sex in my relationship sucks

[Hunterchilla]

we've had some great nights where we'd have sex fests, that lasted all night long and we'd have sex 4-5 times. But thats died out and that only really happens when we get drunk. Since then, its been maybe 3-4 times a week at most and I have to almost always initiate it. Now for the last month its been hard as hell to get anything. She is affectionate with kissing but when it comes to anything sexual she deosnt want anything to do with it. She sometimes goes to sleep early, or makes up activities she wants to do instead of sex. For the past month its been sex once a week, and id have to really try hard to co-erce her into it, not only that but its really bad sex.

I dont know whats wrong now.. I ask her whats going on and shes just not in the mood, or deosnt want it etc shes not sexual at all all of a sudden. I dont kknow wtf to do, its really bothering me.

Also I want to mention shes not cheating on me... just for anyone whos thinking that.. she couldnt even if she tried. We live together, we spend 24/7 with each other pretty much etc. We live in on a small campus etc list goes on.

I think shes not as sexually attracted to me as she should be.. and its wierd because she has always been. The thing is, even when im slowly kissing her and trying to get her in the mood, she tries to be funny making fart noises, or talking about what shes gonna buy, or she starts rambling trying to get me off her and not have sex. Its so frustrating and annoying. Ive tried everything, by being cold and waiting for her to initiate, by builing it up, by candle light etc, everything deosnt work.

i dunno..

 

[MacAvoy]

We live together, we spend 24/7 with each other pretty much etc. We live in on a small campus etc list goes on.

Therein lies the problem, you've become a comfortable old shoe to her instead of a sexy man. Start doing the things that made her attracted to you.

More importantly, why did you break up with your g/f last week? How did you end up getting back together?

 

[sav]

sex is an indicator of the health of the relationship....

either she's cheating or will cheat soon....

 

[SunnyD]

sex is an indicator of the health of the relationship....

either she's cheating or will cheat soon....

Sorry but its true. Unless she is hugely stressed out or has major issues on her mind..she is starting to lose interest.

It's natural for things not to be as crazy and rambunctious as they were at the start of a relationship, but if she's joking around when you try to make her hot, or is just "never in the mood", there is something wrong in the relationship.

I know when I stopped having the desire to have sex with my ex-ex-exbf...I had every excuse possible because I truly just didnt feel like it. When we would do it, I wasn't into it anymore and just wanted it over with. It became a chore...which is UNHEARD of for me, I love sex. So I knew there was something wrong, that he and I just didn't connect anymore and we were more like roomates than lovers. So we split up, and were much happier apart with different people.

Sorry if thats not what you want to hear..I'd first look into if she has issues going on her life that may be distracting her.

 

[Lishy]

I do not know what she is thinking but I do know how she feels!

With my ex, he drove me potty for sex to the point that I just went off of it. He tried everything but that just made me feel more under pressure and made me fancy it even less. When he kissed me I would tense up as he would want sex. The bottom line was that I had lost the sexual chemistry with him.

The reason was the arguing and the things he would say in an argument. It made me feel unattractive and then a few hours later he would be telling me how beautiful I am and trying to have sex! It was a mind fk.

I honestly thought I would never want sex again but when we split I met a new man who said I was a nymph as I couldnt get enough!

I really do not know what you can do as I do not know what problems you have had (if any) but if you have argied alot then I would guess that every row has chipped off the love bit by bit and now the sexual attraction has gone.

 

[Interceptor]

Forget about sex for now.



.......concentrate on rebuilding INTIMACY with her.

What can you both do together that is romantic, fun, sensual, and intimate???


Start planning things to bring back that spice and intimacy.

 

[Lishy]

Forget about sex for now.



.......concentrate on rebuilding INTIMACY with her.

What can you both do together that is romantic, fun, sensual, and intimate???


Start planning things to bring back that spice and intimacy.

That is a very good idea!

Very good!

 

[DonGorgon]

sex is an indicator of the health of the relationship....

either she's cheating or will cheat soon....

^^^So simple and true...

 

[DonGorgon]

Sorry but its true. Unless she is hugely stressed out or has major issues on her mind..she is starting to lose interest.

