Settling and always wanting a hotter girl

[Pandora]

What do you guys think about the notion of settling. I have a girl that is great and treats me like a king. She is a great girl so far and has all the qaulites i look for and more. But the problem is that she is just a plain chick. Slighty cute, thin, but average in looks. My problem is that is it ok to settle for a chick that is great in every other aspect except looks. It may seem a little shallow, but lets be honest, for us guys looks count alot. Im not talkin about settlling for fatties here at all.

Im talkin your average plain Jane, girl next door type. Even though shes greats and treats me like a king, i go out and find myself hitting on other hotter chicks. Ive done hotter chicks. Even though i know their personality is crap, im willing to risk my relationship for it. Its a paradox because we always berate women for not settling. I have a 34 old very attractive female friend, who is unmarried and perpetually single. She gives up great guys because she doesnt want to "settle". My question is, dont the majority of us have to settle to some degree. Not too many guys are gonna snag a supermodel with the heart of gold, and who knows how to cook. If we say we shouldnt settle because its not DJ, then can we really berate women for always looking for the bigger better deal?

 

[jhl]

I don't think there is a clear-cut (or right) answer to your question so I'll just talk about my experience.

At one point in my life, I was getting extremely sick of *****y behavior from the best girls I was pulling and so I decided to drop my physical standards a lot lower to see whether or not anything would be different.

It really bothered me that I was dropping my physical standards so much (essentially from 7-8s to about 4-5s) regardless of how great their personalities were. I think I can drop another point in looks or so ..but no more..and for that drop in looks I had to get something better in return in other departments.

I think it's a real problem though if the max you can pull are 6s and expect 8s-9s. Everyone has a market value and if it is extremely unlikely that you'll land a 8 or a 9 then you better hope to win the lottery.....and most won't. If you don't have realistic expectations you'll end up with realistic consequences.

 

[Jamo]

Satisfaction/happiness is the delta of what you are getting vs what you are capable of getting. Do not compromise too much - if u are capable of 8-9s don't settle for less than 7-8s.

However personality is very important in a LTR so you cannot compromise too much on that either. I guess it is about finding a balance and that will take patience.

 

[Pair A Dice]

I was just about to post this same thread because I am in the same boat. Right now, I am seeing a woman who has a lot of qualities I look for in a woman, but I feel like I deserve a better woman, looks wise. I don't want to feel like I am settling because I know I deserve better.

 

[Slickster]

If you are thinking like this you need to be single.

 

[L B]

Don't force yourself to be with someone if they don't meet your major requirements. If you proceed, you will end up cheating on her sooner or later.

 

[TomSwift]

This might just be my experience, but I've ALWAYS found the "cute, girl next door" types to be of way higher value (better personality, have their sh*t together, less drama/BPD, etc.) than the "hottest" HB 8-9's.

I agree with Slickster on this one. It's not always about the wrapper.

 

[The Assistant]

What do you guys think about the notion of settling. I have a girl that is great and treats me like a king. She is a great girl so far and has all the qaulites i look for and more. But the problem is that she is just a plain chick. Slighty cute, thin, but average in looks. My problem is that is it ok to settle for a chick that is great in every other aspect except looks. It may seem a little shallow, but lets be honest, for us guys looks count alot. Im not talkin about settlling for fatties here at all.

Im talkin your average plain Jane, girl next door type. Even though shes greats and treats me like a king, i go out and find myself hitting on other hotter chicks. Ive done hotter chicks. Even though i know their personality is crap, im willing to risk my relationship for it. Its a paradox because we always berate women for not settling. I have a 34 old very attractive female friend, who is unmarried and perpetually single. She gives up great guys because she doesnt want to "settle". My question is, dont the majority of us have to settle to some degree. Not too many guys are gonna snag a supermodel with the heart of gold, and who knows how to cook. If we say we shouldnt settle because its not DJ, then can we really berate women for always looking for the bigger better deal?

