Sh!t test or what?!

[Backinthegame82]

First of all, hi to everyone...

1st time poster

Scenario:

Receptionist at work has been after me for like 9 months, but being in a LTR at the time i gave her little regard. Near the end of my relationship i ended up striking up more and more contact with this receptionist.

Ended up going round hers for DVD's and messaging ALOT literally every night on MSN. she is flirting like mad.... she goes out of her way to see me

i made her work hard to just get my phone number and for me to keep coming round hers.

She's giving me the big come on so one night she starts a play fight, corny but i knew she was trying to bring forward a 'up n close' scenario. I end up kissing her but she was like "no, you have a girl friend" but was freaking out that i wouldnt want anything more to do with her.

I leave after a quick chat and feeling like a tit...she texts me before i'm home saying that she doesnt want me to start ignoring her and not come round again, that she just couldnt kiss me back because she wouldnt like it if she was the girl being cheated on.

Any way, my LTR was long on the rocks and i finish it anyway (not due to the above, just a dead relationship).

On MSN she was asking if i was making the right choice and as long as i was happy with it.

Next night as a single man i'm out with friends and she's texting me asking me to come meet her out.

Meet her out and she is acting all coy and distant?! we end up kissing a few times but we were both pretty drunk. She was blowing hot and cold ALL night and was trying to make me jump through hoops so i go to leave and she is making me wait for her so we can leave together but her **** blocker of a male friend is liking her too so she's trying to not upset him.

at the end of it all, we jump in a taxi but she remembers he has her house keys (he was looking after them?!), i think screw it and get the taxi to pull over and let me out.

next day she is texting me asking if i was angry with her, i give her a bit of stick saying about trying to take me for a fool etc.
She is apologising and says that she likes me, just didnt want to hurt her mate who's trying it on.
we end up having a long MSN chat and i pretty much tell her how much of a ***** she was and how to not call me up to meet if she's going to be like that again.

she cuts the conversation off after saying it was fair enough.

all week she has barely spoke to me and i thought i'd leave her alone... she asked if i was ignoring her to which i said no but any MSN chat she strikes up falls flat pretty quick. she has changed big style?
no more flirting?

one minute she cant get enough, the next she is acting weird...

any help?

i apologise for the long ass post...this has had me scratching my head.

i've played it cool and filled my social life up so i'm always out and about so any contact we've really had i've left her to make

 

[edger]

It is my take that she was acting hot and cold that night at the bar, because, she's probably under the impression that you broke up with your girlfriend for her. In her mind it's showing an over-interest on your part. Not good. It sounds like this has lowered her interest.

And as far as her forgetting her house keys, I don't know why you'd get all upset about that. ?? What do you expect from the girl? She needs them. It doesn't make sense for you to become all upset and anal about it.

 

[Backinthegame82]

sorry, i left some stuff out as the post was getting long.

i agree with you saying she thinks i split with my LTR for her, although wrong i can see that entering her head. maybe the thrill of the chase was lost?

i was pissed at her as she was going to this bloke friend hugging his arm by the bar and trying to make me jealous, if i went to walk away to speak to other people she would be trying to bring me back but as soon as i went back she was back talking to this guy and blanking me?

by the end of the night i was just pissed at this girl was playing us off each other and i was not pissed at her wanting her house keys, i was annoyed at the fact she was stone cold towards me in the taxi.

one minute in the night, hot...then cold....then hot....then stone cold

 

[Backinthegame82]

what do i want from her? good question!
i want if anything to get back on track to how it was the other week before all this BS... i want her chasing me again and seeing where it could lead.

I have no dreams of a relationship with her but i was liking the fact this hotty was chasing me and it was heading towards the sack.

the way she has been acting it like she has gone from interest level of 10 to 1... i'm taking it by her lead and being careful not to be seen to be chasing her like a dog with a car tyre now

any tips? or is it time to bail and add to experiance?

 

[Nutz]

First mistake was going to meet her when she was out and not the other way around. You're in her world and she's in charge.

Second mistake when you were in the cab and the other guy had the keys was telling the cab to stop. Instead you should have went back to your place and told her she can stay there since it's getting late and you'll drop her by the friend's place the next day to get her keys. That'd send a message loud and clear.

Third mistake was getting reactive and beta and whining like a b*tch. Squash that crap and be a man and dominate her. That's what she seems to need and will respond to. See also DonS's thread about the chick showing up with jizz in her hair. How he changed tactics would probably benefit your situation as well.

And the reason she doesn't want to "upset her friend" is because she's either gaming you both playing one off the other, or is an AW and wants to keep him around as an orbiter.

 

[edger]

maybe the thrill of the chase was lost?

Well, if you were handling it good from the beginning and not being too available(with the chatting, talking, hanging out, etc.), and did a good job passing her sh*t test, then I can see no other reason other than her being under the impression that "you broke up with your girlfriend for her" as being the reason for having lower interest in you.

i was pissed at her as she was going to this bloke friend hugging his arm by the bar and trying to make me jealous, if i went to walk away to speak to other people she would be trying to bring me back but as soon as i went back she was back talking to this guy and blanking me?

