Sex, Regrets, and Family Court (my 500th post)

[Harry Wilmington]

Greetings, well-wishers!

Well, this here is my 500th post on this site so far... and how ironic that I did it on a day where I went to a Family Court session!

Not for me, mind you, but for a girl "friend" of mine and her son, i.e. my godson. In short, the father of the kid wants to have joint custody - this, despite the fact that my friend currently has no problem with letting him see his son whenever he wants, and despite the fact that he doesn't really like making any of the hard decisions for the kid - i.e. where to go to school, medical stuff, etc....

Okay, so you're reading this so far and thinking: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, get to the point, maaaaaan!!! What does this have to do with the stuff we talk about on the SoSuave site?"

Here is a girl that got a kid as a result of being too emotional. She and this guy used to date on and off before finally dumping him. Then, she hooked up with a previous boyfriend who, unbeknownst to her (because he didn't tell her), had gotten married. When she found out, her emotions got the best of her, and she ended up going back to the guy she was dating on and off, and hooking up with him... without protection. That one bad decision has left her in a lot of pain the last 3 years: she had a baby, was verbally (and, she claims, physically) abused by him, her self-esteem took a major toll for a while, and now she's having to go to court almost every-other month to get this idiot to cooperate with her for the good of the kid...

"Okay, okay, but what does that have to do with us here on the site?? Most of us aren't girls, and most of us aren't trying to have babies with girls - we just want to figure out how to bang them!"

And here, my friends, is the point I'm trying to make:

See, many of you guys come here because you haven't been getting the chicks you want. Or getting the amount of action you'd like to get. Or feeling down on yourself because you feel like you're constantly getting rejected. And so, you come on this site and start reading up on all these techniques you can use in hopes of getting any girl to ride you like a rollercoaster. And, many of these tips can, in fact, be quite helpful at getting girls to sleep with you - heck, I've learned a few things here myself that allowed me to find ways to bed girls I never would have thought possible.

BUT...

When you're out in the field practicing these things, you also need to practice PATIENCE and CAUTION. You need to really study the girls you're going after, and not just have your eyes focused on bagging their p*ssy like it's a wild jungle animal. Some of these HB9s and 10s have bad attitudes, or major baggage, or aren't really trusting of men, or are attention-seekers who just want free meals. None of these chicks are worth your time, and yes, it may mean having to actually BY-PASS banging them.

"But Harry, why would I want to do that??"

Let's go back to the example of my friend. The one part of the story I forgot to add is this: when I would have talks with her and ask her why she kept going back to the guy, do you know what her response was? "Because his sex game was just soooooooooo good!"

Guys have this same problem: they see a fine-looking babe who looks like she'd be a bomb lay - or, worse, they hook up with a girl who really IS the best he's ever had - and suddenly he's making all kinds of stupid decisions, like spending excess money on her, or letting her walk all over him, both in and out of public's eye. And then, when he does something she doesn't like and she threatens to take it away, he gets even more stupid and starts over-reacting by throwing a tantrum or telling her he'll do ANYTHING to fix the situation.

In the process, they lose their identity. More importantly, though, they end up focusing on the small picture instead of the big one. And the big picture is this: when you link up with someone whose bad news, they are only going to bring PAIN, TURMOIL, CONFUSION and UNHAPPINESS into your life. Now, for those of you who have a hard time getting action in the first place, the next thing I'm about to say may seem like a foreign concept to you, but here goes:

You do NOT have to lay every piece of @$$ that's thrown in front of you.

In fact, were you to stop focusing on trying to get laid on the first or second date, and instead really focus on the personality of the girl you're with, you'd find that most women you go out with really aren't worth sleeping with because they aren't about the right things. They're selfish, have family issues, can't cook or clean, don't care to offer to help pay for part of the date, have low self-esteem, are rude... and all of these issues she may have will only magnify once you sleep with her. That's why it's best to wait until you really get to know a girl - not to appear like a gentleman or a "nice guy," but to make sure she's not crazy. It's in YOUR best interest - not hers - to wait and get to know how she is. If you sleep with a chick and find out afterwards that she has a mean vendetta streak, you're going to face the wrath of it when you decide to break it off with her, and it will NOT be pretty. That's what my friend is currently learning with her ex - had she not slept with him so soon and/or focused more on how he was prior to making a baby with him, she would have seen what I saw about him (that he's mean, a liar, a cheater, a manipulator - I could go on) and ran for the hills.

So... that's all i have to say. Just remember when you're out there trying to get your bang on that there are serious consequences to sleeping with the wrong person. Frankly, I find it quite sad having to watch my friend go through the after-effects of sleeping with someone "just because I wanted to feel needed," then get discarded to the wayside and constantly be in turmoil. Don't let it happen to you, fellas - make wise choices about who you let yourself get close to, and don't be in such a rush that you take any chick that will have you.

Happy 500!

-Harry Wilmington

 

[Diaforetikos]

I really enjoyed this post, but I do have one thing to mention that I don't think was mentioned in the post. If you're trying to get that initial lay because A) You're still a virgin or B) You haven't had sex in quite some time.

