Sh!t, One Itis Problem

Alphathree

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B_itch slap me out of this guys, please, be as brutal as possible without doing any permanent psychological damage.

Dated girl for ~1 month. Absolutely stunningly drop dead gorgeous... her face ... ahh... easily cuter than the cutest of America's Next Top Model.

She breaks up with me because she's a virgin and she didn't want to have sex (I didn't force the issue, but I did try to pursue it.)

She also happens to be smart, witty, and only occasionally bit_chy (which I promptly dealt with whenever it happened), kind, loving, blah blah blah.

Okay, so I danced with her just an hour ago (as "just friends"), her head on my shoulder, and I remembered what it was like to have her in my room, cuddling and making out.

And I realized I am still soooooooooooooooooo in love with her.

Okay, that's my sad pathetic AFC rant.

Tell me all about it guys: give me the "there's other fish in the sea" speech or the "you're the man, shut the f*ck up" speech or the "get your act together, man!" speech...
 

pkrx209

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fvck this is pretty much the same thing that happened to me.. and i just posted a thread about it.
 

Alphathree

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Originally posted by pkrx209
fvck this is pretty much the same thing that happened to me.. and i just posted a thread about it.
Heh, I just read your thread and almost posted the same sort of reply there.

Sigh, let's just go gay have sex with each other... okay, I didn't just say that.

Damnit, when I get like this, I don't even want to have sex, I don't even want other women, I just want her in my arms...
 

satyriasis

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personally, i cant start to have feelings until am in a relationship. until then... i could careless about the chick.
 

Docs

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haha! I know the feeling of wanting them in your arms.

That's why I've been single for 9 months, and still going strong not knowing that feeling.
 

the_great_gaia

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one-itis...

hmmm, what a beautiful disaster. I remember it so well. I have been there twice with my current girlfriend. I used to love her so much that it was inhumane. And she did me so WRONG! I warn you: WOMEN ARE DESIGNED TO SET MISERY TO YOUR STRONG FEELINGS FOR HER!

Like flame to a piece of paper, your heart is at a major risk. You have to find something about her that you hate and then turn the volume WAY UP! You have to drop out of her life for a few days. Do NOT let her know that you have these strong feelsings for her.

Did you know that the female translation to "I Love You" is "$$cHiNg~ChInG!!$$" ?
 

nishbuk

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Man...I don't know why the **** you decided to dance with her as JUST FRIENDS!?!?! WTF?!?!

Why are you still seeing her?!?! DUDE. Cut her out of your life. And while that may seem harsh, you gotta do it. You don't have to be harsh to her when you do it. Just be like, "Listen, I can't be just friends with you. So I'm asking you dont' call me, e-mail me, or leave me any messages. I think we should not see each other for as long as possible". Or something like that.

Man...I'M DOING THE EXACT SAME THING. WHY ON GODS EARTH AM I GOING TO A BDAY PARTY WHERE MY EX WILL BE THERE. WHY? BECAUSE IM STUPID. DONT DO WHAT I DO.
 

Chemistry

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Fishy... "We might end up having sex somewhere down the line... I don't want that to happen, we should break up..."

But yea... whats a month... to break it down you were just in love with the situation, with having someone there to play that role...

The challenge here isn't really to confront whats happened... its to look at ways of avoiding a repeat of this as soon as another attractive, half interesting girl comes along... because you will be doing all those little things you liked with all of them...

Think about what it is you want... its far from the end of the world... if you want to talk to someone then you've got mates... if you want to f*ck someone, which you admittedly didn't do here, so we'll say have that kind of contact... then there's a world full of single girls out there up for that...
 

DJDamage

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Originally posted by Alphathree
Dated girl for ~1 month. Absolutely stunningly drop dead gorgeous... her face ... ahh... easily cuter than the cutest of America's Next Top Model.
This is what happens when you date a really hot girl and put all your time and energy on her. Half of that energy should have been spend to get a number of other girls and dating them. This way you have some options in case things don't work out. Read This:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=90482

Originally posted by Alphathree
She breaks up with me because she's a virgin and she didn't want to have sex (I didn't force the issue, but I did try to pursue it.)
You have got to be gullible to believe that line. If she is a virgin and she didn't want to have sex what the hell was she doing dating you?? Don't be fooled that she didn't want to have sex. She just didn't want to have sex with you. She lost interest pretty quickley.

