursue your life with enthusiasm. Be proud of your chosen profession - no matter what it is. Don't brag about your accomplishments...actions speak louder than words. Women generally appreciate soft-spoken men who are in control of their lives and masters of their own destiny.
3) Being open-minded and receptive. -- Notice that the people we respect the most seem to have a genuine interest in our opinions without belittling us or cutting us off in mid-sentence to pontificate? Next time you have a conversation with a woman you're attracted to, be frugal with your opinions, and express genuine interest in hers, no matter how silly they may seem to you at first. Note: for God's sake, NEVER make patronizing comments such as, "Gosh, I never thought about it quite that way." It's only useless conversation filler which can be perceived as insincere or sarcastic.
Think of it this way: We all know people in our lives that we admire and respect a great deal. These people may interact directly with us in some fashion (for example, a favorite college professor), but for some strange reason, we can't imagine ourselves being in their inner circle of friends. They're friendly and APPROACHABLE, but - at the same time - there seems to be some sort of huge wall that needs to be scaled in order to develop a truly intimate friendship. The people we respect the most, the people who seem the most intriguing and the most difficult to establish close friendships with, the most CHALLENGING people, all exhibit the three character traits I outlined above. They don't need to artificially set the bar high by acting aloof or playing games.
If you want a woman to perceive you as a challenge, then you must first live your life in a way that earns her respect, and - more subtly - make her wonder what she will have to do to earn yours.
Stay tuned...more to come.
[This message has been edited by The Unknown Don (edited 05-19-2002).]
