Sex and intimacy during LTR

[Vincent Freeman]

For all you who have been in a LTR or even a hook-up relationship that's long term, after 4 years is it typical for the girl to be less into sex and intimacy? I mean she still does it but its harder to get her started. Meaning you have to do more work to get her in the mood as oppose to before when she was always in the mood? Let me know your guys opinion on this one. If so, what are some suggestions to improve this situation?

 

[TheTrimReaper]

My ex and I moved in together after being together for eight months. Before then, we did it a lot. But after living together, things slowed down. I'd say we did it once or twice a week.

The problem for me was when I would try to initiate and she would turn me down. It happened often. So often that I would wait for a sign or something. Contrast that with the 2 or 3 times in our 3.5-year relationship that she initiated and I turned her down and her reaction. She always talked about how I denied her those 2 or 3 times. And how she knew something was wrong. Well, the thing that was wrong was she wasn't strong enough to understand that I was in the relationship and I'm a person that has needs, too. Sometimes I need sex. Occasionally, I don't need or want it.

I think a lot of couples get caught up in the risk/acceptance dynamic. And that changes things, especially after being together for a long time. If one of the partners has a hard time forgetting about how their partner 'shot them down' this time or that time, they might have a hard time getting intimate because they don't want to feel rejected. I think this is especially true about women because they never reach the level of toughness we do.

So if things are slowing down, ask yourself why. Have you ever denied her?

Also, try different sexual stuff with her. I realized that I wasn't giving my ex much in the way of variety in our sex life for a while. Later on, I started doing different stuff, and she was into it. I think that made things last longer, but sex isn't everything. Take charge and introduce some kinky stuff if you haven't: porn, bondage, lingerie, erotic books, etc.... Get creative. I think women like a creative lover.

 

[frivolousz21]

tell her your a man and you need sex!


do things that will get her in the mood though, that helps...

but remember...I tell my girl..I need sex like you need air

and she doenst need to be in a mood..she loves you.


I mean...maybe she doesnt want to do it..get her clothes off..kiss her body and shell get wet


make sure she understands what sex means to you.


I know in my relationship there has been a few times..she has had sex with me..not in the MOOD at all...but she did because she knwos I want it..and Im her man so she wants to make me happy

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
I mean...maybe she doesnt want to do it..get her clothes off..kiss her body and shell get wet

No offense Frivolousz, but I don't think that's going to work. If you have been with someone for four years, especially if you are living together, it does take more than just taking their clothes off. Hell, if you sleep together, your clothes are off when you're with each other every night!

After you have been together for years, getting her ready does take more effort. She is comfortable in the relationship, which is great, but that doesn't do much for keeping the sex hot.

And this is a topic in which the advice is critical. In an LTR, you are trying to keep a woman pleased with her sex life while there are tons of guys out there who would love to give her an exciting roll in the hay. Not quite the same for men. It's like a competition really, and it's harder for men because we are the ones fending off the competition usually. Women aren't as aggressive about it, so it places that much more responsibility on us.

 

[joekerr31]

friv, for the sake of us not getting into an argument i'll forgo commenting on your post

i think its normal for hte sex drive to go down. i mean, after ive been with a woman for 6 months, or roughly 60 bangs, it starts to get old.

i mean, sure its still nice, but i don't want it from her every moment of every day.

i assume the same goes for women as well. for them its probably even worse, because many of them see sex a tool to keep a guy interested. so once they've got him, their motivation for it changes.

but i guess it also comes down to what you consider often and how hectic your lives are.

if you're only getting it once a month or something, then ya, something is wrong.

95% of the time i find its that the woman doesn't feel "sexy" anymore. a woman needs to feel "wanted" to get in the mood usually. try dropping some comments like "wow, you're ass is looking good today" and then walk away.

do that for a while and she'll start feeling like you really want her.

ive also found that women in their 30s want it a lot more than younger women. women in their 30s, if they are really into you, will give it to you 2-3 times a day for months.

J

 

[Vincent Freeman]

Good advice! Since I started medical school, lately I have been getting a lot of attention from the nurses and female med students, so maybe it could be that she feels insecure. Although, that has never really been an issue with her. I mean we do stuff, she just isin't as crazy as she once was. And that probably comes from the fact that she is doing it to please me as oppose to completely wanting it, cause everytime we do it's usually when she's done with work and ready for sleep. Out of curiosity, has anyone ever tried horny goat weed? Theoretically, I have read it works, however, I have never seen a real study on it.

 

[frivolousz21]

yea I know my way will only work for so long...but im gonna milk it

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I've yet to meet the married guy who told me he was getting more and better sex since he got married than before he did.

Have a read of my post here abot this:

Energized Married Life

Scroll halfway down, it's pretty thourough.

You might look at this too:

Sex after marriage

My granddad told me an insightful story before my wedding. He said for the first year of marriage to put a penny in a jar every time I had sex with my wife. Starting in year two, take out two pennies every time we had sex. He said there'd be money in the jar when I died. I think he's going to be right.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi

My granddad told me an insightful story before my wedding. He said for the first year of marriage to put a penny in a jar every time I had sex with my wife. Starting in year two, take out two pennies every time we had sex. He said there'd be money in the jar when I died. I think he's going to be right.

lol, that would be sad if it was true.

I know a couple who was together for 30 years, and they still had sex 3 times a week on average.

So its definately not all down hill.

Guess you either gotta find a woman who loves sex, or a woman who wants to please you.

Either way, isnt it the guys who get sick of sex with the same woman after a while in the relationship and the woman who are the ones who want more sex? At least that is my experience.

 

[djbr]

Originally posted by CLOONEY

Either way, isnt it the guys who get sick of sex with the same woman after a while in the relationship and the woman who are the ones who want more sex? At least that is my experience.

Well, quoting Rollo Tomassi!

"In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least".

The guy doesn't want sex with her anymore. He is sick, tired, bored. This alone justify why she now wants more sex. -- she wants to keep the guy.

When the guy marries, she knows she got him. If he wants to leave he must have to share everything he has. He is stuck. Now she knows the possibilities of he cheating are reduced: no sex.

 

[MightyMate]

If girl is not a nympho she always wants less sex than man do. Teach her that You need to have sex because its how man is bulit.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by djbr
Well, quoting Rollo Tomassi!

"In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least".

The guy doesn't want sex with her anymore. He is sick, tired, bored. This alone justify why she now wants more sex. -- she wants to keep the guy.

When the guy marries, she knows she got him. If he wants to leave he must have to share everything he has. He is stuck. Now she knows the possibilities of he cheating are reduced: no sex.

haha, well put!