It's natural for things not to be as crazy and rambunctious as they were at the start of a relationship, but if she's joking around when you try to make her hot, or is just "never in the mood", there is something wrong in the relationship.

I know when I stopped having the desire to have sex with my ex-ex-exbf...I had every excuse possible because I truly just didnt feel like it. When we would do it, I wasn't into it anymore and just wanted it over with. It became a chore...which is UNHEARD of for me, I love sex. So I knew there was something wrong, that he and I just didn't connect anymore and we were more like roomates than lovers. So we split up, and were much happier apart with different people.

Sorry if thats not what you want to hear..I'd first look into if she has issues going on her life that may be distracting her.

Exactly ... when a women says she does not feel like having sex.. she doesnt feel like having sex with you!

 

[DonGorgon]

I honestly thought I would never want sex again but when we split I met a new man who said I was a nymph as I couldnt get enough! .

Then inlies the reason that marriages can never last....

 

[DonGorgon]

Forget about sex for now.



.......concentrate on rebuilding INTIMACY with her.

What can you both do together that is romantic, fun, sensual, and intimate???


Start planning things to bring back that spice and intimacy.

Good idea yes but too late he needs to move on now..

 

[MacAvoy]

I do not know what she is thinking but I do know how she feels!

With my ex, he drove me potty for sex to the point that I just went off of it. He tried everything but that just made me feel more under pressure and made me fancy it even less. When he kissed me I would tense up as he would want sex. The bottom line was that I had lost the sexual chemistry with him.

The reason was the arguing and the things he would say in an argument. It made me feel unattractive and then a few hours later he would be telling me how beautiful I am and trying to have sex! It was a mind fk.

I honestly thought I would never want sex again but when we split I met a new man who said I was a nymph as I couldnt get enough!

I really do not know what you can do as I do not know what problems you have had (if any) but if you have argied alot then I would guess that every row has chipped off the love bit by bit and now the sexual attraction has gone.

Now this is where I think having a female perspective can come in as valuable on this site. Its also the reason why I value Pen's & Sunny's perspective (I don't see Lady posting much) and 90% of the time, the other lady is just looking to argue but when she isn't, she brings valuable advice.

So thanks to all the LS raiders for bringing Lishy here.

Now for the OP, I'd go with a combination of what Lishy and Interceptor is saying. Stop escalating every time to sex, maybe buy her flowers and don't try to escalate, just spend a night cuddling. Lay off the sex for a couple of weeks, try get her guard down and build up the intimacy as Interceptor said.

Something worth trying anyways, what have you got to lose.

 

[IPalindromeI]

I hate to be cynical, but let's hope you don't have a 'bait and switch' girl. There are women out there who will blow you away in the beginning and once the deal is sealed, the sex dries up. Why? Because they don't see the need for frequent sex in a long term relationship. They just don't want it as often. If you push them on it, you'll get "you don't love me, you just want sex!" Not realizing of course, that sex is a crucial part of love for a good deal of people in relationships.

Stop escalating every time to sex, maybe buy her flowers and don't try to escalate, just spend a night cuddling. Lay off the sex for a couple of weeks, try get her guard down and build up the intimacy

Go with this and see how it goes. If after a while she is happy as a clam, complacent, and still does not want sex, and continues to avoid it (and you are 100% sure she is not interested in someone else) then you probably have a 'bait and switch' on your hands.

 

[DonGorgon]

Now this is where I think having a female perspective can come in as valuable on this site. Its also the reason why I value Pen's & Sunny's perspective (I don't see Lady posting much) and 90% of the time, the other lady is just looking to argue but when she isn't, she brings valuable advice.

So thanks to all the LS raiders for bringing Lishy here.

Now for the OP, I'd go with a combination of what Lishy and Interceptor is saying. Stop escalating every time to sex, maybe buy her flowers and don't try to escalate, just spend a night cuddling. Lay off the sex for a couple of weeks, try get her guard down and build up the intimacy as Interceptor said.

Something worth trying anyways, what have you got to lose.