If you commit to a girl who isn't attractive enough for you, it's going to get worse every single week for the rest of your life, and eat away at your soul (I'm serious, I was in a similar situation until I had to dump the perfect-personality-average-looks chick in favor of a beautiful one with a slightly less perfect personality).

Must be years of brainwashing from your friends, media, ect about how WRONG it is to be shallow, and you should love someone for what's inside, and not their looks.

FVCK THAT - every man should strive to be with a woman who's face he would love to see every morning when he wakes up.

 

[TomSwift]

FVCK THAT - every man should strive to be with a woman who's face he would love to see every morning when he wakes up.

Look, there's a certain validity to your assertion but I hate the way you put it. Physical attraction doesn't build up over time, it's either there or it isn't. And when determining whether to enter into a relationship with someone, attraction is huge.

The OP never stated how HE feels when with this girl. He said she treats him like a king, but he never said if he enjoys being around her. That, to me, is paramount. She could be a supermodel, but if you just don't enjoy being around her, then would you stay just because you like her face?

So yes, looks play into it to a point. I guess I agree with you in spirit but not with the words you chose.

 

[betterthandead]

Agree!

If you are thinking like this you need to be single.

 

[The Duke]

I'd take a look at the type of women you dated in the past. Think about what they had to offer(looks, personality, etc) and how it made you feel.

I have an ex gf who is one of those rare women who has personality, hotness, money, social skills, sweetness, she worships the ground I walk on. She's got everything a guy could want in one package. The problem is she isn't olive skinned and brunette which is what I love. She's fair skinned and blonde. We also have some slight differences in how we communicate that concerns me.

We have tried to get back together, but I find myself struggling with what I should do much like yourself. However I don't like to compromise on what I want in life. I'd rather go without than not have exactly what i want. So I'm going to pass until I find exactly what I want. Reflect on your own personality and what makes you happy.

I once spent 5 years searching for a certain car. I finally found that special car and when I did it was the best deal, best shape, lowest mileage, best price ever. The stars finally aligned and I got what I had been looking for. It was a black, 90 Mustang GT 5.0, 25th anniversary car, leather interior, with a 5speed. After almost 20years I still have that car and will never sell it. Good things come to those who wait. Its everything I wanted and more. I often remind myself of this when trying to find the right girl.

You are still pretty young, you have many years ahead. I wouldn't consider settling down at your age. Go out there and date lots of women and figure out what you like and don't like.

 

[Pandora]

Great responses yall. I am def gonna take them into consideration.

If you commit to a girl who isn't attractive enough for you, it's going to get worse every single week for the rest of your life, and eat away at your soul

Its sad that we are this shallow but that's nature right.

I'd rather go without than not have exactly what i want.

I guess this is what being a "DJ" is about. Alot of guys think they have to have anyone and take the first or second decent chick that comes their way. But like another poster said, we should also set realistic expectations.

 

[Zunder]

What do you guys think about the notion of settling. I have a girl that is great and treats me like a king. She is a great girl so far and has all the qaulites i look for and more. But the problem is that she is just a plain chick. Slighty cute, thin, but average in looks. My problem is that is it ok to settle for a chick that is great in every other aspect except looks. It may seem a little shallow, but lets be honest, for us guys looks count alot. Im not talkin about settlling for fatties here at all.

Im talkin your average plain Jane, girl next door type. Even though shes greats and treats me like a king, i go out and find myself hitting on other hotter chicks. Ive done hotter chicks. Even though i know their personality is crap, im willing to risk my relationship for it. Its a paradox because we always berate women for not settling. I have a 34 old very attractive female friend, who is unmarried and perpetually single. She gives up great guys because she doesnt want to "settle". My question is, dont the majority of us have to settle to some degree. Not too many guys are gonna snag a supermodel with the heart of gold, and who knows how to cook. If we say we shouldnt settle because its not DJ, then can we really berate women for always looking for the bigger better deal?

I can handle plain and thin. Barring the Natalie Portman's of this world, most chicks look plain without a ton of makeup.

What I can't handle is chubby and fat.