Other than that, this advice is on point and I recommend a few others read this as warning to the dangers that aren't as common as some would think.

 

[pdx1138]

agreed.

I've actually turned down opportunities because I foresaw having issues or they were baby crazy
to the point they didn't care who seeded them as long as they got knocked up.

I had one crazy fling where she said "if" I knocked her up, she would tell the dude she liked (a person living out of state)
that it was his even though it was mine. WITHOUT any consideration to what I thought about that.
Talk about someone that could have really messed me up.

In that instance, I'd much rather have my hand for a moment than 18 years of child custody issues.

 

[goundra]

the problems get a LOT more common as you age, and as the women you can lay get older. The baggage gets piled so high that you can't even see over it, much less climb over it.

 

[badboyjmm]

agreed.

I've actually turned down opportunities because I foresaw having issues or they were baby crazy
to the point they didn't care who seeded them as long as they got knocked up.

I had one crazy fling where she said "if" I knocked her up, she would tell the dude she liked (a person living out of state)
that it was his even though it was mine. WITHOUT any consideration to what I thought about that.
Talk about someone that could have really messed me up.

In that instance, I'd much rather have my hand for a moment than 18 years of child custody issues.

That's just crazy... Besides I'm pretty sure that if that girl would get knocked up by you, she will somehow change her mind and says that you have to take care of the kid.... Some girls are absolutely nuts !

 

[Bokanovsky]

In short, the father of the kid wants to have joint custody - this, despite the fact that my friend currently has no problem with letting him see his son whenever he wants, and despite the fact that he doesn't really like making any of the hard decisions for the kid - i.e. where to go to school, medical stuff, etc...

That one bad decision has left her in a lot of pain the last 3 years: she had a baby, was verbally (and, she claims, physically) abused by him, her self-esteem took a major toll for a while, and now she's having to go to court almost every-other month to get this idiot to cooperate with her for the good of the kid...

I thought your post was quite interesting, but likely not for the reasons that you intended. Re-read what you have just written. It is clear that you have bought into this woman's narrative hook, line and sinker. She is just a struggling single mom with low self-esteem, who made one mistake due to youth and inexperience and is now unfairly suffering for it. He is an uncaring father and generally a manipulative bastard and abusive piece of sh*t.

By virtue of my occupation, I've heard this story many times before (and it always is the same story - some details may differ, but the overall narrative always follows the script). And I can tell you that 99% of the time, it's either complete BS or, at best, a very one-sided presentation of what actually happened. You can never - ever - take what a woman tells you about her ex at face value. Over the course of the millions of years of human evolution, women have perfected the art of slandering their exes to a science.

When you're out in the field practicing these things, you also need to practice PATIENCE and CAUTION.

What you really need to practice is wrapping your tool. There is absolutely nothing wrong with banging a girl you don't see as a long-term GF, provided that you do it safely.

 

[visions]

In short, the father of the kid wants to have joint custody - this, despite the fact that my friend currently has no problem with letting him see his son whenever he wants

it's good that he wants more formal responsibility. you should be happy this man wants to be part of his son's life.

She and this guy used to date on and off before finally dumping him. Then, she hooked up with a previous boyfriend...and she ended up going back to the guy she was dating on and off, and hooking up with him... without protection.

riding the c0ck carousel and seeking validation like a typical female, something
often discussed on sosuave

why she kept going back to the guy, do you know what her response was? "Because his sex game was just soooooooooo good!"

women don't like asexual men

had she not slept with him so soon and/or focused more on how he was prior to making a baby with him, she would have seen what I saw about him (that he's mean, a liar, a cheater, a manipulator - I could go on) and ran for the hills.

she fell for the "bad boy" "alpha"- not the nice guy who smiles and asks for her opinion before doing something

Frankly, I find it quite sad having to watch my friend go through the after-effects of sleeping with someone "just because I wanted to feel needed," then get discarded to the wayside and constantly be in turmoil.

she chose her path. she wanted to get banged/have a kid from a dominant male, and she got it. nothing sad about her dream coming true.





btw, OP, it does seem like you have bought her narrative, and are taking her side. perhaps this is because she's your friend. and unrelaated: have you ever banged her?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

@Bokanovsky: Without getting into too much detail, I'll say this. Part of the reason I'm apt to believe her part of the story is because (a) we've been friends for 10 years, and (b) I lived with her for a year and two months, and got to see the exchanges between her and her ex first hand, both in person and through his nasty responses in emails and text to her simple request for the kid (i.e. throwing a fit because she wanted him to clean his house up when her kid came back to her with a bunch of flea bites on him from the BD's dog). Heck, one time when they were still trying to make things work, we went out for her birthday one time while the baby stayed at home. Her phone died and she wanted to call the babysitter to let her know they'd be late; when he asked to use her BD's phone, he got all uppity and wouldn't let her use it... for no reason.

It's one of those situations where you'd have to know the guy to understand how much of a jerk he is. I'm not saying she's without fault - I'm sure that, being a woman, she probably had a few exchanges with him where she was questioning his manhood - but again, having lived with her, it makes my perspective of things different since I was actually there to see "her side of the story." But that could be a whole different post by itself...