Sex frequency declining

[hellfire45]

I have been dating this girl for 2 years and in the last couple months I have noticed the frequency with which we have sex declining... I would like to have sex at least 3 times a week but seriously, it seems like nowadays we only get down to business like once every 5 days.

I know its not because I'm bad in bed. She regularly gets to have orgasms and has even had 2 in 1 session.

Sometimes I'll try to get goin with her and she will not be in the mood or something and sometimes after rejecting me she'll put on a fake act where she pretends like she suddenly wants to have sex but really I know that its just because I want to and she feels obligated or something..........

I don't know what to do...

 

[typical]

Talk to her about it if she gives you some lame excuse then ditch her, your not in a relationship you like so why put up with it.

 

[hellfire45]

Well I have talked to her about it and usually it comes down to something like. She doesn't think sex is that important in the relationship. I agree, but I want sex anyway.

 

[Igetit!]

What was that you said? You said that you agree with her when she says that sex isn't that important to the relationship? Are you being honest with yourself? Because I don't believe you. Sex is what defines the relationship. It's what make the relationship different from all the other relationships you have with other people. Everything else you do,(laughing,talking,hanging out,giving hugs,having meaningful conversation,etc) ,you do with other people. Sex is the only thing that you do with her,and her ONLY. Your girlfriend can talk to,hang out with,hug,and do almost anything else with anybody else,and you won't care. But if she has sex with another person,you'll become angry,bitter,hurt,and resentful towards her and the guy she slept with. You'll want to emotionally hurt your girlfriend and probably beat up the guy she slept with. And all of that over something that you say isn't that important to your relationship? Yeah,right.

Look,the reason your girlfriend has lost interest in sex is because the fire,the passion,and the chemistry she felt in the beginning has declined. There is still some there,but it needs to be reignited. I've been there before. In fact,I can tell you some of the things she's doing with you.

When you want to be intimate with her,she gives you excuse after excuse,and the excuses make no sense at all.

When you try to spend time with her,she always comes up with some reason that she can't hang out with you.

If she does give you a hug or a kiss,it seems empty. It's almost as she's doing it out of obligation instead of because she wants to.


Just go back to reigniting the spark.

 

[hellfire45]

Actually she doesn't really give excuses. She just say she doesnt want to rofl.

I talked to her and she said its hard to feel "in the mood" or interested in sex when she gets pestered for it all the time.

She has a great rack and so when we are sleeping, lying in bed, we'll spoon or whatever and I'll pretty much always grab them a little bit but I always thought that was pretty much normal for a guy to do while lying next to his half naked girlfriend.

For example, she had been complaining and grabbing her shoulder saying her back hurt. Of course this is a hint to give her a back rub, so even though I get rejected a lot and I mustered up the courage to ask her, I said:

(this was about 10 mins ago)
"I'll give you a back rub if you want. I'll make it a really long one(I was thinkin like 30 minutes) if you give me one of those awesome handjobs later."

And she said, " Ugg. I'd rather not get a back rub at all."

I thought a 30 minute back rub for a 10 minute handjob was a pretty good trade. Of course now it seems like it's come down to that.

I really think I could use some advice besides "dump the *****." I live with this girl and I don't really think its come to that yet. I just think we are young, both around 20, and we ought to have sex more than 4-5 times a month.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Here's a good line:

"I think we should see other people"

Then follow through.

 

[Prod]

Here's a good line:

"I think we should see other people"

Then follow through.

A man with great big balls once did that, and it worked. He's posting in this thread as we speak.

But yeah, seriously, a man with options is a healthy man when it comes to this. She clearly sees you as someone without options. Her attraction to you is declining. These are all bad signs.

As she withholds physical affection, withhold your presence from her. Ignore her, start spending more time apart from her. Don't say why, after all she does not tell you why she doesn't give you physical affection. Just say you don't want to.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

SERIOUS RED FLAGS from what your saying.

its EASY to tell she isnt giving you what you want in a relationship. IF it was the guy doing this, you'd be dumped faster than a lightning flash.

DOES she treat you well - think about this carefully??

Do you still have a LAUGH together??

IS she seeing other guys and getting sex off them?

the EXCUSES she is giving for sex not being important is HER OPINION, NOT YOURS. she has you at HER MERCY - geez man, rather you than me ! can you imagine it being this way for the next 50 years....

way I see it, you have 3 options

a) have a conversation saying that your concerned about what you've been describing above. Put it back on HER and say you dont want to keep bringing it up as you understand she see's it as pestering and unnecessary pressure - ask her is there something you can do TOGETHER to rekindle the passion that was first in the relationship..

b) ignore it, carry on, then dump her.

c) keep seeing her, but start talking to other women asap to get a new partner

personally, id go for a). if it gets heated and bad, dump her, because she is not being understanding to your needs.

 

[Warrior74]

you need to stir up some emotions in her. You have probably...gotten in a rut. Doing the same things..going the same places doing sex in the same positions. take sex off the table for now. go spend more time with your friends. go out on guys nights without her. give her the gift of missing you, familiarty breeds contempt as they say. Flirt with other women (not directly in front of her...but when she's not around) it will do wonders for your confidence. Then..when you spend time with her...treat it like its a first date. Listen to her, have fun with her, get her to laugh and relax and enjoy. Take sex off the table. make her wonder why you aren't pestering her for sex. Be sutble...she will either think you are thinking of moving on and get wiht the program...or she will think you are cheating and start looking for evidence, and when she doesn't find it...she'll get with the program. Or it could all blow out, but **** it...you've been flirting with other women anyway...getting your dj legs back under you.

you basically got a girlfriend and went AFC on her. You gotta get back to being the DJ that won her over in the first place.

 

[thechallenger]

fight fire with fire
reciprocate your problems
reverse psychology

 

[MrMaN]

can we make this a sticky or have it put in the bible, because this seems to be a common problem especially in LTR's..... great thread!

 

[DavenJuan]

i agree with warrior 100 percent.

COMPLACENCY

biggest issue here.

now the answer to this isnt to place your girl on a pedastal and do everything and anything to make her happy. more than likely,

this is what caused you to be in this position.

if the sex is an issue, im sure there are some other issues that are taking place as well .... ??

 

[Metaphysical]

best thing to do is talk to her and ask her what is really bothering her. she may take a while until she releases it to the surface. but once she does, it will be open for discussion.

if she says your **** is too small or something, don't get offended. talk through with her and ask her what exactly she needs to feel satisfied or whatever.

maybe you are hitting the gym and she would like you to put on some muscle. then it would benefit the both of you. (you would get more sex and become healthier and more attractive) and she would be enjoying having sex with you more and find you more attractive.

maybe it's something else. just work with her.

women are really not all that different from men.

just like men get bored of having sex with the same woman over and over, so do women.

 

[sodbuster]

Lack of interest in sex isn't a problem? You agreed?WTF? This is a declaration of WAR! Thats like saying Pearl Harbor wasn't a problem! YOU need to solve this NOW! If not, she'll just keep pushing until she drives you crazy or turns you into a mangina.

My ex-wife told me I could never find a woman that would treat me as good as She did. I could never understand that comment. Every woman I know doesn't want to work,wants a bigger house and didn't want to have sex with me[should be easy to find a replacement]. If I'm going to spend time with a woman, she needs to be above average, and putting out is part of that.