Sexual tension with recently married woman

[Elliot]

Short version
I’m in relationship 2.5 years - (I’m 46) - she married 6 months ago (35) - power dynamic I lead on projects she works on - she’s nerdy, beautiful data analyst. Constant, active flirting (including sexual talk - see hot flushes, nervousness etc) - hot and cold - people comment on eye contact etc, usual slightly aggressive if I pull away/talk with other co-workers - actively seeking attention at parties etc. So, I understand the hesitancy (looking to start family etc) - don’t want to be home wrecker but want to explore the full spectrum with this woman - play, cool straight bat and back off ( she cancelled arranged date after being excited by it when I back from holiday 2 months ago) or actively show the light?

All comments received constructively

 

[Glassguy]

Just invite her for a quick drink after work. After 2 drinks she will show you if she wants the D

 

[Black Widow Void]

You didn't come here for a moral lecture and so I'll spare you my thoughts on that.

You have several factors playing against you.
The two of you work together.
You are in a relationship.
She's recently married.

In addition to the above, if something occurred between you two, neither of you have a guarantee of the aftermath. When I mention "aftermath" this isn't about the outside parties involved. It's about you two. One of you might develop feelings beyond a sexual fling, while the other has not.

Let's say she's the one that develops further interest.
She could become a scorned lover.
You work with her.
She probably has some way to contact your girlfriend.
--- neither produce a good outcome.

Gossip leaks out about you two and her husband or your girlfriend is tipped off.
This is also possible and not a good outcome.

There are several other outcomes in which this could play out. Only one would seem desirable.
The odds aren't with you,
Think about that.

 

[Elliot]

Appreciate your feedback black widow - have thought about the wider implications re; work/relationship dynamic - this has been going on quite a few months and I feel it needs to be called out and I will take the lead and state that I respect your decision re marriage have no interest in breaking that decision, unless you have a desire to do so and we should work together constructively until I leave next year

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

shes a co worker, a married one at that. No good will come from this. Just leave her alone and focus on someone else, like maybe your GF.
I made the mistake of dating a co worker and it was a big mistake.

 

[Epic Days]

There are ways to do this with out all the ugly stuff but it’s not a good idea in any event.

 

[051AV]

If you like your job stay away from getting involved with co-workers nothing good comes from it especially if the woman has an vindictive side to her. Sounds like her clock is ticking she got married to a guy she has some doubts about but she wants kids. Think with your big head not the little one. Sounds like you've got a decent job and you want to keep it ignore the flirty ***** and focus on work.

 

[Elliot]

I would strongly weigh the odds of getting shot before I made my decision

Getting shot - this is leafy North London

 

[Ceaserofnone]

Forget work and your job. I dont know why posters on here think thats the one reason why you shouldnt progress any further. be a man and understand that she is married. That is the one reason that should be enough for you to not let this escalate.

You have a woman to tend to and a family to look after. Like a true alpha male. If you have intentions in spreading your seed then do it with an unmarried woman.

 

[Elliot]

Forget work and your job. I dont know why posters on here think thats the one reason why you shouldnt progress any further. be a man and understand that she is married. That is the one reason that should be enough for you to not let this escalate.

You have a woman to tend to and a family to look after. Like a true alpha male. If you have intentions in spreading your seed then do it with an unmarried woman.

Thanks for the feedback - the work dynamic will change in less than 6 months and I’ve had a sussessful work relationship in the past - as you say the key point is the married element and as she is hesitating I’ll do as stated above and call the flirting out and back off.

 

[lizardking82]

Short version
I’m in relationship 2.5 years - (I’m 46) - she married 6 months ago (35) - power dynamic I lead on projects she works on - she’s nerdy, beautiful data analyst. Constant, active flirting (including sexual talk - see hot flushes, nervousness etc) - hot and cold - people comment on eye contact etc, usual slightly aggressive if I pull away/talk with other co-workers - actively seeking attention at parties etc. So, I understand the hesitancy (looking to start family etc) - don’t want to be home wrecker but want to explore the full spectrum with this woman - play, cool straight bat and back off ( she cancelled arranged date after being excited by it when I back from holiday 2 months ago) or actively show the light?

All comments received constructively

She married a beta, sees you as the alpha, is looking to bang with you to possibly have a kid with the perceived alpha for the kid then to be raised by her beta husband.

If you up for that, go ahead.