I dissagree.... If he aint getting the sex he wants and needs he needs to leave her.. women do that all the time when they dont get what they want.. but its soo much easier for them ...

 

[MacAvoy]

I dissagree.... If he aint getting the sex he wants and needs he needs to leave her.. women do that all the time when they dont get what they want.. but its soo much easier for them ...

I agree with you there. He should never let it get to this stage, I for one have never had a problem with lack of sex in a LTR and I never will. Its known from day 1 that sex is not a weapon and is expected on a regular basis, just as much as communicating is.

However, he's obviously in love & likely not prepared to leave, so I was trying to give him other options.

 

[DonGorgon]

I agree with you there. He should never let it get to this stage, I for one have never had a problem with lack of sex in a LTR and I never will. Its known from day 1 that sex is not a weapon and is expected on a regular basis, just as much as communicating is.

However, he's obviously in love & likely not prepared to leave, so I was trying to give him other options.

Yeh love can put you in some bad places.. sad!

 

[lordson]

i can't belive you half of you guys

i know this is a don juan forums

but your solutions are always "leave her"

how long have you been in an LTR?

do you love each other?

are you in it for the sex, or do you two have a good connection/rapport

the fire of a new relationship will always die down after a while

me and my gf, been going out 3 years, first few months was sex everyday, no problem

then it died down after that to 2-3 times a week, now its about 1 a week

thats just normal. all my male friends are like that, we always want sex 24/7 but our missus' sometimes just won't give it to us

all my gf's female friends are the same. they recognize that guys will want sex 24/7, but they just don't feel like it or arn't horny

obvioulsy alot of you guys have never been in an LTR. if that is your goal then great


you need to do things that make her want you more, dress up nicely like you used to, put on her favourite colonge. do the things you did at the start of the relationship you used to that she liked and make her go out with you


and if that doesn't work, inessessant begging always does :-D

hope that helps, what i say is true

 

[Warrior74]

Some good advice in this thread.

Start being physical but with out escalating to sex. A tickle here and there. A slap on the arse. A random hug or kiss. Kiss her before you leave, or when you first see her. build up your kino, make it apart of your life. in my LTR when I stopped doing that sort of thing the sex died down. Run game on her, get in her head again. take her on dates and talk about things besides classes and other people. try focusing on her. Go over what this realtionship is about, your plan for the future,resell her the dream.

all so take time for yourself. go to the gym, do things you like to do. Don't do the couple life meld...familiarity breeds contempt and all.

Give her a dose of good times, then let her miss you.

The game NEVER stops! Never!

 

[MacAvoy]

i can't belive you half of you guys

i know this is a don juan forums

but your solutions are always "leave her"

how long have you been in an LTR?

do you love each other?

Lordson, its because we look at the complete picture, not just this thread where he conveniently leaves out important details. From his other thread:

She makes out with a guy infront of me

Do you think she really loves him?

Ok your right, for the first 4 months of the relationship before we came official she was treating me like sh1t.

He even admits he treated her like sh1t and still sticks around.

The context where she told me about how her ex (penis) was bigger then me ,was i was repeatedly asking her how come im not attracting her to me etc and she said "maybe it was because he is bigger" or something like that

She totally disrespects him and talks about how her ex has a bigger c0ck. Is that a sign of a loving respecting relationship that he should stay in?

Well yeah your right she acted like a slut in that instance

More fuel for the fire.

WE LIVE together in my dorm. We eat every meal together, go to bed with each other every night even workout together. WE share mutual friends

Another prime example of what an unhealthy relationship this is.

well you guys were right, we had a big talk and shes still in love with her ex-boyfriend, and always has been

BINGO.




Lord, can you honestly tell me now that he should stay with this women?




.

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah as my esteemed colleague Macavoy pointed out in the post above me your relationship's deterioration could simply be a result of oversaturation.

You two are together every waking minute and the routine of it all has proved to be an uncomfortable grind for this girl.

You two should live in seperate places and split up for a while and date other people.

You may get together after that and you may not but the point is if you stay with her now you risk boring her enough to never get another chance at her because with the way things are now she will eventually leave you and to me it looks like this will happen sooner rather than later.