Settle down or stay single? [The official thread]

[Egoist]

Well... it all depends.

I just don't expect anything forever anymore, but nothing wrong with being in love or being married, as long as you protect yourself and take care of yourself first.

What pisses me off is that so many men think that its ok to live unhappy with a nagging wife who brings them down and so on. If you are unhappy and can't consolidate, move on. So, marriages and LTRs are ok in my opinion, for as long as you are fulfilled and happy.

If you ever find one chick that can make you happy for the rest of your life, and wnat kids and all that stuff, great, more power to you. Just be selective, careful, aware, etc.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I challenge any man on this board to tell me one thing they can't get being single that they can get being married. With the exception of a stable family (and even this is dubious) in which to raise children, there is absolutely no advantage for a for a man in marriage. Marriage is one, life-long sh!t test with all of the accompanying responsibilities and liabilities. If you are not up to the challenge, if you don't have a firm understanding of what theses accountabilities include, you have no business proposing marriage to any woman. Caveat emptor - Buyer beware.

That said, remember, this is coming from a guy who's been happily married for almost 10 years. I'm not anti-marriage, I'm anti miserable-because-I-never-saw-it-coming marriage.

 

[WestCoaster]

Interesting coming from Rollo because he is in a good marriage. I think the advantages are stability, partnership, emotional connection, family. I know I don't want to be trolling for dates at 60 and looking pathetic. My parents have been married more than 50 years and it's a good, solid marriage. They don't fight and enjoy each other's company ... and here's the biggie I think: They each have their own interests as well as similar interests. They each have their own friends as well as similar friends. They do a lot of things together, not everything together.

But then again my parents are senior citizens and grew up in a time when men were honorable, women were classy and could do things like cook, sew, and raise children. Today if you find a non-beyotch who doesn't watch TV or is overweight, count your blessings.

And to give women equal time ... there's a lot of dumb-a$$, sh-t bag men out there, too.

However, Rollo has a point: Out of the many friends I have who are married, I'd say 25 percent of them are happy ... if that.

 

[JC9]

This may be more of a regional thing, or specific to the company you are with, but being married can be beneficial in advancing up the corporate ladder.

Definately not an endoresement on getting married, but it's an advantage.

I worked in a law firm for a while where the partners definately had a prejudice towards married w/children individuals when selecting managment and even verbally stated so. They felt that people who werent married but were in their 40's were less stable and reliable than someone who had a wife and children.

 

[Vulpine]

I'm not buying the farm until I buy a farm. I can't reach certain goals without meeting other goals. Kids and family is surely a goal of mine, but I can't provide for others until I provide for myself. If my most paramount goal "happiness" in general, that condition has to be satisfied before moving on to the next goals. Now say I happen to meet someone along the way that is anywhere near as hedonistic as I am, then, I'd probably reconsider some of my plans. Notice I said "hedonistic" and not "a swinger", don't get the wrong idea. I'm all about pleasure, not necessarily sexual and not necessarily with many different people.

I've mentioned previously that in my past, part of my AFC behavior has been living my life to satisfy others. Now, if settling down is right for ME, then it's time to. I imagine the whole situation will jump up and bite me when I don't expect it, but until then, since I can't plan/expect/force it, it's one day after another. If that means another day, another woman, so be it. If some "good ones" slip through my fingers in the meantime, too bad. If I'm not ready to commit, then I'm not ready. Me first.

Society and women aren't in a postition to tell me what's right or wrong for ME. I don't need to feel any pressure.

 

[Heretolearn]

how do you keep from getting lonely though. one day you'll turn 50 and you won't be getting ass any more.....you'll be living alone with two cats and a dog......surrounded by friends who "don't get" you and family you barly see....

ya you lived a full life, full of pvssy and advantures, but where are you now???

Interesting point and I predict this is why there are so many failed marriages. People assume that being single is loneliness and FEAR it. Marriage is no solution. You can be more lonely in a bad relationship as you have less flexibility to get to the bottom of the issue.

Loneliness is not about who is around you but what is inside you and how you see it.

 

[RedPill]

While one could argue that nobody wants to be old and lonely, this argument assumes that one day we will all be washed-up, unattractive has-beens. Obviously, there comes a point in life where you're too old to go to clubs on college night, but the underlying assumption that one day you will become an undesirable piece of sh1t that nobody wants to be around is ridiculous.

That said, if you spend 30-40 years of your adult life not building your kingdom, wasting time, not taking care of yourself, living like a hermit, not attempting to realize dreams, letting the modern world pass by you, doing as society tells you, and feigning happiness, then of course that will be your reality!

Personally for myself, I don't plan on ever getting married, at least not in the traditional or legal sense. I won't ever shack up with or reproduce with a woman who has the mindset of the masses, who sees this as the objective of a LTR. If I do choose to form an indefinitely monogamous LTR with a woman, it certainly won't be until I'm AT LEAST 35. But the reality I'm choosing to create for myself involves financial success, and nowhere is marriage (or monogamy for that matter) even on the radar right now.

You don't have to be wealthy to avoid becoming old and lonely, although certainly there is a correlation between wealth and options. But if you are middle-aged and still have no established career path, few relationships formed with other people, and no savings you are on the path to this reality. A more important question, are you going to choose to age quickly by neglecting your health?

Can we take this assumption...

how do you keep from getting lonely though. one day you'll turn 50 and you won't be getting ass any more.....you'll be living alone with two cats and a dog......surrounded by friends who "don't get" you and family you barly see....

... and BURN it?