 

[metalwater]

Short version
I’m in relationship 2.5 years - (I’m 46) - she married 6 months ago (35) - power dynamic I lead on projects she works on - she’s nerdy, beautiful data analyst. Constant, active flirting (including sexual talk - see hot flushes, nervousness etc) - hot and cold - people comment on eye contact etc, usual slightly aggressive if I pull away/talk with other co-workers - actively seeking attention at parties etc. So, I understand the hesitancy (looking to start family etc) - don’t want to be home wrecker but want to explore the full spectrum with this woman - play, cool straight bat and back off ( she cancelled arranged date after being excited by it when I back from holiday 2 months ago) or actively show the light?

All comments received constructively

Do you really want to be the guy that some other guy wants dead... Often that other guy will not go to jail even..., in some places in the world you are the one to go to jail if still alive. You probably can do it if you know how and carefully plan/think it out. But.. you just fcked with another mans woman, never know just how much he might not like that... Suggest you forget it and look for single ones, there are many that don't have that risk.

 

[2Rocky]

Do the Words "Don't **** where you eat" mean nothing to you?

I don't think you have the ability to see this through. If you did I doubt you would endure the **** storm that inevitably always happens.

What is the matter, do you lack the means and the selectivity to seek out women you don't work with?

Getting involved with colleagues is like shooting the deer your wife feeds in the yard.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Oh boy, this is a MeToo case just waiting to happen...

Do you touch her? If you don’t, I’d suggest to start. And if you do it, then do it more. It’s basically flirting, but just physically rather than verbally or through body language. Be willing to get into her personal space a little more, too; not too much like a ****ing creep, but say she want to show you something on a computer monitor or some papers, lean in real close to her while being intently focused on whatever it is that she wants you to see. Make sure that it isn’t obvious that you’re doing that to enter her personal space though, like be sure to have a real focused & determined expression on your face when you do it.

I’m just giving an example, but you get the gist. Don’t overthink it.

 

[Elliot]

Oh boy, this is a MeToo case just waiting to happen...

Do you touch her? If you don’t, I’d suggest to start. And if you do it, then do it more. It’s basically flirting, but just physically rather than verbally or through body language. Be willing to get into her personal space a little more, too; not too much like a ****ing creep, but say she want to show you something on a computer monitor or some papers, lean in real close to her while being intently focused on whatever it is that she wants you to see. Make sure that it isn’t obvious that you’re doing that to enter her personal space though, like be sure to have a real focused & determined expression on your face when you do it.

I’m just giving an example, but you get the gist. Don’t overthink it.

Thanks for all the feedback - the grand full spectrum I wanted - both in work today after Christmas break and she’s brought back from Portugal some food for me that we’ve talked about before (a ‘quid pro quo’ for something she asked from me) - ie it is still ticking over and still there - didn’t have a chance to call it out today - the work/risk dynamic is not really there as I’m leaving in 6 months for the next part of my life so want to flush this out.

 

[Elliot]

So update on this long running story - she’s recently separated from her husband (he’s stayed in Portugal) she in London - she told me Last week so we arranged to meet today - met up for ****tail making session, we luckily had a place to ourselves so good to talk (she told me she’s having therapy sesssions for it) - it’s been a month since they’ve split up - Went for a walk, talked about sex,
Life, expectations. Then got some Japanese - she kept talking about work which was annoying - I teased her on it) - bottom line, I didn’t go for a kiss as we were parting as I wasn’t sure what ****storm i might get invloved with and said I know your current situaiton - I said come over later this week for me to cook you dinner - (Dissonance on my side as said understood situation but also trying to escalate it) got a maybe,
Let’s keep in touch - (I’ve translated that myself) - how do you rise above the white noise of a scenario such as this, keep your equilibrium and make the ultimate connection - I feel like I’m in a 19th century romance novel where I’ve lost control of the ending

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Lack of escalation...how many times do we see the same scenario get written about and then guys write about what they can do to fix it? Should have escalated.

And if you get her alone again run the Strawberry Fields test on her...hahahaha

 

[7onriverI f]

tell her your sausage is 12 inches and back up your mouth. if your sausage is 11 inches or less its tiny and you should give up on game.

 

[7onriverI f]

oh wait your in a relationship?

Suggest to this married chick that you and your partner wanna have a 4 some with her and her partner. Just say you wanna explore possibility's. Tell her you find her attractive and you want her to meet your partner and tell her to bring her partner.

That's the only way this goes down. Talk about it with your partner when you bring the married chick and her husband over to your house or do it before hand which may not end well with your partner. Find a partner that likes this stuff.