Originally posted by Alphathree
Okay, so I danced with her just an hour ago (as "just friends"), her head on my shoulder, and I remembered what it was like to have her in my room, cuddling and making out.

And I realized I am still soooooooooooooooooo in love with her.

Okay, that's my sad pathetic AFC rant.
What the hell are you doing dancing with a girl after she LBJF you? You still want to fvck her don't deny that! why are you even a friend with a chick you like?? That is great man! Next week you are going to be her emotional tampon when she tells you that some guy just dumped her after she lost her virginity to him in the mall's parking lot behind the dumpster. I hope you pack plenty of tissue papers because you might get a hug out of the deal!!! LOL

DjDamage
 

It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something INVESTED in you and the relationship, preferably quite a LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Big Eee Zee

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im a little surprised to hear this coming from you.

well, regardless, you dont love her. After one month? Impossible. If you've ever been with someone for more than 6 months (which you probably have) you oughta know this.

Think of it this way; if she was hit by a truck tomorrow and terribly disfigured, couldn't ever have sex again and required constant care, would you still pretend you love her?no, you wouldn't. We both know this. Stop pretending like you do.
 

The Anti Dr Phil

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This is my 1st post here. I have my own personal niche honed through traveling a ton, by approaching an absurd amount of women in many parts of the world, and via trial and error over a 13 year period - so I am just going to give it to you straight - no chaser. That said, I haven’t read anything of this forum yet, and my style may clash with some others, but I’ll just tell it to you from MY perspective of what you should not have done. Take what you will from this.

Your first mistake was putting her on a pedestal. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER treat a woman any different from another woman based on looks alone. It's called discipline, and it can take a while to develop, but I don't care if a woman is fat, skinny, tall, short, attractive, unattractive, or unimaginative, you have to use the exact same approach - EVERY TIME. This is gospel. It's like shooting free throws - you always use the same form on your release - treat the 2's (on a scale of 10) just like you would the 10's - treat them no different. That way, you’re always on alert; you’re constantly giving off a vibe of charm, and it’s a great way to keep your “game” from atrophying. Once you start putting women on Pedestals based solely on looks, you lose your "edge" - guys tend to get pu$$ified . And from where I sit, you gave her waay to much power - waaay too much leverage. And once the woman knows with 100% certainty she has the leverage - - Check Mate – Rook capture’s Queen. Check mate = "I'm a virgin and I don't want to have sex" speech.

On top of all of this, you committed the first deadly sin of dating. What sin you ask? You let her lead. Women are attracted to leaders – never forget that. They want to be lead, and by letting her lead, you went against nature's blueprint. How do I know you let her lead? Because you did exact same thing the last 17.5 guys she dated happened to do - you put her on the throne, and you fell for her VERY quickly based on looks alone. And you don't have to "tell" a woman you've fallen for her, or that you're in love with her, because that ugly unspoken truth is shown in the eyes my friend. Checkmate!

Now, on to your second and most egregious mistake -You "showed your hand" waaaaay, waaaay, waaaay to early. If you’re holding a pair Jacks, AKA - committing the second deadly sin of dating by falling for a woman before you know for certain she’s fallen for you, at least keep a poker face and “act” like you’re holding a straight flush. In laymen’s terms: Don’t give off the scent. You fell in love in 1 month??? Stick a fork in this young fella because he's done. 1 month??? Hell, you haven't even figured out her dirty little secrets and lies in 1 month - For instance, her probably not being a virgin. Not only should you NOT have fallen for her in 1 month, you should've been dating other women, and in a not so subtle manner, letting her know you were doing so. You should've given off a subconscious scent that she had to "work" to get your full attention; it's a two way street. The weapon of choice when dealing with a b!tchy attractive woman??? Drive up your stock price by creating a culture of competition. You do that by dating other women or hanging around other women (even if they are just friends) who are "equally" as attractive, and if possible, even more attractive than she is. Had you done that effectively, your stock price with her would’ve gone from a penny stock value to Google. Women are genetically programmed to get catty with other attractive women they deem as possible competition. On top of that, women can be EXTREMELY insecure, so you should’ve used that insecurity to your advantage, by letting her know through subconscious vibes, that at any time you could on the verge of “trading up”- or dating someone else who brings more to the table. I would’ve carefully and consciously played on said insecurities to twinge her jealously buttons in order to put her in a state of mental flux. Meaning, for the first time in a long-long time, she wasn’t the center of someone’s universe. And my experience has shown that the more attractive the woman, the better this will work.