Yeah, I would definitely consider this a jealousy/sh*t test tactic. As much as I can understand a woman's motive behind sh*t testing, at the same time, it acts as a double edged sword, because nobody wants to be tested. It causes resentment on the guys part and makes him loose respect for the girl, and kills all the good feelings he had towards her. It's only natural for that to happen on the guys part. It totally kills the good vibe the guy and girl had going.

by the end of the night i was just pissed at this girl was playing us off each other and i was not pissed at her wanting her house keys, i was annoyed at the fact she was stone cold towards me in the taxi.

Yeah, I totally understand. The only explanation I could come up with as to why she was acting stone cold in the taxi, is because, maybe she felt you didn't do a good job passing her sh*t test at the bar. I'm not saying you didn't do a good job, I wasn't there. You said you went off to speak to other people, but did your body language and mannerisms actually show that you were aloof to the situation? These are the things only you would know. And lastly, like I said, she's probably under the impression that you broke up with your girlfriend for her.

 

[Backinthegame82]

First mistake was going to meet her when she was out and not the other way around. You're in her world and she's in charge.

good point... she raised a hoop and i did a running jump through it

Second mistake when you were in the cab and the other guy had the keys was telling the cab to stop. Instead you should have went back to your place and told her she can stay there since it's getting late and you'll drop her by the friend's place the next day to get her keys. That'd send a message loud and clear.

i was going to but her body language was not leading to it being well recieved. i think i should of just got the taxi to drop me out at my house and not throw a tantrum

Third mistake was getting reactive and beta and whining like a b*tch. Squash that crap and be a man and dominate her. That's what she seems to need and will respond to. See also DonS's thread about the chick showing up with jizz in her hair. How he changed tactics would probably benefit your situation as well.

true true... will do, currently looking through this forum and realising how much of an AFC i can be at times. i'll search it out.
i honestly think if i didnt kick up a stink about it (thinking she would not see me as a door mat) things would be cool now. Took it a bit too far and failed the test...

And the reason she doesn't want to "upset her friend" is because she's either gaming you both playing one off the other, or is an AW and wants to keep him around as an orbiter.

she loves the attention from guys, she has them jumping through hoops all over the show.

lol@ orbiter...you make a lot of sense

 

[Backinthegame82]

Well, if you were handling it good from the beginning and not being too available(with the chatting, talking, hanging out, etc.), and did a good job passing her sh*t test, then I can see no other reason other than her being under the impression that "you broke up with your girlfriend for her" as being the reason for having lower interest in you.

i'm thinking i failed the sh!t test in emphatic style, her facebook status all week has been 'sick of having to explain myself to others?!'

she said it was from the **** blocker as he gave her hell the next day for being with me off and on last weekend. me having a pop at her too probably pushed her over and she's thinking, screw the both of ya.

Yeah, I would definitely consider this a jealousy/sh*t test tactic. As much as I can understand a woman's motive behind sh*t testing, at the same time, it acts as a double edged sword, because nobody wants to be tested. It causes resentment on the guys part and makes him loose respect for the girl, and kills all the good feelings he had towards her. It's only natural for that to happen on the guys part. It totally kills the good vibe the guy and girl had going.

exactly, i thought 'cha ching, progress' but i got the hot and cold treatment and this c0ck blocker to deal with.

Yeah, I totally understand. The only explanation I could come up with as to why she was acting stone cold in the taxi, is because, maybe she felt you didn't do a good job passing her sh*t test at the bar. I'm not saying you didn't do a good job, I wasn't there. You said you went off to speak to other people, but did your body language and mannerisms actually show that you were aloof to the situation? These are the things only you would know. And lastly, like I said, she's probably under the impression that you broke up with your girlfriend for her.

i stayed within eye shot when chatting to others but she kept playfully kicking my ass or just saying my name loud and then acting coy and 'who said that'. I go back and she's with the 'orbiter' and back to playing peek a boo conversation wise.

i wasnt aloof to the situation, i did bite back a few times when we couldnt kiss or be talking too much in case her mate saw her and got jealous.

i'm seeing more and more i should of either bailed and let her chase me after realising what a ***** she was or not bit back so much the next day.

some small part of me is thinking she is waiting for me to make a move...she asked me if i was ignoring her during the week but i took it as me taking away the attention i was giving to her

thanks so far guys...great forum

 

[STR8UP]

Bet she's getting off on the fact that two guys are basically fighting over her.

Your real problem here is that you decided to wage a war of words with a woman. Bad news. She knows she has c0ckblock boy to feed her with attention in the even that she pushes too many of your buttons. She isn't that into you. You have no LEVERAGE, which means that your words devalue you and make you look weak.

