Well I'm the kinda dude who isn't afraid of setting a few boundaries in order for the relationship to have any chance of heading into a healthy direction.
However in my last relationship I was accused of "trying to keep her under my thumb"
I generally only have boundaries when it comes to..
Male friends
Drinking in bars/clubs
Social media addiction
Any of you guys dealt with girls who perceive boundaries as controlling?
I've rarely had to sit down and set/explain boundaries. There are several reasons and most have to do with my personality as well as the people I let into my life. When you have high expectations of people, and hold yourself to a high standard you tend to attract a certain type that understand and are willing to respect how you operate. Also, when you voice how you think and why you act how you do, people realize where you stand. They can respect that or leave. Its not up for debate. I still have empathy for others, but I am not disrespecting myself to satisfy someone else. Its ok to not see something the same way as the other person.
For example, early on in a relationship I will voice my opinion on social media. I rarely use it other than to promote my hobby for sponsorship reasons, also so fans can follow me. I also use it to find out what is going on with concerts, events, etc. The only thing I use is Facebook. I make it known what I use it for, and why. I also explain that its a waste of time for the average person. Most people are there for the gossip/drama/validation. I let it be known that if that is you, then we won't get along. If they need to be on social media more than 1hr per day then they aren't for me. If they post new selfies every week then they aren't for me.
Its up to you to reject individuals that are not in congruence with your standards as soon as you realize it. But most of the time, I filter them out by my strong belief system because I am willing to voice my opinion and don't care if I offend someone.
Girls with too many male friends, too much social media activity, that hang out in bars all the time are not girls you should ever take seriously. They are only good for sehx. You don't treat them like girlfriends, you treat them like a good time.
@soulforge this is the mistake you made with your last girl, the outcome was no suprise. Don't get close to them and you won't have arguments over boundaries. These types always bush boundaries. They never respect themselves and a person who doesn't respect themselves won't respect others. Just look at how Rambo operates on here. He is the male version of what i am talking about.
The very few times I've had issues was over social media usage and it mainly related to when I wasn't getting their undivided attention. If she is going to pull her phone out and mindlessly scroll social media while we are in the car headed out on a date trying to have a conversation, then I will call it out right there. I always say " hey Sunshine, are you on a date with your phone or me?" If she wants to argue I let her know that we can turn around and go back home if she thinks social media is more important than me. Only one time did I ever have to do that. And it was with a girl that was Borderline. She taught me a lot about what not to get invested in.
My last ex was bringing up a heated topic that we had discussed many times before and I didn't want to go there while on a date at a nice restaurant. I warned her to stop a few times, explained why, and told her what I would do if she wouldn't let it go. A few minutes later, I calmly left her at the restaurant and she had to find her own way home. She blew my phone up for 2 hrs. I ignored every single
message. After that episode, I never once heard a word out of her in regards to what happened. Was I a huge dihk?....yep. Did she learn from it....yep. You know a woman learned her lesson when she stops arguing and doesn't say anything more about it.
Always be fair, come from a place of solidness, respect yourself. Never be afraid to walk away.