I can go on further about do’s and don’ts – coulda’s and woulda’s but I’m sure you get the gist.
 

Rollo Tomassi

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ALPHA: You have ONEitis because you have no options. DAMAGE just referenced me on his post (thanks) so do go have a look and come back to this thread.
 

Pimp-sicle

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Originally posted by The Anti Dr Phil
This is my 1st post here. I have my own personal niche honed through traveling a ton, by approaching an absurd amount of women in many parts of the world, and via trial and error over a 13 year period - so I am just going to give it to you straight - no chaser. That said, I haven’t read anything of this forum yet, and my style may clash with some others, but I’ll just tell it to you from MY perspective of what you should not have done. Take what you will from this.

Your first mistake was putting her on a pedestal. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER treat a woman any different from another woman based on looks alone. It's called discipline, and it can take a while to develop, but I don't care if a woman is fat, skinny, tall, short, attractive, unattractive, or unimaginative, you have to use the exact same approach - EVERY TIME. This is gospel. It's like shooting free throws - you always use the same form on your release - treat the 2's (on a scale of 10) just like you would the 10's - treat them no different. That way, you’re always on alert; you’re constantly giving off a vibe of charm, and it’s a great way to keep your “game” from atrophying. Once you start putting women on Pedestals based solely on looks, you lose your "edge" - guys tend to get pu$$ified . And from where I sit, you gave her waay to much power - waaay too much leverage. And once the woman knows with 100% certainty she has the leverage - - Check Mate – Rook capture’s Queen. Check mate = "I'm a virgin and I don't want to have sex" speech.

On top of all of this, you committed the first deadly sin of dating. What sin you ask? You let her lead. Women are attracted to leaders – never forget that. They want to be lead, and by letting her lead, you went against nature's blueprint. How do I know you let her lead? Because you did exact same thing the last 17.5 guys she dated happened to do - you put her on the throne, and you fell for her VERY quickly based on looks alone. And you don't have to "tell" a woman you've fallen for her, or that you're in love with her, because that ugly unspoken truth is shown in the eyes my friend. Checkmate!

Now, on to your second and most egregious mistake -You "showed your hand" waaaaay, waaaay, waaaay to early. If you’re holding a pair Jacks, AKA - committing the second deadly sin of dating by falling for a woman before you know for certain she’s fallen for you, at least keep a poker face and “act” like you’re holding a straight flush. In laymen’s terms: Don’t give off the scent. You fell in love in 1 month??? Stick a fork in this young fella because he's done. 1 month??? Hell, you haven't even figured out her dirty little secrets and lies in 1 month - For instance, her probably not being a virgin. Not only should you NOT have fallen for her in 1 month, you should've been dating other women, and in a not so subtle manner, letting her know you were doing so. You should've given off a subconscious scent that she had to "work" to get your full attention; it's a two way street. The weapon of choice when dealing with a b!tchy attractive woman??? Drive up your stock price by creating a culture of competition. You do that by dating other women or hanging around other women (even if they are just friends) who are "equally" as attractive, and if possible, even more attractive than she is. Had you done that effectively, your stock price with her would’ve gone from a penny stock value to Google. Women are genetically programmed to get catty with other attractive women they deem as possible competition. On top of that, women can be EXTREMELY insecure, so you should’ve used that insecurity to your advantage, by letting her know through subconscious vibes, that at any time you could on the verge of “trading up”- or dating someone else who brings more to the table. I would’ve carefully and consciously played on said insecurities to twinge her jealously buttons in order to put her in a state of mental flux. Meaning, for the first time in a long-long time, she wasn’t the center of someone’s universe. And my experience has shown that the more attractive the woman, the better this will work.

I can go on further about do’s and don’ts – coulda’s and woulda’s but I’m sure you get the gist.

This is without a doubt the BEST first post I've read from a new member on this board. Its actually refreshing to see new guys who have some real world experience joining the board, rather than all these wanna-bes.

AlphaTree: Your infatuated with this girl because of her looks. That's where your one-itis started and that's why its grown. I've read your posts before and you seem like you have the knowledge but not enough experience with super hot girls. I was in a very similar position to you not too long ago. I could bag up 6's, 7's and 8's without flinching. However I was weaker towards the 9's and 10's. Then I realized that these tatics and principles work BETTER on the SHB's. Don't let her looks intimidate you in the future, it doesn't mean shiat!!! As for this girl, you already know what you need to do, but its easier said than done.