I would have let the night play out and if things didn't go my way (if I wasn't neck deep in the pu$$y or at least moving in that direction) I would have blown her off from that point on without a word. You opened up some dramatic dialogue which only serves to cement her status as being desirable to you while making you less desirable to her.

Comprende?

 

[Mr. Me]

edger, I'm surprised you didn't point out this one was an Attention Wh@re! I'd agree with you this time if you did LOL

Backinthegame, in the 9 months she was flirting with you, you weren't available to her. She could play. Have her fun. Send you back to your GF when she was done. Came the day you were available, uh oh, now it becomes real to her.

But she still likes the attention so back and forth it goes with her, as she dangles the carrot to keep you in her orbit.

Bottom line is: inconsistent behavior like that means either low interest or nut job. Either way, not worth your time.

Next time she throws her bait at you, tell her all about this hot new chick you're seeing and how she's all over you. That should alleviate you of feeding her attention needs.

 

[Backinthegame82]

Bet she's getting off on the fact that two guys are basically fighting over her.

Your real problem here is that you decided to wage a war of words with a woman. Bad news. She knows she has c0ckblock boy to feed her with attention in the even that she pushes too many of your buttons. She isn't that into you. You have no LEVERAGE, which means that your words devalue you and make you look weak.

good point...

I would have let the night play out and if things didn't go my way (if I wasn't neck deep in the pu$$y or at least moving in that direction) I would have blown her off from that point on without a word. You opened up some dramatic dialogue which only serves to cement her status as being desirable to you while making you less desirable to her.

Comprende?

comprende! lessons learnt.... cheers

 

[Backinthegame82]

edger, I'm surprised you didn't point out this one was an Attention Wh@re! I'd agree with you this time if you did LOL

Backinthegame, in the 9 months she was flirting with you, you weren't available to her. She could play. Have her fun. Send you back to your GF when she was done. Came the day you were available, uh oh, now it becomes real to her.

But she still likes the attention so back and forth it goes with her, as she dangles the carrot to keep you in her orbit.

Bottom line is: inconsistent behavior like that means either low interest or nut job. Either way, not worth your time.

Next time she throws her bait at you, tell her all about this hot new chick you're seeing and how she's all over you. That should alleviate you of feeding her attention needs.

i'm chucklin while i read this as its true, sh!t got real for her and she bailed.
she's not the relationship type i have been told...fine by me, i just want to nail her.

i'd verge more on both nut job with low interest... he mate warned me about her and that it would be in my best interests to stay clear as she is all over the show. Daddy issues apprarently.

she thinks i'm out tonight with my cousin (who she always sees on a night out) and is expecting me to be out too.

well.... i'm not so she's in for a shock as i'm round a girls house tonight because her folks are away and she wants me round to keep her safe.
Roll on the good times :rockon:

thanks for all the help...

 

[edger]

edger, I'm surprised you didn't point out this one was an Attention Wh@re! I'd agree with you this time if you did LOL

Actually, I came across a huge one last night. Hottie. Had to be in her 20's or 30's. She vibed me once prior before standing in front of me and looking directly at me while I danced. So, I walk in to her and start dancing with her. I joke around and play with her as we dance. After about 2 minutes, she trolls off and starts dancing with this other guy(not sure if he was someone she knew or someone she had just met). About 3 minutes later, she comes back to me and starts dancing. I figure, ok whatever, I won't look into it too much. Then it happens again, she leaves and starts dancing with her male friend, and finally I'm like, "Yup, found myself another f*ckin' attention wh*re here". BAM, she was cut!

I had noticed she was dancing with 3 guys last night, prior to dancing with me. Not sure if she knew all 3 or if she had just met them.

 

[Backinthegame82]

Quick update, blew this girl off and pretty much acted cool when i saw her at work and like i had to be somewhere more important.

we were supposed to go to the cinema together but i 'forgot' about it... she is now inviting me round her place as she misses me and wants to make up for how much of a ***** she was the last time we met on that night out.

she is trying to push my buttons big style, she knows i like stockings etc and she is saying how she has bought a pair and would like me to see them lol.

so...what do you think?

i'm still seeing her as an attention wh0re but she is chasing me not the other way round now.

 

[decades]

extremely extremely needy chick....you barely know her and she has turned your life upside down. expect more more more of this if you continue with her in any way. and yes she is grade AAA attn hor. If you want her in the sack I would treat her like Garbage. And I am as serious as a heart attack. Good things are bound to happen. One you get her in the sack (but stay 100% emotionally detached or you are screwed) or two, you get rid of her.

 

[jophil28]

Do not let her pull you into her frame. If she wants to see you, she has to come hang out with YOU while you are doing YOUR things. And DO NOT GIVE HER ATTENTION. When she talks with you, you C+F her for no more than a couple of minutes and then you are on your way to do something else. You have to feed her morsels and then make her chase the bait into the trap. She is to enter your world, you do not enter hers until she has proven she is more than an AW.

Good alltime GP advice.