PIMP
 

Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

WestCoaster

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Wow, Anti Dr. Phil is spot on, impressive early post. Great stuff. Yes, create a culture of competition. The one thing that 100 percent makes a woman try harder to get you is to be SEEN with another woman. Yep, does it every time. Take it from an oldster like me, every time I've been seen with another woman, other women gravitate in my direction. (Correct on all the other stuff, don't play your hand early, for God's sake don't fall in "love" in a month, you don't know the gal well enough for that to happen.)

Don't ever pedestal place, plate spin (see Rollo's post), don't get oneitis, and always be seen with other women, whether they're friends or not (the other woman doesn't know they're friends).

Case in point: I used to meet this 'friend' (we dated a few times) at this coffee shop when I was in grad school. She's about a 9, no lie. I'd get there early to read the sports pages after a long day of classes/research. I love sports, so I had to get my fix. I'd walk into Starbucks, women usually there, grab the sports page, no women looking at me. My 'friend' comes strolling in looking like a million bucks (and she knows how to look) and suddenly all the women's eyes that weren't on me are now not only on me, but smiling and flirting.

This happened every week by the way, like f'n clockwork. It's so predictable. I have other stories on this, too.

Be seen with other women, always. Women are competitive, jealous creatures ... be seen with women, now!
 

MacDiddy

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Alpha: you just weren't challenging enough. you went all AFC on her and she did what she had to do to ensure her offsprings were gonna get the best chance of survival. She dumped your sorry ass and gave you the excuse that she was a virgin and you actually believed it. well, I think she let you of light with that excuse.
 

Alphathree

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Thanks guys... I appreciate all of the harsh comments... some of them went kinda far! Lol.

In response:
- I'm not an AFC, but I'm also not perfect... my heart was open and it took a hit.

- Is it really necessary to respond to every single thread on here with "you're an AFC, get over yourself" followed by ultra-harsh commentary? (Admittedly I asked for in this case.) Could it possibly be that there are shades of grey between DJ and AFC? I think so.

- I do have and have had lots of other options... I am actually dating other girls right now... in fact, they're pursuing me and have been for a while... they're just not... her.

- In this particular case, I'm inclined to believe her sex argument because of the way it happened: literally everything changed the instant I tried to take her shirt off. She said she was looking for a relationship "with definite limits."

It wasn't as though she just called me up one day and said it was over. She's a religious girl, very conservative values-wise, despite being outgoing and fun.

Interestingly, her IL has remained high for months afterwards i.e. she still calls and messages me all the time, and we still hang out. (Relax I'm seeing other girls... it doesn't hurt to hang out with a gorgeous friendly model though, does it?)

I'm entertaining the possibility that she's still attracted to me but afraid to go ahead with anything because her conservative side is conflicting with her desires.

God, you're right, I do sound like an AFC. She's got me hook, line, and sinker. Frick. If you saw her, you'd understand.
 

Maybnoob

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Originally posted by Alphathree
Thanks guys... I appreciate all of the harsh comments... some of them went kinda far! Lol.

In response:
- I'm not an AFC, but I'm also not perfect... my heart was open and it took a hit.

- Is it really necessary to respond to every single thread on here with "you're an AFC, get over yourself" followed by ultra-harsh commentary? (Admittedly I asked for in this case.) Could it possibly be that there are shades of grey between DJ and AFC? I think so.

- I do have and have had lots of other options... I am actually dating other girls right now... in fact, they're pursuing me and have been for a while... they're just not... her.

- In this particular case, I'm inclined to believe her sex argument because of the way it happened: literally everything changed the instant I tried to take her shirt off. She said she was looking for a relationship "with definite limits."

It wasn't as though she just called me up one day and said it was over. She's a religious girl, very conservative values-wise, despite being outgoing and fun.

Interestingly, her IL has remained high for months afterwards i.e. she still calls and messages me all the time, and we still hang out. (Relax I'm seeing other girls... it doesn't hurt to hang out with a gorgeous friendly model though, does it?)

I'm entertaining the possibility that she's still attracted to me but afraid to go ahead with anything because her conservative side is conflicting with her desires.

God, you're right, I do sound like an AFC. She's got me hook, line, and sinker. Frick. If you saw her, you'd understand.
Post a pic of her :D
 
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